A/N: As you can probably guess, this was indeed partially inspired by Skippy's list (though the real inspiration technically came from two other fanfics I read that were inspired by said list; one was for Harry Potter on AO3 and I don't remember what it was called, but the other is a Clone Wars fic called "The List" here on fanfictiondotnet). This takes place post-Iokath, Republic side, but with Quinn also in the Alliance because the Sith Warrior is in the Alliance along with my Jedi Knight Outlander.

I seriously hope I'm not offending anyone here, this is really just a silly thing I made for the heck of it and I'm going to be keeping it PG but there are still some things some people might find offensive, so… I'm really sorry if you are one of those people. I mean no offense here.

And I still don't own SWTOR, much as I wish I did T-T

Check end of chapter for more notes.

1. The next person who tells one of the padawans that hydraulic fluid "tastes like candy" will be scrubbing 'freshers for the next standard month.

2. I don't care how bored you are, ration bars are for eating, not building forts and having mudball fights
2a. And don't throw the ration bars at each other either; seriously, do you WANT to give someone a concussion?

3. On account of the sheer quantity of carbon scoring decorating the men's 'fresher, Major Pierce and M1-4X are not to be left anywhere together unsupervised.
3a. Neither are Bowdarr and Qyzen.
3b. Or Jorgan and Kaliyo.
3c. Or Rusk and Quinn.
3d. You know what? Just keep a minimum of five to a room at all times.

4. Stop calling all of the Imperials "Gov'na", that's racist.
4a. Imperials, stop calling all of the 'Pubs "Joe", that's also racist.

5. Flamethrowers are not for cooking.
5a. Or drying clothes.
5b. Or glass art.
5c. Or any type of tribal dancing.
5d. As of right now, flamethrowers are forbidden unless you have expressed permission from myself*, Commander Ri'in, Agent Shan, Minister Beniko, Senya Tirall or Koth Vortena.
5e. Scratch Vortena.

6. Your proper military title is NOT "Queen Lena of Onderon".
6a. Even if you are not technically military (looking at you, Gault).
6b. You are not the queen of anything, so take that hat off.

7. Yuun is a Findsman, not a "hufflepuff" – what the heck even IS a "hufflepuff", anyway?

8. Our Research Specialist's name is Dr. Ogurrub, not "that fat slug thing".
8a. Our Military Chief's name is Admiral Aygo, not "Senor Pussycat".
8b. And no, the Outlander's real name is not "Captain Planet" so stop telling the Zakuulans that it is.

9. You are not "Supreme Commander of the Ant People".
9a. There is no such thing as "ant people"..
9b. Killiks and Geonosians do not count
9c. Speaking of Killiks, you are not "Dark Lord of the Joiners" so stop threatening to force-feed Killik wax to anyone who calls you out on your poodoo.

10. Thermal detonators are not toys.
10a. Explosives in general are not toys.
10b. Dammit Kaliyo, stop supplying the rookies with grenades!
10c. Kaliyo Djannis is no longer allowed near explosives without direct supervision.

11. If a door won't open, ask for help from a slicer or a maintenance worker. Don't cut it open with your lightsaber.
11a. Don't use grenades on it either.
11b. Or any sort of power tools.
11c. Don't break the doors down, period; seriously, our funds are stretched tight enough as it is without paying extra for unnecessary repairs.

12. You are not allowed to mind trick Guss into singing Gungan ceremonial dance songs at the top of his lungs in the middle of the war room.
12a. You are not allowed to mind trick ANYONE into singing Gungan ceremonial dance songs at the top of their lungs in the middle of the war room.
12b. You are not allowed to mind trick your comrades, period.
12c. Yes, Arcann is your comrade. And mind tricks don't work on him anyway so don't bother trying.

13. Asking a Jedi Master if they "wanna buy some death sticks" is inappropriate and will be punished accordingly.
13a. Spiking a Cathar's drink with catnip is also not allowed – and idiotic, I mean, WHY would you think that that was EVER a good idea?
13b. Since we're on the subject, WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE CATNIP AND DEATH STICKS?!

14. When addressed by a superior officer, "You can't prove anything!" is not an acceptable answer.
14a. "The butler did it" is also not acceptable – this isn't some fancy Coruscant mansion, we don't even HAVE a butler.

15. You do not need to scream every time a Sith Pureblood walks by you. It isn't funny; it's annoying.

16. You are not allowed to strap superior officers to the wall with duct tape.
16a. You are not allowed to strap ANYONE to the wall with duct tape.
16b. DAMMIT PIERCE CUT QUINN DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME I WILL TURN YOU INTO A SHISH-KABOB!

17. Arcann is not secretly a Hutt in disguise who is seeking to seize control of the Alliance "for the glory of the New Hutt Empire" so stop telling everyone that he is.

18. There is no such thing as drop bears; therefore the excuse "a drop bear ate it" is not an acceptable explanation for why you never turned in your paperwork.

19. Any plan that involves giving a kowakian monkey-lizard an entire pot of caf is probably a bad plan.
19a. Any plan that involves giving a kowakian monkey-lizard ANY caf at all is probably a bad plan.
19b. If your plan involves giving a kowakian monkey-lizard something outside of its natural diet then IT'S A BAD PLAN, so don't do it.

20. Making fun of the Commander in the native Sith language is pointless as he is fluent in it and can understand everything that you are saying.
20a. No, this is not a joke. He's a Pureblood for Force's sake, of COURSE he's fluent, the fact that he also happens to be a Jedi doesn't change that!
20b. And just because Agent Shan CAN'T understand you doesn't mean that it's perfectly safe to make fun of him instead. He knows where you sleep, remember?

*Myself=male Inquisitor (who also happens to be second-in-command to my Outlander). The people writing this list are members of the Outlander's inner circle, mostly other class characters such as the abovementioned Inquisitor, my male Warrior, my female Consular, both of my Knights (male is the Outlander, female is not), my male Agent and my female Trooper. Lana and Theron both add points at times as well.

I may or may not continue this fic, depending on how well it is received. I'll have to look over Skippy's list to get some more ideas though…