.:.:.:.:.:.:Can't Let Go:.:.:.:.:.:.
NOTES: please remember that:
Sasuke and Sakura have been best friends since they were born.
Sakura's parents moved to the Sand Village. They asked Sakura to go with them but she refused so she has her own apartment.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters. There is also one other book I based this from. I don't own that either. Guess what book it is though.
Sasuke.
That name gripped me and sent me into a world of emotions.
That name filled me with such joy and love.
But mixed in with those were other more negative ones.
I felt sadness, depression, and the most dominating one, pain.
Excruciating, unbearable pain.
I will never forget that particular night.
"Sakura, what are you doing here?"
A dark-haired boy approached me, his face devoid of any emotion.
"This…..is the only road out of the village." I answered.
I was hoping to talk to him face to face, but he just went passed me.
"Go home and sleep." He ordered, his back facing me.
He was walking along the paved roads, taking little quiet steps.
"No, please Sasuke….Listen to me…" I whimpered, trying produce reason.
"I said go home." He again commanded apathetically.
"Please…..don't leave." I felt slight moisture build in my eye.
But, no. I will not cry. Not now.
"Go. Home." He repeated, this time he used some authority in his voice.
I won't let him leave and ruin his life. I will stop him from leaving.
"Please, Sasuke you don't need to go. You can just stay here with us and train and we can all get stronger together and-"
I saw him stiffen, he stopped walking.
"Shut up Sakura. You're only speaking of nonsense."
"Please stay here!" I cried. I could feel the tears surfacing.
"Why should I? Konoha is weak. It will offer me no power." He retorted.
"But what about you're friends, you're teachers, your teammates….? What about…Naruto……What about….me?" I stuttered.
I saw him stiffen at the mention of a word I just said.
"You think I care for those people?" he replied carefully.
"But….." the tears were close to erupting now.
"Has it ever occurred to you that I only used them to get what I want?"
"No….no….you don't mean that…" this can't be. No, no he's lying……
"Think what you will, I don't care."
"Please, just stay!" why won't he listen to me?!
"For what?! I've got nothing to lose."
The second he said those words, I felt a hole ripping in my chest. My heart was tearing……Did he not care for me?
"Please….stay….for………..me….." Please…I love you…..
My last word was barely a whisper, but his sharp hearing heard it.
"You? Stay for you?"
There was a brief moment of silence.
Of course I wanted him to stay.
"We're…..best friends" the last phrase hurt me, like a knife striking my heart, I knew it was a complete lie, but I couldn't say the words.
I was afraid.
Afraid he wouldn't feel the same.
For the all the years I've known him, I've carried this secret.
I was just too scared of rejection.
I saw him flinch.
"Best…friends…..what trash….."
"You and Naruto were merely acquaintances I happened to be stuck with."
Acquaintances….Stuck with. Was that his view of us? Of me? NO! We're best friends….You don't mean that!
""Please…I…I" I mentally beat myself up, I felt so stupid and childish.
"Is that all you can say? Please, sasuke! Don't go!"
He quoted my words.
"I…because……I" I love you……
Silence.
"You…."
Please, I love you….
"Are….."
No, no don't leave me….. I love you…..
"So…."
Please don't say the word…….I…..
"Pathetic." He finished.
I couldn't stand it anymore.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" I blurted my heart's true desire.
Finally, the burden was taken off my heart. The truth was out.
Tears streamed down my face.
I was now face to face with my one and only love.
He stopped dead, I heard his breathing cease. After a few seconds he began breathing rapidly.
"Shut up." His face showed only apathy.
My hand unconsciously lifted to my heart. The opened hole began to tear further. Those two words were what I feared the most.
"Sasuke, I-"
"Shut up! You disgust me."
"Why…."
I was undeniably confused. What did he mean by that?
'I can't believe you would go so low and make up lie-"
A lie? A LIE? That was the complete and absolute truth I just stated.
That was my heart was singing. How could he think it's a lie?
"Sasuke! I'm not lying!"
I wanted him to know he misunderstood my intentions.
Maybe there was hope for us.
Maybe he just misunderstood me….
"You liar! You made that up just to convince me to stay…"
That's it! I can't take it anymore.
"NO! SASUKE! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL!"
Please…please…understand.
You mean the whole world to me.
You're my sun, my stars, and my sky.
