PMMJ
Chapter 1: A blunt admission.
Credit: inspired by the CaptainFirePower story Puella Magi Pot Circle. Check it out.
"Ugh, why is she invited?" Kyoko whined. It was like Mami is trying to sabotage the night!
The blonde looked at her reproachfully. "Kyoko, this is my place. My party. All of my friends are invited." Pausing, the full-figured girl cracked a grin at the increasingly sour look on the redhead's face. "And her."
Kyoko's frown froze. Then, hesitantly, she asked "So, she's not your friend?"
"Well, I suppose we've been… cordial. But friends…?" Mami let the question hang in the air. "She doesn't seem the type to even want friends. Except, of course-"
"She's still got a thing for that little pinkette, huh?" Kyoko smirked, feeling herself begin to warm up as, tangentially, the subject of the pinkette's blue-haired friend was broached within her thoughts.
"Utterly smitten," the blonde confirmed. Kyoko snorted in disdain, even as her thoughts turned to a certain blunette that was bound to be arriving shortly... "Still, tonight, she is the guest of honor." Unzipping her hoodie, Kyoko thought about her guest of honor. Well, one of the two. Maintaining her smirk, she patted a pocket surreptitiously.
Mami caught the motion. "Kyoko, did you bring…" Stopping, she sighed. Maybe this was a mistake…
"My one true love," the redhead confirmed. A moment later, she was holding something under the taller girl's nose, 'accidentally' brushing up against her chest with an arm.
"Whew!" Mami stepped back from the pungent smell, her mouth starting to water as she gave Kyoko a dirty look. "None of that, Kyoko."
"Chill the fuck out, Mami. It's your own stupid fault for having such a huge rack." Mami stared blankly at the redhead. "The more… space you take up, the more… uh, stuff is going to accidentally connect…"
Rolling her eyes since her friend was looking away and wouldn't notice, Mami once again started to lay down the ground rules. They hadn't seen each other in a long time, and Kyoko had a tendency to, well, push boundaries. Or, more accurately, ignore them completely.
Ring ding ding. The soft chimes of the doorbell played throughout the apartment. Hurrying out of the bedroom, a figure ran to the door, throwing it wide.
"Welcome, ~ladies~!"
A small teenage girl with pink eyes blinked uncertainly. Another young woman, taller and fitter, stood at her side, mouth working in surprise. "What are you doing here?" Her mouth hung open in dismay at this sudden turn of events.
Kyoko smirked. "I'm Mami's friend." She leaned forward, puffing out a breath right in Sayaka's still open mouth. The blunette gasped, feeling like she'd been violated.
"Yuck, don't breathe on me!" Kyoko's smirk widened. Sayaka turned to Madoka, who was watching the exchange warily, praying there wouldn't be bloodshed. "I thought this was just supposed to be us-"
Kyoko rolled her eyes.
"Well, she called it a 'girl's night,'" Madoka clarified, looking at the wild-haired veteran in the doorway. "And Kyoko-chan is a girl…"
"Is she?" Sayaka wondered disparagingly, delighted at how the redhead's eyes narrowed in annoyance.
"You wish I wasn't a girl," Kyoko purred, sidling up to the blunette and thrusting her hips at her obnoxiously. Madoka's face immediately flushed a deep, burning crimson. Sayaka fared little better under the sudden assault.
"Uhg, get off me! I so don't wish you were a boy," the blunette said darkly, inwardly shuddering at the very thought.
Kyoko stepped back approximately two centimeters, giving Sayaka a strange look. "So, you're glad I'm a girl then?"
Confused blue eyes shifted between the redhead on one side and the pinkette on the other. "Um... what?"
"If you don't wish I was a boy, that must mean you're glad I'm a girl. Like you." Something about the look in the other girl's eyes was freaking Sayaka out, and she stepped back nervously, sending Madoka stumbling into the doorway. Kyoko chuckled evilly.
The pinkette, suddenly dry-mouthed and uncomfortable, continued her way through the threshold, desperately looking for reinforcements. She glanced back, seeing Sayaka's expression of frozen horror while the redhead leaned in close over her shoulder, whispering something in her ear. Madoka's nose wrinkled, smelling something unpleasantly reminiscent of a skunk. Then she saw her savior.
"Mami-san!" Madoka cried, pointing to the doorway. "I don't know what's happening, but-"
Mami strode out of the bedroom, wearing a well-fitted white blouse with an exaggeratedly pointy collar and a skirt that almost made it halfway to her knees. She took in the situation at a glance. "Madoka-chan, Sayaka-chan, I'm so happy you could come." She tried to motion to Kyoko, but the redhead didn't catch it. "Who wants some cake?"
That, of course, worked.
"What?" Kyoko wailed. "You're telling me, the cake was a lie?!"
"No," Mami stated shortly, feeling embarrassed by her miscalculation. After all, it wasn't really her fault that an ungrateful house guest had eaten the entire cake she'd made yesterday for this very occasion. Still, though, she'd offered something she couldn't deliver. "How about some of this pie instead?"
"It's not the same," Kyoko muttered grumpily, holding out for ice cream. She knew her old friend well, and played the blonde like a harp until she was sitting at the counter with two slices and three scoops.
