Back with another one, this time dedicated to my dear, otaku-cloud. If you have a tumblr, go and follow her – right now! In the meantime, please, please don't take this concept too seriously. It's more like this amusing excuse I made up to have the characters sleep with each other orz. It's not A+ writing, but this makes me laugh.

Please note that this NaruSasuSaku is a threesome, not a love triangle. Set, once again, after the supposed events of the manga, in which Sasuke is brought home and all.

Rated M for language and sex. This could be classified as a PWP, actually.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and I'm tentative to claim to own this storyline either.

V-RANK

When Naruto first heard about the mission, his heart jumped through the roof and joined the clouds, and he'd had to leave in a rush to conceal the rising tent in his pants. It wasn't that he thought about anyone in particular, it was the very scandalous idea that, well…So, who would he ask? Sakura would beat him senseless, mission or not. Hinata might say yes, given that she had strong feelings towards him, but things were awkward enough between them when Naruto finally confessed that he couldn't reciprocate. Then, there was Ino and Tenten, whom he didn't know very well, but that might be beneficial…what about the guys? Naruto never considered homosexuality a strange thing – certainly not a stranger to him – but who else shared those open-door ideals? And who would agree to such a thing? Sasuke, psh, never. Staring at the ceiling, hand flirting with his waistband, Naruto sifted through the list of people he'd considered boning, but never had the opportunity to; it was like a world of sex, an unspoken shinobi black market of friends with benefits.

When Sakura first heard about the mission, she stomped craters to Tsunade and demanded an explanation, which didn't quell her mountain of concerns. Instead, it made her all the more nervous – for years, years, she'd been surrounded by a predominantly male environment, and was gladly never too conscious of her femininity. Until now. Given the ratio of male to female, she'd have to be asked by some guy sometime (if not, that was a new development and worry altogether). Was she in the position to reject, to be picky? Naruto, she knew, would ask. Saying no to him and potentially saying yes to Sasuke would be a bitchy move. Maybe she ought to play it safe and find someone outside of the original Team Seven. Sai, maybe, but was he capable of getting it up for anything? Why was she concerned about that in the first place? Fury and embarrassment swirling in her stomach, Sakura vented her anger, decimating punching bag after punching bag, pretending they were the very penises that plagued her.

When Sasuke first heard about the mission, he was sorely tempted to refuse altogether. The very concept was logical for a shinobi, but ridiculous for him. In the years during his avenger conquest, he'd been so driven that he'd never considered sexual relationships. Karin certainly gave him plenty of opportunity, all of which he snuffed because the girl was – well, simply, there was no point to it. Now that there was a point, now that he couldn't decline, he was at a loss for words and action. There was nobody he would deign to ask, male or female, alive or dead. His initial instinct told him to ask Sakura – she wouldn't refuse, and if he asked nicely (or threateningly) enough, she'd keep her mouth glued shut about it for the rest of her life. Yes, that was probably what he was going to do…man up, get it over with before the dobe did. Did he just turn sex into a competition? What the hell.

"You don't have to go all the way, you know," said the ever-wise Ino when Sakura confronted her at their favorite gossiping spot, the Yamanaka Flower Shop. "Just suck someone's dick, let them sign the mission scroll, and be done with it. Easy."

Sakura pouted, twirling a flower between her fingers, clenching far too tightly for the delicate plant. "Easy for you," she said, "You're not the one on the same team as hero-complexes and avenger-complexes." On second thought, maybe she was overthinking it. Did she really matter so much to her teammates that they'd tussle over her? In her dreams. Even if Ino was right, she didn't want to admit it – she didn't want to make the decision between Naruto and Sasuke. It was like choosing between water and air.

"But you are on the team with the most accomplished – notorious, whatever – shinobi in the village. I don't think you realize how lucky you are!"

At the jealous twinge in Ino's shrill voice, Sakura winced. Multiple times had she taken the two for granted, especially Naruto. Desperate to obtain advice rather than mope about her shortcomings, she asked, "So who did you do it with?"

