Ok you might notice that I'm modifying the story, I thought that it was story less (if that word even exist) when I re-read it so this is going to be the prologue and its long I hope you like modifications because now the chapters are going to be longer and make a little more of sense. Also by the next chap I'm gonna change the name of the fic ok?
PLEASE READ IT IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ THE STORY THEN YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING TO BE BUT REALLY I MIGHT HAVE CHANGE A LOT IN THE PLOT AND I ALSO ADED KARI'S AND TAI'S STORY :D. FOR NOW I THINK THAT IF YOU READ IT YOU MIGHT FIND THE SENSE IN IT.
The letters between "yada yada"is talking And finally the letters between 'yada yada' is thought
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon, sadly ;;
ADVERTISEMENT:Yaoi, don't like, don't read
NOTE: The character I put in this prologue, are the only digimon characters that there are going to be, at least for now. And Kari isn't Tai's sister in this story okey?
I think that's all by now please enjoy yourself.
Stage 1
Situations
Prologue
Ken's P.O.V
Another school day had passed by I'm heading back home, it has been a long school day now I just want to be at home relaxing. "Yeah sure relaxing" I muttered to my self. Like that could ever happen, it will all turn out to be the same as every other day in my oh so boring life; reach home, head to my room, start doing my homework, extra studding , go to sleep. Its not that hard to handle its just......it is not what I want of my life. I have no friends and have no fun. Just studding and working hard on things I don't really care about. Why do I do this, why to suppress my feelings and just stay up living this monotone and miserable life? Just because of him, just because he wants me to, because that's his plan for my life.
On the way home I pass by a soccer field it's crowded with people, it seems like a game is being held people cheering with big cardboards, encouraging their teams. "I love you Max" I heard a girl scream she was holding a big cardboard with 'Go Max !' written in it I turned to the field and saw a guy waving at her.
"Love ya to Sweetheart!" he screamed in the girls direction ' Huh they are also encouraging their boyfriends' I added. A girlfriend and boyfriend relationship, another thing in my list of lacks. I have never succeed on being any girl's boyfriend. Now that I think about it I have never get around a girl, well not that I had get around people at all. I just sighed in defeat I had no joy in my life at all! I feel so miserable. "Go do it!" The girl at my side screamed taking me out of my thoughts I look at the field again and saw a guy with spiky brown hair heading towards the net and then suddenly.
"Goal!" Everyone around was cheering and at the other side of the field people didn't looked to happy. But something caught my attention usually when someone score the other members of the team give him a high five or at leas a slap in the back or say something like 'well done', but this time I just saw how everyone just returned to their position and left the spiky- hair-guy there looking at everyone else, he seemed to be really sad. I stayed there looking at the rest of the game, it looked fine to me, the guy score another 2 times, and again no one congratulated him. The game was finally over and I started heading again towards my house. Then I spotted him again with his jacket over his shoulders, walking all by himself no one around. I have seen how everyone else headed home with their parents, girlfriend or friends around and he...he was alone. He sat next to a tree and started at the floor
"Am I really that bad" he whispered to himself and some tears flow down his cheeks then he punched his fist against the ground. I wanted to talk to him, and just tell him that he was a great player that he had done really good, but being how I am I didn't got the courage to head to where he was. I just turned around and started heading back home. After all it was getting dark.
When I reached home I opened with my own set of keys assuming that there would be no one at home. Well I kind of guessed wrong, there in the living room couch sat my father holding my mother in a tight embrace, she was crying. When I entered in the room my father shot an angry look at me and suddenly stopped holding my mother. He stepped up and slapped me hard across the face. I fell backwards against the wall and felt the burning pain in my cheek, then something wet...I touched my lower lip. I was bleeding. I looked up towards my father.
"You reckless kid" I heard my father scream at me angrily "You made your mother preoccupied, where have you been? Answer me!" He slapped me again, this time I couldn't help it I fell to the floor with a loud 'thud' injuring my back as well. I couldn't replay, inside my head I was screaming but I couldn't find my voice so my father could hear what I had to say in my defense. Not that it would help at all, this doesn't happen frequently and when it happens I can do nothing to stop it. Tears filled my eyes. I blink them fiercely I couldn't start crying, not now. My father lifted me up by the collar of my shirt and slammed me to the wall I moaned in pain. "Answer!" He yelled again, I tried to regain my voice.
I finally answered, my voice shaking "I-I G-g-got dis-stracted in a socc- cc-er ga-game" I closed my eyes ready to what would come, but he didn't slap me instead he threw me to the floor.
"A soccer game!" he roared at me "How could you get distracted! You have to do your homework!" he said in a fury rage "You got to study, what about your exams" he really was angry and I was about to break "I'm sure you didn't do well on today's exam because of getting distracted!"
I answered shakily again "I-i did o-ok I-I go-got the highest sco-core in class" He looked at me angrily again.
"Did you got it perfect?!" he asked in a cold tone
"No I-I got some answers w-wrong" I muttered in response /Slap/ he slapped me again this time my lip couldn't take it, I could feel the blood trickling down my face and the piercing pain.
"See I knew it you are getting distracted from what its important!" he finally said walking out of the room. My mother reached my side an just looked down at me a sad glint in her eyes
"You know its al for your own sake" and she also left the room, living me there agonizing in pain, there just wanting to disappear. I have never been a very strong person and this was too much for me. These strange breaks my father was having where coming more and more frequently and I wonder if is something I did wrong. I started crying uncontrollably and soon I passed out.
While I was there in the floor, I remembered when I was a little kid, laughing in a happy family pick nick day. My father lifted me over his shoulders and ran around the park. I was so happy it all was so perfect, the love, the family...suddenly the image fades away. Now I am at the principal's office, she is talking to my parents about my grades. My father turns to see me, then he smiles. When we reach home my mother its so happy "My son it's a genius" she says as she enters the kitchen. My father talk to me about how am I going to be translated to another school, one for the people that is as smart as I am "But my friends" I replied. My father expression changed "Your studies are more important son, you will understand" he turns around and leave me there thinking, trying to understand why it is more important. I didn't get it but one thing I understand, It was never gonna be the same I was 9 years old back then, now I'm 17 a lot of years have passed by and I still can't understand what he meant by those words. Since that day when I said goodbye to my friends, I never befriended anyone else.
Day by day, month by month; I grew apart from my parents. They didn't seem to care about me anymore, what they seem to care now it's about that damn paper that holds my grades. It's all so wrong. I just can't take it anymore. My father never used to hit me. And now its like the usual me makes him so mad. He just wants his genius son. The one that its not me, just another guy, who was stole away my family. And I'm afraid that he won't give them back to me. And if he did it would be useless because they are not my parents anymore.
They are just a pair of people that trains me day and night, people that don't care if I die in the training. I had been always afraid that if I don't reach the goal, they will be the ones that wont be at my funeral, they will be the ones to turn their back at me as if they had never know me at all. But what can I say they really don't know the real me, they just know my façade. The worst of it is that if they turn their back at me, I will have no one at all. Because I had lost everybody.
Why don't they understand, that this is not what I want. That this is just causing me pain. That bit by bit it tires me out to death. That every second that I pass alone in my room studying, its sucking out my soul. That every minute I pass at school is as cutting a part of my body. That every hour is worst than the last one. That every day I live up is just more than I can take. And there have been 8 years now.
