Bein' Proper

Simon ached all over. He couldn't believe he'd taken a beating for Jayne. If he had to get pounded, couldn't it at least have been for a worthy cause?

He leaned on Kaylee, his arm slung over her shoulders as she helped him up the ramp of Serenity. "What did he do to you?"

"Kicked me," Simon said. "Then...hit me. Then kicked me again." It was hard to keep track of just how many ways Stitch Hessian had hurt him.

"Oh, sweetie…"

Simon smiled a little, but it hurt his face. He liked it when she gave him pet names. Too bad he hurt so much.

"Do you need to go to the infirmary?"

"Yes," he said. "I need to run some scans—make sure he didn't cause any internal bleeding—"

"Oh relax, Doc," the Captain as he tromped up the ramp behind him. "You might color that pretty pale skin with a few bruises, but I'm sure the ladies will agree it gives you a rugged handsomeness." He smiled. "Always works for me."

Zoe commented, "Sir, I don't remembering you getting any prettier with all those injuries in the war."

"Of course you'd say that, Zoe—wouldn't want Wash to get jealous." He threw a smile back at Zoe, then marched on. "Wash, take us out of the world."

"Only if you stop baiting my wife with your masculine wiles," Wash said from the stairs as he came down to greet them. He kissed his wife, and Simon heard him whisper, "Honey, you don't need me to get beat up for you, do you?"

"I can do that on my own," she whispered back.

Simon pulled his attention away as his face flushed. Didn't anyone behave properly out here? It was hard to feel grudging, though, when he saw how Wash and Zoe looked at each other. He was pretty sure he hadn't seen that look on any core worlds. Not even between his own parents.

Though, sometimes, the way Kaylee looked at him…

Kaylee steered him away from the others as the ramp hummed and locked into place. Footsteps echoed every which way as the others returned to their duties, but Simon's focus drew back to the pulsing pain in his stomach. Had that disgusting bàotú been wearing steel-toed boots to kick him?

When they made it to the infirmary, Simon grabbed the sub-dermal scanner and ran it over the places that hurt most—his ribs particularly—but the scan came back with acceptable results. Captain was right—he'd bruise, but his body would repair itself within a few days.

Didn't mean he couldn't take something for the pain.

He gave himself 10ccs of Hydrozepam. It might've been a bit much given the extent of his injuries, but he suddenly understood why his patients were always asking for more pain meds for the minor stuff. This hurt.

"Do you need anything?" Kaylee asked. He looked up as he discarded the needle he'd used to inject himself. For a moment, he'd been too focused on his injuries to remember she was there.

"Oh," he said. "Uh, no, just some help back to my room would be nice." He could use a shower, what with all the grime from that mudball planet, but didn't think he could wash himself right now. If the Captain even spared the water rations for him.

"But your cheek," Kaylee said, coming close to him. "It's bleedin'."

He'd forgotten about the sharp sting on his face. He looked in a mirror that he kept in a drawer, in case he needed to look at an injury from multiple angles at once. Yup—sure enough, Stitch had opened his face with that first punch.

"I can seal it shut with a few of those," he said, pointing to a stock of small bandages on the counter close to Kaylee. "Two, please?"

She grabbed the bandages, but before he could take them from her, she started to open up the little packages. Simon wanted to protest—but this was a simple injury. Any amateur could seal a cut.

Her fingers gently brushed his hair away. He didn't think it had been in the way of his cut, but he didn't say anything. She gently pressed one bandage to the cut, and he stopped himself from hissing in pain. She applied the other, her hands working slowly. Simon realized his heartbeat was picking up. Kaylee was so close.

He liked her this close.

But then she pulled back, her sweet smile tugging at her cheeks. "Better?"

He nodded. "Better."

She stared at him for a few moments, but he was the first to look away. "Well, I should probably go rest for a bit. It's what I would prescribe, anyway."

"All right," she said, and then before he could say anything else, she slid her arm around his back and pressed her hip into his. He froze for a moment before resting his arm over her shoulders, his hand gently clasping her arm. He thought he'd try to walk on his own power, but found that her support genuinely helped him as they limped back to his quarters.

Kaylee set Simon on his bed. He was ready to lean back and ask her to close the door, but to his surprise, Kaylee sat down next to him. He lurched sideways, landing on his elbow on the bed, and it took him a moment to realize that Serenity had just taken off. He decided to stay where he was, awkwardly laying propped up next to Kaylee. Maybe in a moment he'd be able to sit up again.

"You gotta be steely," Kaylee said, smoothing down the bandages over Simon's face. He stopped breathing. "You can't be lettin' men stomp on you so much."

"It wasn't exactly a plan."

She reached out and stroked his arm. "Well, you ain't weak." Simon looked down. He was glad she thought so, though he certainly felt weak right now. "You couldn't beat 'em back?" He looked up. He hadn't told her how he'd actually cracked a bottle over Stitch's head— whatever good that had done him. "Or would that not be appropriate?"

He rolled his eyes and straightened up. "You're never letting go of that, are you?"