Ino's spine reacted like an antsy feline. Hiding her face behind her blonde bangs, she mumbled, "Shikamaru."

"And you never told me!" Sakura cried, snatching her friend's arm, scandalized.

Stammering, Ino retorted, "I never had the chance! That Pein guy blew the village up and everything was blown out of proportion from there-"

"But you blew Shikamaru!"

"Shh – Sakura!"

In the meantime, Naruto could be found at the very place he always visited when troubled: Ichiraku Ramen. He had the doubly good fortune of encountering Yamato-taichou on his way there; counsel was urgently needed, and it was too easy to weasel money out of that kind-hearted fellow. While digging in the first of many bowls of ramen, Naruto slurped, "So, taichou, ever heard of this V-rank thing?"

Yamato spluttered on his noodles in response.

Naruto effortlessly interpreted this form of food-language, and continued, "What's the point of it? It sounds like something Ero-Sennin would make up."

Clearing his searing throat, the captain explained as soberly as his red face would allow, "Enemies use multiple means, not limited to combat, to catch a shinobi off guard. Sexual advances and seduction have been among those methods. A ninja must be able to remain focused should such an event occur. This V-rank mission is simply Konoha's way of making sure all of-age shinobi are not only comfortable, but have a certain degree of sexual experience."

"It just sounds like it'll start a lot of drama," he commented with a frown, fully aware (and a victim) of the effects of raging hormones.

"If you're a proper shinobi," Yamato corrected, trying very hard to maintain a professional deadpan. "You'll put your duty before your lust and any – uh – awkwardness."

Pointing at his flushed sensei, Naruto accused laughingly, "Awkwardness! You're not a proper shinobi, taichou!"

Sasuke, having received the same birds-and-the-bees-shinobi-style from Kakashi, proceeded to glower over the situation and send his best non-Amaterasu death glare at the scroll. Upon receiving the mission, he intended on striding up to Sakura and completing it before any embarrassment or hesitation could restrain him. Proud as he was, he could hardly admit his mortification. What does one do in a situation like this? Hey, Sakura, suck my dick and sign this when you're done, please.

Kakashi was no help at all. The masked sensei, despite having implicitly assumed the role of a guardian for the three, was shamelessly amused at their torment and offered no help. "I'm not getting involved in your sex lives," he interjected before Sasuke could ask the truly pressing questions. He did learn, however, that many of their peers had received the infamous scroll long before Team Seven did. Tsunade apparently thought they were under enough stress already.

No matter – Sasuke didn't like this, not one bit. In the past, he hadn't the luxury of harboring feelings of attachment of any kind, and now he was thrust into the threshold of the sex scene. His virgin mind was appalled that a sex scene even existed in a shinobi village. What was more acceptable, utter abstinence, chastity, one-night-stands, homosexuality? Other people actually have genitals?

In short, Sasuke felt left out. No, he didn't like that, either.

Surprisingly enough, Sakura came to Naruto first. It was during the aftermath of one of those godforsaken summer days, where the cicadas sat on their bark thrones and the air developed a friendly personality and waved. Having spent a long day at the hospital, she was spent, skin slightly damp with perspiration, muscles tense. When Sakura dared show this tired side, this post-seven-pm side, he couldn't help but adore her. Maybe it was the night chemicals working on him.

Without shutting the door, she stepped in wordlessly, gave an obligatory sigh at the mess.

The descending ungainliness of this particular house call betrayed her intentions. Naruto gulped, unsure of what to do, what to say. Balancing on the heels of his bare feet, he feigned ignorance. "Do you need something, Sakura-chan?"

Exasperatedly, she beckoned him forward and patted the bed beside her. "Just come here, okay?" Trying not to seem too eager, Naruto obeyed, suddenly aware of Sakura's pink little lips and how chapped his own were. Hopefully she'll overlook his overzealous boner. "We don't tell anyone, agreed?" she said with mock firmness.

Naruto, too stunned to accept the reality of the moment, "Are you sure you don't want it to be with...?"