I can feel them here, now, asking me to be excellent. Asking me to be perfect. But they had just lost it. I can't trust them anymore. because they don't trust me, they don't support me. They don't let me to be free and live my life in the best way I can. Deciding by myself. because no one is perfect and neither do I. Everyone commits mistakes, and gets its punishment. But why should I get punished because of doing nothing. Even if they don't know it. When they thought they were signing to confirm a great future, they just signed for a miserable life. A life in which everyone makes the choices for me. How can that be called a life.
When they are supposedly supporting me, they are just obliging me to do what they want me to. When they are letting me to think about it, they are actually abandoning me when I need them the most. When they are supposedly loving me, they are making me feel bad. When they are flattering me they are just remarking my defects. I cant trust them, I cant talk to them, they just turn around and invent some excuses. And when they hear me they end up insulting me making me feel bad. As if I was nothing without my grades, my school and my books. If I continue being just that, the genius guy, I will never have the opportunity to be myself, Ken Ichijouyi(sp?)
I knew I was there in the floor, I knew some minutes before I had just passed out. I knew I should stand up and get into my bed. But I didn't. I just lied there in the floor trying to forget about the pain trying to just forget where I was. Until it happened, I finally I started to fall asleep, thinking about how miserable I was. Then a thought crossed my mind was 'why am I the only one suffering this way' then I remembered the brown-spiky haired guy I saw this afternoon, maybe I'm not the only one, just maybe. Suddenly the pain came back, a single tear rolled down my cheek. And some sort of bitter-happiness filled my heart at the thought that I might be getting stronger, and with that thought I fell asleep 'I'm being stronger because no one saw me cry...'
Daisuke's P.O.V.
I was looking around for an opportunity, when I suddenly saw a whole in the defense. I ran at top speed towards the goal. Someone is racing to my side I can't let him take the ball not now, I'm to close. I kicked the ball just before whoever the guy was tackled me. The ball soared through the air at great speed, it slipped through the hands of the goalkeeper and connected trough the net.
I stand up feeling happy I had scored, I turn around waiting or at least wanting to see my teammates cheering but nothing they just glanced at me and turned around as if I had just failed. Suddenly it hit me, I just remembered now, it was so lame. Everyone returned to their position and the game continued. I was running but my mind wasn't settled in the game. I don't get it why does everybody hate me so much? Why does everybody ignore me? When did things have gone so wrong? Geez I don't know what happened, I don't know what did I do wrong. I must have done something awfully bad because they hated me and ignored me so much it was as if I was invisible, if not I was like a fly that just pissed them of.
Without noticing I had scored again, this time I didn't turn around with any hopes to see my teammates even exited about the fact we where winning. I hate when I'm right everyone was turning away minding their own business if not cursing under their breath things like "huh he scored again so what?! He is a piece of nothing" this kind of commentaries hurt me so badly, they don't even care what happens to me they don't even notice I'm steel here.
I kept running with no direction at all, and then suddenly a heard cheering and clapping. I turned around to see what had happened. At the other side of the field there was a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes that was running towards some other members of the team they congratulated him and told him things like "yeah you are the man", he had obviously scored.
Hey I know him he is one of the popular guys of the school, but I can't seem to remember his name...Huh? Why am I breaking my head trying to remember, first of all I will remember later. Second it doesn't matter someone will mention him sooner or later so I will instantly remember him. And third and the most important of all, I shouldn't care because even if I know who he is he doesn't know who I am so its not like I'm going to run over to him and talk friendly.
So I turned my attention to the game again, I scored for the third time in this game; everything went exactly as it was the last two times. No, wait something is different, I feel, I feel like someone is looking at me, no that's stupid of course no one is looking at me. But I'm curious so I turned around to make sure, and it caught me of ward, someone was looking at ME! At ME anyone knows what that means!.............you don't?!......... Neither do I but it's strange. And it wasn't any someone; it was that blonde guy I just can't seem to remember his name, why is he looking at me? And why does he seem to be sad???
He was really looking sad as if trying to tell me something but I couldn't understand what it was. I slowly started to get lost in that pools, in the sea of his eyes, I was drowning in the sadness of his blue orbs. There was something that pulled me towards getting lost in there. Suddenly the whistle that announced the game was continuing pulled me out of my train of thoughts and I looked around wondering for how long I had been looking at the guy.
When I looked at the spot where he had been I noticed he was talking to another guy then the guy looked and pointed at me and the blonde nodded, both of them started laughing. So that was it he was looking at me with a 'Poor stupid guy' look, yeah that was it he was laughing of me! Then the other guy stopped laughing and looked seriously at the blonde then they started arguing and they departed to different sides of the field looking angry each of them. Then the blonde looked at me again but this time he looked away very fast. I started jogging and concentrated in the game again. Well...not really.
At the end of the game I ran towards the coach he said the usual well done and turned away. I saw everyone getting in groups and I could hear some people asking each other things like "Want to come to my house?" and then the guy that have been talking previously to the blonde one stepped in the grades and yelled "Let's go everyone to eat some pizza!" everyone cheered. And I? I was in blank had he just mean it when he said everyone. When I was starting to get exited about the fact I was invited too the guy looked at me and moved his lips as if to tell me something so nobody else could hear it, and then I read it I read it in his lips he clearly said 'You don't' as he looked at me scornfully. I just couldn't take it I turned around and started walking away I heard the blondes voice as he talked to his friend "Hey isn't Motomiya coming?" he said "Did you want him to come?" his friend answered "Huh? I don't care" that was it I didn't walk slowly, I just ran away feeling so bad, feeling so sad. I reached a tree and there I started to cry, I cried my hearth out. Why should every day be the worst day of my life, why? No one care about me no one wanted me around they pushed me as if I was a plague, as if I was some kind of disease. I wasn't a freak, I was good at sports, I had normal grades and I USED to have lots of friends. What went wrong? Was it me? Was it them? I don't know!
Then I felt it again, someone was looking at me again, this time I just waited a while until I felt it wasn't looking at me anymore. Just then I looked up I saw the retreating form of a guy with purplish, middle long, and straight hair. He was dressed in a particular school uniform. I looked at him until he disappeared in a curve then I returned to my own business, but why was he looking at me, and worst he had seen me crying! Geez where was my pride. Apparently nowhere to be found it was lame I was such a looser.
I had no friends at all, no one cared about me and I mean no one...
This wasn't the worst part of my life not at all, it was just time to confront the worst part of it. I walked out of the park and started heading home. Huh home suuuuuuree. I can't call that my home it's as if there was no one there. And that was if I was lucky, if I wasn't it could get worst. Yeah worst, it's not like I felt alone, no it wasn't that with my family. Neither did I felt rejected by them, no not at all. It was something worst. I actually was afraid; I wouldn't admit it in public. And even if I did no one would know cuz I have got no one to talk about this. It is freaky I am completely intimidated by her. She wouldn't notice, I am always firm when things get me scared, it's actually difficult to make me scared, but she, she can do it with just looking at me. But I'm not that weak, she doesn't notice it. Because I don't cry, never in front of her, never. I finally reached the place. That old creepy departmental building that some called home.
I entered the apartment, I looked around, and there was no one around, nowhere to be found. Yeah I am lucky today I can go straight to my bedroom and lay there until its time to get up again. It will be easy now I will just take a soda from the kitchen and...