Only Kyoko had taken Mami up on her offer; the others decided to wait for the final guest to arrive, as politeness demanded. Sayaka felt a burst of righteous pride, but watching Kyoko shovel the pie into her mouth was making her hungry. She hadn't eaten since lunch. If only that stupid idiot would hurry up and get here already...
"So, who's the final guest?" Madoka asked for the third time, much to Mami's delight. As the blonde tittered at her side with that musical laugh, and Kyoko's fork obnoxiously clanked and scraped against the plate, Sayaka couldn't help feeling a little resentful. This was supposed to be a night where she and Madoka got some Mami time. All to themselves. At least, that's what she'd had in her mind all week.
It wasn't hard to see the pattern that was developing. There was only one other girl in Mitakihara that fit into this exclusive club. Sayaka snorted to herself, glancing at Kyoko shoveling food into her face. Exclusive, but not at all selective, apparently.
Sure enough, when the doorbell rang at exactly the appointed time, Mami ushered in one Akemi Homura, her long black hair as flat as her personality, her blank face and blank eyes somehow managing to convey how bored and unimpressed she was to be there. Sayaka shot the transfer student a disapproving glance, turning back to look at Kyoko so it wouldn't go to waste. But, turning her head, she saw the redhead had paused, fork halfway to her mouth, and was staring at the black-haired girl with a distinct flavor of malice.
Maybe she's not so bad, Sayaka found herself thinking. Then, Kyoko caught her looking and winked obnoxiously. Unable to tear her gaze away, she saw the older girl grin and bring her plate up, sticking out her tongue and wiggling it suggestively before licking the plate clean.
When Kyoko placed the plate down, pleased with her seductiveness, she didn't realize that a bright red smear of filling stained her nose, or notice the crumbs on her chin. Sayaka snickered, turning back to the other three.
Homura had been having a rough day. The cramps were absolutely killing her, lower back feeling like someone had buried hot plastic knives in her spine and then snapped them off. She tried to put on a brave face, recognizing the opportunity for what it was: a chance to spend time with Madoka when the girl was among her friends. Relaxed. Off guard.
Probably would have been better to just take a hot bath, she thought regretfully. Now that she was here, enduring those annoying looks from Sayaka, responding to the false politeness of Mami… it just seemed like this was going to be a lot of work. She shifted on her seat uncomfortably.
"Homura-chan, are you okay?" the pinkette was asking, looking worried.
Homura gave a pained little smile, which was almost indistinguishable from her regular smile. "I'm quite alright, thank you for asking, Kaname-san."
Mami gave her a long stare.
"What?" Homura felt uneasy, standing under the older girl's scrutiny. The annoying golden stare continued patiently. "Don't worry about it, I'm fine."
Mami shrugged. "Now that we're all here, would anyone care for some refreshment?"
Everyone turned to stare at Kyoko, who'd immediately shouted "ME!"
"Mami-san, what's this?" Madoka inquired innocently. She'd seen the object beside Mami's bed from the hallway, and was pointing into the blonde's room.
"What?" Mami asked, uncertain for a moment before remembering. Oh shit!
"This." Madoka stepped through the doorway, returning with a large cylindrical object held in both hands. It was so heavy and big, longer than her forearm, with what looked like a bulb on one end, and there was something funny about the way it smelled. "It smells funny…"
Sayaka was horrified and just a little turned on as she saw what she thought was the largest feminine massager she'd ever seen. Mami's… in Madoka's hands… blushing furiously, she didn't know what to do and sat frozen, staring.
"Oh," Mami giggled nervously. "That's…" She trailed off, giving Kyoko a 'help me' glance.
"Her vibrat-OOOFFF-" Kyoko stated before something slammed into her stomach, hard. "-FFFffffuuuuck."
"Her what?" Madoka asked, looking first at Mami, who didn't answer, then Homura, who shrugged, and finally Sayaka, whose face was as red as the setting sun. Suddenly, the pinkette felt very uncomfortable holding the strange object. Was it like one of those… things… that her mother had, in the top drawer where Madoka wasn't supposed to look? And that smell…
Kyoko had recovered, shooting Mami a dirty look. "It's a water pipe."
"Water… pipe?" Madoka still looked confused.
Homura looked disapproving and dour. "It's a bong, Madoka-chan. The kind of thing stupid people use to get high with drugs-"
"B-but Mami-san, d-drugs are bad!" The pink eyes gazed at the blonde, who looked distinctly awkward.
Kyoko snorted, ignoring the pinkette and staring at Homura challengingly. "Are you kidding? Marijuana is an herb, little girl, get your facts straight."
Madoka rushed to the transfer student's defense. "Everything about Homura-chan is straight!"
While the pinkette was distracted, Homura gave her a longing look. Not everything...
"It is a drug! It's a controlled substance! It's illegal! Mami-san, how could you-"
"It's not illegal everywhere, Sayaka!" Kyoko retorted.
"Yeah, well neither is murdering someone who slept with your wife. Or murdering your wife, if she slept with someone else. Or, for being-"
"Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah," Kyoko retorted, inappropriately playing the world's smallest violin for Sayaka instead of making the correct hand-blabbing gesture. "Besides, it's only illegal because of some stupid American businessman."
