TITLE: Too Close
TYPE: Missing scene, Secret of the Realm
SUMMARY: Rebecca's thoughts back on the Aurora after the close call on the Peruvian ship
CHARACTERS: Mostly Rebecca and some Phileas
AUTHOR: Lona Jennings
DISCLAIMERS: All the usual
WARNINGS: Major spoiler for Secret of the Realm
I can't look at Phileas. He sits across the table from me, a few feet away and I won't look. His death came too close, his death at my hand. God himself stopped it. I was going to kill him and blessed holy God stopped me.
I think we have alarmed Passepartout. None of us, Phileas, Del Fuego or I could struggle up Aurora's ladder. I put my foot on the bottom rung, then looked up the length. "No," I said and stepped away. "I'll go last. Give me a moment to recover." I felt Phileas's hand under my arm. He ordered Jean to climb up and lower the cage. We three stood silently waiting for him, watching the last of the odd clouds clear away, ignoring each other. Phileas stood close enough that I could hear him breathing. I hear him breathe now.
As soon as Phileas's feet met Aurora's deck, Passepartout's stream of questions began. What was it Del Fuego held? Why was it dark at noon? Where was the ship's crew? Jean stopped speaking abruptly when he lifted me on board. He's never seen me with tears in my eyes.
I watched Phileas and Del Fuego stow the Grail then we all collapsed here. No one is speaking. Passepartout stands confused. I sit silent. I feel shrunken in on myself.
Phileas's long hand makes a shooing gesture. "Launch," it says. "Take us away from this nightmare." Passepartout checks his charts and the compass, throws the levers, spins the helm. He's afraid to turn and look at us again.
I am left with my thoughts and I remember how persuasive my cousin can be. An hour ago his oration convinced me, "We must warn the Queen. Kill me. You'll die soon too." We didn't talk about how I'd do it. We both knew. Phileas had showed me the move late in my training. Stood behind me at a mirror his hand at my throat. "This is an assassin's trick, so don't use it unless you mean to kill," he said. "There's no going back once the windpipe is crushed." He had stood so close with his arms wrapped around me, smelling of sweat and exercise, his skin hot and alive.
Today his neck had been chill and felt already dead.
Phileas moves on the other side of the table. He rips off his tie and throws it on the floor. He catches my eye and gives me an encouraging smile. I look away. I think I'll retire. I can't bear to be in the same room with him. I can't bear to be with myself. I am a killer, a murderer, a fratricide.
I struggle to my feet. I am so damnably weak. I take a step. Phileas stands too and steps to me. I should push him away, but his arms close around me. He's warm again. His breath blows in my hair. He's alive, I'm alive. We rock from side to side. His hands soothe my sobs and all I can think is, "Oh God, oh God."
TYPE: Missing scene, Secret of the Realm
SUMMARY: Rebecca's thoughts back on the Aurora after the close call on the Peruvian ship
CHARACTERS: Mostly Rebecca and some Phileas
AUTHOR: Lona Jennings
DISCLAIMERS: All the usual
WARNINGS: Major spoiler for Secret of the Realm
I can't look at Phileas. He sits across the table from me, a few feet away and I won't look. His death came too close, his death at my hand. God himself stopped it. I was going to kill him and blessed holy God stopped me.
I think we have alarmed Passepartout. None of us, Phileas, Del Fuego or I could struggle up Aurora's ladder. I put my foot on the bottom rung, then looked up the length. "No," I said and stepped away. "I'll go last. Give me a moment to recover." I felt Phileas's hand under my arm. He ordered Jean to climb up and lower the cage. We three stood silently waiting for him, watching the last of the odd clouds clear away, ignoring each other. Phileas stood close enough that I could hear him breathing. I hear him breathe now.
As soon as Phileas's feet met Aurora's deck, Passepartout's stream of questions began. What was it Del Fuego held? Why was it dark at noon? Where was the ship's crew? Jean stopped speaking abruptly when he lifted me on board. He's never seen me with tears in my eyes.
I watched Phileas and Del Fuego stow the Grail then we all collapsed here. No one is speaking. Passepartout stands confused. I sit silent. I feel shrunken in on myself.
Phileas's long hand makes a shooing gesture. "Launch," it says. "Take us away from this nightmare." Passepartout checks his charts and the compass, throws the levers, spins the helm. He's afraid to turn and look at us again.
I am left with my thoughts and I remember how persuasive my cousin can be. An hour ago his oration convinced me, "We must warn the Queen. Kill me. You'll die soon too." We didn't talk about how I'd do it. We both knew. Phileas had showed me the move late in my training. Stood behind me at a mirror his hand at my throat. "This is an assassin's trick, so don't use it unless you mean to kill," he said. "There's no going back once the windpipe is crushed." He had stood so close with his arms wrapped around me, smelling of sweat and exercise, his skin hot and alive.
Today his neck had been chill and felt already dead.
Phileas moves on the other side of the table. He rips off his tie and throws it on the floor. He catches my eye and gives me an encouraging smile. I look away. I think I'll retire. I can't bear to be in the same room with him. I can't bear to be with myself. I am a killer, a murderer, a fratricide.
I struggle to my feet. I am so damnably weak. I take a step. Phileas stands too and steps to me. I should push him away, but his arms close around me. He's warm again. His breath blows in my hair. He's alive, I'm alive. We rock from side to side. His hands soothe my sobs and all I can think is, "Oh God, oh God."