Hello. This is Rine-Line, presenting my second Yu-gi-oh GX fanfiction.
If you've read my first story, the 12 Gemstones drabble, I mentioned in Chapter Emerald and Chapter Turquoise that I have a major fanfiction project. Well, here it is. This is around 28 pages (on MS Word with font TNR 12 and not including author's note) of words, plot and research.
This is the longest story I've ever written for a one-shot. It was hard work, because it needed research but inspiration kept me going until I finally finished it. This is my opinion as this story's author---for me, this is the most heart-wrenching and emotional story I've ever written up to date. It makes me cry...
Fandom: Yu-gi-oh GX
Type: Alternate Universe (AU)
No. of Words (not including title and Author's Note): 8, 756
Genre: Friendship/Drama/Supernatural
Pairing: This story is focused on friendship but you can interpret some scenes as Spiritshipping (JohanxJudai)
Rating: T
Warnings: Emotional drama, scenes that can be interpreted as shounen-ai, minor and non-descriptive character death, slight out of character-ness common to AUs
Summary: Yuki Judai's heart was weakening, physically and emotionally. But one voice changes his whole life. Forever. A dramatic AU story on how the greatest miracle can bring about the most unexpected friendship, a wondrous healing and an irreplaceable happiness.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh GX. Any situation in this fic similar to real life is coincidental.
I hope you enjoy, and feel the emotion and message this story is trying to convey.
Sharing a Heart
Yuki Judai's heart was weakening.
Physically and emotionally.
But one voice changes his whole life.
Forever.
0-0-0-0-0
He'd been diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy when he was fifteen.
It was around the start of his senior high schooling. He'd had frequent chest pains, too recurrent to be considered normal. At first, he dismissed it but when it occurred nearly every day, he'd told his parents and they arranged for a check-up.
The shocking truth was revealed not soon after a series of tests.
The disbelief had him frozen for a good few minutes, just like his parents were. But then the doctor was probably used to this so he let it slide and waited for them to regain their composure. Afterwards, he explained in more detail, though some of the medical words he used were too big and complicated for Judai's already weak and befuddled mind to understand.
But he at least managed to grasp a little of the concept.
The muscles of his heart weren't functioning properly and couldn't pump blood normally. The doctor mentioned that it was most of the time genetic, and that was so in Judai's case, as a few relatives in his mother's side of the family had a somehow similar problem. But how it occurs is unknown and Judai's condition was a little worse that he needed a heart transplant.
To Judai, it only meant one thing.
His life would never be the same again.
0-0-0-0-0
Because of his... condition, he couldn't go to school.
He had to stay home, because too much stress and pressure could aggravate his heart problem. The brunette missed his friends from school but being busy because of school activities only gave them a little time to spare to come over to his house.
He wondered if Shou and Kenzan, who consider him their older brother, were doing just fine and not getting in any trouble.
Would Manjyome get bored just because his 'rival' was no longer around?
His thoughts strayed towards his teacher, Professor Chronos, who nicknamed him 'Dropout Boy' because his grades weren't that good, and doubted if they would ever have one of their usual banters at each other again.
Was Asuka worried about his well-being, like she usually was when he did stupid things with Shou and Kenzan? Could her brother Fubuki possibly be a motherhen too?
Ryou, one of the senior students he'd befriended, and actually Shou's older brother... Judai wondered if he was getting perfect grades like he usually does.
And Rei... Another junior, and became part of the gang being Kenzan's classmate, was she adjusting to school life?
What about Edo, one of the transferees and a junior of one year to him, was he being his usual cool self? And Jim, another transferee... Had the principal finally acceded to his out-of-this-world request to be able to bring his pet crocodile Karen to school?
Judai closed his eyes, willing himself to stop worrying and reminiscing.
Because it was painful.
He wanted them to visit but some part of him also didn't want them to.
Why?
0-0-0-0-0
Judai spent most of his days just lounging about. And having nothing to do and nothing to occupy his attention, he turned to thinking, something which usually broke his brain.
But for now, it didn't.
His heart condition decreed that he could just suddenly keel over dead one day.
Well, that was putting it bluntly.
The doctor kindly put it as "There's a risk of sudden cardiac death on most patients with cardiomyopathy. Furthermore, with the level of his condition, he might not make it longer than two years."
How would it be like to die?
Was it simply similar to a never-ending sleep like most people said?
Would you know if you were going to die, or is it like a flash that you won't even have a millisecond to think or realize?
Was it painful?
What would his family and friends say when they see him? Would they all cry and mourn and wish for him to come back?
Would he enter heaven or hell? Were those two realms even real?
Do angels and demons really exist?
He mused with a bitter smile...
People really do not think about death and all that's related to it unless they were on the brink of falling into it.
0-0-0-0-0
The waiting period was the tensest part of having a heart problem and needing a transplant.
Judai discovered this a few months after knowing he was on the verge of dying.
His mother was often sad and he'd caught her glancing on the phone every once in a while, waiting for the doctor's call.
His father was often contacting and asking for help from anyone he knew, trying his best to deal with his nervousness.
Him, on the other hand, had to be home-schooled because he was already missing too much of school. Not to mention that he would be far behind if he ever went back.
But...
Would he be able to go back?
0-0-0-0-0
He still hadn't cried.
He was the type of person who showed his emotions on his face but sadness wasn't frequently one of them.
It wasn't that he didn't want to. He just couldn't.
And somehow, it was bugging him.
Was he supposed to cry and lament over the fact that he was sick?
That he was going to die in a few years?
That he can't see his friends like he used to anymore?
That his whole life is no longer the same?
He didn't know.
0-0-0-0-0
A year passed and his life hadn't changed ever since his heart disease was brought to light. Fubuki and Ryou had already graduated and were going to study in the university near the senior high school the whole gang went to. Judai wasn't able to attend their graduation, much to his dismay. But he was able to tell them his congratulations over the phone.