"This isn't like that time in the Land of Iron," Sakura said lowly, leaning a tiny bit closer, that tiny bit tantalizing him. "It's not a huge love confession or anything – I don't know how to ask Sasuke-kun, and I feel like, with you, it'd be—" she threw him a despairing look. "I love you both. Is that selfish?"

Surely she meant in a non-romantic way. Naruto, shoving aside his selfish yearning for answers, tightly embraced her. "It's not, Sakura-chan. Just let me know if you change your mind."

Squirming away from his grasp to lightheartedly punch his shoulder, she said, "Okay, stop that, Naruto! The gushier we make this, the more complicated it'll get. No more words. Just..." Just what?

And Naruto kissed her, his big hands in her pink hair, his skin and lips warm; he seemed to inhale her very essence, breathe in all the years of wanting her, admiring from a far, watching her love another – everything – claiming her for just this moment. Heart pounding, stunned, she shut her eyes and reciprocated, pushing him back to prove that what she had confessed was truth. The mattress springs squeaked as Naruto's body fell back, chest cradling Sakura from the small fall, thighs awkwardly brushing and hands snatching at fibers.

They remained like that, belatedly traversing through years of neglected groundwork, regaining their comfort zones. Knowing that Naruto was restraining himself for her sake, Sakura took the initiative by tugging his jacket zipper down and heavily pressing her body against his revealed skin. Tilting her chin open, she slipped her tongue in between two sets of teeth to meet with his. Quick to respond, Naruto crushed her to him, extended his own tongue, ran his hand along the small of her back, and –

"Well, fuck."

Sasuke stood, watching irritably, the door ajar. The moment he formulated a strategy and coerced his uneasy legs to walk across the village to Naruto's apartment, he was heartily welcomed with the mind-numbing scene of his two teammates happily sharing spit. Sakura jolted and shoved herself away from Naruto as if she just discovered he were the devil himself. Saliva clinging to his jaw, Naruto steadily stared, too flabbergasted by the rapid chain of events to respond properly.

"Sasuke-kun, what are you—"

He wasn't going to deal with this bullshit. His life, he knew, was the very essence of bullshit. Sasuke snapped his head away, and the rest of his body followed. "You can forget it. Fuck each other instead."

"Sasuke-kun, it's just a stupid mission!"

"Teme! Wait! Come here!" In a rustle of movement and a stride of bare feet along wooden panels, Naruto rushed past Sakura, barreling towards Sasuke. He snatched his sleeve and steered him around before swiftly planting a wet kiss – second one of the night – on Sasuke's bewildered lips. Sakura squeaked in utter disbelief; Sasuke flailed, propelled the blonde away, and immediately spat a string of curses.

Naruto, as usual, wore the stupidest, most handsome smile. "You've come all this way to my apartment, might as well."

Sakura, rendered speechless, quickly deciphered this plot twist. Sasuke came to Naruto's apartment with the full intention of doing this V-rank mission with Naruto. Naruto just nonchalantly galloped up and kissed Sasuke. "W-wait—" she interrupted their sweet little moment, "Naruto, you promised me that—"

A new twinkle in Naruto's eyes, he winked at her, saying, "Trust me, Sakura-chan!" With an easy superiority that only he could wield, he took the wrists of his teammates and directed them into his room, correcting his previous blunder and shutting the door behind them. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched, not amused and still furious; Sakura could only manage astonishment and suspicion.

Naruto's hand slid from Sakura's, winded around her waist, and yanked her to him, tightly. With an easy laziness, he kissed her again, his other hand planted on her chin to forestall her struggling – which she didn't. Yes, they were under Naruto's roof, and yes, Naruto was violating lines she would ordinarily have condemned him for, but ever since the war ended, it was virtually impossible to say no to him. Not with that smile that everyone said resembled his father's. Not with those eyes which had grown impossibly deeper, bluer. Not to Naruto.