"Hello Daisuke" my thoughts where interrupted by her creepy voice, without noticing I winced a little bit. She noticed I could know because of what she said next "What? Afraid of me lil Daisuke, why?" I didn't move, I didn't even answer, "Hey answer me!" She was now yelling "What am I not good enough for you to answer my question!?" She slowly moved toward me and slammed my body to the wall and put her hand in my throat "You know I could kill you this way" she sounded serious and that alone was scary "Its just matter of pressing more and more, and press until you are dead" death serious she was, she had already started to press "And then I would say we where playing and I didn't knew I would harm you and then I would cry" yeah she could do that my parents were completely convinced of whatever she said with just seeing her cry "And everything would be okay, they would believe me and you would be dead" she said as she pressed harder. I couldn't talk; I had no more air in my lungs. "I'm talking serious" she said confirming what I already knew. Then she let me free "Better to look at your back Daisuke or you would die some of this days and it might be your own fault" She looked at me dangerously then her expression changed and she threw herself in the couch "You are so dumb!" she said between her laughter "Now you are going to tell me it was a joke" I thought out loud
"Not a joke, a game, I can make you believe whatever I say, I can make you dance as a puppet" she said still laughing, then she changed her voice to the one of a monster "Im going to cut you in pieces and throw you in the toilet!" she said making fun of me. I just stared at her and turned around towards my room. While I headed there I still could hear her laughing. I locked my door and lied in my bed. It wasn't a game I could feel it, but I pretended to believe it was a game, it was easier that way "The world is one big sick joke" I told to myself.
Like an hour later I heard door of the house slamming shut. I stand up and walked towards the kitchen, now that there was someone else on home I could be safe and she won't attempt to kill me again. I entered the kitchen and found mom in there she looked at me and then looked away without a 'hi' or something like that. I didn't even mind I took the soda that I wanted to drink since I got home and headed to my room again. I sat in my bed and drank the coke then threw the bottle to the trash can. I stared at the sealing for a long time. I didn't notice when but I fell asleep without even closing the door of the room.
Suddenly I woke up, remembering the events of the day until I stopped in the last thing she told me "Better to look at your back Daisuke or you would die some of this days and it might be your own fault" then I looked towards the door it was still open, it was late in the night it was all dark outside. For a moment I thought of closing the door but then I herd it there was someone in my bathroom, I could hear the run of water and I decided to lay there faking to be asleep.
I saw her shadow, she thought I was asleep she was going to kill me!. Inside my head I was going paranoiac and I knew I was shaking but I made myself believe I was still calm, yeah sure...She walked towards my bed but she didn't grab any pillow as to suffocate me. She had no weapon. "Daisuke, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I know how you suffer. I understand, its just that your life is so easy everyone must love you" I couldn't believe it "even if I never tell you I love you when you are awake, its true, I love you, please forgive me" I felt something wet fall in my cheek, was she... was she crying? "I would love my life to be as easy as yours, you have friends, you have soccer, and mom and dad love you" She finally broke in tears, but I seriously couldn't believe it, was what she said truth?
When she fell asleep I couldn't do anything more than to pass my hand trough her sleeping face and answer what I had silently tried to tell her for so long "You are wrong my life isn't easy, I have no friends, and mom and dad don't care about me, but you know what I love you too" after a pause I said something I never thought I would tell her "and I forgive you" I laid my head at her side and snuggled closer to her sleeping body "I'm your brother, even if I'm smaller I m still here Jun, just you and me alone in this frigging world"
Takeru's P.O.V.
He was looking around for an opportunity; I think he suddenly saw a whole in the defense. He ran at top speed to the goal. The number 7 was racing at his side. He kicked the ball just and it soared through the air at great speed, slipped through the hands of the goalkeeper and connected trough the net.
He had scored, he turned around probably waiting or at least wanting to see teammates cheering but nothing. They just glanced at him and turned around as if he had just failed. He looked shocked but then a look of understanding crossed his face. Everyone returned to their position and the game continued.
Later he scored again, this time he didn't turn around. Everyone was turning away minding their own business if not cursing under their breath things like "huh he scored again so what?! He is a piece of nothing" this kind of commentaries must hurt.
I kept running with no direction at all, and then suddenly the ball came to me I ran around with it switching ways now and then to keep it for my team. Then I passed it to Dawson he ran as fast as he could to the net but he suddenly was blocked he passed it to me again I kicked it and it rose to the net. I heard cheering and clapping. I turned around and received the greetings of my teammates whit a big lopsided smile on my face it was pure courtesy. At the other side of the field he stood looking at me as if I he knew me but didn't want to congratulate me. Then he turned his attention to the game again, he scored for the third time in this game; everything went exactly as it was the last two times. Just this time I couldn't take my eyes off of him he was such a sad case. He turned around and he looked shocked when he saw me and then his face quickly changing to confusion. I tried to tell him without words, I was trying to tell him he was the best in the team and that he didn't deserve this but he just stood there looking confused. How stupid can a guy be? Well as I to make it easier for him I looked him right in the eyes hoping he would notice my silent sympathy and I was drifted in my own lala-land when seeing trough his chocolate orbs, they where deep and warm. I stood there looking at him for God knows how much time he suddenly broke the contact, I felt as coldness returned to my body, how his warmth left me.
"Hey there!" I herd someone behind me "Hey world to Take!" oh it must be Dawson, I turned around and for sure it was him then I recalled what he called me before
"Don't call me that!" I frowned at him.
"Yes master Take...I mean Tk" he responded as he moved his arms up and down as if he was my slave.
"Zip it Dawson" I told him.
"Hey did you saw that scoring?" he said pointing towards Daisuke.
"Hum yeah" I nodded.
"We are winning they can't beat us as the name of their team says it they are snakes, and snakes have no feet so they cant play soccer!" He cheered and started laughing I started laughing as well. Then he stopped laughing and looked at me seriously
"Tks I noticed you where looking at that guy Motomiya, you are not filling sympathetically towards him do you?" he told me after a moment of silence 'And what if I do?' I thought to myself but I think I said that out loud because he started yelling at me. "Geeze Takeru you know you can't risk it is of top importance you to maintain it is not an easy thing to do ya know and if you put get any step closer to him you will lose it!" I knew that but he just seemed to think I didn't so I answered back.
"I know what do you take me for? a stupid!" (OMG Takeru said stupid! - I don't know how is it in U.S.A: but here it's a difficult thing to think a TK cursing!!!) He stared at me angry then he turned around and head his own way as I did the same, who cares about Dawson he has no right to tell me what to do, its my life! Then it hit me again I turned around and saw him there on his spot looking at me but this time I looked away fast. The rest of the game the only thing on my mind was that deep chocolate orbs, he seemed to be so confused as if it was unbelievable that I was looking at him.
At the end of the game I ran towards the coach he said the usual well done and turned away. I saw everyone getting in groups and I could hear some people asking each other things like "Want to come to my house" and then Dawson picked on my shoulder. I turned around "What?" I asked impolitely.
"Uh men I'm sorry, I mean its your life and all and you know how to deal it is just I get carried away some times and you make me go berserk" He told me without looking at me he just stood there apologizing and looking towards the floor.
"Its ok I just got a lil bit carried away as well" I smiled at him, he smiled back and then he stepped in the grades and yelled.
