Learning to Love
It was a cool night. Every single star was plastered on the black velvet sky, the moon shone so bright that every inch of Japan was covered in moon light. It was a beautiful night. The wind blew his hair ever so slightly, he smiled. 'It's a great night for a run' He stood up stretching his arms above his head. "Ginta, Hakaku, I'll be back later, just going out for a run." His two best friends looked up from there dinner. "Sure thing Kouga" Ginta smiled. "Ya, we don't mind your running when were not struggling to keep up…like always." Hakaku mumbled the last part as he went back to eating his meal. Kouga rolled his eyes.
As soon as he stepped outside the cave, he was in a full out run. He loved running, especially on a night like this. After running for about 20 minutes he stopped in the middle of a grass field. His smile grew bigger and he closed his eyes and smelled the crisp night air. His eyes snapped open and the smile on his face was gone as soon as it came. He sniffed the air again and growled. He took of in another run, this time to the bone eaters well. 'Why the hell is she crying! If I find out mutt face did anything to her I will kill him!' He was only running through the forest for a few minutes when he burst through a clearing. There was the well. And the woman he loved crumbled on the ground next to it…crying.
"Kagome…"
Inu Group, the day before
Inuyasha and the group had been walking all day and were getting quite tired. "I'm hungry!" cried Shippou holding his growling stomach. Kagome giggled. "I guess we could all use some food." All nodded and agreed to set up camp, Inuyasha just looked annoyed, gee what a surprise. "You humans always need food and rest" Sango, Miroku and Shippou sighed and shook their heads. Here we go… Kagome was about to argue that fact, when she got an idea. She sighed dramatically. "Well, since it sounds like Inuyasha won't be eating, I guess Shippou will have to eat the extra cup of ramen." Shippous eyes brighten. Inuyashas face paled greatly. Shippou reached out to grab the ramen when it was swiped from his grasp. "Hey Inuyasha! Kagome said I could have it!" Shippou cried jumping up and down. "Feh! Yeah, well, I say you don't get it. You don't need to eat two" He raised his arm higher to put the ramen out of reach to the kitsune kit that had jumped on his shoulder. "Kagomeeee!" Shippou whined. Inuyasha looked at Kagome in fear, knowing what was to come. 'Awww Shi-' "SIT!" Inuyasha plummeted into the ground. No matter how many times she said it, it was still amusing. The cup of ramen went flying into the air and landed in Kagomes lap. She giggled. "In a way Inuyashas right Shippou, you don't need to eat two, you'll get a stomach ache." Kagome tickled his stomach. Shippou giggled. "Yeah, your right mama, I'll just eat one." He started to blush a little at calling Kagome 'mama'. Kagome smiled warmly, she immediately got a warm and fuzzy feeling in her chest. Inuyasha pried himself out of his body shaped crater, dusted himself off, and grabbed the cup of ramen out of Kagomes hands. "Of course I'm right! What did ya expect?" He hugged the ramen childishly to his chest and plopped down on the ground beside Kagome. Everyone was silent for a few seconds then burst out laughing. Inuyasha looked confused. "What?" He asked innocently. Kagome stifled her giggles and gently took the ramen from Inuyasha to start cooking it. "Nothing Inuyasha." She smiled at the hanyou, and he smiled back. Nothing could go wrong that night, oh how wrong she was.
Later on that night
Everyone had eaten and cleaned up, by that time it was dark and they all were exausted. Miroku and Sango had already settled down and Shippou was getting comfy in the sleeping bag, in seconds he was asleep. But Kagome couldn't sleep. Inuyasha had said he was going out for a quick run, but she had a bad feeling, actually she's had this feeling ever since they had finished eating. 'Where did he go?' Then she felt a familiar feeling inside her chest, like her soul was pushing itself out. She knew this feeling all too well, and she dreaded it with all her being. 'Kikyou…That's where he is' Well it was no surprise, she knew he still cared for her but that didn't make it easy for her to accept it. She sighed and got up intending on following him, he is allowed to love her, if it made him happy, but she would not let her drag him down to hell, she knew he didn't want that, at least not until they destroyed Naraku. She allowed her soul to lead her to Kikyou…and Inuyasha
She's near, I can feel it. 'Should I really go with her this time?' 'No you fool! You have to kill Naraku first! And what about Kagome huh? You promised you'd protect her!' I growled. 'Don't you think I know that?' 'If you know that, why are you thinking of going with her huh?' I sighed and got up. "Hey Kagome?" She looked up from her bag after cleaning up…and smiled lovingly, which made him feel even worse. "Yes, Inuyasha?" She asked me in her sweet, innocent voice. God this hurts… "I'm…uh going for a run, just need to clear my head." She smiled…again, and nodded. "Sure, don't be gone too long okay?" I nod slightly. "Yea" I answered in a tight voice, I hope she didn't catch it. He jumped up into the trees and head off for Kikyou.