Fubuki was going to take media arts while Ryou was taking a medical course.
He briefly considered what he'd take in college. He wouldn't be able to survive anything complicated. Maybe a teacher?
'But it will probably remain a dream, I guess.'
The one year that went by felt like a countdown to his death. What's more, it was still ongoing. The light of hope was slowly fading in his heart, albeit being an optimistic person by nature.
Every second of his life became precious but all he could do was rest and wait for the clock of his life to stop ticking.
0-0-0-0-0
Finally, one day, a miracle arrived.
The phone rang suddenly, disrupting the silence of the household. Judai was lying on the sofa trying to make sense of the history textbook in front of him while his father was reading the newspaper on the other couch.
It was his mother who answered the phone as neither made any move to take it. But her sudden outburst of "Really, Doctor?" caught the attention of the two men and they laid down their reading materials on the nearby table and turned to her. She was nearing tears as she put down the receiver.
"Judai, honey, the doctor said there was a donor matching you!"
What? His mind wasn't processing properly today.
"You're going to have a heart transplant!"
0-0-0-0-0
The ride towards the hospital was an entirely different tense feeling for Judai, perhaps even worse than the waiting period. But it was an anxiousness mixed with excitement and happiness. He was the lucky one to have matched the donor heart. Somehow, he felt hope coming back.
His mother finally burst into tears on the way, unable to hold in her happiness. He knew his father was very delighted too but he had more reserve not to cry out.
Once they arrived, it was like he was caught in a whirlwind. He could no longer make sense of anything happening, and just followed what the doctors and nurses said. There were some tests, a few check-ups, and many more. Perhaps he was still overwhelmed by the fact that he could be saved to even think of anything else.
The flurry of activity of the medical professionals in front of him was a little surprising but once the anaesthesia was able to take complete control of him, he succumbed to the darkness. And then there was no more.
0-0-0-0-0
Darkness.
And then a faintly flashing light.
Chocolate-brown eyes slowly opened, greeted by the blinding white of the hospital room's ceiling.
Judai slowly looked around. A hospital room? He was still a little groggy and could only get a faint grasp of his surroundings. What happened?
"Oh, you're awake."
He looked to the right, where he could sense the voice came from. It was a lady dressed in white. Err... An angel? Was he in heaven?
When his vision cleared a little, he could see that the white was actually a uniform, and that she was none other than a nurse. Well, that at least put his fear of being dead at rest.
So he was in the hospital...
Wait.
And then slowly, the memories surfaced in his mind one by one.
His mother receiving the phone call. Driving toward the hospital. The medications. The check-up. The injecting of anaesthesia.
The surgery.
She smiled at him, adjusting his blanket. "It was a success, Yuki-kun."
And as he heard his mother and father bursting in through the doors, happiness evident on their faces...
He was alive.
He was not going to die.
He can see Shou, Kenzan and everyone again.
He can fulfil his dream... No, it was no longer just a dream. He can go and achieve it.
He can go back to the world.
... Judai finally found the strength to cry.
0-0-0-0-0
Being in the intensive care unit was intense.
There was just no other word for it, at least, according to Judai.
The daily X-rays, blood tests and medications were exhausting him. But it's not like he had any choice, because, as the doctor said, there could be complications. Whatever they may be didn't matter much to Judai.
He was just bored.
And being bored meant he only had his thoughts to dwell on.
He thought about what the doctor secretly told him during his last visit.
During the operation, something weird happened. Right before the donor heart was to be sewn; he said that he felt it suddenly beat strongly, something which was not supposed to happen. But since it was only one strong beat, the doctor said he dismissed it. It was though the heart was alive on its own. Judai didn't know that his doctor was a strong believer in the supernatural.
But did that mean he had a weird heart now?
'Now that I think about it, I've never asked who the donor was. Well, whoever he is, I'm grateful to him,' Judai thought.
'He must be really kind.'
'Huh? Who said that?' Judai looked around. It certainly wasn't the nurse tending to the flowers by his bedside.
'I did.'
Now this was creeping Judai a little. He could hear the voice clearly as if speaking directly at him but he couldn't see anyone speaking at the moment. Was he seeing ghosts now? Slight fear rose in his heart.
'Hey, don't be afraid. I'm not a ghost. Err... on second thought, maybe I am... But I'm not like a ghost you see in scary places, I swear!'
Judai swallowed nervously. He tried talking back. He didn't need to talk out loud; the voice was hearing his thoughts. If there wasn't an answer, then this was just a hallucination. Maybe because of the drugs. 'Where are you?'
'Here.'
An answer. Oh shoot. 'Where here?'
'I don't know. It's just a place. Not too hot and not too cold.'
'Eh? ... A-Are you a ghost possessing me?'
'No, I don't think so.' Judai was astonished and confused at this. 'I'm not controlling your body. I'm just here.'
Despite the initial panic, Judai felt at ease conversing with the voice, like he'd met whoever it was before. But that wasn't possible. This was his first time hearing the voice. Plus, he couldn't place it with a local one. The voice was with an accent...
'Um... How did you get there?'
The answer surprised him. 'I don't know. That's what I was hoping to know. I mean, I remember a long period of darkness... kind of like sleeping, and then, suddenly, there was this very bright light and I was jolted awake, but then I fell asleep again. I woke up later... kind of... By my estimate, my second sleep was a day at least.
A day ago? Yesterday? But that was when the surgery took place...
0-0-0-0-0
After two days at the ICU, he was finally moved to a regular hospital floor. His physical examinations lessened, and so did the amount of medicine he had to take. He was glad for that. He hated bitter things.
'Bleagh.'
'...What's going on?' The voice spoke up again.
Judai learned a few things about the voice. It assured him that it didn't possess him or anything, and he actually tried and found that he was in control of his body, which confirmed that the voice stated the truth. And besides, the voice was rather friendly...
