Shoichi was sitting on the couch when Byakuran arrived.

Apprehension filled the younger teen at the thought of seeing his white-haired friend. It had been three months since Shoichi had last seen Byakuran. Classes and the mafia had kept the two of them busy until, finally, Byakuran was able to call to say that he would be in town. If he were to be completely honest with himself there were two parts of himself doing battle at the thought of seeing him. One half wanted him to stay as far away as possible, while the other clearly needed to see and talk to him. In the end, whether he liked it or not, he gave in to Byakuran's request to hang out together.

The doorbell was loud in his ears, and, even though he knew that his sister and mother were out shopping for dinner later that night, he hoped that one of them would get the door for him. His nerves were wound so tight that he felt as though he would explode if he were to get up from his seat. He entertained the idea of calling from the couch, but the manners that his mother had instilled in him wouldn't allow for such a thing. A knot twisted in his stomach when the bell rang again. He yelled out a nervous "Coming!" before standing and making his way to the door. Each step wound the knots in his stomach tighter and tighter. He unconsciously tugged his long sleeves down to his palms before opening the door to reveal a smiling Byakuran.

"Sho-chan!" Byakuran called exuberantly as he rushed forward to hug the teen in the doorway. Shoichi let out a surprised yelp as his arms whipped around and hit the other teen's back. "I've missed you so much!"

"I've-" Shoichi wheezed through his friend's tight embrace. He squeezed back carefully before releasing the other to step back. "I-I've missed you, too, Byakuran-san." Byakuran's smile brightened as he stepped through the threshold, allowing Shoichi to shut the door behind him. Byakuran toed off his shoes effortlessly before turning the full force of his smile on his friend.

"Thanks for letting me come over. Italy is fun and all, but it's nice to get away for a while to see my best friend."

"S-Sure." Shoichi let out an awkward laugh. "Come on in." He began to lead his friend into his house. "Mom and Sis went out to buy groceries for dinner tonight and dad is still at work, so it's just you and me until they get back."

"That's fine," Byakuran laughed as he took in his surroundings. The redhead watched him nervously for a few moments before looking around to see things slightly disheveled. He flushed in embarrassment as he realized that he had forgotten to clean up the living room like his mother had asked him.

"Sorry for the mess. I was working on homework and-"

"You have a nice house, Sho-chan." Byakuran set his bags down before walking to a bookcase and picking up a photograph of Shoichi's family. He let out a laugh as he took in the sight of a much smaller redhead standing with his sister and parents at a festival. "I can't wait to meet everyone."

"They can't either." A small awkward silence fell between them as the white-haired teen replaced the picture frame and reached to look at another. After he repeated it a third time Shoichi felt compelled to speak. "D-did you need anything to drink?" His friend quirked an eyebrow in amusement as he paused to look up from the picture.

"I'm fine Sho-chan. I can wait to have something to drink at dinner." He replaced the third picture before bending to pick up a fourth. This one made him chuckle as he took in the very young Irie siblings playing together in the mud. Shoichi flushed in embarrassment.

"D-Did you want to do anything while we waited? There isn't a lot of entertaining things to do around the house, but I'm sure we could find something to fill the time."

"Spanner mentioned that you bought a new fighting game recently. That might be fun." Shoichi froze for a moment. He knew that the two of them had the other's contact information, but it had never occurred to him that they might actually talk to each other.

"Y-you talk to Spanner?"

"Yes. At least once a week actually."

"What do you talk about?"

"You mostly." This came as a shock. It wasn't like the two of them talked a lot about personal issues or anything, he certainly didn't tell Spanner secrets on a regular basis, but it was concerning to know that whatever he said might end up being passed to unwanted ears. Byakuran waved a dismissive hand at Shoichi's own worry. "He says that he doesn't do anything interesting outside of hanging out with you and the others, and I'm not always interested in hearing about machines, so it's only natural that you'd come up."

"Does… does he share anything personal about me to you?" Byakuran sighed and shook his head.

"Unfortunately, no. Though, the last time we talked he did say that he was worried about you."

"H-he did? Why… why would he say something like that?" A catalogue of their most recent conversations came to mind. Had he said anything to tip off the mechanic about what was going on? He could have sworn that he was careful in how he acted to avoid suspicion. He had the situation under control after all. If he hadn't let anything slip then how-

"I don't know. He only stated that you'd been acting weird lately." Byakuran set the picture down before facing his friend. The mirth was gone. In its place was a look of concern that seemed out of place on the usually mirthful face. "I have to be straight with you Sho-chan: Spanner's concern is one of the reasons why I decided to come and visit. He said that he thought that I would have better luck getting you to open up about whatever is going on inside of your head."