There she was. He looked at her and was immedently flooded over with guilt. He had left her alone for so long, and now it seems like it had caught up with her because she was doing something very 'Un-Kikyou' like… she was crying. She was standing by a steep hill in a large clearing, her head in her hands, her shoulders racking with sobs. He walked over to her and hugged her from behind. "God , Kikyou… I'm so sorry." She seemed to relax into his embrace for a second before pulling away. "Inuyasha…" She said in a strangely strong voice, for someone who was just crying her eyes out. She walked away from him slowly. That hurt. "Kikyou…" She seemed to brace herself and turned to face him. "I cannot stay here any longer…I-I can't keep living a false life here." He was confused. "False life?" She looked at him sadly. "Do I look like I did 50 years ago?" He looked over her features, except for the paler skin she looked exactly the same. "Yea, you don't look any different." She shook her head a little impatiently. "That's not what I mean Inuyasha" She sounded harsh. He winced. "…look into my eyes" She pleaded. He hesitantly lifted his gaze to her eyes and was almost knocked over with the amount of emotion exploding from them. So much emotion. He had never seen it before, possibly because she was hiding them but now that she let her barrier down, he saw the immense amount of sadness, anger, guilt, sorrow, frustration and uncertainty. It was like the only part of her that was still animate. Her eyes. Her clay body looked dry and weak…he suddenly looked around for her soul collectors, ever since she came back; he had never seen her without them. But they were no where in sight. It hit him. She's going to die, which means he would have to choose, and soon.
He had watched from his spot at the base of the tree as Kagome got up and left for Inuyasha, He knew where he was and Miroku knew that Kagome did too. He felt that brotherly twinge to follow Kagome, just incase something happens and Inuyasha desides to protect Kikyou instead. 'She'll be fine…' "I was wondering when she'd follow him" He looked down at Sango who looked like she was sleeping but could she her eyes wide open. He sighed. "Yes, I was too." Sango sat up and looked at Miroku with worry in her eyes. "Do you think she'll be okay?" She said reading his previous thoughts.
He hesitated but nodded. "I believe she will be, even if something attacks them, Kikyou can take care of herself, Inuyasha knows that so he'll protect Kagome" Sango looked to Shippou who seamed to be having a nightmare and was tossing and turning, she got up and started to stroke his hair soothingly, it seemed to work because he settled right back down. Sango smiled. She gave thought to Kagome and Shippou, he looked up to Kagome like a mother, if something happened to her how would he take it? Sango stood back up and took a deep breath. "That's not what I meant…" He frowned more. "I know."
He got up and put his arm around Sango, she tensed slightly, not used to the comforting gesture but leaned her head on his shoulder and started to cry slightly. "She's like our sister Miroku, Kagomes been hurt by this love triangle so many times I'm beginning to wonder how much more she can take." His heart twisted slightly, but he would not cry…not infront of Sango. "Kagome is strong, plus she's got us, and we will always be there for her." He felt her nod. "Yes…yes your right Miroku, she's got us." He smiled and pulled her closer so both of his arms where around her. He loved Sango so much, but he was scared to say anything, but when the right time comes he'd tell her. "Miroku?" She lifted her head to look at him. He turned his head to meet her gaze. "Yes Sango?" She smiled warmly, he felt his heart melt. "Thank you so much Miroku…I-I don't know what I would do without you."
She blushed a little but didn't remove her smile. Miroku was shocked to say the least; he would never expect her to say something like that, but smiled back none the less. "No Sango, thank you…I don't know what I'd do without you either." Even though it just sounded like he was repeating her words back to her, she knew he truly meant it, and that made her happy. 'Please be safe Kagome, Shippou needs you…we need you'
What is he thinking? I stand here watch him conflict his emotions…he saw my eyes, what I've truly been feeling, I could almost see him stager over by the force of them. Will he abandon me again? No he didn't abandon me, he set out for my revenge, he did it for me…I should be grateful, but all I feel is hate and loneliness. It's this body my soul is housing; the demon Urasue resurrected me by firing my body in her kiln.