But the voice had its limits too. It said that it can't see what he was seeing, nor can it smell or hear like he did. It can only feel what he's feeling. It can't read his mind, but if he voices his thoughts out loud in his mind, it could 'hear'. It was only what he 'spoke out loud' in his mind that the voice could hear, anything he said in reality using his mouth and vocal chords could not be 'heard' by the voice. Judai found the situation weird but didn't mind, he was glad for the company in the dreary and quiet hospital, even if it was just a voice.
'I hate medicine.'
The voice laughed. Judai liked the sound of the laughter, melodious and pleasant to his ears. Not to mention contagious, because he couldn't help snickering too.
'I don't like them too. They leave a bitter taste in my mouth.'
The answer made Judai wonder, did that confirm his suspicion that the voice was a human?
'Hey.'
'Hm?'
'Are you... human?'
An uneasy silence lingered. Judai thought he offended the voice with his question but a reply came soon after.
'I was.'
'Was?' He repeated, confused.
'I have memories. But I think I'm no longer human. I no longer have form like that of one. Well, as long as I am here with you, I think.'
That gave Judai an idea. 'Do you remember your name?'
'Of course. It's---'
"Judai!" His parents came in, accompanied by the doctor, and the brunette wasn't able to hear the answer and was now distracted by their presence.
The doctor was asking him questions again. His mother brought him some food and made him realize he was hungry. It took a while but the doctor soon finished. Finally, he had time to talk to...
And then he suddenly remembered.
"Wait!"
He turned back to his patient, confused. "Yes, Yuki-kun?"
Judai paused. Should he be asking this question? Earlier, he had asked a question and thought he offended someone. Would this one be rude too? But he had to take the risk.
"Um... Do you know the name of the one who donated their heart to me?"
If the doctor was even more perplexed by the sudden question, he didn't show it and answered calmly.
"It wasn't an anonymous donor so there's a record too. He's the same age as you but he was involved in an accident and became brain dead. His heart was up for donation but strangely enough, only your criteria matched his. His name's Johan Andersen."
'Johan... Andersen?' Judai repeated in his mind.
'Hey, how do you know my last name! I never told you that!'
"WH-WHAT!" Judai shouted out loud, shocking his parents and the doctor.
0-0-0-0-0
'Let me get this straight,' Judai began, once the adults left after pacifying them by saying he was not having a heart attack with that shout, and now he was able to talk privately. 'You're my heart donor.'
'It seems so. If it's as you said.'
'Since that's my only link to you, does that mean you're in my heart?'
The reply was slightly uncertain. '... Perhaps.'
'But how come your... um... spirit... is here with me and not just your heart?'
'I don't know either. I'm just as confused as you are. I wish I knew the reason too.'
Judai remained silent for a while. Then...
'Can I call you Johan?' he asked shyly.
'Huh?'
The brunette felt his cheeks redden a little. 'I-It's okay if you don't want to! I... It's just I don't want to call you it, or refer you to just be a voice.... Y-You're a boy like me!'
Then Judai heard the sweet laughter again, increasing his embarrassment tenfold. But...
'I don't mind. Call me Johan. What about you?'
'Judai.'
'Nice to meet you, Judai.'
'Me too.'
Judai felt oddly happy.
0-0-0-0-0
As the days of lying in the hospital went on, Judai no longer felt bored. His time was spent talking to Johan, trying to solve the mystery of how Johan got into the heart, and enduring the bitter medicine.
'I wonder how long I'll be here.'
'Maybe not for long. You've been here for quite a long time.'
'Nearly two weeks now, I think.'
Judai took an apple from the table and bit on it.
'You eating?'
'Yup.'
Judai was baffled and amazed at how Johan was able to guess what he was doing. Johan couldn't see, hear or smell. He could only feel what Judai's heart was feeling and to an extent, doing. It took Johan a while, but by using the speed of the heartbeat or the direction which the heart was focusing on pumping blood to as guides, he could guess what Judai was doing. The brunette had asked his father to bring his biology textbook to better understand what Johan was doing. Apparently, the heart pumps more blood on the part of the body which was doing more work, as compensation for the quickly used energy, which was in the blood.
In Judai's case, since he was chewing, more blood was coming towards his mouth and teeth, and Johan was able to hazard a guess.
It eventually became a habit for him to figure out how Johan was figuring out what he was doing. He knew it was weird but in a way, it made him understand his anatomy lessons better.
And Johan was only glad to help too. He even said that he enjoyed guessing, because he felt like a detective. Not to mention it was fun.
There's nothing like doing something that was both educational and fun.
0-0-0-0-0
Two weeks have passed since Judai was out of the hospital. He was finally able to breathe fresh air after a very long time. He now harboured a grudge against hospital disinfectant scents.
But there was no helping going back there, since he now had biopsies. He never cared for the specifics, only knowing that it was some sort of special check-up. Not to mention it was weekly. But the doctor assured him that after a few months, it would only be required once a while.
Judai was walking about the house, when he heard Johan's voice. But there was something weird.
'Ju... Judai...'
'Johan! What's wrong?' He sounded like he was in pain, the brunette thought.
'I don't know... I just feel like I'm being stabbed... A lot of them too...' At that moment, Judai felt a painful throbbing in his chest, prompting him to crouch down.
'What now? I feel it too...'
'It... It hurts...'
That was what Judai was also experiencing. Furthermore, he couldn't breathe properly. It was almost like the air wasn't coming to him, and he had to reach for it. Every part of his body screamed at the slightest movement, as if the smallest exertion was forbidden.
Thanks to his luck, his father happened to come in at that moment and saw what was happening. Almost immediately, like a bull provoked by a matador minus the murderous intent, he came running toward Judai, supporting him, while shouting for his mother to go call the doctor.
And then there was just the chaos. But Judai could not completely sense it, not with the intense pain he was feeling, and which he fearfully knew Johan was experiencing too. Perhaps what Johan was going through right now was even worse than this aching in his chest.
Because even though he could not see him and Johan's voice was only what he could hear, even he could sense the intense pain behind that trembling voice.
