Part 2 of Series: Only a Universe Between us - A CrossOver Series
Part 1: Let's Keep This Between Us - (Batman/Supergirl)
Part 3: Just the Scent of You (Wolverine/Catwoman
(Stories overlap one another - and do follow that order.)
Deadpool POV
I stepped out from the brick building situated in one of the darkest, shadiest, revolting areas of Brooklyn, thumbing through several hundred-dollar bills. I raised my thumb to the area of my mask where my mouth would be if it were on the outside, motioning the action of adding saliva to my thumb to make spreading the bills easier. I stuffed the wad of cash into one of the several pouches on my belt and proceeded to adjust my crotch beneath the red and black suit that was quite frankly, my second skin.
{Did you mention that you often shower in that suit?}
"Honestly, voice…we just met," I answered.
Hey readers, I should probably clear a few things up before we continue. Whenever you see these { } they are referring to that looney voice in my head –
(What about me?)
% And me! %
I rolled my eyes before hanging my head in my hands and then placed my hands on my hips.
Yes okay, different symbols equal different voices, but the point is that YOU, TOO, get to experience the voices in my head. Side-note: The author is NOT accepting any therapy bills for reading this story. Back to our regularly scheduled program!
I had just finished making a deal with yet another power-hungry mafia crew that surprise, surprise, wanted to be the cream of the crop. In order to do this, they needed the only rival crew exterminated and knew that the 'Merc with a Mouth' was the man for the job.
That's me by the way…just in case you haven't read my comics or seen that movie where that super hunk Ryan Reynolds played me? Anyway…
I don't often take jobs that cross comic universes, but when I do…you better believe it's gonna to be epic! This particular job resided in Gotham City, isn't that the Batboy's turf? I hadn't figured out exactly how I was going to get to said Emo-Town, but anything can happen, right? I walked past an alleyway and what I saw made me back pedal. I rolled my shoulders and rubbed my hands together in anticipation. Cross-universe teleportation could wait; right now, I was itching for a little action. It had literally been 24 hours since I drew even an ounce of blood from ANYONE, and it was time to scratch!
Harley POV
I laid in bed, starin' up at the ceilin' as I twirled my fingers around my bleached locks, specifically the side dyed blue on the ends. I let out a deep sigh as I turned my head to check the time on my 'Hello Kitty' digital clock set. I suddenly flipped over onto my stomach with a huff and cocked my head at the stuffed beaver that was sittin' on my nightstand, starin' blankly at me.
{Face it toots…you're lonely.}
My headed lifted up off the bed then as I stared on at the beaver in shock, not because he talked, oh no, he's talked to me fer years now, but because he said I was lonely?! What nerve!
"Have ya lost yer marbles, Bernie? I got Ivy now," I retorted as I pushed myself up into a sittin' position on my bed and crossed my arms firmly over my chest, making a pouty face.
{You know when you go into that same deli you've always gone to and get the salami every time because it was just something you preferred, but then all the sudden, you started getting the roast beef every time because you thought you should change it up?}
Here I thought I was the crazy one. Bernie had this habit of usin' these crazy analogies instead of just spittin' it out. Suddenly though, I got it. Score!
"Ivy's got some real nice beef, but yer right…I do miss salami," I said as I pouted and patted the top of the beaver's head.
"You just get me, Bern! Aw gee, now I'm starvin'!" I said as I leaped from my bed, throwing on my red and black hot pants, red and black halter top with the cute diamonds on either booby, along with red and black boots, and a red and black jacket. For a while, I'd stepped away from the red and black ensemble for a more 'cinematic' approach, but I always had a thing for the red and black combo! I did like the blue and pink in my pigtails though, so I decided to keep that.
Wink.
I sat in the diner somewhere in downtown Brooklyn that I honestly couldn't tell you where it was exactly. When I get hungry, I let my stomach take over my body and it leads to me to the promise land. The table was littered with a heapin' pile of cheesy fries, several hot dogs and two cheeseburgers. One of those cheeseburgers I was currently stuffin' in my gullet when a familiar seduct-o voice purred in my ear.