She intended to use me to find the shards of the Shikon no Tama…when I died, my soul was full of hate, and so, I walk this earth with anger in every fiber of my being. I understand completely what happened 50 years ago, I have tried to will my anger away… but it follows me everywhere I go. I'm going to end that tonight. But will he follow me? "K-Kikyou…" I am pulled from my thoughts by a pleading and pained voice. "I don't have a lot of time Inuyasha" My voice sounded tired, distant and a little course, I hate it. "I hate to rush you, but you need to choose" I don't feel guilty for making him choose, but I knew the real Kikyou would, so I will do as she would do. He looked trully and utterly lost…What could he been thinking?
God what should he do? 'Do I love her? Or do I love Kagome?' ' Heeeeeere we go again.' He inwardly growled at himself, 'Shut up you fool this is serious, it's a matter of life or death…seriously' He herd himself sigh. 'I know' "K-Kikyou…" She looked at him like he had just appeared out of thin air. He had never seen her like this before, so bewildered and a little clumsy in her appearance and words...just like Kagome. Damn! Kagome, what about her? And what about Naraku? I was so set on killing him.
What about Sango and Miroku? They are like his siblings, and Shippou, never before had he felt such a paternal love toward the pup. God what should he do? "I don't have a lot of time Inuyasha" He visibly deflated at how horrible her voice sounded."I hate to rush you, but you need to choose" 'I don't know what to do…' He seemed to gather himself sightly and looked up at her. "How long do you have…" She heard the slight choke in his words. She felt like she was hanging on to every single one of his words. "A day…maybe" She decided to give him time to think, it was unfair to jump the hardest choice of his life on him like this. He seemed to relax vaguely. He nodded. "I'm sorry Kikyou, I-I just need some time to think" She smiled a bit, but it didn't reach her eyes.
He turned around and walked away, dragging his every step. He felt strangely cold as he walked through the dark enclosed forest. He felt alone and angry at himself. Why? He didn't know. 'Is this how Kikyou feels? Alone and bitter?' Inuyashas head snapped up when he heard a thud on the ground in front of him a little ways away. He smiled a ghost of a smile. 'Kagome…'
How long have I been walking? I look at my watch. '1:47' Almost an hour I had been searching for him. I used to be able to just let my soul lead me, because naturally Kikyou wanted the rest of HER soul. And vise-versa. But now it seems like she had just given up and stopped trying to take it away from me, or she's dieing…or she's dead. I stopped in my tracks. 'She's dead, does that mean?…oh no Inuyasha!' I start to run, I can feel the pull of my soul lessening. 'Inuyasha please be okay!'
I kept running, in a split second I felt my foot get caught in a tree root and saw the ground rushing up to meet my face. 'Nice job Kagome…' I groan as I try to get up. I feel a cold clawed hand wrap around my forearm. I look up to see the most distressed faces I have ever seen. "Inuyasha…?" I felt my head start spinning. Everything started to go blurry. I feel Inuyasha lift me into his arms. The last thing I heard was Inuyasha say. "Forgive me Kagome…"
She opened her eyes as the sun bathed her face normally the feeling would have felt wonderful, but she had a spiting head ache. "Kagome? Are you okay?" She heard a soft voice call to her. She turned her head to the side and saw Sango sitting beside her with a relived smile. "Yeah…I guess." Her voice felt rough and hoarse. Sango sighed." Thank goodness Kagome! Inuyasha said you had bumped your head. I was getting worried when you didn't wake up." Kagome smiled at her sister. She used her elbows to try and sit up, she needed to move around. "Where are you going?" Sango looked worried. "It's okay Sango; I'll be fine I just need to walk a little." Kagome smiled again. She steadily got up, her head spinning like mad, her legs felt like jello but she did it.