~0~0~
It was, simply put, a 'rejection episode'.
Medically explained, it was a transplant rejection.
Basically, his body was rejecting the new heart and was attacking it with cells that normally should only attack viruses and the like. But since the new heart and the viruses could be both classified as 'foreigners' in Judai's body, the rejection happened.
The bitter medicine Judai was taking was supposedly to prevent that, but the doctor said that even with medication, it could still happen, at least once. And that the medicine was something Judai will be taking for the rest of his life.
When things finally settled down, Judai was back in his room, staring up at the ceiling. He was getting a little worried, both for himself and...
'...Johan?' He asked uncertainly. Was he okay?
After a little while, the other boy answered, albeit a little more weak than usual. 'Yes?'
'How are you doing?'
A light chuckle. 'Don't worry. I'm just fine. It's not like I died or anything. Oh no wait, I'm already dead, aren't I?' The chuckle erupted into a light laugh.
Judai didn't know if he should be happy or frown about the response. He was a little glad that Johan was trying to lighten up the situation but...
He didn't know how Johan got affected by the transplant rejection like that. The pain was gone but that weak plead was something he couldn't get out of his mind, echoing all over again.
He blurted out without thinking. 'I don't want that to happen ever again.'
Once he realized what he said in his mind, he felt a light heat in his cheeks.
But Johan replied, much to his surprise. 'I don't want it too.'
'Because the feeling of being stabbed... Being attacked by your body... Being rejected... It hurt so much...'
The brunette was dumbfounded. Judging by the tone of his voice, if Johan could cry, he would have. Was he really hurt that much?
'Sorry. I know it was your body and it wasn't something you had control over but... Back then... It felt like... With every stab... You were rejecting me. Trying to push me out. Forcing me to leave. And I---'
'I'd never do that,' Judai interrupted, and Johan gasped in surprise.
His brown eyes shone with determination. 'Johan, you're important to me. I'd never have survived without you. You gave me your heart. You died because of it. You sacrificed yourself for me. It should be me who feel hurt because you were the one who helped me and yet it was my body attacking your heart---'
This time, it was Johan who interrupted, despite the intensity of Judai's voice. 'It's no longer my heart!'
'That doesn't matter!' Judai's mental voice had risen to a full mental shout now. Then he sighed. 'Ah... I feel bad about this too, you know. I don't want this happening if I could have helped it.'
'No, it's me who should be sorry. My words did seem like they were blaming you when it was clearly not. Your heart---'
'Hey, it was yours in the first place!' Judai argued.
'It's yours! It's clearly inside your body now!' Johan fought back.
'It's yours, Johan!'
'It's not!'
'Is too!'
'It's not!'
'Is too!' Even though this was a mental argument, Judai found himself really sitting upright suddenly, as if his opponent was right in front of him.
'It's not!'
'Is too!'
'It isn't not!'
'Isn't too... Wait what am I saying?'
'Hehe, you stopped first...' Johan's voice sounded very gleeful. 'I win this one!'
'Eh... Fine, you win...' Judai plopped back into his pillow. Truthfully, he was just tired now, courtesy of the rejection. If he had more energy, this argument would have lasted the whole night without him budging an inch.
He was just happy and content that Johan was back to his old self again. It made him deeply sad imagining Johan in pain.
'... Hey, if you really want to so much, we can just call this our heart.'
'Huh?'
Johan's voice was laced with happiness. 'See, this heart is mine as you said, because it was originally in my body. But then I said it's yours, because, as of right now, it's inside yours and it's supporting your body. So then, it's fair to say that this heart belongs to both of us, right?'
'Um... That was a little confusing, but I get your point. And it's true, it sounds better that way.' Judai couldn't help smiling.
'Our heart, eh?'
0-0-0-0-0
Judai was nervous.
'No, I'm not nervous. I'm just fine. My body isn't trembling, my fingers aren't shaking, and I'm not sweating buckets...'
... Okay, fine.
He was nervous as hell.
But with good reason.
He was going back to school, for heaven's sake! And after disappearing for nearly two years, no less. He was seventeen now so he was in third year of senior high school. Fubuki and Ryou were second year college students, while Asuka, Shou, Manjyome and Jim were in the same grade as he was. Edo, Kenzan and Rei were one year younger than them.
Truthfully, he should have gone back to first year, as he never even finished there, but thanks to being home-schooled, he was allowed to take an entrance exam for the third year. It was difficult, but Johan was more than willing to help. But it wasn't by cheating. Johan remained silent the whole time Judai was taking the exam.
He helped when Judai was at home poring over books. Judai wasn't that smart, and a lot of them were difficult subjects. The one who was teaching him often came over, and the tutor was a kind and helpful person, but he felt that learning with Johan was much more fun.
When he was on the verge of slobbering over his open book, Johan would give him a wake-up call. Johan could tell when he was about to doze off, thanks to the fact that the blood was getting less active in his head, and more active near his mouth, because saliva was dripping down his---
"Judai, we're here."
The brunette's attention averted from his thoughts and the passing scenery on the car window to his father who was driving and suddenly stopped. His father decided to give him a ride to school, mostly to assure his heart wouldn't suddenly burst from sudden activity after a long period of rest.
Classes already started and Judai was obviously late but that was because he needed a quick check-up. Furthermore, he still had to go visit the principal to talk about a few matters.
What's more, he hadn't told his friends yet. They knew that he had undergone surgery, but they didn't know if he was out of it yet or not. He decided to keep it a secret for the fun of surprise.
Well, at least that's what he and Johan planned.
He opened the door of the car, while saying, "I'm off!' to his father.
The older man smiled. "Be careful, son. And have fun."
Judai grinned back. "I will. See ya later, dad!" He closed the door and made his way to the building.
There weren't many people outside, save for the occasional errand student and janitor. But seeing as none of them noticed him, they must be new people who didn't know about him. Shrugging, he made his way to the principal's office, all the while talking with Johan in his head, describing how the school looked like to an enthusiastic Johan.