Please….don't break my heart……
Silence greeted me.
"Please….stay….we could just be together and I would always take care of you and I will never leave you and we could always train with Naruto and I promise that we will get stronger and-"
The thought of what I suggested was truly wonderful, like a dream.
"No."
A dream that will never be.
"Please…."
I begged again.
Please…please….
"Sasuke, do you love me?"
I bit my lip.
Please….say you do…..say you fell the same….
Say you love me too……..
Silence.
"
"No….I…don't."
I clenched the place where my heart was.
I could felt it.
My heart was throbbing.
I couldn't breathe.
It was coming true.
This was my nightmare.
"Besides…..you're not my type."
My breathing went hysterical.
"Sas-"
"I like girls who are independent and strong. Ones who don't need my saving everyday because frankly, I'm sick and tired of always having to catch you-"
The tears were streaming down freely now.
I made no move to wipe it.
I could care less about my appearance now.
"Ple-"
"And I like beautiful girls. So let me tell you this, forehead girl, I. Don't. Love. You."
I always knew I wasn't pretty, I never was.
With my huge forehead and unusual hair.
But did he have to rub it in?
"But…we…."
I recalled one time.
"Kissed?"
Under the moonlit sky on the Sakura festival to be exact.
You remembered.
He laughed a bitter forced laugh.
"That was a huge mistake, I still regret it."
Regret it.
"I'm sorry…."
I'm sorry I kissed you.
I'm sorry that I'm not really sorry…
Because….
To me…..it had meant a lot.
A dream come true.
I hadn't realized it till now.
The sound I was hearing besides our voices was none other than me.
I didn't even know it.
I was shaking.
Shaking uncontrollably.
Silence.
I couldn't bear anymore of this heartbreak.
I felt like my heart had been ripped off me.
The hole just kept getting bigger.
But….
I had to try again.
For his sake.
After all, the hole already existed, why not just tear it a little more?
"Just please. Think about what you're doing!"
You'll just ruin your life!
"I know what I'm doing."
No, you don't!
"NO, you're doing the wrong thing!"
Please, try to understand me!
"Shut up! You don't know anything about me."
Of course I do! Don't be stupid. We're best friends…..
Ever since we were born we've been there for each other.
"Sasuke, I understand what you feel but-"
"All your life, you've had your family to care and love you. You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's like to lose every one you love, to watch them die before your eyes, to watch them massacred by your own brother. So don't you speak that trash about how you understand what I feel."
I bit my lip.
All those things were true.
I don't really know what it felt like.
"But…But that doesn't mean you need revenge. Revenge will do you nothing."
Revenge will eat you….
It will take over your whole life.
Then when you fulfill it, you'll just be hallow.
For when you have completed your revenge, you have nothing more to live for.
"Shut up! Don't interfere any more. Go home."
Please… I have to try…..I won't lose you
I love you so much….
"Sasuke. Even though you said you don't love me. I know deep within the walls of your heart you still somewhat care for me, for all of us. I know I'm being stupid right now and-"
I was shaking.
I could taste my salty tears.
"Just spit it out!" he was angry.
"Please…choose…just…choose….between revenge….and…and me."
Silence. A long silence.
I was stupid, I know. But I don't ever wanna lose you.
"Please Sasuke, I love yo-"
"Revenge. I choose my revenge."
He made his choice.
"Don't…please…….stay…..or I'll-"
"You'll what?"
"I'll….I'll scream and-"
My whole world crumpled.
The second I said it I blacked out.
But not before hearing some almost inaudible mumble.
"Thank you."
I woke up with a violent jolt.
I saw it again.
My nightmare.
That night he left.
It had replayed every single night.
I knew why.
I couldn't bear to let him go.
I was so pathetic.
He was right.
I knew for the longest of time that we didn't belong with each other.
The other girls made it a point to always tell me.
He was incredibly gorgeous with his rich raven hair, his mysterious dark eyes, and his angelic face.
I was nothing compared to him.
From the moment I came into the world, I had an extra sized forehead.
My limbs were too skinny and I was too small.
My eyes were a peculiar green.
And my hair.
My unusual pink hair.
I loved my hair color.
I loved how it made me unique.
But now, I hate it.
They were all right.
We didn't belong with each other, Sasuke and I.
I didn't deserve him.
I was so stupid and naïve to believe that he might by a certain miracle, share my feeling.