"Let's go everyone to eat some pizza!" everyone cheered. Then he moved his lips as if to tell something without anyone noticing, the look in his eyes was scornful. Then he reached to me
"Hey isn't Motomiya coming?" I asked him,
"Did you want him to come?" he answered with sarcasm in his voice
"Huh? I don't care," I answered noticing that if I answered what I really thought I was going to be in problems again.
After the pizza meeting I reached home it was all dark, there was no one at home. Oh well like there was someone I wanted to see it was better this way. I walked towards my room but suddenly stopped in the hallway as I heard a breaking noise coming from my brother's room. Then there was a hard noise and when I heard a silent scream than was it I ran back towards my brothers room. 'Please let it not be that again' I pried in my mind, the door was locked 'Geez why should you do this!' I stepped back and ran as fast as I could to hit the door it slammed open. And what my eyes saw scared the hell out of me...he was there lying on his chest bleeding like mad but the look in his eyes, he looked, he looked as if he was enjoying the pain!
I ran towards him and saw what had broken it was a pills jar. And he hat cut his gristle veins whit the remaining glass. I was starting to panic, but then I realized he didn't cut himself right in the veins he was bleeding a lot but for sure there were not the veins. He was now unconscious he must had taken too much pills before doing this. I laid him in his bed and ran towards the bathroom I grabbed some medicines en bandages and returned to his room. I started to attend his wounds. When I was finished there was no bleeding anymore I had obliged myself to be good at this. If I didn't I would have to call mom every time this happens and that would alarm her a lot.
I exited the room and got back to my own one there I sat at the middle of the room looking around. Then I stared at my computer and decided to work a little bit on my science project. I entered the Internet and the MSN loaded. What was displayed on the screen shocked me even more that I was already. HE was in the top news.
ISHIDA AT 9
He's the new sensation in the news business. At the 9 O'clock in the channel 9 the best news reports are being submitted by this genuine entertaining genius Masaharu Ishida. His amazing performing is...
So that was what people out there considered him. I could catch phrases like 'he is the perfect man' and 'responsible father of 3 top student kids'. Huh? Didn't they knew, he was father of 5 kids... 3 top students, 1 ice-king Mr. Popular and another masochist suicidal? Just that the responsible part was only for the first tree since he had... he had abandoned us, like 9 years ago. I couldn't help it I was already crying it had been so long but I still felt the pain.
Then some other words catch my eye I read 'if you want to talk about your point of view with Mr. Ishida contact him at mishidchannel9news.com' I didn't think enough I just clicked in the link and stared dumbly at the screen and thought about what should I tell him the last time he called the only thing I could say was that I hated him so much but now, now everything was different. So I started writing whatever popped into my mind...
As I continued writing more memories rushed to my mind, and so I wrote them.
I remembered when my brother and I used to play and be happy with mom and dad looking proudly at us. At how their two marvelous sons grew up and learned each day more and more. Proud of how his older brother was Mr. Popular in elementary school. And how I was the smartest guy in class even if I had not so many friends I used to be extremely intelligent and I had al the friends I needed... my family...
But now things were so different, they were becoming so wrong. I'm becoming the most popular guy in the school but at cost of what, of not having control about my life of being told by everyone what to do? This is not what I want but it is who I am. My brother's life had fall in a decrease he is a lot smarter than people think he is but he has no friends anymore he was led by the crowd to a point that he broke down. Not wanting to take it anymore he led himself to his own destruction drugs, masochism, suicide he has gone mad.
He is now there lying in his bed, later he will wake up and cry his heart out, I have heard him do so it won't be the first time. He would always come into my room and hug me as hard as he can. As if he was about to die tomorrow. He would say thanks and then he would apologize to me because of being so stupid. He will say he didn't want to. But he always do it again.
What keeps me preoccupied is the fact that I wont be always there. Someday he will do it in the streets or at school and I wont be there and no one is going to be there to protect him from himself. I used to hate dad so much because of leaving me here without any advise of how to deal with my brother. Of how to take him out of his self destruction. Leaving mother alone with all this problems, not even caring if she would be capable of dealing with what came next. I'm going mad myself and this is taking every minute of my life, I'm not a normal child anymore and I think I'm going to die this way...
And then I remember that I used to love you so much. That you used to solve this way to easy. Even thought my brother used to be a model son, and now not even him knows what have come over him. I think I can do it, I think I can deal it. Because I still love him, and he knows it but I wonder how would you solve it if you where here. If you had stayed here, I don't even know if this would have happen. He needs you Dad he needs you to understand that there are people still loving him for what he is. I don't exactly know what happened to him he was really depressed since you left but so was I.
And one day he just bolted in his room and locked himself for two days when we finally opened his door we found him in the floor bleeding with a knife in his hand and a lot of slashes in his arms. It was like this he missed you so badly he left all the things he used to love, his music, his friends, and his popularity, all. So did I, mom told me I started to act weird that I stopped studding and I started getting out more often, that's how I became popular but with a terrible price, If my future was to be alone and just have my family I would prefer it than to be popular and worshiped but having a broken home. I try to help mom, not telling her about my brother impulses but I can't hide it for that long, one of this days he wont be that drugged and he will take his life away in a matter of seconds and it will al be my fault because of not telling her. Its just I think it will hurt her so much, and I don't want to see her hurt, not again....
You left me aside as if I wasn't here. I was just a child I couldn't understand. But my brother could, he could hear you discussing with mom, always about that damn woman. I used to hate her as well now I have learned she must be a good person for you to leave us here by ourselves. Mom thinks I took it better than my brother did. And in someway I did. But even if I don't express it in my body inside I'm broken, I'm broken in a million pieces. And the puzzle doesn't feet anymore because I have changed. People have molded me in a way I can fit in their puzzle and now I'm not independent. I fit their puzzle but I don't fit my own so I'm attached to them as a slave even if I'm the boss.
And I'm alone and at the same time I have company. I'm on my own but I'm not independent. I help but I don't do the correct things. I forgive but I don't forget. And I miss but I can't let go. Ya know Dad....I love you with all my heart.
I click in the send button and suddenly I realize...this is not one of the brightest things I have done....
Yamato's P.O.V
Fifteen minutes... Fourteen minutes with 50 seconds... With 55 seconds.... With 40 seconds....
'Geez when is this going to end!?' I sat in history class feeling rather bored 'Come on stupid bell ring!' the clock just seemed to go slower as I sighed in exasperation. Why should I take this every day, it's not like I wanted and less... liked to be in here.
I wanted to just get a break and sleep, sleep for all the eternity never waking up. Just drop dead while sleeping, at least that would mean less pain that the one I having right now being alive.
I folded my arms over the desk and rested my head in them, but at the mere touch of my head a sharp pain ran over my arms making me shudder. I shot up in my seat and remembering I was still in class I looked around hopping no one had seen the strange behavior, seen no one I relaxed in my seat again. I didn't want to live back in memories but when I didn't I just wasn't alive. From the mere moment everybody was gone the only trail of life in me where my memories.
"Mr. Takaishi would you please enlighten us about our topic in today's class!?"
The teacher at the front asked breaking trough my thoughts. 'Oh shit not now!? I thought to myself I had no idea of what was it "Well..um..in..when..the.." Mr.Wakai sighed loud in exasperation
"Mr. Takaishi this is the eleventh time this week..." Oh so they where eleven I had thought it might be the sixteenth "...Is there something bothering you?" oh the same old question again, lets see what about the same answer for the same question, yeah it sounded logical.
