The Trouble With Shakespeare
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO, or any of the characters associated with it…I'm just playing in the sandbox.
AN: I seriously don't know how to explain this one…oh, and the yamis have their own bodies.
Warnings: I am not quite comfortable with the Japanese names yet, so if my use of the names given by the English dub offends you, please stop reading now. Also, lots of Shakespeare hate and possible OOCness. This is bordering on crack.
From the Kaiba mansion to the Turtle Game Shop to the library, Domino City appeared to have been consumed by panic. Well, all right…not the whole city, just the upperclassmen of Domino High School. Throughout the city, whole rooms were packed with panicking students, frantically poring over thin volumes with the ominous title of 'Shakespeare's Sonnets.' In the meantime, the adults, noting the date on the calendar, smiled sympathetically, and with knowing chuckles, left the younger generation to the tender mercies of iambic pentameter.
Even the usually unflappable Seto Kaiba could be seen pacing the halls of his mansion, with an attitude that, on anyone else, could have been identified clearly as anxiety. Mokuba watched with worried eyes, and thanked any god that might be listening that he would not have to face this torture for several years yet. The notoriously ruthless CEO held his own copy of the much-cursed volume, murmuring archaic phrases and sentiments that, were it not for the book in his hand, would have had any eavesdroppers questioning his sanity. As it was, the whole of Domino City could not help but be aware of the torture that all Domino High upperclassmen faced come spring. Every so often, Kaiba would pause in his pacing, and consult the volume, only to notice that he had missed some word or syllable, and then he would begin again with a sigh of utter disgust.
Meanwhile, a similar scene was taking place in an apartment complex downtown, with Ryou hunched over a desk, frantically scribbling down as many sonnets as he could before his hand developed a permanent cramp, and repeating the process, with little to no success. His darker half, Bakura, had already given up, and instead voiced his disgust with the equal parts hated and loved poet that had prompted this outburst of academic fervor.
"Hikari, what exactly is the point of this?" the white haired yami questioned.
At first, it seemed that Ryou hadn't heard him, but just as Bakura narrowed his eyes and prepared to repeat the question, he heard the faintest of mumbles: "It's for lit class. It happens every year…every upperclassman, junior or senior, has to take the class, and this time each year, we have to memorize this whole book of sonnets and take a test over it that's 500 questions long." The young hikari shuddered as he recalled the glassy eyed stares of last year's victims, and the exact number of people that had collapsed during the test and required immediate medical attention.
Bakura asked, a dangerous glint in his eyes, "Should I send the teacher to the Shadow Realm, then?"
"No…someone worse would step up and take her place." Ryou turned his full attention once more to the deceptively small volume in front of him, and Bakura was left to contemplate the depth of Shakespeare's evil.
Elsewhere, Marik and Malik had foregone the effort of studying altogether, and instead roasted marshmallows over a roaring fire, while their assigned texts shriveled away in the grate. Ishizu and Odion exchanged long-suffering looks, and left the two blondes to their madness.
In the Turtle Game Shop, Tea Gardner, Joey Wheeler, Tristan Taylor, and Duke Devlin were each hunched over their own copies of the evil little volume. For his part, Joey wore a highly disgruntled expression, and every so often, he could be heard muttering curses on the dead poet responsible for their collective misery. Tea was almost completely silent, save for the occasional whimper as she attempted to work her way through a particularly gnarly 40-syllabled stanza. Duke and Tristan were somewhat more contained in their distress, but a distinct gleam of sweat on their brows could be detected by the astute observer, thereby banishing any illusions that they were any less nervous than their friends.
Even Yami, the renowned King of Games, could be found sprawled across the sofa, wearing a distinctively disturbed expression. He had seen the worst of the Shadow Realm, faced the most diabolical figures to be found on the bad side of 'damn it', and yet in this moment, he thought briefly that he would gladly face Zorc rather than suffer another minute of iambic pentameter and ridiculously flowery metaphors. Forcing the thought from his mind, and giving his head a slight shake as if to clear it, he turned his attention once more to the source of his current stress.
Strangely, however, Yugi seemed unperturbed. Oh, he was just as involved in studying as his friends and darker half, but he regarded the slender book of verse with a look of familiarity, and flipped through the pages with the air of one who was simply reviewing well-known material. Every so often, he would glance up, and seeing his friends' distress mounting, would wince in sympathy, and quietly turn back to his book so as not to distract them. However, had any of them spared a glance, they would have noticed that while their smaller friend was clearly as bored with Shakespeare's rhymes as they, he was suffering significantly less distress from the exercise. Still, there is little point in speculating upon their reactions, as none of them noticed the strange occurrence.
