I'm back again with another Rodoreamon fic. I think you'll enjoy this one, as angst is my element and what I do well with. I love how this fic turned out. I changed my first draft after watching episode 20 again. Please do read my notes at the end. I don't often write end notes, but I do think these are important. Enjoy!

Grieving for an Angel

That moment would forever be etched in Rodoreamon's mind, imprinted for as long as she would live. Her body had been limp, crumpled on the cold, metal surface. Her face had been calm, as though she was sleeping. She'd wake up soon, wouldn't she? Her eyes would flutter open, and she'd mutter some tease as she got up, brushing off her pilot uniform. They'd all go back to the Arcus Prima and reflect on this battle and then go about their business until the next time they were called to sortie. She'd knelt, unable to cry, reaching out to touch that paling skin, as she was pushed away and Mamiina was taken on board the Arcus Prima.

Dead dead dead… The word turned over and over in her mind, but it held no meaning. It couldn't. Mamiina wasn't dead. Mamiina just didn't die that easily. She was determined. She was going to be Neviril's pair, had gotten her wish. You didn't just die after having your wish granted, right? She'd let herself be guided back to her Simoun and flew back, her mind on autopilot. After the Simoun had been landed, she'd sat in the seat, unable to move. She wasn't sure she remembered how to move. She wanted…she wanted to be away from Chor Tempest. She wanted away from here.

"Sibylla Rodoreamon?"

A voice entered her head, but she ignored it. It had no meaning to her. Her name, called out. She wanted…she wanted… Her hands rested on the controls, gripping tightly. She took no notice. She was the sagitta; all she was suited for was controlling Ri Majons. She had never flown as auriga, but now yearned to with every bit of her heart and soul. She wished to be closer to the sky, wanted to pray. She slammed her fists into her lap.

"Sibylla Rodoreamon, are you all right?"

Closer this time. She chose not to reply or acknowledge. She wanted to be alone. She needed time to think. Wait… she realized that she needed to be somewhere. Without speaking, she quickly descended, walking toward her destination. She left open mouthed mechanics staring at her backside, uncertain of whether they should go after her or leave her alone. Wauporif waved them off, shaking his head.

The door was closed, yet some of the other Sibylla clustered around outside. They did not look at her, and hid their faces. She stood in front of the door, raising a hand. She knocked once, twice. Then, she waited.

After a few moments, the door creaked open a few inches. "Please, we ask not to be disturbed while we prepare the body."

The door began to close, and Rodoreamon pushed against it. "No, please. I have to see Mamiina. I have to—" The door closed against her weakening arms. "I have…I have…" Rodoreamon's hand pounded lightly on the door as she proclaimed her wish, but the door remained closed. Her body slid down the wooden frame. "I have to see her…need to see her…" Her body shook, but still, she did not cry. She did not believe the words in her head. It wasn't true, couldn't be true.

Hands reached out, gently taking her arms and pulling her to her feet. She couldn't say who it was that guided her to her room. She fell onto her bed. Someone removed her boots, while someone else covered her.

"Will she be all right?" came the hushed whisper. There was the sound of someone else shushing that whisper. The door closed in the distance, and then all was silent.

Rodoreamon awoke to find the room decorated in the pinks, oranges, and pale purples of the sunset that was just beginning. Evening light was filtering through. She sat up, fumbling with the sheet covering her. She rubbed at her face, wondering why she had been asleep. As soon as she wondered, the events from earlier that day came rushing back. Instantly, it was as though her heart had plummeted to her stomach.

She searched the room, and found that Morinas was nowhere to be seen. She quickly located her boots, and walked to the door. Perhaps everything was a dream. Maybe it wasn't real. With a bit of hope in her heart, she walked to the door more quickly, opening and shutting it as quietly as she could. She would go to Mamiina's room and find her. Perhaps she'd been resting too. She'd wake her, they'd talk, and then she could go about her usual evening routine. Everything had just been a nightmare. She quietly turned the handle of the door and hesitantly peeked inside.

She walked closer to the bed, picking up one of the flowers that laid there. She Rodoreamon twirled the stem in her hand, staring at the delicate white petals. She fingered the silky petals. One came off in her fingers, and she studied it, seeing how fragile the flower truly was. The flower fell to the floor, forgotten. She crossed her arms, rubbing them. She felt cold, but knew it wasn't from the temperature of the room.

