AN: If you're not a fan of sad endings, I suggest you don't read this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
It all started when I was seven years old. My parents bought me my first pair of Ken and Barbie. They gave me a warm smile when I told them I liked Barbie better. They thought it's normal for girls my age. But I know it isn't normal to be that fixated to a toy. I was enamoured by her beauty. Barbie has blonde hair and a pair of blue eyes. She was perfect in my eyes. I couldn't sleep without her by my side. I'd like to think she protected me from the Boogeyman. Ken was just thrown somewhere around my room.
The next day, my grandmother gave me a golden cross necklace. It also made me feel safe.
Let's fast forward a bit.
The moment I turned fifteen on February, I swore to myself I will look just like Barbie before I get to high school, so I did everything I could; I worked so hard to get a toned body, I dyed my hair, and used Proactiv to get rid of my acne.
I kinda did look like her; except for these stupid hazel eyes. My parents let me get a nose job, but they won't let me get a pair of blue contact lenses- only those colourless ones. I hated my eyes. I hated how I can't look just like Barbie.
First day in high school, I bumped shoulders with someone. I was about to say sorry, but I got lost in her chocolate brown eyes. She apologized and then suddenly said "Wow, you have very pretty eyes." I blushed. I didn't hate my eyes anymore.
I got in the cheerleading squad. The current captain told me to slushy the same girl who complimented my eyes. So I did. I don't want to be Lucy again, but the pain and sadness in her eyes made me hate myself even more. I felt the cross become heavy around my neck.
It's crazy how the one who I kept on trying to forget was the one who kept me sane. I got drunk at a party because I wanted so much to stop thinking about her. That night was the best night of my life. We slept together. It's the first and last time I became sexually intimate with someone.
I pushed her away the next morning she tried talking to me. I told her it was a one-time thing. I told her she was just an experiment. She wasn't. I told myself that, but deep inside, I knew she wasn't an experiment. I'm actually glad I gave her my virginity instead of some guy who could've gotten me pregnant. She pursed her lips and gave me a curt nod. I held my cross necklace and prayed for forgiveness.
I watched her run to a giant oaf and give him a beaming smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.
I had Puck slushy her that same day.
My Junior year passed by uneventfully. The giant broke up with her. We became acquaintances because of glee club, but I rudely declined all her invitations for friendship. I was an idiot. I think I still am.
I saw her talking to an unnamed Cheerio. I don't actually remember her name. Oh, wait. I think it's Gabrielle. Gabrielle Avery. They started dating. I hate Avery.
I started dating the new blonde boy. He looks like Ken. If I can't completely look like Barbie, then I'll just have my boyfriend look like her boyfriend.
She's getting married in Boston. It is where Nationals were held. We're about to graduate high school and she's getting married. I opposed to their silliness. She thought I just didn't want her to be happy. She's wrong. All I wanted was for her to become happy. In the end, I told her I'd go to her wedding. I expected a truck to hit the taxi I was in on my way to her wedding, because I knew it would cancel it. I guess fate wasn't on my side.
The wedding went by very slowly. I watched her take her vows. I hated myself even more and I still don't know why. I broke up with my Ken.
A reception was held. There's a stage. Of course, a performer like her would want a stage in the after party of her wedding. The words right above the stage made me feel sick. Avery-Berry. I didn't even say goodbye when I left the hotel.
We finally graduated from high school. I went to Yale and she went to NYADA. Her wife went to NYU. Her wife. It sounds terrible. I still don't understand why I find it hard to acknowledge the fact that she is married.
I am currently holding a glass of red wine in my hand. I'm at the Glee Club's 10 Year Reunion. All glee clubbers are finally married, except for two. She had a divorce. I watched the news daily and I saw her and Avery getting interviewed. Apparently, they decided to stay friends. I still hate Avery.
"Quinn?" I hear her call me. Shock is evident in her voice. I smile a little.
"Hey, Rach." She squeals and hugs the life out of me.
"Oh my Barbra! How have you been?"
Her question made me deflate a little. I guess I know more about her life than she knows about mine. Well, it's not like I'm an EGOT winner. Yes, she just got her Oscar award last month- it's the last one she needed to be an EGOT title holder.
"I'm doing well." I give her a small smile and offered her the seat beside me. "You look beautiful." I guess the alcohol in my system is doing its job now.
I see her blush and I smirk a little. "Thanks. You look absolutely gorgeous, Quinn." She slurs and I realize she is drunk. Way drunk than I am. The way she says my name is enough to make my heart beat fast. "Wanna get out of here?" I know the hidden meaning beneath that seemingly innocent question.
I wake up and I feel a naked body pressing against my back. I'm also naked. I look around the room and register we're in a hotel room. I take a peek at the nude brunette beside me and I feel my heart beat like some kind of wild beast waiting to get out.
It pains me to think we can only be together when we're drunk.
I am now aware that I'm not completely straight. A tear makes its way down my cheek.
I go to the nearest Starbucks and buy myself a caramel macchiato.
My phone beeps.
Where did you go? You left your necklace here. -Rachel
I deleted her message and continued drinking the beverage.
I can't be with her. Not now. Not when I'm going to be Mrs. McIntosh in a week.
When I was younger, I was scared of the monsters inside my closet. Now that I'm an adult, I am hiding inside the closet and the monsters are waiting for me to come out.