'Wow, your school must be really nice...'
Judai smiled as he stopped in front of a door, with a plate that said, 'Principal's Office'. He knocked once and went in.
"Excuse me."
The principal, a bald man in his forties, looked up from his paperwork. His black eyes shone with glee at the sight of Judai. "Ah, Judai-kun. You look well. You can take a seat over there."
"Thank you," Judai said, settling down. "Um... Principal Samejima..."
The old man's smile didn't fade. "There is no need to worry about being late, Judai. Your parents have informed me. And besides, your situation required you to do so. I've been told it would only be for a little while, and that once you get comfortable here, you can go to school in normal time."
"Ah, I see..." He really didn't expect that.
"Well, your class is in 3-C, room 302. Here's a copy of your schedule." Normally, it would have been the homeroom teacher who gave this, but it was already second period.
Judai took the offered piece of paper and looked over it. "Whoa, Professor Chronos is the teacher at my class right now..."
"You might take this as special treatment or not, Judai-kun, but in that class is most of the teachers you are already familiar with, and so are your old friends."
The brunette's eyes shone with happiness. "Really?"
A nod. "Yes, so don't worry about getting uncomfortable in a new class."
'That's great! I was nervous for nothing, then...'
'See? That's what I told you, didn't I?'
The whole of the day before and in this morning, Johan was constantly reassuring the tense Judai. Johan had to, because jittery Judai was not good for the heart and for him, because he said he felt like he was in the middle of an earthquake with all the loud thumping.
'Yeah...'
"Before you go, Judai-kun, I'd like to compliment you in passing that exam. You did particularly well in anatomy. Looks like you have improved yourself in these two years. You've certainly grown up, Judai-kun," the principal commended.
"Wow, thanks, Principal!"
'But really, I wouldn't have made it this far without Johan...'
"Well then, off you go."
Judai quickly stood up and bowed before walking out. He took a deep breath, drunk on the happiness enveloping him at the moment.
'I like it when you're happy.' Johan suddenly spoke up.
'Huh?' Judai was confused at that but started the trek to his classroom.
'Because it makes me happy too.'
Truthfully, Johan needn't have said that. The tone of his voice spoke volumes already. But Judai felt that Johan still voicing that out was better. After all, it was only his voice that reminded Judai that the other boy still existed.
~0~0~
Judai stood in front of the door to his new classroom. Somehow, his and Johan's heart was pounding loudly again.
'Ah! ...What's wrong, Judai?'
Johan's shout was probably caused by the 'earthquake' of their heart that he mentioned. Still...
'I wonder what my friends will say... Would they recognize me? Accept me? Or will they reject me?'
'You've told me about them, and I think they're good people, Judai. You shouldn't worry.'
Judai felt elated. 'Y-yeah, you're right!' He realized how different the situation would be if he didn't have Johan with him. He'd still be nervous. Heck, he'd never have made it to this door as now he would be six feet underground as a mess of bones. He felt more grateful to Johan than ever.
He knocked on the door and slowly slid it open. "Good morning. Sorry, I'm late."
The blonde teacher didn't even bother to look to him from facing the blackboard. "No late students! Back in the hallway you go."
By this time, many students have looked up from their notes. Most were flabbergasted like Judai's friends were, some were confused, a portion simply raised an eyebrow, and a handful minded their own business.
Judai chuckled. "If you say so, Professor Chronos. But really, I would have thought you missed your favourite student 'Dropout Boy' more as to not send him out just as he returns."
Said teacher finally looked at the brunette, sporting a ridiculously shocked face. Perhaps he was wondering if this was just an illusion. After blinking a few times, he must have realized this wasn't a dream.
But Judai's friends beat him to it. Asuka and Shou got up from their seats and shouted, "Judai!"
He waved at them and grinned. "Gotcha!" This was his catchphrase.
The fraction of the class that knew him all had expressions of shock but some were also smiling happily and others were crying tears of joy.
Judai thought Manjyome was funny mimicking a goldfish with his mouth opening and closing like that in surprise.
He entered the room and bowed to Chronos. "Long time no see, Sensei."
The teacher couldn't bear it anymore as he burst into tears. "Dropout Boy!" Oh well, looks like the nickname will stick to him forever. And it looks like the Italian teacher genuinely missed him, which made him glad.
"Judai!" Asuka and Shou ran up to him, both squeezing him in a hug.
He chuckled. "Hey guys, don't squeeze me too much, my heart might pop out."
The brunette meant that as a joke but it probably didn't cross over because both immediately released him with horrified expressions.
"Err... It was a joke. Don't worry, Asuka, Shou."
"Thank goodness," Asuka said, relieved.
Manjyome 'hmphed' from behind her. "I'd rather you not die for now so don't expect a hug from me, slacker."
Judai nodded, beaming. Same old Manjyome. "Yeah, that's fine."
Jim came next, ruffling Judai's hair. "Judai old boy, you've grown taller! Oh, did you know that Principal Samejima finally accepted my request? Karen's at the backyard pond now if you want to see her!"
"Ehehe..."
Right at that moment, the door opened and in came Fubuki and Ryou. Right behind them were Edo, Kenzan and Rei with varying expressions. Fubuki looked like he'd just won the lottery, Ryou was sporting a poker face but his eyes betrayed that with the happiness shining there, Edo looked cool too but his smile was genuine, Kenzan was just grinning and Rei appeared like she could barely contain her delight.
Fubuki spoke first. "It really is Judai!"
Judai turned to the newcomers, confused. "How did you all get here?" The three juniors he could understand as they were only one floor below, but Fubuki and Ryou! When their university was a few blocks away?
"I've got my sources and my influence. I rushed over here with Ryou, and then called for the juniors below," Fubuki smiled slyly.
Ryou muttered, "More like dragged me here after convincing my professor..."