Everyone, even Homura, turned to look at Mami for some kind of response. She nodded in confirmation, adding the qualifier: "That's not the entire story, but…"
"Something about rope," Kyoko seemed to start something, but was actually finishing her comment. She grew uncomfortable when the other's continued staring at her, waiting for her to go on.
"What?" Madoka asked politely. Kyoko frowned. "What about rope?"
"Just… it's probably on the internet. Look it up for yourself, what am I, your cannabis teacher?"
Nobody had a response to that, but Mami was suddenly bombarded with inquiring looks. She just shrugged.
Madoka leaned over to Mami. "What is cannabis?" Mami hid her smile behind a hand. The pinkette was not reassured. It sounded suspiciously similar to cannibal.
"Let me introduce you to the sixth guest." Kyoko grinned wickedly as she dug around in her pockets. Setting first a few empty, brightly colored snack bags on the table, she kept digging. A wallet fell onto the glass, opening to reveal the driver's license of an aging man. An assortment of gum wrappers, bottle caps and a broken pencil followed. Finally, with a flourish, she drew out a rather large folding knife. "Hmm," she said, frowning, dropping the blade on the table.
Madoka and Homura continued to stare at the redhead, but Sayaka stared at the table with narrowed eyes. That wallet was definitely stolen, and was that blood on the knife-?
"Here we go," Kyoko exclaimed, taking out what appeared to be a narrow tube of plastic. Unrolling the baggie, she shook it before the girls eyes. "Say hello to my good friend, Mary Jane."
Sayaka looked around, as if expecting to see someone else in the room. "Is that… drugs?" Madoka asked, looking at Mami with a worried expression.
"Also known as cannabis, weed, marijuana," Mami began, feeling a need to explain herself to the younger girls. "Sometimes, after a long day of fighting witches-"
"And being pissed on by the world," Kyoko added with an encouraging grin.
"Yes, well, it's nice to just sit back and relax…"
"I don't think this was a good idea," Homura stated firmly, looking at the nervous pinkette with concern. Her cramps were getting worse; it felt like something was squeezing her insides. "Madoka-chan, if you want to leave-"
"Oh don't be a baby," Kyoko sneered. "Nobody's making you do anything. In fact, if you want in, you're gonna need to contribute…"
Mami laid a hand on Kyoko's arm. "Don't be silly. But, since the cat's out of the bag… who's interested?"
Nobody except Kyoko raised their hand. "Fine, more for me," Kyoko grinned, opening up the bag.
"Eeew-"
"What is that smell?"
"It's like someone squeezed all of the ugly juice out of a skunk in here." That, of course, was Sayaka.
Mami looked at the other girls in confusion; her own mouth had begun watering the second she smelled the subjectively delicious fragrance. Kyoko smirked. "Yeah, it's the good stuff."
The five sat around the triangular glass table, two in anticipation, two with nervous unease, while the last held an area just below her stomach with a look of impatience. Kyoko elbowed Mami, nodding at the uncomfortable looking black-haired girl.
"This isn't something I do often," Mami began, ignoring Kyoko's snort. "But, well, when the world is getting especially dark or bleak, it helps me to… refocus. Or, I suppose, unfocus."
"You shouldn't have to do things like… that. Not to feel better. That's what friends are for!" The pinkette was almost quivering with passion.
"Does your dad drink?" Madoka shook her head at Kyoko's forceful, rude question. "Your mom?" This time, she had to nod. "Well, some people drink to relieve themselves of the pressures of their lives."
"But that doesn't work!" Madoka cried, having seen firsthand the effects of her mother's indulgence.
"Exactly," Kyoko said knowingly. "Because alcohol makes things worse and makes people stupid, and sometimes violent. Weed just makes you relax and say stupid stuff."
The girls looked at Mami, who shrugged eloquently. She didn't have scientific data to back up her opinions, but from her own experience, it was just as Kyoko said.
"But, it's illegal," Sayaka began again, not able to get past that important fact.
"And drinking isn't. At least, not when you're an adult. But, tell me this. How many people end up dead every year because someone got behind the wheel drunk? How many girls end up getting attacked by some drunk asshole, or drink themselves unconscious and wake up having been violated while they were passed out?"
Everyone, even Mami, was squirming uncomfortably now.
"Now, you might miss a homework assignment, and you might gain a little weight from all the cookies you end up eating, but I have yet to hear of some stoned dude running down a kid in his car, or forcing himself on someone else, or starting a fight." The paused, remembering a certain incident. "Well, I'm not saying that never happens, but, it's like what you expect to happen when alcohol is involved. Doesn't that tell you something?"
Homura shook her head. "Your anecdotal evidence is hardly conclusive; there have been decades of scientific study on the effects of alcohol on the human body, and despite the recent 'medicalization' trend of your supposedly harmless marijuana, there have been so few studies-"
"It's great for relieving cramps, too," Mami added craftily.
Homura paused for a full ten seconds while everyone waited in silence. Then she held out her hand. Grinning, Kyoko thrust the object at her.
Madoka's first thought was that the insidious bubbling of the device sounded sinister. Second, that the smell got worse when the green chunks turned into smoke. Finally, seeing the fit of coughing that overcame Homura, she was happy with her decision not to participate in this particular form of entertainment.
Someone's gotta be the responsible one, she thought, a little proud of herself.
