Remnants
Author's Note: Written in May of 2011 for the prompt "I didn't go anywhere, I'm still here". Written with the hope that Jeremy's newfound ability would translate in someone seeing Jenna just one more time for that bit of needed closure. Sadly, this never happened. To all the Jenna lovers!
It takes her awhile to realize that she is dead.
When she reflects, she supposes she should have known right away.
She should have known that it is not normal to feel so unconcerned upon 'waking' in the middle of the woods with no memory as to how she got there. She should have known that it is physically impossible to blink and discover that day has turned to night. She should have known that something is terribly wrong when she can wander aimlessly down the streets of the town she grew up in and not one soul looks her in the eye.
Later she will refer to this as her time of transition.
For days, she plays through a loop – rising at the point of her death, finding her way to Mystic Falls, only to end up right where she started. Perhaps she would have done this until the end of time had she not found the one thing that would shock her system into realization.
Her own funeral.
It is sunny and she is stumbling toward home, thinking that when she gets there the overwhelming sense of confusion will disappear. Elena will be there, perhaps with Stefan. Jeremy will give her one of his lopsided smiles. Alaric will come when she calls. Together, they will make sense of all of this.
Perhaps it is an act of fate that she chooses to go through the cemetery. Perhaps she is drawn there, moth to flame, to witness how friends and family cling to one another. It is not until she is standing amongst them that confusion finally dies, replaced by dread.
Though her name is never uttered, she knows. Just as she knows that this is wrong. She didn't go anywhere – can't they see that? She calls to them, reaches for them. But they do not hear and she cannot feel. She stands in front of Elena, on her own grave, sees the tears come and remembers.
Katherine's call. The urge to drink the witch's blood. The feel of the stake in her back. Elena's plea to turn it off, and the monster's face looming over her. And then nothing.
It hits her so hard she lets out a painful cry. Which of course no one hears for she is dead.
And she knows it.
She does not wake in the woods anymore.
In fact, now that she knows there are no more gaps in time. No more disorientating dizziness. But she still wanders aimlessly, the knowledge that she will spend eternity existing as the shadow in the corner weighing heavily on her. She is a silent witness to the remnants of her life – the old adage look but not touch is now her motto. Surely, this is the definition of hell on earth.
Jenna stands in her home and watches as Elena alternates between crying so hard she shakes and staring numbly at the walls. She follows Jeremy as he walks to where she died. She sits next to Alaric as he drinks far more than he should. The fact that she can see those she loves hurting but cannot do anything to comfort them kills her.
Figuratively of course.
In the days that follow chaos reigns in Mystic Falls. She tries to keep track of everyone but she can't. She finds Jeremy cradled in Bonnie's arms, gasping for air. There is blood on his shirt but he is alive. She kneels next to him desperate to put her hand on his head but settles for smile he gives to Bonnie. She is with Elena when Damon sinks his fangs into her neck. She is filled with such uncontrollable rage but she is helpless to stop him. She follows Alaric back to her home where he crawls into the bed they once shared. She sits on edge, watching him try to sleep and tells him she loves him, but he does not hear.
She walks down the stairs wishing that like the others she could sleep. She still has not figured out what to do with her nights. She seats herself at the table and just waits.
And it is there, hours later, that Jeremy finds her.
At first she does not understand that he sees her. He enters the room staring right at her but she believes he is seeing right through her. It is not until a tear slides down his cheek that she realizes this is not like before. She stands and his eyes track her, as if he is afraid she will disappear.
"Jeremy," she says and he moves toward her. Somehow, the impossible has become possible.
She is still here.