"Did you forget that we had a date, Harl?" Ivy asked as I looked up at her innocently, my cheeks resemblin' a hamster, they were stuffed with so much food. I attempted to speak despite this.
"Ehf aght!" was about all I managed to get out before Ivy rolled her eyes at me, pokin' one of my swollen cheeks.
"Honestly, Harley, swallow your food!" Ivy chastised as I chomped my food around in my mouth a bit before gulping it all down with a dramatic gulping sound. I smiled at her, grabbing a handful of fries.
"Sorry, Red…I did ferget! Robbin' the jewelry store, right? Some green stone thingy ya like?" I said, about to stuff the fries in my mouth before Ivy's hand slapped over my mouth. She looked around suspiciously to make sure no one had heard my loud mouth. Once her hand removed itself, I dipped my head lower.
"Sorry…robbin' the jewelry store, right?" I repeated, but this time at a dull whisper and then stuffed my mouth of the cheesy fries I had been holdin' onto for the past minute. Ivy stared at me as I continued to eat. I looked around myself as if she was starin' at anyone but me.
"What?" I asked innocently and she smiled and shook her head at me before placing a kiss on my forehead.
"I was kind of hoping we'd go…you know, now?" she said to me rather matter of factly as my eyes widened, leapin' from my chair.
"Right, right! I'll just take the wieners for the road!" I exclaimed, cradling all three of the hot dogs in my arms before turning for the door with a flick of my pigtails. Ivy reached across the table and snagged a single cheesy fry. I smiled to myself as I shouted over my shoulder to her.
"I saw that!" I said to her as she came up beside me and shrugged innocently before we walked out of the diner. We walked the streets as I continued to stuff food in my mouth. I needed energy for the upcomin' festivities, right?
"I need to stop by the pad to grab Beatrice!" I suddenly realized as we were approachin' the street of my apartment buildin'.
"You still use that thing? What about the machine guns, or your…fists?" Ivy asked as we stopped in front of my buildin'. I gasped in response as my hand pressed to my chest in mock offense.
"Red, yer my girl, but Beatrice was the first, and she needs to stretch her legs. Been collectin' dust!" I exclaimed as Ivy smirked at me. I grinned widely and clapped my hands together a few times before disappearin' into the apartment. Several moments later, I returned with Beatrice, the mallet, in my hands.
The author wanted me to point out that Beatrice…has been seen in many sizes and forms, but for the sake of this story, this particular version of Beatrice is NOT as big as myself but rather slightly more realistic. Wink.
"Who are you talking to?" Ivy said looking at me quizzically. I tossed the mallet up to rest on my shoulder, the other hand securely restin' on my hip.
"Red, how long have ya known me? Who do I NOT talk to? Let's rock 'n' roll!" I said and gave a little giggle before walkin' past her to head in the direction the jewelry store was. Ivy stood there still a bit confused before pointin' her finger in the other direction from where I was walkin'.
"Other way, Harl," Ivy said as I turned on my heel and marched off in the other direction, pointin' as I did so.
"Onward!" I exclaimed and Ivy fell in suit behind me. As we approached the jewelry store, we heard grunts, yelps, punches and bone shattering sounds coming from a nearby alleyway. Ivy's face immediately swarmed with concern, where as I got very excited. I immediately trotted over to the alleyway, despite Ivy's hands graspin' for my arms.
"Harley, wait!" Ivy yelped as I stopped in my tracks, starin' on at the marvel hehpun intended occurin' in front of my eyes. It was a dude; well at least I think it was a dude, dressed head to toe in red and black, armed with two guns and two swords, going absolutely ape-shit crazy on a band of thugs. My mouth fell open as the mallet slipped from my fingers and fell with a thud to the ground. Ivy ran up beside me and she, too, stood there a moment, starin' down the alleyway before we both remarked at the same exact moment.
