'' Hey MadMax.

I know. Weird, huh? Me writing letters when I'm no poet for shit.

Fucking awkward if you ask me. But it's that kind of day. The ''I need to give an actual fuck'' kind of day. Plus I'm high, so hopefully it's gonna be easy to write.

I have a lot of shit to confess, and I hate myself for most of them. You know, my life has been a fucked up mess ever since my dad died and you left.

Sorry I sound so shitty. Truth is, I don't really care. I hated to lose my dad in a car accident. I hated you for moving to Seattle when I needed you here. I hated you for completely vanishing, for abandoning me, even though you said you wouldn't. I hated you for having a family life while my own was drowned by sadness.

My life has been a fucking nightmare without you Max. I couldn't even bring myself to try and move on. So in the end, all I had were my own mistakes, and I made a shitload of them. You saw it first-hand. And when it happened, I felt like some dude waving a gun at me was a fun way to even suck at dying. I just… Well, you hella saved my sorry ass there, sista! But I didn't know it yet. I'm glad you fired that alarm, Max, I surely am.

But back then, in the parking lot, seeing you didn't feel all that good. Well, not because Nathan, but because it was you. You, of all people, that I would drive to my place.

You, and I, in my car. And I was pissed off at you. I hated you even more for being here with me. But I loved you for the same reason: being with me again. Your presence had me more confused than smoking five joints in a row.

You trying to fix your camera, me exchanging my dad's to you for that butterfly picture.

You know the thing. And probably rewound sometimes. Don't lie girl, you did.

I still have your broken camera. And the butterfly picture. In the end, I always kept whatever things you left at my place.

And then, things happened, you told me the truth about your power, Rachel, climate changes. Whatever. It's not what I have in mind.

Damn, I'm brainfried as fuck and it's still hard to put down!

Okay! First, Max Caulfield, I'm using your diary to write this shit, while you're out trying to not find Nathan there. It's taking you so much time too. I read your journal, as a revenge for being so fucking nosy in my room. I don't really care, about my room. I just stole your journal to find clues. But I found more than what I was begging for.

I'm sorry that I was so selfish. Why? Because I thought you would only use your power for myself. I am glad you tried to use it elsewhere. For my father too. Yes, Max, I've read that too. I know that, in another reality, a loving William… That a loving father was taking care of a disabled Chloe Price. Keeping her alive, at all costs.

I know what you did. I know that ending her sufferings with an overdose was a tall one, and you did it anyway. You managed to overcome your broken heart and helped her so she could die at peace with your company. What she told you…

Here's another confession from me, Chloe Price.

That day when I dared you to kiss me… I thought my head was still blazed up by my shit when I did that. I thought that you wouldn't. To be honest, I wished you wouldn't, and I hoped you would at the same time.

And you did. You, the little shy Maxine, kissed me.

No, Max, I am not fearless, as your diary says.

Because when you kissed me, I knew that you were here to bring the best out of me. To help me out of my fucking misery, like you did for Kate and the disabled Chloe. And I thought that… I didn't deserve your help. I didn't deserve your smiles, your careful listening ears for my shattered heart. I didn't deserve your time.

I didn't deserve you, at all. But I still want to thank you for making me feel like I do.

Even that guy, Warren, deserves you more than I do.

But when you kissed me, I hoped and felt so many things at once, even Rachel didn't have that effect on me.

Fuck. Now I'm crying. Don't tell anyone. Chloe Price doesn't cry!

Ok, time to breathe in, Chloe-banana.

Right, I hate myself more now. Double fuck. Come on, Chloe, go on, say it!

Ok. When you kissed me, I was scared shitless. I was seeing butterflies, feeling all fuzzy-happy without my morning smokes…

And I wanted the rest of the world to be gone, just so you could be all mine. No Blackwell, no step-douche, no nothing. Just you and me.

I wanted this moment to be lived a thousand times, and never rewound. I wanted to dare you again, and again, and again, just so I can hate myself a little less each time. I wished this moment would never end, I wanted it to last until our death.

I wanted you, Max. I wanted us.

This morning, you were in an alternate reality, with the Chloe I should be. The brave, kind, honest and loving Chloe. The Chloe who deserved you. The disabled Chloe, who told you exactly what you should've heard from me, the one who shuts her fucking mouth, for all the wrong reasons.

You saved us, Kate, the disabled me and my own self, for all the best reasons.

I love you Max. I love you in a million of different realities, and in each of them, I would die to protect you from harm.

And if I do, please don't rewind. Let us be my last moments.

Thanks Maxine, love forever, your Chloe''