She stood up straight and held her head trying to stop the spinning. "Do you feel a bit better Kagome?" Kagome slowly nodded her head. "Yeah, the spinning in my head is going away." Sango nodded. "Do you want something to eat maybe?" Kagome looked over to her. My god she was truly worried. "Sango relax, I'm going to be fine" She just needed to think. "All I need to do is try and remem-" She stopped. 'Inuyasha… what did he said to me? Forgive me Kagome…' Her eyes widened. "Oh no…" She darted out of the house forgetting about her head ache. She needed to find him. She ran instinctively to the only place she could think of. The sacred tree. Kagome slowed down her run, she was still pretty worn out from the night before. She leaned against a tree for support to catch her breath. She looked up and found what she was running to, the sacred tree…and her Inuyasha sitting under it.
She walked over to him carefully, if he didn't leave her, why did her ask for her forgiveness? When they were just a foot away from each other he looked up and into her eyes. "Kagome we need to talk." She was instantly worried. He sounded so tired. She nodded and sat beside him. They sat for 5 mintues or so, no words spoken yet, but she wouldn't rush him. She knew whatever he wanted to say to her it would come out when he felt ready. "I've been thinking about us and-" He hesitated. "…and Kikyou" She stiffened. Somehow she knew it was about that. "Kagome I don't have a lot of time, so I'll just say it."
His words sounded forced and choked. "I love you Kagome…" He was facing her now. She felt her heart flutter and her stomach do back flips. How long she had been waiting for those words. "But, only… like a brother would…to a sister." He closed his eyes waiting for her to yell at him, strike him, anything. She felt her heart break and sink to her stomach. She felt cold. Her lips felt dry. She didn't move, didn't blink, didn't think, didn't breathe. "I'm so sorry Kagome, Kikyou needs me, she's been lonely for so long. I love her Kagome I can't let her die alone."
Her worst nightmare. She was living her worst nightmare. It was happening right before her eyes. So she closed them. She started shaking her head she place her heads over her ears. It can't be happening. She felt shaky and unsure arms encircle her. "Forgive me Kagome." Kagome couldn't hold it in; she cried in her loves arms. She cried so hard it hurt. Inuyasha stroked her hair slowly. She cried for 10 minutes straight. He didn't move, he let her cry into him. He felt horrible, but he did what he had to. It was better to tell her then to let her find out by herself, that would have hurt her more.
He had sat there all night thinking about this whole love triangle thing, it was foolish, and it was his fault. If he had just made up his mind and gathered up his feelings sooner, he might have spared them the pain. He loves Kikyou. He loves Kagome, but only as a sister, the closest friend he has, he loves Kagome so much, and it hurts him when she crys like this. Kagome tried to stop the tears, and got her breathing somewhat under control. "In-Inuyasha?" He sighed, finally she's talking to him. "Yes Kagome?" She pulled away from him but kept her hands on his arms, she felt if she let go she would fall. She closed her eyes and felt more tears fall down her face at the words she was about to say. "I-I love you Inuyasha, I always will, I just want you to know that." She had more to say. But he said something first. "Kagome, it's true that I love Kikyou but I want you to know that a part of my heart belongs to you and you alone. You are my best friend. I love you in a way I could never love Kikyou, Kagome…but I feel obligated to go with her." She nodded.
That actually made her feel a lot better. "I know what you have to do Inuyasha, and I understand…but it still hurts." He started to get desperate, he wanted to make her feel better. He took her hands in his. "Kagome, promise me one thing…" She watched him and locked there eyes together. "Don't dwell on me. Move on. You deserve someone who will love you with there whole heart, who will protect you with there very life. I want you to love again. Please Kagome, promise me." She was amazed at him. He was practically pleading. She loved him so much. Could she really move on? She forced a smile on her face. "I promise Inuyasha." He sighed and looked down at there hands. "Thank you Kagome. I'm sorry. I should go." He let go of her hands and stood up. And left. He just left. He was gone from her life forever. She needed to go home…and stay there. She got up and ran to the well. Forgetting about her stuff, her friends, all that mattered was her home, she needed to go home. Kagome ran non-stop until she burst from the forest and into the field. With the well sitting smack dab in the middle of it.
Kagome walked slowly. She placed shaky hands over the rim of the well. She just stood there. Then she collapsed crying. What should she do? She lived in two worlds. A world where she was born in, with her family and friends. But she also lived in this world, a world with friends so close that they could be her family as well. A world that had Inuyasha. 'I don't know what to do'
She paced trough grass in a wildflower field. The exact field Naraku attacked her in disguised as Inuyasha 50 years ago. Where was he? She continued to pace when she turned toward the edge of the trees, there Inuyasha stood. He was smiling. She smiled back and held out her hand for him to take. He took her hand and walked to the middle of the field. "Inuyasha…are you sure?" He embraced her tightly. "Yes Kikyou, I love you." She sighed. Kikyou felt a tear slip down her cheek. "I love you too Inuyasha, I always have. Are you ready?" Kikyou looked up at his eyes.
