Words - they're the building blocks of communication. But they can be so easily twisted to deceive, just like I did when I told Mal that I'd slept with Simon when he first boarded Serenity.
I'm still not sure why I lied to Mal. I felt that Simon wasn't all he seemed from the moment I first met him, just after Kaylee had been shot. I'd heard the sound whilst I was sitting in my shuttle and as soon as I saw who was injured I rushed down. But I don't believe that Simon would have let Kaylee die. I have always been very intuitive when it comes to people, and something just didn't ring true when he was giving his ultimatum to Mal. I believe Mal would have come round in the end, but I also knew that Kaylee's life was in the balance, and so I stopped the argument, before Kaylee could deteriorate.
Later, as I sat in the dining room listening to Simon's storey, one thing struck me. This young man had had everything in his previous life. But he'd given it all enough because of love for his sister. It takes strength to do something like that. I think that realising what he had given up, and the depth of his love for River, was what made me want to help him. I could tell he was someone who hadn't seen much of the system. The type of person who wouldn't be able to survive on their own. So when Mal maintained that they wouldn't be staying on board for long, I gave him my ultimatum. I'm still not sure if that was the reason they ended up staying with us, but I think, at the very least, it gave Mal something to think about.
I'd invited Simon to my shuttle because of the immunisation packages. Whilst I'd been looking for them he'd confessed all.
"You know I wouldn't... I couldn't... have let her die...? I've only ever lost one patient, when I was in my internship. The feeling of guilt, it's not something I could live with, especially with someone as... someone like Kaylee."
I nodded. "I knew." I turn, pausing in my search. "We're taught how to hear the words that aren't vocalised at the Academy. I knew you wouldn't let Kaylee die." I give a small smile. "I was just afraid that Malcolm would embroil you in an argument that would last long enough to cause Kaylee to deteriorate." I turn back to my search and my eyes light on the object of my search.
It was then that Mal burst in. It wasn't the first time that he'd disrespected my privacy. But for some reason on this occasion it truly annoyed me. Maybe that was why I lied. Or, looking back on it, maybe I subconsciously realised then that he had feelings for me, and so I said the one thing I knew would hurt him more than anything else. After all, it's one of the few strengths I have over Mal, the ability to use words that hurt.