A/N: Well here it is the beginning of another horrible story, I seriously don't know what's going on in my head as I write this stuff but I hope you enjoy!
Warning(s): Language
Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, if I did stupid shit like this would be happening…
It was a dark and stormy night, well actually it wasn't all that stormy and it sure as hell wasn't dark due to the crimson flames that engulfed an entire town in the behind scenery. Down in the burning city, loud maniac sounding laughs could be heard that went along the lines of, "Ushishishi die peasants."
The laughs were followed by a monotonous voice that merely said, "Bel-senpai, you're starting to act like a fake prince again." The owner of the voice yawned directly after. Another 'Ushishishi' was heard and also the sound of knives against fabric, a frog hat to be exact. "Ow." The voice wearing the hat stated, showing no signs of emotion or pain what so ever.
"The Prince is not a fake prince, Froggie." This 'Bel' character laughed his malevolence laugh again. "Ushishish-" But was interrupted.
"VOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII," Screamed the long haired newcomer, who could be mistaken as a female from afar but was most likely male due to the tone of his voice, "BOSS SAID TO KILL EVERYBODY IN THIS USELESS TOWN!" She… No, he shouted, crazily waving his hand-sword around as his long flowing white hair also moved with the wind.
"Mou, Squ-chan, don't be so loud! Boss won't be happy if you continue to scream like that!" Shortly an even more gender-mixed newcomer came into the picture. It was in fact a very flamboyant man with a half shaved head that was dyed an electric green. The man who we find out is named Lussuria, was also wearing a frilly jacket and dashing sunglasses to top off his bold look.
Soon a loud gunshot was heard followed by a bright orange flame that shot into the air. Yet another newcomer arrived, this time a terrifying character who merely sat in his throne carried by a pedophile looking giant man. The scarred man, Xanxus, on his throne, looked at the rugged bunch and merely tsked. "Trash-" He was, however, interrupted by a small childlike cry.
The men around him gulped. "VROIIIIIIIIII BEL, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KILL EVERYONE IN THIS AREA!" Squ-chan, short for Squalo, screamed pointing his sword at the blonde haired so called prince.
"Ushishishi, the Prince did kill everyone in his area, this place belongs to the boss." And with that everyone turned to their boss who lazily took a sip from his wine cup that seemed to magically appear out of nowhere.
"Oi, trashes, go kill whatever is making that noise." Ordered the boss man as he took yet another sip from his cup. The group immediately split up to find the source of those cries.
"Guys, I found the thing." Froggie- err… Fran said in a dead yet slightly loud voice. The others gathered towards the frog headed boy and looked at where he was pointing. Lussuria walked over to the pile of rubble and pulled out a small being.
"Mou it's just a baby!" The flamboyant man cried, as he put the small child who was bundled in a violet blanket in his arms. The baby surprisingly had a bit of purple mist surrounding it. "But look! The baby has mist flames around it! Maybe its parents tried to use the flames as a cover up to protect this child!" Lussuria exclaimed cooing at the baby in his arms.
"Alright! Who's gonna kill it?!" Squalo shouted. Oh wait, that was just his normal voice.
"No! Let's ask Boss if we can keep it! It's so cute!" Lussuria continued to coo at the child who stopped crying to admire the colorful, big man in front of it.
"Ushishishi the Prince agrees, we should keep it," Everyone threw a disbelieving look at Bel, who knew that this blood thirsty, maniac prince actually had a heart, "What? The Prince needs a new target board." They stand corrected.
"VOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII BOSS SAID TO KILL IT!" Squalo screamed this time.
"But Squ-chan, the baby is so cute! Maybe we can train it to be the best assassin in the entire world!" At this point Lussuria was happily spinning with the child in his arms.
Squalo was about to scream blood murder at the other man when it hit him, if the Varia were to raise a child, it would turn out to be the most deadly killing machine in the entire world! Squalo let out a low chuckle before dramatically lifting his head. "VOIIIIIIIIIIII I'M GOING TO TRAIN THIS BRAT TO BE THE BEST SWORDSMAN IN THE WORLD!" He suddenly shouted, startling the other Varia members and slightly amusing the baby.
"Ushishishi." was Bel's reply to their strategy captain.
Squalo forcefully plucked the baby out of Lussuria's arms and began waving it around with his arm that didn't have the sword, "VOIIIIIIIIIIIII BOSS, WE'RE GOING TO KEEP THIS THING!" The entire squad expected to see their beloved boss either shoot the baby or Squalo, which ever deemed more necessary, but his reaction was a surprise to all.
"Hn." He merely replied causing Squalo and the squad to nastily choke on their spit. "I better not see that trash or else I'll blow it to pieces." Now there was the boss they all knew and hated.
Lussuria celebrated by clapping in joy, he took the child back from Squalo, but was met with the cries of the baby itself. "Mou! Baby, don't cry! Mama-Luss is here!" Lussuria began fussing over the child again but alas his efforts were futile as the baby continued to cry, making grabby hands and adorable puppy eyes towards Squalo.
"VOIIIIIIIII DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT YOU STUPID BRAT!" Squalo barked at the baby who seemed to have stopped crying as soon as Squalo opened his mouth. The baby laughed and continued to grab at Squalo. Lussuria pouted and began to whine about how his baby liked that stupid shark more than its own mother. The rag-tag group soon made their way into their car/limo completely forgetting about the burning city that was still behind them.
The car ride was an eventful one as usual seeing as though a bunch of skilled assassins were all placed in one car. However courtesy of all the whining and pouting provided by Lussuria, they were all forced to take turns holding the baby. Varia quality meet and greet time, he told them.