Judai didn't really want to know how Fubuki found out he was back or how he 'convinced' Ryou's professor, as well as the juniors', for that matter. Leave the unexplainable things at that and focus on the present. "Ah, it doesn't matter, as long as you guys are here!
"Welcome back, Judai/Aniki/Slacker/Judai-sama/Judai-kun!" They all said.
"Thanks, guys. It feels good to be back," Judai said with a big smile.
0-0-0-0-0
Judai wondered how Johan looked like when he was alive. Johan was somehow connected to his heart, not a ghost possessing his body, so he wasn't like those spirits he saw in television, where the ghost could show themselves outside. He could only hear Johan's voice and that was all. He didn't know squat about Johan's appearance.
The only clue he had was the European accent that his voice possessed so it was possible that he came from that area. Not that this piece of information was particularly helpful, given that Judai had only seen a few foreigners in his life.
His hair color?
'Hmm... Maybe green or blue hair?' He rather liked the colour green...
What about the eyes?
'Maybe it's green too!'
And then the image was slowly forming in his mind. A boy his age. Around the same height as him. Wild green-blue hair and green eyes that emanated kindness and happiness, just like his voice... Hmm...
'Judai?'
The brunette's daydreaming, err, imaging, was interrupted when Johan suddenly called him.
'Yeah?' He answered back.
'I feel something weird. Our heart is beating unusually fast. Is something bad happening?'
'No...'
'Then maybe you've just seen a cute girl pass by and our heart is going all fluttery over her...' Johan's voice had taken a teasing tone.
'NO!'
What Johan said was definitely not true and Judai knew that it would never happen. Judai thought he denied Johan's statement a little too quickly and vehemently. He had no time to question why because Johan's next enquiry was...
'I was just kidding... Wait a minute, I feel something else.' Short silence. 'Judai... Are you... drooling?'
'... Uh... No?'
0-0-0-0-0
Valentine's Day was the same old scene for Judai.
Fubuki swarmed by girls of all grades like bees to honey and Ryou refusing and scaring girls who dared approach him with confectionery over at their university when the younger members of the gang dropped by; Shou shyly accepting those who were kind enough to give him chocolate even as a gift; Kenzan wolfing down on the sweets like a T-rex would on meat; Edo being his usual 'cool and gentlemanly' self that melted both the girls' hearts and the chocolates they were carrying; and Jim happily taking all offered to him and declaring he'll share them with his crocodile Karen. Which left everyone wondering if crocodiles really ate chocolate.
And Judai?
Well, he was just staring and watching everything that unfolded before him. He wasn't one of the 'popular' guys (that was Fubuki, Ryou and Edo's category) so he wasn't really getting any chocolate by the minute like them. He had Asuka's and Rei's gift chocolate to the whole gang which they did every year but there was really nothing else. He wasn't jealous of those three or anything. He just didn't get the point of the whole occasion beyond giving lots of sweets.
'You're not going to eat?'
'No, Johan. I can't eat too much. The doctor said caffeine was bad for me. And apparently that includes chocolate.'
'What about the ones you told me you've been given?'
'Maybe later, I'm just not in the mood.'
Johan remained silent for a while. Then after a few moments, he spoke, 'You're sad. I can feel it.' He quickly followed-up his first statement to prevent Judai from arguing against it.
And that was what Judai was about to do. But then he thought, there really was no point fighting against someone who was feeling exactly what you feel, whether you knew you were feeling it or not. That happened a lot; Johan was sharing his emotions in a way, and probably could feel them even before Judai could accept the fact that he was actually feeling whatever emotion that was.
He sighed. 'I love chocolates. I've got a sweet tooth and I like eating sweets. And now I can no longer eat as much as I want to.'
'Ah, is that so? That's kind of... sad. But it's for your health, right? And it's not like you're completely banned from eating. You can still eat, but not just too much. It's what people call little sacrifices, Judai.'
Judai rested his head on his desk. 'I know, but that doesn't mean I can't sulk about it.'
The brunette heard a vague chuckle on Johan's end. 'Cheer up, Judai. Actually, I have an idea. How good are you in the kitchen?'
'Good enough to start a world war in there,' Judai replied without missing a beat.
'Oh goody. Well hopefully, there won't be too many casualties...'
'What are you planning?'
'You'll see...'
~0~0~
Later, at the Yuki Residence...
'You want me to cook!' Judai mentally shouted incredulously.
'Hey, you didn't need to shout. And to answer your question, yes.'
'But...'
Johan interrupted. 'I'm guiding you.'
Judai was too shocked at the idea to retort.
'You make it sound like I'm helping you with your world war in the kitchen. For your information Mister Judai Yuki, I happen to be a whiz in the kitchen. Back then and still now.'
'...'
'You don't believe me?'
'... I'm getting the blame whether something bad happens here or not, anyway. Might as well do it.' But deep down, he kind of wanted to do it too, and the prospect excited him.
'Yay!'
Judai couldn't help but be a little amused. Johan cheering like that made the brunette feel that Johan really wasn't just a voice in his head and heart, but a living friend who was always with him.
'Right. So where do I start?'
~0~0~
After so many hours in the kitchen that consisted of fallen pots and pans, a flying spoon, milk powder forming a cloud over the mess, a yell of 'Hot!' and shouts of dismay over leaking confectionery from a hole in a bowl, Judai finally finished making the chocolate.
Well, as best as he could, following Johan's instructions anyway, which was difficult, given that Johan couldn't see, and Judai had bad description skills on what was going on in front of him.
Johan boasted that the recipe was a secret trade, taught to him and one he modified on his own to make it taste better.
Judai stared at his creation. 'Johan, I wonder if this is even edible.'
'Well, you've got no choice but to hope.'
'And that's all?'
'Yup.'
Judai shook his head in exasperation and decided to try tasting. It was milk chocolate, his favourite, but with additional special ingredients courtesy of Johan. Would it taste different from those chocolates he was given on Valentine's or bought in stores?
