Give it back. Give my sanity back.
A/N: Sorry, my English is probably clumsy. It is not my native tongue but I believe it's decent enough to allow this story to be published.
Suggestive themes ahead, nothing graphic though.
'Hetalia'/Himaruya Hidekaz.
I hate him. God I hate him. Just look at him, walking like he rules the world.
Chin up, showing off his trimed 'Gorges du Tarn'.
Deep blue eyes shining, even when half-lidded, with insolent charm and provocation.
An arrogant smile playing on his thin lips, all teasing and mocking.
Thrusting out his chest in such a proud fashion.
His long, silk-like, golden hair bouncing gently with his every move, styled in a fancy way that could only look good on him. And he knows it.
His steps as he walks are so graceful, one could almost see a red carpet rolling beneath his feet.
The way he talks, with his voice so smoothe, purring sweet words in a unique accent with the tongue of a snake.
Displaying shameless extravagance and luxury in his clothing, making sure he has everyone's attention on him.
And his attitude... acting like royalty, like a god among mortals, above anything and anyone on Earth.
Thinking that no matter what happens, he will always obtain what he want and get away with it, charming and seducing his way to do so.
God, do I hate him. Do I bloody loathe his very existence. He is my cancer, my ulcer, my plague and my poison.
Just knowing that he breathes keeps me up at night. Knowing that he lives so near to my home gives me murder pulses at times. Knowing he is walking throught daily life, spreading his poison wherever his feet lead him gives me violent and sudden nausea.
He kills me. Everyday. He does.
Oh God... I feel it raging, roaring inside me. This feeling that doesn't belong to love or hartred. No, it is so much beyond those and I doubt there are any words on this planet to describe it.
What would I give to have him in my arms, to feel the tingle of his breath on my face as I strangle him, as I dress his stunning body in red, blue and violet; as I draw blood from clawing at his warm flesh and nibbling his lips.
Lord, please allow me this foolish wish just this once. Grant it so I can have my sanity back. I need it. I need him.
I need the sin that he is.
I want to carve in his flesh the weight of my feelings, to write my name with hard bites all over his body. Squeeze him so tight as to leave red handprints marking his soft, pale skin.
I want to drink on his shouts as he yells in pain and pleasure, feed on the sole feeling of having him squirm beneath me, and taste the honey of his sweat.
I want to make him mine, make him my slave, make myself his rightful master and have him pledging eternal allegiance to me; to have his crown rolling on the floor for me to take and wear on my head.
I want him to have my poison, since I had his for so long. I want him to feel it racing, coursing, flooding his veins until madness invades his mind and makes his heart addicted forever to the sweet and agonizing pain, carrying my signature with every heartbeat.
This feeling is monster, growing everyday and threatening to come out and take me over. It has been eating away my sanity slowly but surely for a millenia, and now with nothing more to devour, it is nibbling at my patience.
I will make him pay for stealing my sanity, I will have him giving it back to me and I will even have his on a silver plate. I will see him shiver, clinging onto me as if afraid to disappear if he were to let go of me. I will see him intoxicated, vulnerable and on his knees begging and abjectly submissive, hanging on my every word. This will all be his fair punishment for having done all of these to me for so long.
Please, give me this man. I want all of him: his beautiful arrogance, his foolish pride, his disgusting all-mighty attitude, his annoying smirks, his qualities and his flaws... I'll swallow them whole and treasure them all to myself forever.
He will only look at me, always. Constantly looking for my eyes, my shadow, my presence wherever he is. His thoughts full of me, all day long and even in his dreams. He will yearn for my presence, crave my touch, and long for my attention at all times.
Just how long do I have before I snap and lose to this monster I've been oh so carefully feeding all this time ? I am scared. I am terrified. Yet I can't help longing for the day it happens. It's already clawing at the bars of its cell. I no longer have the strenght to keep up the walls of pride, my façade is crumbling apart.
As I watch him from afar, gritting my teeth so hard I can taste my own blood in my mouth, silently convulsing with unhealthy, sinful thoughts of possessive and jealous emotions, staring at him so hard it's a wonder how he hasn't melt yet as he talks so obliviously to someone, one question echoes again and again in my mind:
How long ? How much longer will I last, I wonder ?
God I hate him. For being who he is. For doing this to me. For throwing me to hell. God damn both of us to hell and back.
But before it happens...
Please let him give it back. Give me back my sanity.