"So why is there water in this thing?" Sayaka was feeling nervous, trying to buy time. She'd have been proud of the pinkette's refusal, if she herself hadn't been so… well, nervous. And stressed out... this thing looked complicated! She wasn't certain this was a good idea, but with Mami and Kyoko staring at her… she glanced over at Homura, who looked in pain and had continuously been massaging her throat, occasionally wracked by a fit of coughing.
It certainly didn't look fun.
"It, I dunno, cools it down or something. Less harsh than, say, a joint." Sayaka confirmed the redhead's statement with a glance at Mami.
"It also removes some of the particulate matter from the smoke-"
Sayaka wrinkled her nose, looking down into the cylinder. Kyoko began flicking the lighter impatiently. She opened her mouth-
"Your lips go inside, dumbass." Kyoko cackled to herself, earning an exasperated look from Mami. "It's not a straw, your lips are the straw. Like you're drinking from a lake or something, except you're sucking in air." She frowned. "Or, I guess, smoke." She looked at Mami. "Is smoke air?"
Sayaka tried again, Kyoko holding the flame to the bowl. All the blunette got was a mouthful of stale, unpleasant air and some mysterious wetness on her lips. Hopefully from the bottom of this thing and not Akemi's saliva. "You forgot the carb. Put your finger on that hole." Kyoko stopped, grinning viciously. "Yes, put your finger right on that hole and press it. Press it har-Ow! Dammit Mami!"
The blunette jumped headfirst. If Mami did it, it couldn't be that bad, right? It was a good thing she didn't know about the older girl's online videos. She felt disappointed with herself for a moment before she was concentrating entirely on sucking in as much air in as she could. After a few moments, the glass was a solid bar of dark grey cloud, and she lifted her head, blowing out a substantial puff of smoke, coughing at the end. The other girls stared at her as she took in a big breath. That wasn't so bad-
"Okay, now you gotta clear it," Kyoko was saying as she removed a long glass tube that held the now-charred stuff at the end. Looking down in confusion, Sayaka saw the forty centimeters of cylinder roiling with dense smoke. She felt someone grab her hand, taking it off the glass. She bent forward, taking one last breath-
A tremendous gout of billowing smoke burst out from her lips, and she turned her head, catching Madoka right in the face. The pinkette waved her hand, clearing her throat delicately and trying to hold her breath. Coughing violently, red-faced, Sayaka barely heard the musical laughter of Mami or Kyoko's braying amusement. It felt like her throat was on fire, seriously, like the smoke had actually burned her, inside. Wiping at her eyes with a sleeve, she leaned back in the couch. She felt someone pat her shoulder, but stared blankly ahead, aware of nothing but the burning in her throat.
"You know what that means?" Kyoko asked Mami, nudging her with an elbow. Mami frowned. "When you blow smoke in someone's face like that? It means you wanna do them."
Mami groaned.
Madoka looked horrified. Sayaka was oblivious, still recovering. "Don't be crass, Kyoko," Mami warned, reaching across to pat the pinkette's knee. The smaller girl gave a little jerk of surprise.
"No, really. It's like, French or something."
"Kyoko, stop."
"Seri-"
"KYOKO. Stop. Thank you."
Twenty minutes later.
"This is amazing. This is amazing," Homura kept repeating, unaware of the fascinated looks she was getting from Mami and Kyoko. "This is life-changing, the cramps are gone! Everything's tingly. I feel amazing. This is amazing," she continued, one hand resting below her navel in contentment as she stared at a brightly colored painting hanging on the wall. "That painting is amazing..."
Mami had asked the other girl how she'd been faring a minute before. Kyoko had been drawn into the girl's soliloquy like a moth to a flame. The redhead started to giggle, and Mami burst out in laughter. When she said "amazing" for the sixth time, Mami timed it just perfectly, saying it exactly the same way, causing HOmura to look up before all three girls burst out into hysterics.
They sure are enjoying themselves, Madoka thought. She was trying to feel disapproving, but for some reason couldn't stop smiling. She glanced at Sayaka, sitting on the couch with her head tilted back, apparently absorbed in watching the corner of Mami's ceiling. The other three were laughing and gesticulating, and although she was sorely tempted to join them, someone had to remain responsible.
She walked over to the kitchen, deciding to take over the duties as hostess. She turned on the oven, two of the coils on the counter top range, then opened the refrigerator door, determined to get dinner going.
After staring for two minutes, Madoka blinked. What was I doing? she wondered. Seeing the rows of beverage cans laid out neatly along the bottom shelf, she reached forward. For some reason, her mouth was as parched as a desert.
She needed something sweet. Not just sweet, but super sweet. Super duper sweet, she thought to herself, reaching for the brightest colored sugary beverage she could find, a bottle of cherry soda.
After a minute fumbling with the cap, which, she was now ninety percent certain was not a twist off, Madoka put the bottle back into the fridge and grabbed a can of something strawberry. Taking a long swallow, she reveled in the amazing, sparkling flavor. This is the best drink I've ever drank. Drunk. The best drink I have drunken. Ever. Dranken? Drinked. Sighing, she set the can down on the counter before crossing the room back toward her friends. There it remained, forgotten, for the rest of the night.
Inside Miki Sayaka's head, things were finally calming down.