Apprehension began to fill Shoichi as he realized that Spanner was a lot more observant than he had realized. It was obvious that he didn't exactly know what was going on, for which Shoichi was grateful for, but for someone to have noticed at all meant that he had slipped up somehow. And, if he wasn't careful going forward, then everything would blow up in his face. He didn't want to bother anyone with what was going on in his head, let alone tell anyone about the solution that he had found, so he needed to do some major damage control before things got out of hand.

"I-I'm fine Byakuran," his voice warbled a little as he sheepishly scratched the back of his head with his left hand. "Really, there isn't anything weird going on in my head. I've just been tired because classes are kind of hard and-"

"Is that blood on your sleeve, Shoichi?" The combination of the serious tone and the use of his given name caused his left hand to stall in his hair. Before he knew what was going on, Byakuran had strode forward and pulled his fingers free in order to examine his sleeve. The sight of the stain caused Shoichi to curse internally. He knew that he had been extra careful so how was it that he now had a bloodstain on his sleeve? A flash of their earlier hug went through his mind. His careless hugging must have re-opened the wound. Feigning surprise, he brought the sleeve, which Byakuran was still holding on to, up to his face for a supposed closer inspection.

"Oh," He could tell immediately that the forced surprise would not abate his friend's concern. A knot of nervousness twisted in his stomach as he pretended to inspect the stain on his sleeve. "I must have caught it on a hanger earlier or something." He knew that it was a half-baked excuse, but he hoped that his friend would buy it anyways. He turned in the direction of his room in an attempt to avoid the topic. "Now where did I put-"

Byakuran jerked him back around to face him with a firm tug. His hold effectively prevented him from leaving the room.

"Tell me why there is blood on your sleeve."

"Look, it's nothing to worry about. Why don't we go ahead and play that game you mentioned? It really is a lot of-"

"Shoichi Irie. Tell me. Now." Byakuran's voice was firm. The determined look in his eyes clearly said that he would not accept anything besides the truth.

Shoichi could feel fear grip him as Byakuran searched his face with a critical eye. When Shoichi choose to remain silent instead of responding to his friend's question, his sleeve was pulled up to his elbow to reveal a myriad of cuts. The source of the stain became apparent as the redhead realized that one of the more recent ones had broken open. Shoichi tried to pull the appendage from his friend's grasp, but Byakuran's grip was surprisingly unyielding and, no matter which way he pulled, he was unable to hide the evidence from his friend.

Fear and apprehension combined to turn into full-out panic the instant air touched his arm. Shoichi found himself shaking uncontrollably. The quaking made him feel weak, but he was grateful when he felt the other's grip loosen in response. The look in Byakuran's eyes softened considerably as he took in his friend's response. After only a few moments it became too much to bear, and Shoichi's eyes immediately went to the floor. He didn't want anyone's help with this. If he talked to anyone about what was going on he knew that he would become a bother to them. He had to bear it alone, it was his fault any-

"Sho-chan?" Byakuran's voice was soft with worry. His friend's voice seemed to be rather effective against Shoichi's carefully constructed walls. He tried his hardest to keep his composure, but found that he couldn't. There was no way to hide the evidence of his struggle now, but he wrenched his arm out of Byakuran's grasp anyways while pulling the sleeve down in a feeble attempt.

Shoichi did not want to tell his friend about what had been happening. If he told Byakuran about the reasoning behind his behavior then who was to say that everyone else he knew wouldn't find out as well? And if anyone else found out they would see it as their responsibility to help him. He couldn't let that happen. It was his responsibility to deal with this, not theirs. Besides everyone else had enough to deal with without him getting in their way.

The redhead crossed his arms tightly over his chest, ignoring the blood, and spared the other teen a glance, afraid of what he would see there. He wasn't sure what he had expected to find in the other's face, but the raw concern in the other's face was almost too much to bear. It wasn't a look that he had ever seen before. In his memories there had always been a playfulness about the other, even when they were faced with a serious situation. In the end, Shoichi's shock was the catalyst that led to the worlds spilling from his mouth before he could stop them.

"They… They won't go away." He murmured. Unable to hold the other's purple gaze, his green eyes fell to the floor where he could see a scuff mark that had been there since they had last rearranged the furniture. "No matter what I do the… the faces won't go away." Tears began to slide down his face as images of friends and foes flashed before his now unfocused eyes. Some he could recall the names, while others had only been a face on a screen, but It didn't matter. All that mattered was that each and every single one of them was a person who he had killed in the future-that-was-never-to-be.

"I-It's all my f-fault that they died," His arms tightened around his chest as the words continued to spill out into the silence. He tried to pull them in, but he couldn't seem to keep them inside himself anymore now that the dam had been broken. "And it doesn't even matter that… that that future won't happen anymore. I still killed those people. And it hurts. And I don't know how to make it stop.. And… and…" Two familiar arms wrapped around him with care. The redhead's tears immediately escalate into sobs that were far beyond his ability to control.