"No, sir" liar, that was what I was a liar, there where lots of things bothering me, to begin with why was everyone looking at me? 'Go mind your own business!' I glared at the people that were looking at me expecting them to read my thoughts.
"Then I suggest you put more attention in next class" then Mr. Wakai turned to the rest of the class "Okay guys today's class is over you are all dismissed" as he finished his sentence the bell rang and everyone rose from their seats and headed out of the classroom. Well now I was able to go home and pretend I was a vegetal for the rest of the weekend, it wasn't like I cared. I wouldn't mind if I could stay like that the rest of his life. I didn't left his house on weekends since 'my friends' went out of my life, like three years ago that was it.
Huh? When did I start crying? I didn't realize it I was just walking down the street heading to my apartment. 'Oh now I'm being sentimental about it' Why should I cry 'Because you remember how Fridays used to be when they were around' the little voice in my mind answered for me 'Yeah we used to laugh a lot and really loud so everyone looked at us like we were nuts' I started to drift in memory land, remembering how we used to have fun.
Sora's laugher now sounded cold and piercing instead of the warm and comforting way I loved so much about my friend. Just making me remember she wasn't here for me anymore, she was gone....
Then it came Taichi's laugher, he used to laugh so much. Stupid baka I would say every time I was talking serious and my best friend would laugh. It was difficult to be sad around him, but now that he wasn't there, there was nothing but sadness in my life.
The laughing sound became stronger. 'Maybe he is just walking right at my back and I haven't noticed' I thought sarcastically while I kept walking but as I did so the sound became stronger and clearer, a little bit out of my nerves I turned to be sure he wasn't there but.... surprise, surprise! he do was there. 'Oh great time to be right Matt' I thought to myself (sarcastically) and started walking faster pleading for him and his friends to don't notice me.
Looking for a place to hide in I noticed a dark alley and crawled behind a big trashcan. All this was making me nervous and I was sweating and so I was hot, so I decided to take off my jacket while I waited for them all to pass by. I decided to get to a spot in which I could see what was going out outside the alley. When they where getting near I could hear their conversation one of the guys was talking about some kind of movie.
"Then the zombie walked up to the guy and started biting his neck to take his head off—"the guy was cut by a girl
"Shut up that's gross, I can't believe you liked it!" the girl squealed
"Hey common you couldn't be scared it was soooo fake looking it had the worst special effects I had ever seen!" the guy augmented back
"What!...did you wanted it to look real! Oh I could help you common bite my own head of common DO IT!"
"It's not like that don't get sarcastic its not like I'm a psycho and will do it!" the guy was getting a bit mad "I do like living, you are offering me going to jail for sure ma'am thanks but no thanks. I'm not so crazy"
All the other people with them looked around and focused their gaze specifically in someone.
"Um.. I think you shouldn't have said that Syaoran "(A/N:yeah CCS and OOC) the girl said looking worriedly at Taichi who was only looking at his shoes. "Are you all okie?" she asked.
"Yeah all right" he replied with a sad smile "ya know he wasn't a psycho, he just had problems" Tai replied emphasizing the word problems.
"Sure he wasn't man just lil off concern about your expression so I—" Syaoran was cut of by the girl again
"Syaoran better close your mouth" she said still looking concerned about Tai's attitude.
Realization hit me they where talking about me. Now I knew why I was feeling so bad, my only real friends where gone really gone from my side and I missed them so badly. While I was thinking the other bunch of guys started walking and talking animatedly again. And Tai was left behind "aren't you coming!?" the girl shouted at him when she noticed he was really far from them.
"Sure Sakura just gime some time I will reach you!" the guy shouted back as a reply.
Tai has changed a bit but he still was the same old guy who used to be his best friend. He was in front of the alley but looking to the front not to the alley itself. After some seconds that looked like hours to me the guy started to talk still not looking towards the alley.
"Not the same without you... I miss you Matt I really do" then he turned around so he was looking towards the alley but his gaze never met my direction. "Why won't you accept my apologies it's your life so great now that you got rid of us, you must know she's gone right? Are you waiting for me to die as well?" I didn't reply but by the tone he used I could notice even Tai knew it was a complete lie."I can't believe you! I'm here talking to the nothing come out and talk to ME!" he was now yelling and people where giving 'us'(actually him since they couldn't see me) weird looks but he couldn't seem to care less. His voice was starting to crack...he couldn't be... or was he?
"Please come out Yama" I saw him fall to his knees now I was sure Tai was crying. "Please I need to see you it's been so long" I also needed to see him but Icouldn't face him, not now.
"How...how did you knew I was here" I wasn't surprised to hear my own voice cracking...it really had been long. Tai looked up a sad smile in his face.
"I don't know It might be that stupid perfume Sora gave you on Christmas, damn I hate how it smells" Tai joking, as always I hated that cologne too but I used it because Sora used to love it
"Cologne Tai, cologne I'm a man remember?" I kept joking with him
"Whatever" was his only reply while I leaned against the trash can with my eyes closed, tears silently made their way out. I could hear steps. By now Tai must had found where I was since the steps where coming closer. Then the steps stopped right in front of me. I slowly opened my eyes and stared at Tai that was now in front of me.
A mix of shock, disappointment and fear crossed his face but he wasn't looking at my face. I followed his gaze; he was looking at my arms. Damn I had forgotten I took my jacket off, automatically I covered my arms but it was too late Tai had already seen the bruises.
"You..yo-you" Tai was now looking at me directly in the eyes but I couldn't take it and I looked away. "You really have changed" there was nothing more than awkward silence after that but I still couldn't see him in the eyes "...she might had been right this isn't worth anymore" and with that he turned around and walked away. My mind was focused on it. He was walking away, away from the alley, away from me... maybe forever...
I stared at the dark alley for some more time. I was wondering when did everyone changed so much. First Sora...and now Tai. My oh so called best friend had just turned around when he saw a very little part of my pain, a very very very little part, he hasn't seen the worst and he was already running away.
That was it I didn't need anyone anymore, anyone "Anyone!" I screamed getting weird looks from the people passing by. "What got a problem with me like everyone else does?!" I growled at them. They all started walking faster to get away from me.
Even after saying this I couldn't stop crying and remembering how much I needed them. How it used to be when we were the best friends in the world. We used to do sleepovers when one of them was sick so that they could take care of each other. I remembered when I got chicken pox and the other two got sick because they refused to live me. We where just 5 years old and where really stubborn they would insist in sleeping at my house. The next day we all woke up sick. I felt guilty but my best friends words made me feel better.
"Don't wowy Yama if we ar swick twogetter it will be much more fun, so we can kweep each other compwany am I wight Sowa" Tai said
"Ywep" replied Sora, I felt so happy that time.
Another small tear made its way down my cheek. I had hoped that friendship would come back but today I lost it. I lost all hopes. It was over. She was gone and He didn't want to see me.
I felt so miserable no one understood what I was going trough but its not like I myself helped. I enclosed myself making no friends, not talking to my family so they didn't discover my problems. And for the ones who already knew me wouldn't let them help, instead I would freak out and try to kick them out of my life as I accidentally did with Sora. Without knowing I would need her so much right now. Now that she was gone. By now I had closed my mind and I wouldn't let anyone help me, anyone...