(to the tune of an oddly familiar song: Ooo, oo, oo, ooo oo, ooo oo oo ooo ooo oo ooo, *Don't worry* ooo oo oo ooo ooo oo ooo *be happy* ooo oo oo oo ooo… *Don't worry be happy*).
"Sayaka! Hey hotlips!" Kyoko said loudly, snapping her fingers in front of the blunette's eyes. "Wow, this girl is completely out of it."
Sayaka shook her head, but that made the room sway violently so she stopped. "Lemme 'lone."
"Pfft, you're no fun." Kyoko stood up. "Who's up for some video games?"
"I am," Homura said eagerly. Several heads glanced at her in surprise. Her eyes narrowed. "And I'm so going to kick your ass."
Roaring, Kyoko threw down her controller. But her heavy-lidded, bloodshot eyes weren't burning with anger, or anything else other than the expected itchiness. She threw her controller down in amazement.
"You got me!" Despite herself, the redhead was impressed by Homura's performance. Old school Street Fighter masters were hard to come by, but the black-haired girl had given her a run for her money. In fact…
"Here," she stated, laying down the 500 yen she'd lost. It was about half of her worldly money, but since she'd only gotten it earlier that day from a wallet someone had conveniently "dropped," she remained philosophical about the loss.
"Thank you," Homura said, snatching the bill and tucking it into a pocket.
A slightly-glaze-eyed pinkette watched from a nearby chair. Standing up, she clapped. "Yay, Homura-chan!"
Kyoko shot Madoka a dirty look, but the girl was oblivious. "Rematch?" the redhead inquired.
"Double or nothing?" responded Homura.
Kyoko frowned. Mami, also catching the exchange, stepped in. "I want a turn," she began, "but let's hook up the Wii-" The redhead groaned. "Come on, it will be fun! It's just sitting around, collecting dust-"
"As long as we don't have to play that stupid Mario party game."
"Which one?" Mami asked innocently. Secretly, she'd been hoping-
"All of them," Kyoko stated with a look of disbelief, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mami sighed and went to grab the box.
"I want a rematch with Homura-chan." Madoka was talking through giggles. Homura looked at her strangely.
"Madoka, we haven't-" And then the pinkette had bowled her over, colliding full-tilt with the transfer student. "Ahh!" Crashing to the ground, Madoka was suddenly squirming all over the larger girl. "What are… you doing?" Homura muttered, body halfway between resisting the sudden attack and submitting to the girl's embrace.
"I'm good at fighting, too!" Madoka said between clenched teeth, doing her best to pin Homura's arms to her side. Since the black-haired girl didn't resist, it was pretty easy. "There!" she cried triumphantly, maintaining a tenuous hold on the slightly-larger girl. "Submit! Submit!"
Something about the way Madoka was shouting that at her, and the way the smaller girl held her to the ground, was extraordinarily... interesting to Homura, and she watched the girl on top of her with wide eyes. "You're gonna submit to me, Akemi Homura-"
Mami had had enough. She lifted the pinkette of Homura, grabbing her underneath the arms. Suddenly, Madoka was squealing and giggling, her feet kicking wildly in the air. The full-figured blonde deposited the girl next to the comatose blunette. Rubbing at her freshly-kicked shin with her other leg, Mami laid her hands on the pinkette's shoulders as she immediately bounced up.
"Whoa, there, just sit down and relax for a minute, Madoka-chan." Mami grinned. "You have to let Akemi-san rest after… that."
"I won!" Madoka stated proudly. "Didn't I?" she added with less certainty a moment later.
Mami grinned and shrugged. "Sure. Sure you did."
"And since she beat Kyoko, and I beat her, I'm the greatest!"
"That makes no sense."
Both blonde and pinkette turned to look at Sayaka. "Sayaka-chan!" Madoka began.
"Kyoko would kick your ass," Sayaka muttered, almost to herself. Mami frowned. What a strange thing to say.
"Are you feeling okay, Sayaka-chan?" Mami was beginning to think the girl wasn't enjoying herself, but the blunette gave a lopsided smile.
"Oh yeah. Very, extra well, thank you. Except, I really need a drink-"
"I'll grab you something," Kyoko called helpfully, whose ears had pricked up at the sound of her own name. She marched over to the kitchen with determination and opened the cupboard next to the freezer.
"Not anything alcoholic," Mami warned sternly, and Kyoko's quest lost all sense of immediacy.
If she warned her against getting something alcoholic… that means there must be alcohol to warn about. Interesting. I wonder where she got it. Homura had picked herself up off the floor, and was slowly dusting off her pants. Not that the floor had any dust, it just felt like the thing to do. What was I just thinking about? She paused, hand halfway along her leg. Something about… hmm. Something about drinks…? "I'd like a drink too!" Homura shouted toward the kitchen. "Something strawberry." Her mouth was dry, and tasted icky.
"Me three!" cried Madoka. Remembering the black cherry soda, and Kyoko's strong, boy-like arms, she added "Cherry soda please," smirking mischievously.
Mami gave the pinkette a puzzled glance before shaking her head. Some people were affected a little more... strangely than others.
"I mean, think about it. They basically construct their own realities. It's like, living in a dream or something, but permanently. That you control!"
