Hello everyone! :D
As the title lets on, this is related to 'Things Happening to…': that fic is considered finished although it doesn't have the 'Complete' (that's because I want to revise some of the chapters I didn't like much) bit to it; this collection will be composed of a number of humorous chapters with the same formula as the other one – less the sentences.
I might write other chapters about characters I've done in 'THT', but I'll try to put also those characters considered 'secondary'. ANY SUGGESTION IS, LIKE ALWAYS, MORE THAN WELCOME!! :D If you'd like to see a specific someone, or a specific scene happening, ask away :P
I would like to especially dedicate this to Lerryn and superbeast206
Enjoy!
Ja ne,
Temari 88
THINGS HAPPENING TO…
- Spin-off –
-1-
The sun was at its peak.
Nothing was hotter than the desert at midday, with the blazing ball of tremendous heat raining down its scorching rays – acid rain was welcome in stead of that – that could melt one's skin after only two minutes of standing in it… but it wasn't advised to just stand there either: the nightmarish hotness heaving on the shoulders would then be more than doubled by the even worst heat of the sand at one's feet – and one would start burning in less than thirty seconds…
It was there, in the middle of that inferno, that Sasuke Uchiha opened his eyes. Those black irises shot open with a swiftness only related to extreme pain registering in one's brain and in fact—
"OW! OW!! FUCK!!! IT. BURNS. DAMN!!!!!"
Each word was accompanied by a hop and a change of foot supporting his weight. The teenager looked round but, as expected, the only things meeting his glare were sand, sand, sand, more sand, the sun, and more fucking SAND. In his indignation and annoyance, he stopped moving, while his arms dangled loosely at his sides and his right eye twitched unheeded – it was so common he didn't even notice it anymore – as he continued to stare at the scenery in hopes of making it move out of the way (the 'or else…' remained unspoken in his mind) out of fear.
Now, Uchihas might be strong… and Sasuke might be the strongest Uchiha apart from Madara… but the matter of the fact was that Nature could throw a bitching fit damned better than any Uchiha with a superiority complex ever could.
"GYAAAHH!!!!" thus he started jumping in an impressive display of how even Uchiha prodigies could make an excellent grasshopper look-alike. Of course, being a shinobi permitted him to cover quite a few feet ever leap… the downside was that when he touched the 'ground' his foot got two inched deep into the blazing sand… but not to worry! For Sasuke Uchiha this was nothing!… Right?
"GAH! OW! OOF!! OUCH!! DAMMIT!"
Maybe not.
Well, anyway… he continued to jump through the sand, in a random direction, for hours and hours and hours and hours— no, okay, that was what Sasuke thought, but he's a drama queen so he tends to exaggerate. He had been hopping for probably an hour then he had reverted to walk quickly; even using chakra he continued to sink into the hot sand and after another hour the heat was stating to take his tool of his body: he began seeing his old fan club trying to catch up with him (thing that almost gave him a seizure); then he saw Orochimaru dressed in a Sailor Pluto outfit, asking over and over if he looked good in it (other thing that had Sasuke almost vomit at both the horrifying picture and at the thought that it had actually happened…); then he saw himself and another guy that looked disturbingly similar to him, naked, in the middle of some rather indecent display (he had actually slowed down at that).
After another hour or so Sasuke was positively famished but, most of all, thirsty and then, squinting his eyes, he caught sight of something weird… a few feet away from him there was a line of people – at the very least twenty – and right were the last person was standing waiting there was a wooden sign planted into the sand. The teen made his way over (the people seemed too real to be hallucination) until he arrived at the sign, which read "Ladies first!", and raised an eyebrow; he leaned to the side and noticed, at the front of the line, a pipe ending in a tap coming out of the sand… and the person at the front was filling a tank with water.
"WATER, YAY!!! WA~~TER!!!!" he singsonged, uncaring of the attention he might attract.
Now that he had found water, he couldn't help but notice just how desperately thirsty he was: he needed a drink – preferably until the well was dried up – and he didn't care if he had to bypass every one of those waiting their turn. Sasuke started making his way to the front when he realized that 1) while he had to keep hopping to not burn his feet, these people didn't seem at all bothered by the blazing heat 2) all these people were women and 3) he knew most of all these women…
As he walked to the front, he passed the same twenty or so women over and over, like he got pushed back every time… In fact by now he knew the order: Tenten, Hinata, Karin, Konan, Kurenai, Anko, Matsuri, Chiyo, Ayame, Hana, Hanabi, Ino, Deidara, Koharu (the elder), the Godaime Mizukage, Moegi, Shizune, Sakura, Tayuya, Temari, Haku, Tsunade, Yugito and— he would start from the beginning before reaching the first person. He was passing the line for the fiftieth time, by now crawling on his hands without even feeling the burns, when he finally reached the front of the line, only to come face to face with a tall, blonde, busty woman with whisker marks on her cheeks – he knew quite well that face (and that body, though he had never seen it with clothes on before).
"NARUTO?!?!?!?!" he was sure the person he had front of him was his former team mate.
"Huh??" the girl turned to look at him blinking; then a nasty smirk formed on her lips. "Excuse me?" she said, blue eyes wide and faking innocence. "Oh, my, I think you are mistaken, young man… my name is Naruko… oh, but it was close so," she paused a second and when she finished her feminine voice had taken on a rather dark tone. "my compliments… Sasuke-kun."
A puff of smoke later, the blonde woman left her place to a very obviously male Naruto, looking down at Sasuke with clear satisfaction as he produced another wooden sign out of nowhere and place it in front of the tap. "Out of order; water is finished."
"WHAT?!?!?!" shouted Sasuke, realizing the line was all but gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.
"Eh, tough luck, Sasu-teme-kun… seems you'll die here." And with that, Naruto disappeared into thin air.
-x-
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! NO!! I REFUSE TO DIE SUCH A STUPID DEATH!!!!!!" Sasuke shot up in bed, dreanched in sweat and beyond angry at himself – and thirsty like hell.