He used me. He used everyone.
But, somehow, I couldn't bring myself to be angry with him.
Spending time with him were the best moments in my pathetic excuse of a life.
I know what he would say if he heard me criticizing myself.
"You shouldn't care what others think. Be yourself."
I lost myself when he left.
Lost and found, I wish I could say that.
But I couldn't.
I was never quite the same when he left.
My cheerful façade was there.
I didn't want everyone else to endure my pain.
The only one who even had a clue about my suffering was Naruto.
He knew I was heartbroken.
He believed time had healed my broken heart.
How wrong he was.
I could no longer feel any emotions.
My heart wasn't just broken.
It was stolen.
And I could never get it back.
I've always tried to forget that excruciatingly painful memory.
But I couldn't.
And I knew deep inside, I would…could…never let go.
Forbidden to remember. Terrified to forget.
Ever since his departure, I've trained so hard.
It wasn't just for my sake, I wanted him to be proud of me, even if he never returned.
Like he said, what was there to return to?
The past 6 years have done me wonders.
I was the best medical ninja.
I surpassed Tsunade-sama.
I was a master at genjutsu and I had the best chakra control in the whole village.
They say I could do anything.
I knew all the medical and ninja techniques.
But to me, none of it mattered,
I know deep within me, I was still weak.
My training to become where I am now was painful yet I felt nothing.
I was just a hollow shell.
I not once cried after what happened.
I had used all my tears that night.
Some people even called me the "Ice Queen."
I wish that was at least true.
Then I would just be frozen forever.
I have to admit, it helps feeling nothing when you get hurt in missions.
Of course, I could heal any cut or injury with just a brush of my fingertips, but still.
One thing that people found odd was the way I killed my targets.
I wasn't violent.
I killed them peacefully by piercing their vital points.
All this, done with a peaceful face.
Then I prayed for their souls.
I had gone to many high rank, dangerous missions.
I know what they viewed me as.
A tool.
I was just a powerful tool that was good for she never showed emotion in a mission.
But I don't care.
I never did.
Let them think what they want.
I made it a point to always visit my friends.
That helped take my mind out of thinking about him.
The mere mention of his name hurts.
I was still so weak.
They had been so kind, so loving.
And for that, I thank the world.
I never showed any negative feeling I buried in my heart to them. I don't want them to feel unhappy.
I also volunteer a lot in charities and fundraisers.
I love cute little kids.
I'd do anything to take my mind off him.
But unfortunately, I'm not that lucky.
At night, when I am vulnerable, the pain strikes.
More than usual.
I break down.
That's because I have time to think about him.
I felt my insides twist.
My throat was constricted.
I couldn't breathe.
I was doing it again.
Thinking of the one who broke my heart.
I cursed myself over and over.
But no tears are shed.
I just shake uncontrollably while hugging my knees on the floor.
The hole in my chest opens itself.
My breakdowns used to happen rarely.
It was almost everyday the first year, but it decreased.
It was increasing more and more this month.
I don't know why.
Knowing I won't be able to return to my slumber, I went downstairs and prepared breakfast.
About half an hour later, my doorbell rang.
It must be Naruto, he's the only one who comes this early.
Or maybe it's a new mission for me.
I opened the door.
"Ohayo-gozaimas Sakura-sama!" a black-haired kunoichi greeted me.
I forced a smile.
'
'Ah, Yumi. How may I help you? Is there a mission for me?" I asked sweetly.
"No, not exactly, I have a scroll from Hokage-sama." She handed me the paper.
"Arigatou." I thanked her then she vanished in a puff of smoke.
I opened the scroll curiously.
It must be an announcement.
I read the scroll.
THUNK
It made a soft noise as it hit the ground.
My trembling hands couldn't support it, I was shaking too much.
The scroll….were its contents true?
Had they……?
I had to make sure.
I made hand seals then disappeared.
For the first time in years,
I felt hope build inside me.
Thanks for those who read my attempt at an angsty sasusaku fic. This may sound like my other fic "Is it too late" I will delete that one because I will pose this one. They both are like the same so I'll just put this one up.
Sakura's character is like that of another character in a really famous book. Do YOU know who that is? Hehe. I know. It must be so obvious. Oh well, guess anyway. And tell me the character and the exact quote. You will find that quote in this chapter.