He nodded and smirked smugly. "Bring it on." She chuckled and embraced him tightly, a little scared. As they stood there they felt the ground grow hot underneath them. It was burning there feet but they didn't move, not an inch. The ground began to shake and crack open. A hot wind rushed up beneath them. Kikyou cupped her hand on Inuyasha's cheek. He smiled and brought his hand up to hair. He met her lips in a capturing kiss. As they sunk into the ground. Inuyashas last thought was about Kagome. 'Move on Kagome, be loved the way you deserve to be loved. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine'
He sat there holding Sango close to him. She had been upset ever since Kagome ran out of the hut this afternoon. "I don't know where she went, I gave her some time, and when I went out looking for her, she wasn't there!" Miroku nodded in understanding. "It's alright Sango, she most likely just went home for a while. Maybe she saw Kikyou and Inuyasha last night and got upset." It sounded very likely, it actually happened a lot. But Miroku was having his doubts. Sango nodded firmly seemingly believing that was the exact case. "Your right Miroku, I'm just being silly." She moved away from him a bit, making him feel hurt but knowing she meant nothing about it. Sango poked the fire with a stick a few times. Something suddenly came to her mind. "Miroku?" She asked slowly. He turned his gaze from the fire to her. "Yes what is it Sango?" She turned to him a bit with a very curious look on her face. "Two days." He tilted his head to the side confused. "Pardon?" She smiled a little. "For two days Miroku you haven't groped me once." He turned his head away with a little blush on his face.
He was hopping she didn't bring it up. Oh well. "Miroku are you blushing!" She smiled more and tried to look at his face more. He sighed. 'It's now or never.' He turned back around to met Sangos face right in his, since she was trying to peak around his shoulder to look at him blushing. They both froze. Their faces were mere inches apart. "Sango…" She shivered. He was so close. She could his light breathing on her face. Sango bravely closed the space between them. She kissed him.
He closed his eyes; she did the same as he deepened the kiss. She brought her arms up and wrapped them around his neck, while he wrapped his around her torso. They broke apart, to catch their breath. "Sango, I've wanted to tell you for so long…I love you, more then anything in this world." She felt tears of joy prickling her eyes. "Thank you Miroku, I've waited so long to hear you say that, I love you too." He smiled and kissed her again. Shippou awoke from his sleep to see Sango and Miroku...making out. It wasn't a big surprise or anything. He maybe a kid, but he an't stupid. "Geez get a room will ya…"
Kagome looked up startled from her spot at the well to Kouga. She felt warm knowing he was there for her. More tears started flowing down her cheaks. "K-Kouga…" He ran over and crouched beside her hugging her to him tightly. She clug to him crying her eyes out like she had been doing all day. He was going to ask what was wrong and if he had to kick any dog-turd ass, but for now he would let her cry. He moved to a sitting position and leaned against the well. This movement must have snapped Kagome out of it because she lifted her head from his chest. "Kagome, please tell me what happened?"
She nodded her head and began right at the beginning. He sat and listened to her, not interrupting at all, but growling every once and a while at the mention of Inuyasha, which she actually giggled at. God he loved the sound of her laughter. When she finished she just rested her head on his shoulder. Man, she was exhausted. He was still stroking her hair like he was doing for half of the story. It felt nice. "It'll be okay Kagome I promise. I'll be here for you. I won't let any harm come to you, physical or emotional…I-I love you too much to let that happen again." Her eyes snapped open. 'He loves me? … I mean yeah I've heard him say "I'm his woman" and all that, but to hear the words straight out…it makes me feel better.' She lifted her head a little to see Kouga in deep thought, but still stroking her hair softly. 'Maybe…soon, I could learn to love again. Maybe I could love you Kouga. Maybe…' She smiled and snuggled into him for warmth and comfort and fell into a comfortable peaceful sleep.
Wow that took forever! 1 month! I hope you liked it! Oh and if you found any typos, any at all even if there small ones please let me now okay? Thanks! Please press the pretty purple button and review okay?