"Well you confound me some is all," she said, glancing down at her hands before looking back up at him. "I mean, you like me well enough, and… we get along." He glanced down. She had him there; he certainly did like her. "Then you go all stiff."

A dozen thoughts ran through his head at once. I'm not good with words. And how can I think about any of this—my feelings, my future—when River is so ill, and I'm in a strange place, and I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, let alone a year from now. Of course I like you, Kaylee. You're brilliant, and beautiful, and funny, and you make me happy like I haven't been in year. But you also make me afraid. Because if I even considered what a relationship with you would be like—that would mean staying. I'm not ready for that big of a decision. How could I do that to you, Kaylee, when I don't know if your captain will even let me stay? When the feds could pick me and River up at any minute? When something could go wrong with one of these crazy missions? I could have died if Stitch hadn't gotten distracted by Jayne. Neither of us has any business getting involved when everything's so unstable. So it doesn't matter that I like you. That I like you more than any other girl I've met.

I can't let it matter.

He tried to spit that out—any of it—but instead he stammered, "I'm… I'm not, um… I didn't…"

"See?" she said, exasperated. "You're doing it right now!"

Simon exhaled the air pent up in his chest, pinching his lips together and looking at her intently. And you're doing it right now! Simon thought. Trying to make me spit out something I can barely put into thoughts, let alone words!

"What's so damn important about bein' proper? Don't mean nothin' out here in the black."

That was hardly what this was about, but Simon said, "It means more out here. It's all I have." He could only live by the rules he knew. She was asking him to set aside a lifetime of structure. If he couldn't count on the 'verse to be stable, then he had to at least rely on himself. "I mean… my way of being polite, or however… Well, it's the only way I have of showing you that I like you." There. He said it.

But maybe even that was too much, so he added, "Of showing respect."

Kaylee looked down at her hands. "So… when we made love last night…"

Simon's heart jumped up his throat. "When we what?" No. There was no way. He couldn't have—

Kaylee grinned. "You really are such an easy mark." She laughed.

Simon's heart fell back into its proper place, though it still continued to beat furiously. He exhaled, then nudged Kaylee's leg with his foot. "That was mean."

"You believed me though, didn't you? Just for a second." she said, biting her lip. "Tell you what did happen last night, though. You called me pretty."

Simon's stomach knotted. He didn't want to admit it, but he did remember that. The Mudder's Milk had been strong, and his record with alcohol wasn't exactly spotless—but he hadn't been too far gone at that point. He knew what he'd said.

He bit his lip, then said, "Yeah. I did."

"So you remember that?" she said, her eyes wide. "You… well, it was awful nice." She smiled, looking at him through her eyelashes.

He shouldn't have admitted that he remembered. He should have backed out of the conversation while he could, while he was still in control. When have you ever been in control on this ship, Simon? Now his stomach was tightening, his hands were sweating, he was hyperventilating…

"You know," Kaylee said, adjusting on the bed to sit cross-legged—but also moving a little closer to him in the process. "I think you're pretty, too."

He laughed without meaning to, breaking some of the tension in his body. But what was he supposed to say? Thanks?

She was so close. So close that he could just lean forward and kiss her, had he a mind. His mouth suddenly felt dry, and he realized he was staring at her lips. He quickly yanked his gaze back up to her eyes, only to see her gaze on his own mouth.

Oh no. What was he supposed to do? He could leave—but he was in his own room. He couldn't just tell her to leave—that would shut her down again, like he'd so stupidly done this morning when he told the Captain, "I would never—not with Kaylee."

Because he would. Of course he would. If—if things were just different. If he knew his place in the world. If River were safe and well. If they weren't fugitives anymore, and they could actually live on a civilized planet—

But Kaylee probably wouldn't even want that. She loved Serenity. She loved this lifestyle, as… crazy, and dirty, and unpredictable as it was.

Maybe…maybe it wasn't so bad out here. Simon never would have chosen this life for himself—but it seemed to have chosen him.

Kaylee seemed to have chosen him.

He leaned forward, his eyes fixed on her mouth—

—and then a stabbing pain wrenched through his gut.

"Unh," he grunted as he fell back onto his pillows. "This is what I get for trying not to be proper."

"You was gonna kiss me, wasn't you!" Kaylee squealed. "You really was!"

Simon smiled at her giddiness. God, she made him so happy. "Maybe. Guess you'll never find out."

"Aw, hell with that!" she said, then she leaned over and planted one right on his lips.

Simon was so shocked that he didn't move, his eyes wide with her face right there. She was kissing him. She was kissing him.

And then she wasn't. She pulled away, scrambling upright. "I'm sorry—I thought—"

He reached out and grabbed her overalls. He wasn't strong enough to pull himself up, so he pulled her back down on top of him. It sent pain through his ribcage, but it was worth it when he got to kiss her back. She only hesitated for a second, and then she gave a tiny moan of happiness as she gave in to the kiss. Simon threaded his fingers through her hair. He had been wrong before. He liked her this close.

To hell with bein' proper.