I watch him as he smirks, again throwing a hurtful comment in my direction. It doesn't really hurt. I don't have feelings to make it hurt. But...for some reason it does. I think I'm just imagining things. But I watch. I watch, and sometimes help him though he'll never admit he needed it. I am an android, built to serve.
But sometimes I just want to turn away. Away from Roger, away from Norman, away from everyone. I know it would never be possible for any of them to love me. How could they love something that couldn't love in return? But can I love? Haven't I loved?
Yes...I suppose I have. But it isn't logical, isn't part of my design. Is it? No, it's not. I wasn't programmed for such useless emotions. That's what they are. Unnecessary and useless HUMAN emotions. I am not human. I don't feel what they feel. I couldn't possibly feel love...But...Somehow, against the dreaded thing called "fate", I have found a feeling that I cannot describe.
Could it be love? Or just a wire on the fritz?
I don't really give a damn anymore! I do love, I can love, I swear I love! And I feel love for the one who swears that I can't. Someone who has triggered emotions...yes, I suppose that's what they are...to turn in my head like leaves in the wind.
Roger.
His name makes my head turn and my eyes focus on whoever spoke the name of my interest. Interest? Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just curious. I'm a machine, I gather data. That's it. It's not love after all, just my programming insisting on gathering more information. Yes, that must be it. After all, Roger is always right. He is like a machine himself. He doesn't waver in battle, and is quick to think and act in situations that would leave other humans in shock. Yes, that's what it is. Curiosity.
But isn't curiosity a human emotion? The need to discover the undiscovered. Something that humans are rather good at. But many androids are created to gather information. So yes, it is a trait shared between humans and androids.
So I don't love, do I? Maybe I'm just making too much of things that shouldn't matter. Norman is good to me, he cares. I know he does. And I know that somewhere deep inside me, I can care too. I will show them all one day, that I am not just a mindless android.
But...maybe Roger is right. He is always right after all. He saved me, then agreed to protect me. All for what? Did HE care? No, Roger didn't care about anyone. He had said it himself before, many times. But maybe he was lying. It was something humans were very good at. Lying, deceiving and cheating. I wish I could lie. But I can't, it's not in my programming. So, I must tell the truth when asked a question. I can't hide anything. But is there anything to hide? I don't feel, I can't be embarrassed by anything.
"Dorothy?" Roger's voice called me from my thinking. I turned my head from the window and looked at him. Was that concern shining in his eyes? "Is something wrong?"
I stare at him for a moment, then look out the window again at the passing lines on the road. A noise escapes my lips, something close to a "Hn" and nothing more is said between us.
Did I just lie? No, I can't lie. But I do...I lie to myself. I tell myself that I can't love when I know that I do. I love just as much as anyone. But no...it isn't love.
Is it?
But sometimes I just want to turn away. Away from Roger, away from Norman, away from everyone. I know it would never be possible for any of them to love me. How could they love something that couldn't love in return? But can I love? Haven't I loved?
Yes...I suppose I have. But it isn't logical, isn't part of my design. Is it? No, it's not. I wasn't programmed for such useless emotions. That's what they are. Unnecessary and useless HUMAN emotions. I am not human. I don't feel what they feel. I couldn't possibly feel love...But...Somehow, against the dreaded thing called "fate", I have found a feeling that I cannot describe.
Could it be love? Or just a wire on the fritz?
I don't really give a damn anymore! I do love, I can love, I swear I love! And I feel love for the one who swears that I can't. Someone who has triggered emotions...yes, I suppose that's what they are...to turn in my head like leaves in the wind.
Roger.
His name makes my head turn and my eyes focus on whoever spoke the name of my interest. Interest? Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just curious. I'm a machine, I gather data. That's it. It's not love after all, just my programming insisting on gathering more information. Yes, that must be it. After all, Roger is always right. He is like a machine himself. He doesn't waver in battle, and is quick to think and act in situations that would leave other humans in shock. Yes, that's what it is. Curiosity.
But isn't curiosity a human emotion? The need to discover the undiscovered. Something that humans are rather good at. But many androids are created to gather information. So yes, it is a trait shared between humans and androids.
So I don't love, do I? Maybe I'm just making too much of things that shouldn't matter. Norman is good to me, he cares. I know he does. And I know that somewhere deep inside me, I can care too. I will show them all one day, that I am not just a mindless android.
But...maybe Roger is right. He is always right after all. He saved me, then agreed to protect me. All for what? Did HE care? No, Roger didn't care about anyone. He had said it himself before, many times. But maybe he was lying. It was something humans were very good at. Lying, deceiving and cheating. I wish I could lie. But I can't, it's not in my programming. So, I must tell the truth when asked a question. I can't hide anything. But is there anything to hide? I don't feel, I can't be embarrassed by anything.
"Dorothy?" Roger's voice called me from my thinking. I turned my head from the window and looked at him. Was that concern shining in his eyes? "Is something wrong?"
I stare at him for a moment, then look out the window again at the passing lines on the road. A noise escapes my lips, something close to a "Hn" and nothing more is said between us.
Did I just lie? No, I can't lie. But I do...I lie to myself. I tell myself that I can't love when I know that I do. I love just as much as anyone. But no...it isn't love.
Is it?