He tore off a piece and bit on it.
Almost immediately, he could taste the difference.
It was sweet, of course, but there was something different about this sugary feeling in his mouth. The taste was just right and every tiny piece contained the flavour that tickled his tongue. The heavenly feeling was spreading throughout him, making him feel like he was floating in bliss. He'd never felt like this.
'It's very good,' he commented, after a while. 'You're really good, Johan!'
But Johan only laughed, amused. 'Judai, you made this, not me.'
'Well, I wouldn't have been able to make this if you weren't telling me what to do.'
'I can't argue with that. But it's really good, right?' Judai voiced his agreement. But do you know what makes a certain chocolate taste better than others?'
'What?' Judai wondered.
'I realized it after I learned to cook and make a lot of things. It doesn't matter what you make, it will taste good, all because of one special ingredient.'
'And that is?'
'You haven't realized it when you were making the chocolate?'
'Huh?' Judai was confused. What did Johan mean? Well, it was true that the chocolate he made tasted different from all the others he ate before...
Wait.
The chocolate he made?
'Maybe... It's because I made it?'It was the best guess he could come up with.
'Not exactly, but it's very close. Let me rephrase my question... How did you feel making the chocolate?'
'It was fun and exciting,' Judai replied, unsure of where this conversation was going towards.
'And that was because?'
'Um...'
Johan chuckled. 'Okay, no more games. Judai, did you love making the chocolate?'
'Yeah...' Judai blinked. 'Wait, that's it?'
And he laughed again. 'Yup.'
The brunette wondered, was it really something that trivial? But somehow, it did make sense...
But alas, thinking too deeply wasn't Judai's forte, and he settled on just eating the homemade chocolate. He didn't make a lot of it anyway.
'It really tastes sweeter and I don't know why but it makes me feel happy...'
'I can feel it too, Judai.'
He smiled.
0-0-0-0-0
The times passed by quickly. Judai felt like he was living a new life. Back when he was still afflicted with his heart problem, every second counted. But now, he felt time flowing so fast.
He had graduated, and went to the same university as nearly everyone. Edo went to America to earn a Ph. D degree, Jim returned to Australia with Karen to excavate and become an archaeologist and Asuka studied abroad too with a scholarship in a college in North America.
Only those three separated but they assured that their bonds will not be broken despite the distance. Judai felt the same.
Ryou graduated and became a famous surgeon. Fubuki, on the other hand, succeeded in his career as talk show host and part-time actor.
Shou was initially unable to decide his path but thanks to everyone pitching in, he was able to settle on being an accountant, being good when it comes to numbers. Rei pursued her ambition to be a journalist while Kenzan did heavy work load as a construction engineer while succeeding his father's martial art dojo. Manjyome didn't want to inherit his family's business and went solo.
And Judai?
He just fulfilled his dream.
To be a teacher, that is.
Straightening out his clothes, he checked himself in the body mirror. His hair was still slightly wild and it was naturally that way so he decided to keep it as is. His eyes were slightly narrower now, and no longer childlike and big like they were before. He had grown taller as well. He really was an adult now.
And to think that, back then, it was all just a dream.
'I really wish I could see how you look like, you know.'
He smiled, glad to hear that warm voice again. Back then, he feared that Johan would disappear once he grew older but the other boy was still there, supporting him every step he took after he was seventeen and until now. Johan's voice didn't change at all, so he was probably still his age when he died. Must be a spirit thing.
'What?' Judai's mental voice took a wily tone. 'You're going to check me out?'
Johan sputtered. 'N-no way! I... I just...'
'I was joking.'
If Johan could, Judai was sure the other boy would have pouted.
Their relationship turned a little weirder now that Judai was far older than Johan but the brunette still was glad for Johan's presence. Although Johan now had a slightly exasperating habit to call him Onii-chan.
Aniki, he could have endured, but Onii-chan!
Johan's reason was that he could be considered Judai's blood relative since the heart in Judai's body originally belonged to him, after all. Besides, he said that he wanted to experience what it's like to have and call someone an older brother, something he'd never done when he was alive. Although he was technically dead, he was, in a way, alive, even as a spirit in a heart, and he was glad for the opportunity.
Judai accepted the reason because he wanted to experience having a sibling as well but he just couldn't get why he always felt a little red whenever he was called that. He felt a light blush on his cheeks. What could be the reason for that?
He quickly shook his head, trying to drive the thoughts away. He was going to be late if he didn't leave now so he grabbed his things and left.
As he walked towards the school, Johan chuckled. 'I still find it weird that you're teaching anatomy.'
'Eh, well, you're a good teacher. All these years of you guessing what I'm doing rubbed off on me too much.' Judai answered.
'Thanks. But really, you're a walking contradiction of the subject you teach.'
'Why?'
'Well, you're teaching science, yet you're a living proof on a miracle of the supernatural! I mean, you don't find ghosts like me feeling whatever you feel and living in a heart everyday and after so many years, right?'
Judai laughed, earning a few raised eyebrows from other walking people. But he'd learned to ignore them.
'Yeah, you're right. But...'
The brunette grinned.
'...I prefer it this way.'
0-0-0-0-0
Yuki Judai died peacefully at the age of forty-two. But he did not regret his death. He was able to fulfil his dream and has helped many students reach their own. He was a simple yet kind person. He lived on till the end, after undergoing and surviving the many trials that came at him. But despite dying early when he still could have done so many things, many people knew that he was happy and accepted it, as he died with a smile.
~0~0~
Judai slowly opened his eyes. He was floating slowly and he felt so weightless and serene. He knew that he was already dead so maybe this was his spirit. He looked at himself. He was back in his 17-year-old self, wearing his school uniform of a red vest, black undershirt, blue-grey pants and red shoes.
The turning point of his life. The age he should have died naturally if that miracle didn't happen. His age when he had the heart transplant.
But that wasn't the only thing that was different.