Without noticing it I had already reached my apartment. How did I got here I didn't knew, it was as if my feet had dragged me here. Out there in the alley I only walked and dragged myself here yeah that was it as if I was already death. I was a zombie. 'Huh how nice comparison' I told to myself remembering the chatting Tai's friends where having earlier. ' Yeah a psycho zombie that wants to kill everyone' All I could think a bout was Tai's face it was as if he had seen a ghost. I had imagined the encounter lost of times but this was simply the worst of my nightmares.
I stepped in, it was all dark, there was no one at home. Oh well like there was someone I wanted to see it was better this way. I entered my room and closed the door behind me Tiks was arriving home soon and I didn't want him entering just at the middle of it.
I opened the mirror in his bathroom and took out a key. I walked back to my room and sat in the floor in front of my bed. Then searched under it for a box. There it was my oh so priceless black box I placed the key in the lock but didn't open it. I thought for a moment, maybe it wasn't a good idea to do this right now but if it wasn't now I could kill myself by hitting my head in the wall and that would hurt...more than to open the damn box will.
I started taking papers out from the box. My gaze stopped in a photo in the bunch of papers. It showed two boys around 6 years old both of them where asleep. The smaller from the two had blonde hair; he was sitting in the other's kid lap with his head in the other kid small shoulder. The other boy had chocolate brown hair and was resting his head in the blonde's own head. They where both holding hands with big angelic smiles plastered in their faces. I could perfectly remember this one.
:::FLASHBACK:::
"Mom we can take care of ourselves please let go!" a baby Yamato pouted as his mother tried to convince him to put his jacket on "Geeshy mom its not so cold!"
"Hey Mrs. Ishida can you let Yama come sit with me?" asked a chocolate haired boy at his side. Matt turned around to see his best friend with his lopsided grin plastered to his face "my mom just gave me permission to sit at some empty place back there"
"Huh? but are you sure you will be alright by yourselves?" Asked the woman
"Yeah I will take care of Yama" said the kid smiling goofily (A/N: as always)
"Hm.. ok but let me know if you need anything" Matt's mother smiled at the kids
"Sure Mrs. I I 'll take care of the lil one here" said the chocolate haired boy as he started pulling Yama to their new seats. "You own me one Yama, your momy was about to pull that pink bunny sweater over you" the kid said as he threw himself in his seat and pulled the 'younger' one in his seat.
"You know you are only 3 months older than me??" Matt said as he glared at his friend.
"Still I'm older so behave yourself!" the brown eyed kid replied in a mocking tone
"Whatever" was Matt's reply as he rolled his eyes. Then he turned to look out the window. He noticed the people down couldn't be seen and some things that usually where big now looked like ants. He gulped. Apparently his friend noticed his gesture
"What's wrong Yama?" Matt turned to face his friend
"How high are we?" asked Matt getting a bit pale
"Like a lots and lots of feet's why?" answer the chocolate haired boy calmly. Suddenly Matt's face went paler and now his friend noticed just what was wrong...Matt was afraid of heights.
"Okie Yama calm down, I'm here and we are safe in the plain" but as HE tried to convince him Matt was panicking more and his friend was completely aware of it. The only one time HE had told Matt that he 'was there with him' Matt's only reply was "prove it" 'so that I will do Yama' thought the chocolate haired boy. Just when matt was about to fall from his seat HE took him in HIS arms and started to rock him back and forth, still hugging him close.
"I'm here Yama its okay we are safe in the plane" whispered the BOY in a sweet vice so to calm his friend down. It felt warm so Matt let himself relax; it felt as when his mother used to do that when waking up from a nightmare. It made him feel safe. And so being safe and relaxed he fell asleep, his best friend following only some minutes later. Just before falling asleep matt heard his friend whisper something, he didn't catch what he could only heard his name after the sentence. When Mrs. Ishida came up to check on them he found them already asleep. And took some photos (A/N: ya know the classic one that takes one for her, one for grandparents, one for the other kid grandparents, as well as one for the other kid parents, two more just in case and so on...Mel: I want one!!! =3)
:::END:OF:FLASHBACK:::
I noticed I was crying again. I was getting weak. Bringing back the memory of that day in the plane made me remember how much I had lost today...no, I had lost it a long time ago, today was just checking and signing the contract, since long time ago the treaty was made. I felt miserable everyone thought it was easy, that it was my choice to live this life.
It wasn't like I went to bed one night and told to myself "Oh yeah starting tomorrow my life will be really miserable, first I would want my parents to divorce, maybe my brother can get bullied, and I will get dropped out of school but what will be the best is one of my best friends to die yeah that sounds great lets do it all in less than three years!" sure I didn't want my life to get like this! But each thing that happened seemed to complement the other so that I would feel even worst than I deed the last day. I kept ruffling trough the box; finally I grabbed a jar and opened it. I tough for a moment, I had promised TK not to try killing myself again but...I never said I wouldn't harm myself.
Some Minutes later I was completely doped by the pills and so I couldn't think straight.
"Fuck Takeru and fuck the promise!" I yelled to the empty house 'They don't know how I feel and they couldn't care less' I grabbed the pill jar again and threw it across the room it crashed with the wall and broke in little pieces. I let himself fall to the floor crying desperately 'Why did they left me...why..why when I needed them the most' I thought as I crawled towards the pieces of glass ' I don't need anymore of this crap...I don't need it' he thought as he started to scratch his arms with one of the pieces of glass. I was trying to cut my veins but everything was blurring.
I heard a thump................I couldn't see anything
A loud bang.........................everything was so dark
A yell..................................I felt so...cold
Someone's touch.................I was so numb
Some steps........................I was thinking
The steps came back............a tear rolled down my cheek
A high pain.........................I actually was wishing
The noise of the steps again...wishing......
The door closing..................wishing I would die.................
Taichi's P.O.V.
History class was such a dramatic class, it made me cry...yeah right it made me cry because I was yawning every 2 minutes!
Damn I was really bored and the clock kept going slower, and slower and slower....
I think I fell asleep after that because when I woke up everyone was already leaving, well at least time passed faster I looked around the classroom in search of my friends and I saw Sakura waving at me so I approached her.
"Hey Tai, let me guess you fell asleep again" It wasn't a cuestion it was a statement so I only nodded and didn't try to argue back "What a surprise" she said sighing
"Not that you can blame him Sakura this class is really boring" Oh here it comes as always Syaoran can keep himself from discussing something with Sakura and they will start ranting about it.
"Well Syaoran if you actually paid more attention you'll se that this class is really interesting and productive, it shows how the civilization—"that was it I turned Sakuras voice out so I could hear the other guys greetings
"Hey guys how are you doing?" came a voice behind me, I turned around to meet my friend Aki
"Do you need a hint? let me give it to you, we have just finished history class and Syaoran made a coment" I answered back. Aki turned his head towards the still yelling Sakura and the bored Syaoran, than he turned back to Tai
"When is Syaoran planning to tell her?" he asked to me
"I don't know but by the way things are going it's not going to be today" I told him as Touya approached
"Hey guys how are you—oh Sakura and Syaoran again" Touya couldn't even say hello because Sakura was starting to yell louder "Can we start t head towards the mall while they still discuss?" Touya had a good point there
"Yeah lets walk they should notice sooner or later that they are getting behind" I replied as I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and started to walk, Aki and Touya following me. Sakura noticed when we left the classroom and stopped ranting about whatever she was saying since she had already changed the topic from history class. She poked Syaoran in the ribs and ran towards us, as she and Syaoran reached us we started walking again.
