A/N: Just a oneshot based off of 5.05. That episode broke my heart. So a simple idea here. The lyrics are from the song "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins..aka the song that played when Lucas proposed. Thanks, and please review!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to One Tree Hill, nor do I own the song "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins.
I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
For weeks after his 'encounter' in LA with Peyton, Lucas moped around aimlessly. With everything that he...they had been through, he was heartbroken that they couldn't make it a year. He figured that once he went to visit her, she would become his fiance, and they would have the family he always wanted. What Lucas didn't think was that his trip would cost him his relationship, and therefore his dream. The only thing he wanted to make himself complete.
There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
Peyton was devastated when Lucas left. She had hoped that even if they weren't engaged, they could work something out, without breaking off completely. She always knew they could find their way back, and that they could deal with anything. But she wasn't prepared to have her boyfriend propose to her, it was too much. With everything going on, her career in music...his book, it was hard to think that an engagement would solve all their problems. Peyton didn't want to hurt him, but she knew she had. She could see the way his face looked when she wouldn't let him open the box. She could also see the CD that he had left on her pillow, as if saying he didn't want to think of her.
'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
She finally got up the courage to call him after awhile. Tentatively dialing the numbers, she put the phone to her ear. When after four rings it went to his dismal voicemail, she poured her heart out...
"Lucas...hi. I know its been a few weeks. I just-I just miss you. You probably don't want to hear that right now, but I do. I love you so much, and I need you to talk to me. Please. I can't do this. My life doesn't work without you, even if you aren't here with me yourself. I want to be there every step of the way when the book gets published, which I know it will. You deserve to have you're dream come true. We both do. Luke, we can do it together. I know it. We just have to try, and I'm positive that we can make it. I understand if maybe you don't want to try again, but I'll wait. As long as we're together, nothing else matters." Peyton sobbed, reusing the words that Lucas had so sweetly used in his proposal.
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
Lucas stood there, listening to her explain herself to him, as he wept silent tears. He wanted so badly to pick up the phone, but he couldn't will himself to. Even if he did still love her, there was so much that they had to work on. Not only that she wouldn't marry him, but also the distance, and how much they had missed out on each other in the last year.
No matter what his heart told him to do, his head wouldn't let him grab that phone and forgive her everything. She had hurt him, and even if he was the one to walk out the door, she was the one who let them go, when she left. Peyton was the one who decided to leave home, and she was the one who wouldn't marry him, and let them disintegrate. At least that's what he was telling himself.
He wanted to believe all that, he really did. But he couldn't. As much as he wanted to resent her, and blame it all on her, he wouldn't. He knew it was not that simple. He could've just as easily stayed in that room, or given her that year she so desperately asked for. Except, he wanted her now, and forever. Waiting a year was not in his master plan, so now he had nothing.
'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
As Peyton spoke her last words, and he heard her voice straining out, he quickly reached out and snatched the phone up. Once he put the phone hastily to his ear, he shouted, "Peyton", hoping that she would still be there. His next few moments he spent with baited breath, waiting, wishing that she would answer and give him the reprieve he wanted.
When there was no answer, he sighed, letting more tears stream down his face. He contemplated calling her, but he was shaking so badly that he couldn't dial the numbers.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop that sinking feeling in his chest, and the splintering sounds that his heart made when it shattered for the second time in the past few weeks.
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
Peyton lowered the phone to the table, pushing it away as if to get rid of it. She had just broken down over the telephone, in hopes of getting her boyfriend and her life back. Now, she had nothing.
'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
There it is. I'm not sure about the ending, it's kind of open, but I didn't know where to leave it off. I don't know about the rest of you, but last night's episode was so sad. Very bittersweet. Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review!