"I wish I could control my dreams," Madoka thought, envisioning the dark nightmares that sometimes-
"You're an idiot. And stupid. They don't control anything, man, it's like they're caught in their own worst nightmare. And... they kill people." Kyoko crossed her arms, argument over.
"You kill people," Sayaka muttered, drawing the red glare. Mami made a warning noise.
"What was that?" the dangerous veteran asked. That was a private story, as she'd explained to that thick-skulled blunette when she'd told her!
"You've killed people," Sayaka said more firmly, pointing a finger accusingly to underline her statement. Kyoko narrowed her eyes, then shrugged.
"I guess I have."
Homura exploded in hysterics. The other girls looked at her, startled. Or, three heads spun to see what the fuss was about, while the other just continued to stare . "You… two…" she gasped, "so… cute…"Madoka joined the giggling, unable to see Homura laugh so hard without being taken in herself.
Kyoko looked utterly bewildered, Sayaka outraged and disgusted. "What are you talking about, Akemi? You're not making any sense, you high-ass." She tried to hold the purple eyes with her own as she reached for her drink, immediately knocking it over and sending cola washing over the table. "Oh shit."
Kyoko roared with laughter and Homura had grown unnaturally silent, her whole body shaking with amusement. "Oh… god… please… stop…gonna...pee..." Homura gasped. The cramps were a forgotten memory but her sides were beginning to ache sharply.
Mami stood up and fetched a towel, helping Sayaka clean up the mess. "Who's up for a movie?"
"Akemi-san, can you blow this out for me?" Mami handed the glass object to Homura, who looked at it quizzically. "The ash, please," Mami explained, pointing toward a potted plant in the corner.
Unwilling to admit her ignorance, Homura considered the problem logically. Blow it out. Hmm. The ashes needed to be removed from the bowl, so that more stuff could go inside. And the plant? Blow it in there, I guess. Alright. Okay then. She leaned down, placing her lips on the cylinder, giving a mighty puff.
Instinctively, she'd placed her finger over the small hole that made the chamber airtight. With two important exceptions; where her lips were, and where the bowl was. She watched in amazement as a stream of stinking water erupted out of the pipe, splattering messily on the plant and nearby wall. Uh oh. The ashes, at least, had been successfully removed. She took a step back, glancing over her shoulder. Nobody had seen. Carefully, she placed the object back on the table, her nose wrinkling with an overpowering scent that was utterly repulsive.
"Oh god, what is that?" Kyoko cried.
"It smells like bong water," Mami said, instantly worried. "Wow, it's bad," she murmured, standing up. Nothing got out the smell of bong water…
Homura grabbed the box of crackers she'd been munching on and slipped into the bathroom, turning on the fan so she couldn't hear the disgusted exclamations coming from the living room.
"Since someone," Kyoko began, eyeing a black-haired girl suddenly very interested in her shoes, "got everything wet and stunk up the place, we'll have to do something different this time. Let me show you how a real connoisseur appreciates this stuff."
Sayaka rolled her eyes in disbelief. That girl is so full of hot air. And herself. Homura gathered herself in an attempt to focus on what the redhead was saying, trying not to look guilty or start laughing. Mami leaned back, realizing it would be a while.
"You girls are so lucky, this is the good shit. You can tell by the smell-"
"It smells terrible," complained Sayaka. "Like a dead, rotting skunk."
"Exactly. Also, notice the little crystals?" She held up a small chunk of green.
"What are those?" Homura asked, curious.
Kyoko didn't exactly know. "Um, flavor crystals?"
Mami chuckled. "It's the, ah, 'active ingredient', you could say. THC. Tetrahydrocannabinol," she clarified. Everyone just stared at her blankly, even Kyoko. "Where it's concentrated, at least."
The silence stretched uncomfortably. "So… another way you know it's good, see all these little red and orange hairs?"
Sayaka looked at the transfer student in disbelief, aghast at the girl's insatiable gluttony. Shaking her head as the black-haired girl sprayed cracker-crumbs everywhere when Madoka poked her playfully in the side, the blunette turned back to watched Kyoko's long fingers work their magic, separating the little green chunks into a pile of green fluff. A hollowed-out cigar lay on the table, something the self-proclaimed 'expert roller' had made certain that nobody touched.
Kyoko began to pick up some of the stuff, spreading it out on a small square of translucent paper. Nodding to herself, completely absorbed in her task, the redhead efficiently rolled the paper up, her pink tongue darting out to lick one side of the paper before completing her task. Holding the small white object in her hand not unlike a cigarette, she placed it in her mouth and started transferring more of the stuff into the empty cigar, using a pencil to push it down tight.
"Want me to help you get that going?" Homura asked helpfully, nodding at the thing in the older girl's mouth. Kyoko grunted.
"Nah, we'll get two going at once. More fun that way." Plus, Kyoko thought to herself, there's no way you're smoking my shit while I'm busy working. She relaxed, taking her sweet time.
"Some people can roll their blunts," Mami explained helpfully. "What Kyoko's doing is cheating."
The redhead made a dismissive noise. "I'm not trying to impress anyone," she explained. Sayaka narrowed her eyes, positive the red-head had been doing just that all night.
Kyoko made as if to wipe her fingers on her pants. "Wait!" Sayaka said, laying a hand on the girl's arm. "You're fingers are covered in those crystals, right?" The redhead stopped mid-motion, considering.