When he withdrew, breathing deeply, forehead against hers, he summoned Sasuke forward. "Kiss her," he commanded, discharging a protesting Sakura and nigh forcing her onto him. Looking up into Sasuke's eyes, she could only perceive anxiousness, uncertainty, and a whirlwind of conflicts and means to murder Naruto. Her heart ached at their proximity – would it pain him that much for just one little kiss?

Whatever, she thought, deciding that if she was ever going to embrace Sasuke, now was the best opportunity. Her back arched as she leaned up, neck extended until she could feel his breath tickle hers. Sasuke's hand on her waist guided her closer, much to her surprise, eliminating the distance between them. Every nerve in contact with him tingled with shock and delight; she was kissing Sasuke, actually kissing Sasuke –

Hands, more hands, double than what there ought to be – Naruto's, tracing her stomach, brushing against her breasts shamelessly. "Hands up," he said into her ear, fingers curled around the hem of her shirt. Timidly, she obeyed, breaking away from Sasuke temporarily to reveal her toned torso to the cool summer air, to the rough skin of her teammates. An incredible heat warmed her back – it had to be Naruto, flattened against her, squeezing her between them.

In a joint action, Sasuke was hauled to the bed, sprawled like a breathless corpse with two wolves humming around him. His face demonstrated antagonism, but his body trembled in what could only be uneasiness. With Naruto's tacit encouragement, Sakura slithered her hands underneath his shirt, warming her cold fingers along the contours of his chest. Naruto, impatient as ever, tugged that shirt off him and kissed his way down, down to his waistband, daringly cupping the tent throbbing below his waist. Sasuke's eyes blankly registered the ceiling; the doubled gossamer touch, the amplified whispers of breathing, the blankets underneath his – now bare – legs, the sight of pink hair sliding below his view, the hotness that suddenly engulfed his cock…

Grasping at the sheets, Sasuke tensed at the wet, damp feeling encompassing his member. Naruto grasped his jaw, almost wild, coarse, and kissed him. Anchoring himself on his blond locks, Sasuke responded just as desperately, not thinking twice about what was happening, that these two had him writhing and whimpering pleasurably in bed, that this was for a mission, of all things…

"Hey – Hey, Sakura-chan, don't make him cum just yet!" Naruto's voice would have shaken him back to reality, if it wasn't for the frantic need to release approaching like a pure white wave. Sasuke blinked fifteen times in one second, struggling to recollect his blown apart bearings, and itching urgently for that phenomenon, for something like completion.

Sakura retreated, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and huffed an ambiguous sigh. Wearing his best mischievous grin, Naruto leaped onto her, kissing her tenderly, freeing her breasts from her bra and fondling them. She watched him with awe as he directed his kisses lower and lower – this was the Naruto that was incompetent, gross, and annoying. This was the Naruto she wanted nothing to do with. This was the Naruto that hooked a finger around her underwear and slid them down her leg.

She felt Sasuke's eyes on her as Naruto spread her knees apart and went down on her, mouth first into her pussy. It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, even, that she had submitted to something like this – but fuck – it felt better than anything she had ever experienced before. He groaned into her cunt, blue eyes linked with hers, teasing her clit with his tongue. Just as she acclimated to the new sensation, she felt a new intruder someplace else.

"Careful, dobe," Sasuke said, seemingly from another world. "It's her first time."

"Shut up," Naruto countered, nodding gravely to Sakura. "I'll take care of her."

Squirming, Sakura wondered how such a thing could even feel gratifying – it felt like a prick, like taking blood work, except down there, of course. Naruto cautiously removed his finger before inserting it again, deeper, deeper, until his knuckles brushed her and –

Electrified, her eyes rolled to the back of her head, stunned beyond shit. "So that's how it feels," she exhaled, jaw agape, eyes glazed. Smirking, Naruto continued the motion, striking the same spot until Sakura shut her eyes and feverishly clenched at anything within reach. Unrelenting, he included a second finger and kissed her clit again. Sakura's legs twitched and bent, "Oh my God, Naruto," she whimpered, running a hand through her swept hair and moaning aloud. In the corner of her eye, she saw Sasuke, eyes glued to the act, hand working unabashedly at his rigid dick.

