I want to hold your hand

Oh, please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
and please, say to me

You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

The Beatles 1963

No!
Jonah opened his eyes but closed them again. The smoke in the room was thick and his eyes were extra sensitive after the tears. He still felt the rush of being scared, the feeling lingering in his body, but he had to focus. And then there was just adrenaline, as the survival instinct kicked in. He rolled over towards Seth. They were not dying. Not like this. When they finally were able to move on with their lives, they were just giving up?
-Seth, Jonah tried to whisper, but it only made him cough. Instead he tried to get up, still not letting go off his brother's hand. He could feel Seth responding beside him, but not by getting up. Seth was trying to let go of his hand. Once again Jonah felt what he hadn't felt in years; fear. In the joy of this unfamiliar feeling yet again, he also felt the bitterness the feeling brought to him, the knowledge that he was close, to close, to losing the person who meant the most to him in the entire world. All the events off the last few days flickered by on the inside off his still closed eyelids; Eve, the arguments with his brother, the feeling that everything was falling to pieces. They didn't have much time. Come on Seth he thought and once again tried to bring Seth up on his feet, but in vain.
- Jonah… Get aw- Seth coughed before he could finish the sentence, but Jonah got it. With the power of his own he managed to clear the air around them and opened his eyes. The fire was closing in on them and he could smell something that must be their parents, once and for all consumed by the destruction their own sons had brought upon them. Seth still had his eyes closed, his face covered in soot, sweat and blood. Jonah grabbed his brother's shoulder with his left hand as shook it as hard as he could. In frustration and panic, he gave his unresponsive brother a slap that made him open his eyes. They were shiny, more tears building up.
- Seth…
- Just go Jonah, Seth said now able to talk normally, thanks to Jonah clearing the air around them.
Jonah bent down and embraced his brother, feeling their wet cheeks brush against each other. He put his mouth against Seth's left ear.
- I can't do this alone.
Seth turned his head away so that (instead of skin), Jonah felt hair underneath his lips. In response Jonah only hugged Seth harder against him and felt the pain when his cut of finger pressed against Seth's palm harder than ever.
- I'm not leaving without you.
-You don't need me anymore, Seth said calmly. A tear escaped from his left eye and made a trail down his cheek. You said it yourself, remember?
As Seth's hand left his, Jonah emitted a cry, not getting the least bit of satisfaction out of this fear he felt tearing him up inside. The last thing he saw before the house fell down upon them was Seth, finally looking at him, his eyes filled with the same horrible fear as his.

Two things kept him going; Jonah breathing against his neck which confirmed that he was still alive and Jonah's left hand, which he had grabbed the second before their home fell down upon them. The silence from Jonah confirmed his suspicion that he had fainted, but it was just as well. He didn't know if his brother would approve of what he was about to do. Seth had settled with the thought of dying and he was still planning on doing just that, one way or the other. The only reason he had stopped the pieces of wood falling down upon them with full force, was Jonah. He didn't deserve this fate.
By the way, maybe he doesn't care at all Seth thought while he listened to what must be the firemen trying to put out the fire around him. He shouldn't, not after what I did.

But he held her hand! HE HELD HER HAND!

If he could have moved he would have buried his face in his hands and tried to think about something else. He had taken it for granted, that he and his brother would share everything, and then she had come. He saw it clear as day. She, laying her arms around his neck and Jonah, HIS Jonah, hugging her back and holding her hand. I need a cigarette. He had flipped. He realized that, but it hadn't stopped him from hurting Jonah. And then that cop had to come and turned his world upside down. The time for forgiveness was far gone. He had smashed Jonah's head with a fucking bottle! God knew how many punches he had thrown at him. But those words had hurt, hurt way to much to ignore. He doesn't need me anymore. He doesn't need me. And while their world had fallen apart around them, Seth's will to live have disappeared. He had been so happy, just laying there, holding Jonah's hand and waiting for death with the fear he had waited for so long. But the fear which had came over him the second he realized Jonah was going to die if he didn't do something, the longing of ever being scared again disappeared for good. So many years they had spent on the project, so many hours of tape (now laying in burnt piles all around them) and he had never realized how little it actually took to make him feel scared enough to last for a lifetime. How could he ever have wanted this? And now here they were.