Because his hand was intertwined with another.
He looked to his right. Holding his hand was another boy. He was around Judai's height, with wild teal hair and shining peridot eyes. He wore a long-sleeved lavender shirt, with the cuffs ruffled, a blue vest, black pants and brown boots embedded with a ruby at the ankle sides.
Could it be...?
'...Johan?' He said uncertainly with a voice that echoed far.
A smile graced his face. 'Judai.'
That was all the confirmation the brunette needed.
'It is you...' He was beyond happy now. Well, technically, he really was beyond anything since he was dead. But it looks like his guess of Johan's appearance wasn't that far off, after all.
The smile turned into an apologetic grin. 'Sorry that our heart and I could only give you twenty-five years more.'
Judai smiles rather than getting angry. 'What are you saying? I'd have died at this age if it weren't for you. Twenty-five years extension is already a big difference, you know.'
'Hehe, you're right. So you regret nothing?'
'If I'd died when I was seventeen, maybe I would have. But Johan, you saved me. When I learned of my heart problem, I was about to give up. But you gave your heart to me. And in many times in my life, if you weren't with me, I'd have fallen and wouldn't be able to get up. So Johan, I---'
Johan chuckled and placed a finger over Judai's lips, cutting off his sentence. 'There's no need for you to say it. Your shimmering eyes, your loving smile, and the blazing warmth I feel from your hand... Everything says it all. Our voices are no longer the only bridge, Judai. We are here now, facing each other. No more barriers. No more rejections. No more problems.'
Judai was shocked at first but when he realized how right Johan was, he couldn't help but agree with a smile.
The two souls continued rising towards the bright rainbow-coloured light.
Judai beamed. 'Heaven, huh?'
'I don't care where we go, as long as I'm with you.' Johan's smile was clearly affectionate, his hand never letting go of Judai's.
'I feel the same.' Judai then turned his gaze upwards with contemplating eyes. 'But you know, I think that... Heaven may be everything that is good and it is the paradise that everyone dreams of. The eternal happiness. But Johan, there is a happiness different from that. It's a happiness that I can't experience in heaven. Maybe it's a different heaven in itself. It is unique and I'm sure I'll never forget it and treasure it forever.'
'What is it?' the teal-haired boy asked with confusion evident not only on his voice but also his face.
'Johan... It's the happiness... from sharing a heart with you.'
The end
This story would have not been possible without the helpful information regarding heart transplant that my sources provided. Any and all medical related stuff is not mine. I tried my best to be as accurate as possible with this story by researching. Credit goes to my sources.
1) Wikipedia articles on heart transplant, cardiomyopathy, sudden cardiac death, immunosuppressant, transplant rejection, biopsies
2) Heart transplant website of the Columbia University Medical Center, Department of Surgery, New York, NY
3) My older sister, who's a nurse
Is the age slightly confusing?
Judai discovered the problem when he was 15. But he was nearing his birthday then. One year passed after Judai was told of his disease. Within that one year, he turned 16. But the transplant did not occur at exactly one year after the heart problem was discovered. You could say the transplant occurred one year and a few months later after the discovery. Judai's birthday is within those few months, so during the transplant he was already 17. He really was cutting it close, since his time limit was an estimated two years. His recovery did not take one year, thanks to youth, so he was able to go back to school 17 years old.
Example: Judai's birthday is June. He was told his condition on March. He's still 15 on March. Three months later, he turns 16. One year passed after he was told the condition (March of next year), he's still 16. Three months later, he turns 17. Two or so months after the second June, he has the transplant. So he's still 17 during the transplant. This is hypothetical as Judai's actual birthday isn't June. But the calculations are correct.
Well, if you have any more questions, I can answer you by PM or review reply.
Oh and yes, caffeine is truly bad for heart transplant patients. Caffeine is a stimulant, not good for a heart still getting used to a new body. Caffeine is found in chocolate? Hell, yes.
This story totally drained my mental fic juices. Eh, I don't think I can make anything for a little while. o But I do have a plan and it's connected to this story.
IMPORTANT NOTE (Must-read): Edited as of 05/13/10: There is now a companion fic for this story posted, entitled In Spirit and Heart. It is a collection of short stories that explains loopholes in this fic, and also contains some Spiritshipping scenes that never made it to this fic. It also contains:
1) More Judai and Johan (obviously xD)
2) Johan's history (his accident and how his heart came into Judai's hands~ Literally, but you can also interpret this another way if you're a Spiritshipping fan xD)
3) Judai's life
4) The life stories of the gang (E.g. how they felt when Judai was sick, their careers and more. Karen included.)
5) Amusing situations in Judai's hospital stay and school (you bet~)
6) And many more! Like an AU situation of an AU *grin*
I don't think I can write anything more about the heaven part because that is pretty much solid and I'd probably butcher the emotions there if I write more.
By the way, someone made a sketch of this fic! It's a really cute picture! You can check it out in my profile!
What did you think of the story? Were you touched? I said I felt emotional about it, but I wonder if that's just author bias. Truth is... this story's plot was a dream I had, in which I woke up in the morning literally crying. Oh man, that day I scared everybody in the house. D:
I am currently not afflicted by heart problems, nor have I seen any acquaintance of mine have a transplant. This story's emotions are how I imagine people in this situation. Yes, I have read patient recounts of how they survived heart transplant but I added my own twist by including Johan, spirit of the previous owner of the heart, here. This made the emotions more difficult to write as compared to just ordinary heart transplant patient stories. But I think that was also the most fun thing about it. From my sources, I managed to get a basic idea of the situation and then I modified it slightly when I added the idea of Johan as a spirit. I'm not a medical professional; I cannot get the most accurate description of everything related to transplants and heart diseases. I might have gotten some portrayals and experiences of Judai's heart problem wrong, but then with Johan around, Judai's story as a patient would most likely really be different as shown in the fic.
Review if you please. All comments and suggestions are appreciated.
~Rine-Line