Warnings. Boy love with mentions of rape and abuse, in an alternate universe.
Disclaimer. I do not own Digimon Frontier.
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Takuya's voice drifted over the raven-haired teen though the words made no sense to the boy. He knew he was awake, but the brunette could tell that Kouji was off in his own little world. A world the goggle-boy had no access to, yet he wished it to be different. Why must his koi be so secretive? They had been together since they were thirteen.
'It's been 4 years. Why does he hide from me? What's plaguing him so?' Takuya asked himself, biting his lip in thought and worry. "Kouji?"
.x.
I hear his voice, it seems so far away. How can that be? I'm sitting right beside him, aren't I? I reach out a hand, trying to find my beloved lover.
"Takuya?" I cry out, hoping to the Fates that I'm dreaming awake again. My voice echoes back to me - I'm alone. Why? Because I wish it to be so. Because I'm scared. He's probably guessed it by now. I've felt this way since before we began to date, so many years ago. Death scares me, yet I crave it. My scarred arms are proof of this. Why must I be this fucked up?
.x.
He looks so lost, so helpless. Yet, this isn't new, is it? No, it's not. He's always had this air of mystery, a fortress that isn't meant to be discovered, much less conquered. It seems to have gotten worse though, as if it's consuming his from the inside. Then again, maybe it is. Oh Gods, what are you hiding Minamoto Kouji? I love you, you know that! Are you afraid of what I'd think if you told me your secret? Do you think I'll stop loving you if I knew the truth?
"Kouji, what's wrong?"
.x.
Kouji sat on the couch in his living room. His twin, Kouichi, had called moments ago, inviting the younger twin and Takuya on a double date with himself and Junpei. Without even asking Takuya who was in the shower, Kouji had declined, telling his twin that he wanted a quiet night with his koi. Kouichi had laughed, taking this statement and twisting it most perversely, causing the longer-haired brother to blush profusely. He managed to hang up before Takuya stepped back into the room, looking absolutely breathtaking in the navy towel that hung off his hips. One hand rested on his hip while the other was closed in a fist. He wasn't smiling.
"Takuya?" Kouji said, trying to make his tone light. Somehow, he knew there was no use, he'd been caught.
"What are these?" Takuya asked, his face as blank as a fresh slate. He opened his fist slowly, revealing an assortment of pills. The raven-haired boy's heart stopped.
"'Kuya…"
"Kouji! Why do you have these!" The boy in question flinched at his koi's tone. "Answer me… please," he added, obviously trying to remain in control of his emotions.
He could have lied, said they were Kouichi's, or he had no idea where they'd come from. But lying seemed so pointless now. "I wanted to die."
Takuya's grip on the pills loosens, allowing them to clatter to the wooden floor. "You're joking, right? Right!" he demanded, tears running down his face.
Kouji shook his head slowly, wishing it really was a joke. That his whole life up to the day he met the brunette was all a big joke, a cosmic mistake.
"Why? Oh Kouji, why?"
"Why?" Kouji repeated in a hollow voice.
"Why?" he asked again, his navy eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Because, before we even knew the other existed, life fucked me over - big time. After mother left father because of his addiction to alcohol and various narcotics, my dear old father got pretty damn lonely. And to his fucked-up mind, I was the most beautiful creature to grace his domain. So he used me - yes, he raped me - and he abused me. Mother had no idea until she discovered me on the kitchen floor one Saturday afternoon with a black eye and two broken ribs. Father was sentenced to life in prison for child molestation, child abuse, and possession of several illegal narcotics. He died in prison a month before I met you. I'd forgotten - to the best of my ability - about him and the things he did to me. Hearing about his death brought it all back. I gained no sense of closure from that news, though I probably should have. My past has haunted me ever since, Takuya. Whenever I lose track of time and space, I'm trying to hide from it. I pretend it's not real," his voice cracked with restrained emotion as the tears escaped down his cheeks.
"Kouji, " The half-naked boy who had settled on the couch beside his boyfriend took the shaking teen into his arms. Whispering softly, he stroked the midnight mane, hoping to ease his love's grief and pain.
"But, you know the worst part is knowing that it's all true and it isn't just some bad dream that I can wake up from. Welcome to my reality."