Shoichi expected to be shushed and told that everything would be alright. To stop crying. To stop caring about a future that would never come to pass, but the expected words never came. Instead, his sobs were met with nothing more than careful hands rubbing his back and continued silence. It was an unfamiliar feeling, being held and comforted without any interruption, but, there was something comforting about the patient silence.

"Sho-chan," Byakuran said carefully a few minutes after Shoichi had finally cried himself out. Gingerly, he pulled back far enough to make eye contact with the shorter teen before continuing on. "You're allowed to feel however you need to over their deaths. They were, and are, real people and it's admirable that you care so much for them." He paused for a moment to consider his next words. Determination filled his eyes before he continued. "But, what you aren't allowed to do is shoulder all of the blame for what happened in that future." Shoichi tried to interject, but the albino continued on before the other could get a single word out. "We both know who is truly at fault for what happened in the future. Who ordered those deaths. So it is entirely unfair of you to try to take all of the blame from me.."

"But I-"

"Did what I wanted you to do. The only reason your hands were stained was because I made them that way. If I had never put forth any of those orders, your hands would have been as clean as snow. Therefore, you can't place such a heavy burden on your shoulders." Shoichi dropped his eyes to Byakuran's chest.

"But, if I had just-"

"Just what Sho-chan?" The redhead flinched at Byakuran's sharp tone. "Prevented everything from happening? I'm sorry to break this to you Sho-chan, but there was no way for you to have prevented the power from awakening in me."

"And how do you know that?" Shoichi's eyes flew up to glare at the other teen as frustration and anger began to grow inside of him. "From all of the research that I did in the future there would have been no other way for that power to have awoken. Who's to say that it wouldn't have laid dormant for the rest of your life if you had never met me?"

"Yuni." Shoichi froze as Byakuran's hands tightened on his shoulders as his voice softened a fraction. "I spoke with Yuni and she told me that if you hadn't awoken my power in this time line that it would have awoken in another. She said that there was no way to prevent it from happening and that if it had begun in any other timeline there would have been no chance at stopping me."

"But, that doesn't take the blame away from me. I was still the cause for what happened. I-"

"Egocentricity doesn't suit you Shoichi." All of Shoichi's arguments immediately died on his lips as friend's words sunk in. His green eyes were muddled with confusion for a short moment before understanding and shame filled them. His heavy eyes fell farther until they rested on the ground and began to water. Byakuran allowed his friend some time to mull them over before continuing, his tone much softer.

"I understand that you can't help your feelings, but I can't let you continue down this destructive path, Sho-chan." Byakuran brought a hand to Shoichi's chin and gently guided it so that they could make eye contact. "I'm not going to lie and say that the next few years will be easy. And, there is no doubt that it will take some time, but that doesn't mean that there won't be a day in the future when you don't have to think about such things. There are quite a few people who care about you. And, I happen to know that they are willing to help however they can." Byakuran paused to wipe away a few tears that had escaped Shoichi's eyes. "Will you let us help you?"

The redhead hesitated for a short time to think about the question. He didn't want to unnecessarily bother people, but, simultaneously, he didn't want to continually be at war with his memories and feelings. His eyes searched his friend's eyes, looking for any possibility of false promises, but all he found was hopeful understanding. After a few minutes passed, he took a deep breath and nodded slightly. A smile broke across Byakuran's face as he leaned down to lightly kiss his friend on the forehead. Shoichi's reaction, sputtering an embarrassed "Byakuran!", caused the smile to widen in glee as the tension began to dissolve around them.

"Sho-chan," the taller boy said teasingly as his friend wiped the back of his hand vigorously over his forehead, "You know you can't rub off love. All you're doing now is rubbing it in!" Byakuran laughed lightly as Shoichi pulled his hand to cross it over the other in a huff of annoyance. "Oh stop pouting, Sho-chan."

"I'm not pouting," he said childishly as his face fell into a very pout-like expression.

"Sure you aren't." Byakuran shook his head. "Now, why don't we get that arm cleaned up before we play that new game that you have?" He could see the hesitation for a moment and smiled reassuringly to his friend before reaching forward to gently guide him towards his own room. "Is your first aid kit in the kitchen or the bathroom?"

"T-the bathroom."

"Alright. I'll go and get it while you get something to replace that shirt. I know some people who can clean it up without any fuss, so don't worry about the stain." Shoichi swallowed before nodding and headed to his room without saying a word. It didn't take long for Byakuran to find the kit, but he took his time returning to his friend's room. He enjoyed teasing his friend quite a bit, but there were some lines that he knew that the other wasn't ready for him to cross just yet. The door was open when he silently approached Shoichi's room. Upon entering the room, he found Shoichi now wearing his favorite B+P T-shirt, his injured arm hidden under his previous shirt, and sitting on his bed staring at the wall in thought.