Naruto reared back, working at his zipper, staring down at Sakura, spread-eagled on the bed. With his characteristic aggressiveness, smirking Sasuke tackled him away.

"No fair!" Naruto said indignantly, though noticeably half-joking. "I did all the work preparing her." From the sidelines, he tossed a condom at Sasuke's face. "Don't hurt her, teme."

Ignoring him, Sasuke possessively caressed her thigh, rubbed her exposed hole with his finger. "You trust me, right?" With quivering fingers, he broke open the little packet.

When she nodded, he straightway guided himself into her. Sakura bit her lip, attempting to remain relaxed, but she wasn't prepared for Sasuke's width. Blinking back searing tears, she focused instead on whatever the hell Naruto was doing, rummaging in his drawers. Sasuke's hips brushed her thighs; she stared down at the distance, or lack thereof, at speechless. He paused, waiting for her to adjust to the invasion, and then moved again, pulling out and pushing in, each time faster than the last.

Just when Sakura's breathing settled, her pain segued into pure pleasure.

Her back arched as she cried out, thus encouraging Sasuke. It wasn't like the blowjob, not like his own hand, either – she was so hot, so tight. His head fell back, eyes shut, submerged in the sensation of burying himself into her.

A finger ran down his spine, far too close to his ass, and Sasuke halted in dread. "Quit it," he grunted, not wanting Naruto to ruin this moment for him.

"Hey, I deserve something for all this," Naruto responded, simpering, wagging his finger caked with the lube he excavated from his drawers. "Don't stop now, or Sakura-chan'll get mad." Sasuke's lust conquered his urge to escape; soon he felt something sink into him, alien. He yelped at the awkward feeling of Naruto probing for his prostate. Just as he rammed into Sakura again, he felt that indescribable rush, and could just hear Naruto smirking victoriously behind him as he moaned guiltily.

"Fuck it," Naruto muttered, impatient and husky, "I don't have to be nice to you."

"Wha—"

Something – much larger than a finger – prodded at his hole, not even begging permission to enter. Naruto gripped Sasuke's hips, steadying himself deep into him, grunting in pleasure as his ass engulfed him. Sakura watched, shooting Sasuke an encouraging grin – it gets better, her flyaway look promised.

Naruto (biting his lip, fingernails digging into Sasuke's hips) pushed himself in, pushed Sasuke (head thrown back, eyes wide, moaning) into Sakura (crying aloud for more, grasping at her own breasts, legs splayed wide). Together, they reveled in the euphoria, all hot skin and hot breaths. Naruto, taking control as he did in the very beginning, fucked Sasuke, hard, challenging him. All Sasuke's restraint was abandoned by the multiplied sensations, of the feral rhythm that beat on both ends of his body. Sakura, so close to coming, could only see, feel, moan, writhe, claw, as Sasuke fucked her faster, to Naruto's enforced pace.

They seemed to lose control simultaneously. Sasuke cursed, pushing deeper into her, wanting nothing more than to make her scream just how Naruto drove him insane with bliss. Panting into Sasuke's ear, Naruto detected their urgency and quickened his own pace, reveling in the tightness around his cock and the unashamed noises of their impending orgasms.

Sakura was the first. The boys, entranced by her quaking muscles and sweet cry, watched her claw at herself until the sense returned to her green eyes, and her ribs rose and fell like billows. Encouraged by the incredible spectacle of a female orgasm, Sasuke's body shivered and he leaned forward, empty of cum and energy, mouth dumbly open until Naruto's seed filled him.

They said not a word that night, but collapsed into a tangle of limbs and sheets and fingers and hair.

When they handed in their V-Rank scrolls together the next morning, Tsunade couldn't stop laughing.

Okay this isn't that good (I can't write Sakura's character for the life of me), but gosh, this was a challenge. Let me know what you think!