The Day of the Test
Over the course of the day, through five class periods, the freshmen and sophomores of Domino High School respectfully cleared the halls as the juniors and seniors made their way to Helga Jackman's classroom for the test that had gone down in high school history as one of the most diabolical forms of torture ever to be seen. Each period saw groups of bleary-eyed upperclassmen staggering from the room, some still mumbling bits and pieces of the Bard's 'Sonnet 18' under their breath. Some of these unfortunates were worse off than others; the effects of Mrs. Jackman's exam ranged from bleary-eyed lack of comprehension or recognition of anything around them to hysterical sobbing that would eventually give way to borderline psychotic laughter.
Eventually, the last batch of students had been tortured, and the underclassmen respectfully cleared the halls one last time. Kaiba exited first, perfectly composed, save for some telltale redness around his eyes, followed by Joey and Tristan, both of whom wore equally glazed expressions, and each relied upon the other to remain vertical. Ryou exited next, eyes half-closed, wearing an expression that could only be described as haunted. Bakura, having chosen to skip an exercise in cruelty that he deemed pointless, wrapped an arm around his hikari's shoulders and steered him out the door, a caring gesture from the typically gruff dark that served only to underline the depth of cruel and unusual punishment that Helga Jackman had spawned. Marik and Malik were nowhere to be seen, having deemed the exam to be pointless, and decided that graduating could wait until the literature teacher had retired. Tea made her exit after Ryou, her face stained with tears, leaning on Duke, whose half-dead appearance caused several of the onlookers to wonder how he could stay standing and keep Tea from sinking to the floor. Yami followed shortly after, along with the majority of this last group of survivors. The Game King's normally stoic face only registered a kind of horrified shock. The last to leave was Yugi, and on seeing the face of the smallest student in Domino High, puzzlement rippled through the school.
The tri-colored teen strolled out of the classroom as if he'd simply finished a particularly grueling math exam. There was no hysterical sobbing, no blank, dead stare…only a few beads of sweat on his brow indicated that he'd just exited the mouth of Hell. His classmates were almost shattered beyond recognition, and his darker half was positively traumatized, but he…he emerged with the air of a conquering hero, head held high in triumph. His fellow victims regarded him with awe, and a certain amount of fear…for how could he carry on in such a manner? It was positively unheard of, and even Yami was taken aback as he watched his aibou's face. Kaiba's eyes narrowed as he registered that, once again, Yugi had somehow bested him.
For his part, Yugi seemed unaware of the effect he was having on the school's population at large, and he quickly found Yami, who had sunk to the floor in exhaustion. Gently, the young hikari gripped his dark by the arm, and helped him to his feet. "Come on, Mou Hitori no Boku," he murmured, "Let's go home."
Dazed, Yami could only mumble, "Aibou…how…?"
Yugi shook his head. "Now isn't the time or the place."
Two Weeks Later
In the end, the majority of the students failed, true to form. Even Kaiba only managed a low 'A.' Yugi was the only one on record to have received a perfect score. For several days after the results were posted, most of the student body regarded their smallest member as some sort of god, and even Tea, Joey, Tristan, and Duke could not quite contain their surprise. Malik and Marik simply clapped him on the back, and, in hushed tones, asked him how he'd managed to hide his cheat sheet. Much to their disappointment, he hadn't used one. Ryou settled for congratulating him, and Bakura snickered as he caught sight of Yami's score. The former Pharaoh had barely passed. Yami, for his part, could be seen staring at his light, a look of wonder on his face as he contemplated the fact that, even now, his younger counterpart still managed to surprise him.
"Seriously, though, Yug, how'd ya do it?" Joey asked.
With a mysterious smile, Yugi shrugged, and replied, "Mom accidentally locked me in the laundry room when I was ten."
The End ?
Ending Notes: Please bear in mind that this is meant to be humorous. I was intentionally melodramatic.
Translations:
Hikari: Light
Aibou: Partner
Mou Hitori no Boku: Other me, my other self
P.S. If you guys want me to explain Yugi's closing remark, just hit the little review button, and I'll write a sequel that will prove to be informative…and funny.