"Sorry it took so long, Sho-chan. It took me awhile to find it." Byakuran could feel green eyes watching him as he went to Shoichi's desk and wheeled his office chair so that he could sit directly in front of the redhead. He sat down and opened the kit before placing it beside his friend.

"You don't have to do this, Byakuran-san. I can bandage it myself."

"Ah, but I've decided that the theme of this weekend is 'doing things together.' So, let's take a look at that arm of yours." He reached forward, and, when he received no resistance, pulled the shirt away to reveal the injured appendage. Delicately, he lifted the arm closer to his face to carefully examine the damage that had been done by his friend. His face was a mask of calm as he gently ghosted his fingers over the cuts. "You'll probably have a few scars, but if it's taken care of well they should be pretty faint." Shoichi nodded his head before looking away, the distant look back in his eyes.

"So," Byakuran said lightly as he began his work, "What's the game about anyways? Spanner only said it was a fighting game that you were really excited to get."

"It's nothing really special. It has some characters from this popular magazine. The story mode is kind of interesting because it mashes all of the story lines together. Some of the interactions between the characters can be kind of funny, too. I'm mostly interested in it because it has a character from one of my favorite anime in it."

"Is it that one that has that stereotypically shounen cast?" Shoichi blushed as his head whipped around to glare at his teasing friend.

"It's not that stereotypical! Just because it's from a magazine that has shounen in its-!" He cut himself off with a hiss as the sting of the alcohol swab that Byakuran was using registered in his mind. He grit his teeth as his friend continued to clean the wounds as gently as he could. The white-haired teen winced apologetically, but did not stop until he was sure that the damaged forearm was completely clean.

"I don't know, Sho-chan." He teased in an attempt to distract his friend from the pain. "If I remember right seventy-five percent of the cast were male and good-looking at that. As far as I understand those two descriptions are what helps to define a shounen anime." Shoichi rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Anyways, the game lets you play as a variety of characters from each of these different series. It kind of gets convoluted since there would be no way that some of these characters would ever meet under any other premise, but it's been fun."

"What's the multiplayer like?" He asked flippantly as he carefully applied antiseptic ointment on the most recent cuts. Shoichi winced at cool substance being applied to his delicate skin, but continued on in an attempt to distract himself.

"It's pretty basic. I've unlocked most of the characters at this point so you'll be able to pick whichever one you want. I think it even has that character from that one anime you like. You know, the one with the absolutely ridiculous title."

"That's good to hear. Though I wish you would learn the title. It wounds me that you can't remember the show that has brought me so much happiness."

"If it didn't have such a convoluted name then I would."

"You wound me Sho-chan!" Byakuran put a hand over his heart as he backed away in mock-anguish. "The title is part of its charm!"

"The title is an annoying tongue twister. And, I know for a fact that it was only named that way because the creators were attempting to be original."

"You're only saying that because you can't say the name without tripping up."

"I'm saying that because it's the truth,"

"You keep telling yourself that Sho-chan." The aforementioned teen huffed and was surprised when he saw his friend reach over to replace the items he had removed. He looked down to find a large swath of gauze taped to his forearm. Byakuran stood with a smile before teasingly ruffling the other's hair. "Why don't you put on your sweatshirt and get the game set up while I put the kit away?" He turned to walk away, but was stopped when he felt Shoichi catch his arm. He paused mid step and looked back to see his friend biting his lip, refusing to meet his eyes. He turned slightly and waited patiently for his friend to speak.

"B-Byakuran-san," he murmured. He worried his lip, the words seeming to stick in his throat for a moment before he continued in a quiet voice, "thank you."

"Anytime, Sho-chan. Anytime." Shoichi let the fabric go before the two began to move in their separate directions. Byakuran watched his friend for a moment before going to return the first aid kit to its rightful place.

After Byakuran had returned to Shoichi's room, the rest of the night was rather peaceful. Both boys made a point to not discuss the topic further. They both knew that it would have to come back up eventually, but that wouldn't be for a little while yet. There would be plenty of time to fully work through their issues. Shoichi still worried that he would never be able to overcome what had been plaguing him. But, as he and Byakuran sat in companionable silence in front of his TV, he was comforted by the thought that, at the very least, there would be someone who wouldn't allow him to face his inner demons alone.

I'm pretty proud of this one. It is a lot longer than most one-shots that I've written, but I think that's a good thing. This needed length to go as deeply as it did. I was a bit nervous writing about this subject (it's sometimes used incorrectly/overused) but I hope that I did the characters and the subject matter justice.

Please let me know what you all think!

PS: If you're having any self-harm or self-loathing thoughts please reach out and talk to someone. There are people who care about you and would be willing (me included) to listen and do what they can to help. You can always PM me or find me over on Tumblr where my askbox is always open.

PPS: I don't own KHR.