"I guess, so?"
"Well, isn't wiping it on your pants just... wasting it?" the blunette asked. It wasn't food, exactly, but...
Kyoko stared at her. "What-"
Sayaka grabbed her hand, and before the older girl could grab it away, she'd stuck it in her mouth. A few licks later, she let the hand fall limply to the redhead's side, feeling color rising to her cheeks as she saw everyone staring at her.
"Well, it would have been a waste!" she tried to explain.
Homura was getting impatient with Kyoko's latest long-winded story, another one that, of course, revolved around herself. Pausing between mouthfuls of chips, she called out "Let's get this going already." It wasn't that the cramps were back, it was more like she was a little worried that the cramps might start to come back soon. Preventative measures, and all of that.
The past several hours, playing video games, listening to crazy stories and the bizarrely eclectic musical selections of Kyoko and Sayaka, she had been enjoying herself. And it wasn't just because the sometimes dull, sometimes sharp aches and pains of earlier had disappeared. Or even that she'd been mauled by Madoka on the floor.
Smiling dully, watching Kyoko spark things up again, she realized the secret to the happiness she had nearly forgotten about. And the secret was… the dumber you were, the happier you could be!
Gone were the infinite number of details swirling through her mind. The worrisome changes, the similar situations that had resulted in negative outcomes she was constantly on guard against. The guilt at her failure, the frustration at this endless quest, the nagging feeling like she was supposed to be getting something important done, right now at this very moment… it had all been washed away by the comforting, mildly disorienting buzz that seemed to electrify her brain.
In the back of her mind, she realized that these problems would persist, and that tomorrow she would find it necessary to immerse herself within them yet again. But for now, at this moment, she was enjoying herself, so she didn't care.
"Hey!" she cried. "Puff puff give," she complained, making exaggerated grasping motions with her hand. Sayaka coughed, holding the blunt out blindly as she pressed her mouth into a sleeve. Deftly, timing things just right, Homura avoided a shower of sparks by snatching the burning, pencil-thin tube, sucking at it greedily.
"Hey Madoka, you want in on this?" Kyoko asked slyly. The pinkette was watching next to Homura, more interested than horrified this go around, mainly wishing she had something to drink. Ah, peer pressure, thought Kyoko fondly. It didn't work against her, of course, but she could use it against-
"No, I'm good," the pinkette said firmly. "You girls are silly enough already!" She giggled, accepting the blunt Homura handed her. Putting it to her mouth, she took a puff before handing it to a rather stunned-looking Mami. "What?"
"Um…" Sayaka began, but Kyoko used that moment as an excuse to clamp her hand firmly over the blunette's mouth, pressing hard against her deliciously plump lips.
"Shh." She shot the girl a warning glance. "You're sure you don't want any?" Kyoko asked again, lightly, skipping Sayaka and handing the second smoking object to Homura.
Homura took a quick drag. Then another. And one more, for the road. Not that she was going anywhere, but… it just felt right.
Madoka grinned. "No, really. I'm fine, Kyoko-chan." Once again, Homura handed something off to her and, almost unconsciously, she took another puff herself, coughing lightly. Mami had started giggling and dropped the joint as it was passed to her, causing a brief moment of panic with her sudden screech and flapping hands. Laughing and wiping tears from her eyes, Sayaka knew her throat couldn't take any more abuse and waved on the blunt Kyoko passed to her.
"Oh no, not already. Come on Sayaka, don't be a bitch-"
"Kyoko!" Mami said with as much force as she could muster through the laziness. "You're the only one acting like a-"
"I'm done, my throat is killing me." Sayaka tried to wave it on again, but Kyoko stared at her expectantly. Then her eyes lit up.
"I know what to do."
Mami felt a quiver of trepidation. "What?"
"Shotgunning." Kyoko's smile was fierce as she turned to the blunette.
"Um… no thanks… what's that?"
"It's so cool," Kyoko said, bouncing in her seat. "All you have to do is breath in."
"What? I don't-" but then Kyoko was crosseyed, taking the biggest breath her aching lungs could manage. Sayaka glanced around, confused.
"Hey, she took two turns," Homura muttered mutinously, looking at the blonde across from her for support.
"Well, she brought it, Akemi-san," she answered shortly, before looking at the blunette across from her. "Get ready," she said, almost apologetically.
"What do you-" And then Kyoko's face was bent in front of her own, incredibly close, and she found her head sinking back into the couch. Astoundingly, Kyoko's face was following her, and when she had retreated as far as the cushion allowed the older girl pressed her lips against her own, parting them slightly-
Sayaka gasped, and a blast of smoke rushed through her mouth, down her throat, into her lungs. It felt both incredibly strange and terribly intimate, sharing breath like that. She pushed the redhead off several seconds later, wondering why she hadn't thought to do that immediately and blaming the weed for her slow reaction time. It must have been that, she considered, a new fit of coughing wracking her body as she clutched her chest.
Kyoko's face was flushed with victory, or something. She passed it along to Homura, who'd been waiting mellowly and patiently. It will get here when it gets here, she acknowledged, watching the antics of the two girls. Red and blue. Primary colors, hmmm. Mami's yellow, too, then. Something about those three. Maybe significant. But purple is a mix of red and blue, and pink is… hmm. Pink is like a whitish red. Right? Rightish red. Wait. So if Madoka's pink… but black is no color. Is it our eyes, or our hair? Or, maybe the clothes? But… the clothes we wear usually match our eyes. Or our hair. So, back to square one. Black, the color of emptiness. Am I empty? My stomach is empty. Man, I'm hungry. Starving!