Oh my god, you're such a whiney. Get a grip god dam it!

- Seth? Jonah murmured, slightly moving his head.
Seth held his tongue. He simply didn't know what to say.
-… Seth? Jonah murmured again.
Why was his voice cracking?

Don't flatter yourself. He is just scared because his buried in the ruins of his old house. You fucked his girlfriend, crippled his parents and smashed his head with a bottle. Like he is ever going to forgive you.

But he wanted to save me, didn't he? That is why he stayed and almost got himself killed. And Jonah doesn't get scared. And that cry just before he fainted…
- It is going to be fine. Just keep quiet.
- You are okay, his brother sighed.
Seth didn't answer him this time either. He was so far from okay as anyone could ever be.

- Come on Ken, there's no need to rush.
Jonah was still dizzy. Once again his hand was in his brothers in a firm grip, and this gave him comfort more than anything else. There were so many questions he wanted answered, but he trusted Seth and kept quiet.
- You heard the scream as well as everybody else did, the man who must be Ken answered. If they were alive then, maybe they still are.
- Not even you would survive having a house as big as this one falling down upon you, even less likely two teenage boys.
- Well, if they are it is our duty to get them out of there as soon as possible.
- Do any of you know their parents? a third voice asked.
Then Jonah felt it. That familiar warmth spreading across his palm linked with Seth's. What was he planning?
- Ah, there we go, Seth said.
The footsteps moved closer and soon Jonah felt the weight on his back reducing as the firemen was trying to dig them out.
- Did you really need to control them? They were going to find us sooner or later.
- I was bored.
Something felt unfamiliar about Seth's voice. Even though it still had its usual firm, slightly arrogant tone, there was something else there. Jonah couldn't put the finger on it.
- Seth, Jonah said, not being quite sure he wanted to know the answer to the question he was about to ask. Why didn't you want to get out of the house?
The only sound that followed Jonah question was the sound of logs being moved around them.
- I know it was a pretty weird situation back there, Jonah started. God, was it really just a couple of minutes ago?
- I mean, feeling scared and all that was… But it wasn't, I mean… You really freaked me out when you didn't … you know.
This was weird. He and his brother had always known each other inside and out as long as he could remember. That had been the one certain thing trough his entire life. And now he was asking Seth why. He realized it was the second time today he had asked his brother why he had done something …

- Fuck you! Why?
- To keep you in your place.
- Shut up!

He had felt so much hate for him then. Not mainly because he had slept with his girlfriend, but because Seth had done this to hurt him or "keep him in his place". But even when they were beating the crap out of each other he had never really wanted to hurt him. He was just so sick and tired of this confusion. Not knowing what to believe anymore, not being able to trust him. And Eve… Oh, what as mess. A beam of light suddenly made him see clearer. He suddenly had a terrible feeling that the time to fix this was running out. Jesus Christ, if he only had known this was all it took to be scared they wouldn't have had to kill all those people. Not that he regretted it, or did he? It had always seemed like such a natural way of doing things, something they had always done. Now when that was over, what was left?
- Please Seth, Jonah said, turned his face around and faced his brother.
Seth's face was blank, expressionless.
- Considering the recent events, Seth said calmly, don't you think it's just best to-
The largest log which had kept them down was removed. The rage Jonah had felt earlier was once again present.
- Dam it Seth! Jonah yelled and hit his brother hard in the chest with his free hand, ignoring the pain from the place where his right ring finger used to be. Don't you realize you are only making things worse by keeping them from me? I mean, look around you!
- It doesn't make a difference what I think, Seth said, still as calm as before. The only reason I'm still here is because you didn't have the sense to get out of this freaking house in time. You'll be rid of me soon.
- Why did you do this Seth? Why did you hide all those things from me?
- I only wanted to protect us… But you're not like me. I see that now. You need things that I can't give you.
- How can you be so calm when all is falling apart? How ca- How-
Jonah suddenly felt dizzy. All this was to much to take in one day.
- Jonah?
Finally! Something close to a feeling in Seth's voice. He wasn't completely untouched by this after all.
- Jonah did you take your shot tonight?
Jonah smiled inside, felling his body becoming heavier by the second.
- Guess I need you after all, he said, knowing their time to work things out just had extended.