"Shark Captain, how do we find out if this baby's a boy or a girl?" The dreaded question they all expected coming was asked by Fran who was awkwardly holding the baby, who was quite interested in his frog hat, in his arms.
Squalo nervously coughed, "VOIIIIIIII HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, GET THAT PEACOCK TRASH TO CHECK!" He ever so loudly shouted dangerously waving his arm-sword around. That's when he realized, "Shit, do any of you Trashes even know how to take care of a baby?" he asked- err… shouted. The entire car was silent for a few good seconds.
"Ushishishi, that pedophile old man should know, he is a pedophile old man." Bel suggested, the deadly assassins turned towards Levi, the pedophile old man.
"I-I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE!" Levi shouted. Sure, everyone silently thought.
"That's right the old man isn't a pedophile," Fran started defending Levi much to everyone's surprise
"Thank y-"
"Cause he has his eyes set on the boss." They thought too soon.
"Why you little, BRAT!" Levi then attempted to reach over Bel and Squalo to choke Fran which only caused the baby in Fran's arms to start crying earning the pedophile a hard whack on the head from Lussuria.
Fussing over the baby, Lussuria took it out of Fran's arms and passed it to the next person which just so happened to be Squalo. "You hold it Squ-chan, since it likes you so much." Lussuria pouted even more as they all watched the baby giggle and make various adorable sounds whilst in Squalo's arms.
"FUCKING BRAT," Squalo screamed as the baby tugged on a good chunk of the assassin's silver hair, the baby continued to giggle at Squalo's reaction, pulling more just to see that reaction again, "you fucking fearless piece of shit." Squalo mumbled watching the blonde haired baby stare at him with its weird ocean blue colored eyes. "The fucking kid's a boy." The car went silent again.
"Ara, how do you know that Shark Captain?" Fran once again, with his monotone voice, asked.
"I can see it in his fucking eyes, he's a fucking boy!" Fran stared at his captain. Shark knowledge was something he didn't quite understand yet. "Voi if you people want proof look at his… er… thing."
"Ushishishi, the Prince demands that Froggie should be the one that's going to check baby prince's diaper!" Bel laughed his all so weird laugh.
Fran shook his head and put his hands up in defeat, "No can do, sorry Shark Captain, get someone else to check."
Squalo tsked again, "VOIII FINE! LUSSURIA YOU PROVE TO THEM THAT HE'S A BOY!" He shouted.
"Mou fine!" Lussuria snapped out of his sulking trance to hold the baby again. With the baby in his arms Lussuria took the chance to take a look at the baby's gender, after a few seconds Lussuria pulled the baby into a big hug, "Yay! We have a perfectly adorable baby…" The car inhabitants leaned in closer in order to hear the flamboyant man. "Boy!" He chirped squeezing the baby's chubby cheeks in the process.
"VOIIIII I WAS RIGHT HA!" Squalo began boasting about his sharp eyes and great instincts. As soon as the boasting ended, the car stopped as well, they were back at the Varia base.
"So Shark Captain, what should we name him?" Fran oh so annoyingly asked.
The Varia squad was currently gathered at the dinner table, the baby, who they found out was in fact a boy, was silently sitting in the middle of the wooden piece of furniture.
"VOIIII WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME ABOUT THAT STUPID FUCKING BRAT. HE'S NOT EVEN MINE!" Complained a certain Shark Captain.
"Cause he likes you the most." Was Fran's simple reply, the others one by one acknowledged that the baby did in fact like Squalo, a lot.
Squalo scoffs and stubbornly turns his head to the side, a light blush was spotted on the captain's face, "VOIIII FINE! I SAY WE CALL HIM SUPERBI JR." The baby's face supported a small baby grin. 'Voiii' he liked that word, 'Voiii', it just sounded so cool to him.
"Ushishishi, baby prince shouldn't have such a peasant name, how about Rasiel." As if on cue, the blonde headed baby let out a noise of disapproval, he didn't like that 'Ushishishi' sound at all.
"VOIIIIIIIIIII!" A happy gurgle, this time, was emitted from the baby's mouth after hearing this funny sound come from a certain shark man again. The baby really did like shark man, he was so cool!
"But Bel-senpai, your dead brother's name is weird. I say Kuro fits him much better." The baby was now attempting to reach for the long locks of Squalo's silver hair that was dangling very close to him.
"No, no, no, black is not his color Fran-kun, I think Ichigo is a better name for him!" The small child frowned, he didn't really like this weird colorful man, he was kind of weird.
The doors to the dining room opened and in walked the fearful Varia boss. "Nicoli." Was all Xanxus said before plopping down in his king seat and eating the grand steak that was set out for him. The baby, no, Nicoli, grinned and started to gurgle extra happily as he watched Xanxus take large bites of his steak.
Levi glared at the baby, how dare he get the boss's attention.
"VOIIIIIIIIIIII WHO KNEW THAT SHITTY BOSS IS PRETTY GOOD AT NAMING THINGS!?" Squalo began to dangerously wave his arm-sword around again.
"Mou, I guess 'Conqueror of the People' and 'Victorious' aren't so bad." Lussuria really wanted to name him Ichigo though, but Nicoli would do.
"Umm, Shark Captain, don't look now but Nicoli is gone." Fran pointed to the empty violet blanket that was supposed to hold the baby but was obviously not holding him at the moment.
"VOIIIII FUCK!"
A/N: I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes I didn't manage to catch, I hope you liked it!