A gentle hand suddenly took her by the shoulders, and began guiding her toward the door and down the hall. "No, Mamiina… I have to see her…" The guiding hand ignored her plea. She found herself standing outside of the chapel. She was guided inside, and found herself among the other Sibyllae. They parted, making room. Rodoreamon didn't notice who was there, and who wasn't. She merely fell on her knees before the coffin. Tentatively, her hand reached out, touching the soft silky blue hair that had been neatly cut and combed. She brushed the hair continually, as though Mamiina were a sleeping sick child and she were comforting her. She might wake any moment, cured from the illness she had suffered. She heard Floe grieving, heard Yun speaking to her, but she said nothing. She continued her robotic action, refusing to believe, unable to cry.

One by one, the others left the chapel, leaving her alone with Mamiina. "Mamiina…Mamiina…" she whispered over and over again. Her eyes ignored the casket and instead looked at the person who laid there, the one who she'd sung sweetly to just the night before, whose hair she had braided earlier that day. It seemed so long ago now, a lifetime ago. She was sleeping, just like… "An angel," whispered Rodoreamon. A wave of grief overtook her, and the tears flowed, falling on Mamiina's face, causing it to glistening. Rodoreamon laid her head on Mamiina's body, taking the cold hand in her own.

She cried, remembering the time they'd spent together as young children, recalling the play dates they'd have and how Mamiina would hate it until she sat down to play. She remembered seeing her again for the first time on the Arcus Prima, and how Mamiina had acted toward her. She remembered the look on her face when she'd cut off her braid. Then there was the confession of the mouse stew. She remembered Mamiina being told she'd finally pair with Neviril, her wish to show that she was indeed capable of being a Sibylla in more than just luck. The images continued, replaying over and over in her mind as she sobbed, feeling as though she was crying away the very essence of herself.

Some time later, her crying slowed and it felt as though she had cried all that she could muster. Her sobs became sniffles, and then she was silent. Her head ached and throbbed, but she felt none of that. Her hand still rested against Mamiina's, and she moved it to caress the girl's face. Her hand wandered to the girl's hair, neatly cut so that the unevenness wouldn't show. She hiccupped, tired from the exertion of crying. She felt her eyes drooping and growing heavier with each passing moment. As she drifted off, the last thing she saw was Mamiina's sharp face, made gentler by the angels of death.

Rodoreamon awoke suddenly to find the sun had set. She had no idea how long she'd slept, but it hadn't felt very long. She blinked, trying to clear the sleep from her eyes. Realization of where she was came back to her, and she sat up quickly, letting go of the hand she had held. The urge to cry washed over her, but she found she couldn't cry. The tears wouldn't come. She didn't understand it and why she couldn't. She felt as though she was dying on the inside, but she knew she'd have to be brave in front of the others.

Kneeling in front of the casket, Rodoreamon crossed her arms and began to pray. She prayed for the little girl, she prayed for the Sibylla, and she prayed for the safe passage of the one closest to her heart. As the sky darkened, she rose to her feet. She turned to walk back down the aisle, but stole one last glance at the casket, knowing she wouldn't be alone the next time. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I… love you, Mamiina."

And now for some notes:

- First of all, thanks to norodenn on LiveJournal for finding out for me that Rodoreamon typically flies sagitta. I love you for it! I still can't believe you looked through all those eps for me.
- I played around with Rodo's feelings as sagitta, which I think set up for her flying auriga when the all the sibyllae flew to pray for Mamiina
- After I wrote this, I went back and watched episode 20, then went back and changed a few things. I did notice that by nightfall of the same day, the coffin was gone (or at least, didn't appear where it should have been) by the time the High Priestess and Anubituf spoke, but I don't think that made much sense. The coffin wasn't flown away until the next night. So I pretended it was merely a mistake.
- Rodoreamon is seen acting on autopilot for the episode until she breaks down when Yun shows her the braid. I realize that I have her break down sooner, but my reasoning is she cries when she is able to be alone with Mamiina, and straightens up for the day until she faces the braid and Mamiina's soul, and breaks down once more, unable to control herself.
- A final note. As I watched that episode, I got to the point where Floe is leaving and the others are pursuing her when they see Rodo at the window. For whatever reason, Aaeru and Neviril are seen together once more. That got the gears turning and will only add to the previous idea that I had for my new fic, which will focus on Aaeru.
- Edit 3/25/10: I watched episode 20 a bit more closely again and realized that it all took place in the same day and thus, changed the fic once more to reflect that because I do want to be accurate.