But then something was being passed her way again and she decided that, in the grand scheme of things, a snack could wait.
Something smelled funny. Madoka had long gotten used to the particular funny smell that would remind her of this night for years to come. What this smelled like was… burning. Or cooking. But, possibly, something was on fire. She had to warn everyone, and find out what was going on.
Standing up to let everyone know about the potential danger, her eyes focused in like lasers on a half-drunk bottle of cherry soda. She crossed the room. "Is this anyone's?" she asked. Nobody responded, so she shrugged, taking it to the kitchen to dump it out in the sink. It seemed an awful waste.
Setting the bottle down, she realized a few things in quick succession. Something was incredibly hot, burning even, on the counter where she'd set the glass. There was a strong smell, like something burning. And also, the oven was on.
"Did someone turn the oven on?" Madoka asked, slightly accusing as she added "Or the range?"
"Huh?" "What?" "I'm not cooking tonight."
"Well, someone left the oven on. And the range. I almost burned myself!" Whew! she thought, patting herself on the back. I might have just saved all of our lives! "You should really be careful," she finished reproachfully.
"Who?" asked Sayaka.
"Who? What?" Madoka was confused.
"Who should be careful?"
"Who… ever left the oven on!" Madoka cried.
"It wasn't me," Sayaka claimed. She couldn't be one hundred percent certain of everything that had happened in the past few hours, but she'd never turned on an oven before, why would she have begun now?
"Wasn't me," muttered Homura dreamily, staring intently at a potted plant.
"Not it," murmured Kyoko through clenched teeth, her whole body moving to the turns of Mario Kart.
"I… might have left it on," Mami conceded, not thinking it likely, but possible. Secretly, she suspected Kyoko had done it so that she would feel compelled to make another cake. Which, truthfully, she kind of was. The oven was already preheated, after all...
Greetings, Akemi Homura/Tomoe Mami/Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyoko/Kaname Madoka. Each girl heard her own voice as the creatures thoughts penetrated their minds.
"Kyubey?" Mami called, before Madoka spun in place, staring around in wide-eyed fright.
"What the shit was that?" Sayaka immediately burst out into giggles with Homura.
"Relax, pinky, it ain't the fuzz," Kyoko drawled, standing up and walking over to a window.
May I inquire about what you are doing? Sakura-san, you may open the door, I'm right outside-
Kyoko opened up the window with an arrogant smirk. "If you want in, you'll come in through the window."
The space-cat carefully masked its initial reaction, which was something along the lines of Well, I never. With the agility of a small animal it closely resembled, the white creature hurtled into the room, the window slamming shut mere centimeters from the tip of its tail. Kyoko hid her mouth behind her hand in an obvious attempt to keep a smile from being seen.
Looking around curiously at the dull, slumped postures of some of the most tightly-wound girls he'd ever had the pleasure of converting, Kyubey's smile remained the same. Because it had to. It is, for some reason, more difficult than usual to communicate with you tonight. Has anything special occurred? It paused, and then, receiving not immediate answer, continued. What is that powerful and distinct odor coming from this room? And the even more powerful odor coming from that plant over there?
"Your butt," Madoka said, then hid her hands in her face as her shoulders shook. Sayaka, Homura and Mami exchanged startled glances before joining the small girl in uproarious laughter. Kyoko had started laughing as soon as the pinkette said it.
This is highly unusual, Kyubey thought. Aloud, as it were. Some of your comments defy my attempts to understand them, and your responses are sluggish. I am aware of Sakura-san's lack of mental acuity, but the rest of you seem to have been infected by whatever-
"Oh shut up," said Kyoko, pretty sure she'd just been insulted. "It's our night off."
Night off? Kyubey inquired politely. May I remind you that there are currently fifteen-
"No thanks," yawned Kyoko.
"Just give us a break, man," muttered Sayaka. Kyoko held out a fist, and the blunette bumped it with her own in a brief flash of solidarity.
"You may join us, if you want, Kyubey," Mami offered out of obligation. Even intergalactic avatars of hive-minded, wish-granting aliens deserved to be treated courteously. If you thought about it, as Mami had, it seemed like a good idea to be extra courteous when dealing with them, just in case. "We'll be back on the job tomorrow."
This would be a good opportunity to observe them in their natural habitat, the creature thought to itself. Aloud, or, well, kind of, it said, I accept your generous offer, Tomoe-san. What is it, exactly, that you are doing?
Credit: inspired by the CaptainFirePower story Puella Magi Pot Circle. Check it out.
Don't do drugs. At least not bad ones. Which most of them are! Or, maybe, all of them, to varying degrees. But then you gotta include coffee, and maybe even processed sugar, so... yeah. Any preceding 'arguments' in favor or against anything are purely, um, hypothetical. Do your own research if you have strong opinions one way or the other: like almost everything, there's a plethora if information out there specifically designed to support your side of the argument.
Not exactly wrapped up, obviously. Let me know if you have any thoughts as to what you'd like to see.