"Holee canolee, who is that hottie?!" I said, while Ivy said:
"Holy hell, who is that idiot?" She obviously hadn't been near as impressed as I was. I suddenly felt my shoulders being shoved backwards as my hands tried to grasp the handle of Beatrice to no avail.
"Harley, we have got to get out of here. That guy is obviously insane," she said as I shoved past her, there was no way-siree-bob that I wasn't goin' to talk to this guy!
"Exactly, Red! Let's see what his deal is, get to know 'im; oo maybe he'll let us play with his swords!" I said excitedly as Ivy let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. I bent over to grab the handle of my mallet.
Deadpool POV
I made my way down the alleyway, holding my hands out to either side and noticing that the would-be victims were two adults…and a kid. It was like a switch suddenly flicked on within my body, seeing that kid teary-eyed and scared. Adults were one thing, but do not fuck with kids or animals, not on my watch! I removed both guns from their holsters and cleared my throat to get the thugs attentions. All seven of them turned to look at me, laughing as they did so.
"Who da hell you supposed to be, Fartboy?" one of thugs said to me as my guns lowered for a moment at his remark. I raised one gun to idly itch my head with the point of it.
"That, sir, was a horrible joke. It lacks any kind of foundation. Were my suit brown? Maybe. If my attempt at a stealth stinker suddenly turned into a squeaker? Maybe then too, but to absently refer to me as a Fart? Well, now I have to kill you on basic principle, Dick-muncher," I said as I suddenly ran forward and slid on the ground past all the men as I looked up at the parents of the kid.
"You might want to hide his face…things are about to get real…bloody," I said as I watched the woman's eyes grow wide in horror, her body immediately draping over the kid in protection as they all cowered in the corner of the alley. I turned just in time to plant a bullet straight into the middle of Dick-muncher's forehead, narrowing my eyes through the newly created hole to the other men behind him. Bullets began to fly as I dodged...well, dodged most of them anyway.
{Still looked pretty bad ass.}
"Aww, thank you!" I said to the voice as I placed a hand to my chest in admiration. The thug that I was currently choke holding cocked his head at me.
"For what?" he asked confusedly and I turned my head to look at him.
"I wasn't talking to you," I said before unsheathing my katanas and slicing the man's head straight and clean from his neck. I sheathed the swords again before taking the head into my hands, watching the next thug aiming his gun to me. I quickly tossed the head into the air directly towards him as I pointed into the sky.
"Go long, go long!" I yelped as the man looked up at the head, dropping his gun to the ground so that he could catch the decapitated cranium. Once it landed in his hands, he yelped in disgust but before he could even drop the head, a bullet was planted in his skull.
"Nice catch! You should play for the Browns, maybe they'd actually win a game!" I exclaimed to the now dead body slumped on the ground. I raised the gun to my mask to catch a whiff of the gunpowder smell that I love oh so very much before the whole world stopped on its axis as I laid eyes on the most rounded, plump, and bodacious booty I had ever seen in my entire life.
If you want to know what this frozen moment in time felt like, including slow motion, listen to the song "I Want to Know What Love is" by Foreigner. No better ballad to describe this momentous moment!
My gun dropped to the ground as my hands raised to either side of my face and I creeped forward to peer on at that radical rumpus. My hands reached up to form a firm grab on either ass cheek and I bit my lip underneath my mask.
"Will you marry me?" I asked the ass and then suddenly, the owner of said ass stood straight up with a yelp. The look on her face suggested that she was not keen on my newfound obsession with her nether regions, but what a face she had! A pale painted goddess who shared my affinity for red!
"Hey! Hands off, Buster!" she bellowed as a mallet suddenly collided straight into my skull. As my body slowly began to descend to the ground, my jaw undoubtedly broken, I knew with every fiber of my body…I needed a piece of that, like a Snickers needed nuts!