Like a block away from school Touya and Syaoran where already talking while Sakura and Aki where discussing something about World War II and it's consequences. I tried to concentrate in the wheatear, it was no use I couldn't. What about the homework, yeah I have a lot of homework...damn it didn't work either. Since I wasn't talking to anyone I was left with my memories, when it used to be two more in the group, I remember Sora always discussed about school topics with Aki and Sakura so when they had different opinions Sora was the one with the final statement. Sakura used to admire her so much.
And I would talk with Yama about any pointless stuff, back then the wheatear was interesting. 'Yama loved this kind of days' I whispered softly, it was a rainy day I could see the storm clouds forming in the sky. It was dark, no ray of sunshine and it was still afternoon, when I glanced back in front of me I saw a glimpse of gold rushing towards another street. What was funny is the fact that it looked like a person and that the street actually was a dark alley. 'Weird, thinking about it makes me allucinate about seeing Yama'
I was taken out of my toughts when Sakura popped into Syaoran's and Touya's conversation and started yelling about something Syaoran said 'Geez when are this two going to stop doing this, its so annoying' I thought as I tried to at least understand what they where discussing about this time I only catched the last thing Syaoran said
"...its not like I'm a psycho and will do it, I do like living, you are offering me going to jail for sure ma'am thanks but no thanks. I'm not so crazy"
Then everyone turned to me "Um.. I think you shouldn't have said that Syaoran "said Sakura looking worriedly at me "Are you all okie?" she asked.
I didn't got what she was talking at first so I remained silent, we where now right in front of the dark alley and I saw it had no other way out other than where we were standing. As I heard the sound of something moving inside I started to wonder if it could really have been Yama the one to enter. That's when what Syaoran said make sense.
"Yeah all right" I replied with a sad smile "ya know he wasn't a psycho, he just had problems" I said emphasizing the word problems.
"Sure he wasn't man just lil off concern about your expression so I—" Syaoran was cut of by Sakura again
"Syaoran better close your mouth" she said still looking concerned at me.
I stayed there thinking of how much I missed them both the best friends I will have in all my life, Sora and Yama.
"Aren't you coming!?" Sakura shouted at me when she noticed I was really far from them.
"Sure Sakura just gime some time I will reach you!" I shouted back as a reply. I needed to make sure of something, I stared towards the retracting figure of my friends. And after some time I started to talk.
"Not the same without you... I miss you Matt I really do" then I turned around so that I was looking towards the alley searching for him. "Why won't you accept my apologies it's your life so great now that you got rid of us, you must know she's gone right? Are you waiting for me to die as well?" I myself knew it was a complete lie."I can't believe you! I'm here talking to the nothing come out and talk to ME!" he was now yelling and people where giving me weird looks but I couldn't care less. I was sure he was here I saw him, I did!
"Please come out Yama" I fell to my knees I was getting weak I was already crying. "Please I need to see you it's been so long" I haven't seen him since like three years ago.
"How...how did you knew I was here" I was surprised to hear his voice, it was diferent it sounded like it was cracking too. I looked up a sad smile in his face.
"I don't know It might be that stupid perfume Sora gave you on Christmas, damn I hate how it smells" I joking, as always I hated that cologne but Sora used to love it, it smeled like a girls perfume.
"Cologne Tai, cologne I'm a man remember?" His reply made me smile, even if I had been long he still joked along with me.
"Whatever" was my only reply while I regained all my courage in order to go talk with him face to face. I walked towards him, or where I thought he was. Then I stopped right in front of him. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at me.
A mix of shock, disappointment and fear was what I felt to moment I saw him but I wasn't looking at his face. I was looking at his arms, a lot of scratches, bruises and scars covered them. He automatically covered his arms but it was too late I had already seen the bruises.
"You..yo-you" I was now looking at him directly in the eyes but he looked away. "You really have changed" there was nothing more than awkward silence after that but he still didn't look at me in the eyes "...she might had been right this isn't worth anymore" and with that I turned around and walked away. I was really afraid.
I never reached Sakura and the guy's I headed straight home, I wasn't in the mood to hit the mall.
When I arrived home I hoped not to see anyone because I didn't want to, unfortunately mom was at home
"Hey sweetheart, how was your day?" She asked as she grabed my back pack and gave me a peck in the cheek.
"It was ok" I replied not wanting to start a conversation
"Isn't it today Friday? Why aren't you with the guys hanging at the mall?" she asked, obviously she did want to start a conversation
"Didn't felt like it, now I'm heading to my room, I'm taking a nap" I said not wanting to talk more I walked of before she could say anything in reply. I entered my room and locked the door. I laid in my bed looking towards the ceiling.
When I saw Yama back there I was really afraid, some people would ask why would someone be afraid because of that, I mean he was and kind of still is my best friend. But I don't want to suffer anymore, if Yama was a cuter he might also be suicidal and I didn't want to harm him, is weir how my mind works, but I have my reasons.
I started to travel in my thoughts again 'he just had problems' I remembered me saying. That's exactly what Sora used to say about her attitude. 'I am not changing, I just have problems' she said, yeah right now tell me what kind of problems could Sora had to not even talk about them with us, her best friends! She didn't talk, she was getting pale, she discussed a lot with Yama that last 2 months, so much that Yama stopped hanging with us. 'He has really changed' was her reply every time I asked what was going on with him.
And so two months later I went to visit her, her mom was out in work and the door was unlocked. That was strange of her, she always locked the door and now she was nowhere to be found. I walked inside and heard the water running from the shower 'She might be taking a shower' was the first thing I thought so I sat in the kitchen waiting, after an hour and a half my mind started to process that it was too long for someone to just being taking a bath so I headed towards the bathroom again. What I saw was not pleasant, the water was going out from the bathroom, the floor all around the door was wet but what was worst was that the water wasn't clear, it had a rosy color.
I called for Sora and knocked in the door...nothing. I tried to push it open but it was locked. I remember Sora told me the lock in her bathroom door didn't work fine, so why would the lock work fine this time? I pushed the door at the same time I turned the knob, I heard a 'click' and pushed the door farther so I could go inside.
The water was leaking from the bathtub and the curtains were closed. I called for Sora once more and no one replied. So I walked some step more towards the bathtub. The curtain didn't cover a tiny bit of the bathtub and I could see the water inside was red, panic took the best of me as I opened the curtains.
All I could do was gasp to the sight. There was Sora, my best female friend of life. She was lying with her head over the end of the bathtub. Her right hand was grabbing the water knob. I could see blood running from her wrist and neck. The water from the shower was still falling over her head, the rest of her body was submerged in the blood stained water. There was something shiny in the floor of the bathtub. It was a knife. I remember falling getting in the tub to take her out as fast as I could. I tried to take her back. I checked her pulse but she had none, her breathing, but her throat was cut. I fell to my knees, crying it was the worst thing I could ever think, Sora was death and she had done it herself. I couldn't believe it, why?
She had been acting weird but I never thought it would be this bad. Her mother soon arrived and found me crying over her I acknowledged her presence until I heard the 'thud' when she fainted.
Next day at school I opened my locker and found a note she wrote for me. She was inviting me to spend the afternoon in her house, it said I could arrive at 2:30, but the last day I hadn't opened my locker so I didn't saw it and I arrived to her house just because I wanted to and I did like at 3:15. And I thought for a moment why would she want me to go to her home if she was planning to suicide?
