Word Count: 704
Warnings: Spoilers for those who aren't up to chapters 382-383.
A/N: A little tribute to one of my favorite characters, Jiraiya. He was freakin' amazing.

Morieris ut Canis- Die like a Dog

It was going to be beautiful; loud and flashy with a corny catch phrase that made people remember him as the man he created and not the failure that he was.

Jiraiya was going to fight for Konoha in his boisterous and grinning way and he was going to leave behind a legacy for Naruto and his entire Icha Icha collection for Kakashi. It was going to be perfect. And as he lay on his back after conquering the greatest evil he was going to smirk up at Tsunade (the way he always knew she liked) and he was going to make her smile and laugh and have her remember him as Jiji and not an incompetent old man that took too damn long to die.

Jiraiya was going to kiss Tsunade before he took his last breath, was going to kiss her with so much passion and love that even his Icha Icha books couldn't compare. He was going to devour her and swallow her whole and finally feel on her breasts and when she hit him this time he was actually going to die and she was so going to regret it this time!

Jiraiya always figured that before he died he was going to figure out a fool-proof way to sneak into the women's bath; or rather, he was going to make Kakashi teach him that Cloud jutsu that nearly killed them both because Jiraiya hadn't been smart enough and they just couldn't see the God-forsaken S-class nin. And after Jiraiya figured out that jutsu, he wasn't even going to go to the bath house, he was going to go to a nice tea house with big breasted women and drink warm sake just like he (and Tsunade) had always liked it and he was going to look back at his like and be proud.

Before then, though, Jiraiya was going to tell Naruto (his godson) about his name and his father and his gorgeous mother, and then Jiraiya might hug him; and he would definitely say he loved him (in that gruff Jiraiya-way of his, because he did). Then, he was going to rasengan Kakashi back into his right mind and definitely hug him (and maybe say he loved him) and tell him that his father would be damn proud (because he was).

Then and only then would Jiraiya allow himself to die, surrounded by endowed women and Tsunade and his precious people and everyone who called him a failure. He was going to go out in a bright light and flashy jutsu and still be alive at the end to smirk and fuckin' kiss Tsunade.

And then he was going to close his eyes all dramatic-like and go to wherever it is that shinobi go so that he can bum a smoke off of Asuma and ruffle Minato's hair just like he hated (and maybe playfully flirt with his wife), he was going to clap Sakumo on the back and play shougi with Sandaime and he was going to be happy, dammit. (Jiraiya was not a failure.)

He wasn't going to die flat on his stomach like a damn dog with his throat slit and barely enough consciousness to realize that he was a failure and just enough will to leave a fuckin' note.

He wasn't. He wasn't.

And, dammit, if things just weren't going to go the way he planned (he could live without the big-breasted women, almost), because in actuality, they rarely ever did, then he was at least go out in a way that Sensei would be proud of.

After he still saved the world with his awesome powers of deduction and with his dying breaths wrote a note that could quite possibly be life or death for Konoha (because he was going to be kick-ass any way he died); He was going to smirk at the bastard sonuvabitch that killed him and he was going to be proud of himself even it if killed him.

Because even though he spent his whole life failing and trying and failing again, he wasn't going to end it like he had no pride.

He wasn't a failure (even if he was).

(Tsunade already knew he loved her anyway.)