A/N: My attempt at a character study of my favourite SnK character, Commander Handsome.
One word prompt fanfic: Luxury
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LUXURIES
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Commander Erwin had always been a privileged person. Raised in the safety of the walls, with food that those in outer districts were rioting over and a bed at night instead of the cobblestone pavement. If anything, his life was spent in the lap of luxury.
Yet if he had a choice, he would gladly change places. Because poverty, he believes, is far more preferable.
Even though he always has a roof over his head and a meal when he needs it, these little luxuries don't make him a lucky person.
A poor civilian woman has the luxury of grieving when he tells her that her husband will not be coming home.
Honest merchants selling wares on the streets have the luxury of dreams not tinged with blood on blades and titans smiling.
His men have the luxury of feeling fear, to doubt, to wish they were home.
And he, the dauntless, strong commander Erwin, does not.
The commander does not have the luxury of a day off, even when the storms of winter trap the garrison in the barracks. The extra hours only give him more time to attend to paperwork, to fire off obsequious letters to the inner wall, and to go over new strategic plans with his squad leaders.
Somewhere along the line – when he lost his father, when his mother passed away behind closed doors, when he let Mary's hand go and watched her dance with Nile instead – he had realised there was no going back. That to free humanity from the clutches of the titans, he had to free himself from unnecessary things like bonds and a heart.
And so he goes on without these luxuries. Surviving, but not living. Breathing, existing, but not thriving. They are luxuries he cannot afford.
But deep down, amidst the fears and gnawing uncertainties, the masses of names and lives he has left behind, Commander Erwin sometimes permits himself to hope.
Maybe someday, when humanity is free, there'll be room inside for the heart he'd thrown away – and this time, the luxury of following it.
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-FIN-
Please R&R!
Alatariele C