Then her mother visited and showed my mom Sora's agenda
August 12 start planning day "S"
October 14 it said write note for Tai.
October 15 check mom schedule
October 16 day "S"
And that was it from 16 there was nothing more, I t was all planed out she had planed it for two months but why to plan everything? When her mom told my mom that Sora died between 3:30 and 4:00 everything made sense.
A week ago she had given me an hour-long sermon about getting at time to her house. After that she told me that the next time she invited me to her home I must arrive at time or I would regret it. Then after along talk she out of nowhere said that the lock in her bathroom didn't work, I took it as a comment, nothing important. Then there's this note in my locker asking me to go to her house, the only thing all this could mean was that she wanted me to find her.
What was worst was what her mom said about the hour she died. I was in her house when it happened but I checked on her an hour later. It was my entire fault, she was counting on me to give her a reason to stay alive. Maybe she wanted to know if I really cared for her, and I deed but I failed her and now she was gone. All because of my fault.
My mother paid god knows how much money for me to go with a doctor and forget it all, to stop accusing myself because of her death, after a year and a half I was a new person, whit a new attitude, new responsibilities and new friends. But I still remembered Sora, I still remembered the look in her eyes when I found her death. That's what scared me the most when I saw Matt, the look in his eyes...it was identical to Sora's and I don't want to lose him too, I don't.....
Hikari's P.O.V
Sometimes I wonder how other people see me
"Hikari thanks again for letting me borrow your notes, I can't believe how perfect they are! I feel like I didn't miss any class at all" A girl approached me with my notebook in her hands, she must be the girl that was sick last week.
"Im just glad you're feeling better, let me know if you need any more help getting caught up ok?" I replied, is pure courtesy I don't even remember the girls name. "Oooh thanks so much Hikari!" she said gratefully. As soon as she left a group of girls called for me.
"Hikari!" one of them was looking desperate "I don't know what to do! Our project due today and we're nowhere close to being done!" Oh so they where them, my project teammates.
"Relax! Our teacher know's we've been super busy, so I'll ask her to extend the deadline until after school. It'll be cool I promise"
"Great!" and when they left another girl came
"Hikari can you check my translation? You're so good in French. Can you see if it matches up?" she said, I guess she is in my French clas, maybe I have talked to her a couple of times before.
At lunch a group of girls caught me in the corridor "Hikari you are so amazing, you are smart athletic and everybody thinks you're cool" said one of them reaching at my side.
"You always look really pretty" another one said" I'm glad we are friends. But man I wish my life was as perfect as yours" She said we are friend but seriously I can't even remember her name
"It's hard to believe someone can really be so perfect!" they squealed at unison. 'Yeah really hard isn't it?
So I guess that's who my classmates really think I am. Someone special who stands out from the crowd. And I love to stand out from the crowd 'Yeah,yeah...but...ever since I got to high school there's been one nagging problem I can't get rid of'
"Look there she goes it's Kareen!" the girls that where flattering me now where screaming "3-d class leader is so cool. I love Kareen!" yeah Kareen as always..."They are so lucky to have her in their grade" Kareen as always being the best...
"I'm ho-ome!" I entered home and sat in the kitchen, my mom was washing her hands in the sink and as she dried with a towel she gave me a big hug. "How was your day sweetheart?" She asked me
"It was great first I got an A in my math test and then I—"I was cut of by someone's greeting by the door
"Im home!" came the voice, as soon as Kareen stepped in the kitchen my mother hugged her sat her and gave her a glass of water which my sister gladly took and drank gracefully.
"How was your day treasure?" mom asked completely forgetting I was talking to her before. I got up and started walking towards my room, my mom didn't even noticed it.
When I reached my room I locked the door and sat in my bed. It had been like this all my life, I'm the younger from three child the older one is in the university so he's never home, he actually is my step brother, Soishiro. And well Kareen is a year older than me so she is always home.
Before I entered high school it was all perfect, at home I was ignored but at school I was the best, popular, intelligent, athletic and beautiful. Now that I'm in high school Kareen takes everyone attention. Why should I go to the same school as she does?!?!
AS I f that wasn't enough I have to deal with the nightmare of my grade. One thing is Kareen to be the most popular person of her grade. I still have mine but then appears this Takaishi guy arggg! He is just too much for me to handle, he is just...he is serious about it.
I'm not really the person I pretend to be, I study ridiculous hours. I train in secret to be the best athlete in gym class. And look at my reflection in the mirror for a long hour until I think is ok. I'm a complete fraud.
It's just that I need people to know who am I in school because in home is always Kareen this and Kareen that and on vacations when Kareen leaves for summercamp is when Soishiro comes home and it is Soishiro this and Soishiro that... its getting on my nerves and I can't help but think that this Takaeru or whatsoever he is called is stealing a away the last bit of happiness I have, why does he have to be so damn perfect!
I need that attention and he is taking it away from me, anyone that didn't knew my life would say that I'm an egomaniac but I'm not. Being on top and being worshiped is the only thing that make's me feel that someone likes me.
I know that mom and dad are supposed to love me but the attention that they put on me is less than nothing. Dad is working most of the time and mom is too busy calling Kareen her treasure to notice I'm here.
When I think about it I can't help but wish I could switch places with someone. Some people have their life so perfect, have people that love them, real friends and a great family. I bet Takaishi life's is perfect he must have a caring family, he is so smart, I heard he has an older brother but nothing else about him, so I suppose his brother is an average person not a Mr. Perfect like Kareen, he's athletic he is in soccer and basketball, and he has all this good friends. I wish I was him, life would be so much easier.
'But it's bad to wish being the enemy so stop thinking about it Hikari' he being my enemy starts with our high school entrance ceremony. I wanted to get the highest score on the entrance exam, so that mom and dad would be proud since Kareen had done it I must do it as well. But I didn't pull it off. I studied hard and was ready to mangle whoever beat me! 'I can't believe it...is there someone smarter than me?! Not possible!' that was what I thought when I heard about me being second.
So now my plan was to become the class representative and stake my claim in our new school. The plan however was doomed 'Relax. It's gotta be a serious nerd' I thought, but when the principal announced Takeru Takaishi as our class representative I was more than surprised. He was awesomely handsome blue eyes golden hair and no spark of nerd guy. In like seconds the jerk took all of the class's attention 'Sixteen years old and I'd never faced this kind of humiliation before'
"I've made up my mind! I'm going to show him who's the boss! Everyone's gonna know just how great I am...including Kareen and him!" I suppose Kareen was passing by my door because she yelled at me
"Hey monkey zip it!" she said popping her head through my door, damn lock that didn't make its job well "Don't make such a fuss about everything" she scanned my room and then looked me in the face "Oh you're blushing how sweet!!, you must have been thinking about Takeru he is such a nice boy, I don't know what he sees in a monkey like you" and with that she was gone, of course I wasn't blushing I was read of fury! What took me by surprise was her last comment, 'what he sees in me?' weird....
TBC
Ok that was it, did you like? It was looooooooong 30 pages without the author notes yay! Well I hope you like the changes I made and that it is easier for you to understand it now :D I live you, I think in the first chapter im going to talk about Kari and Tk, what do you think? You could always give me your opinion and tell me if you would prefer to be another person of whom I talk
That was al for now, see ya
I wub ya all thank you sooooo much
Owari
MT MelissaO