So um I know I am not the best writer in the world and I am sorry I havent really continued my other stories… I have been busy with school but I am on vacation now and I hope ill be able to get back to those stories… unless of course more people like this story then I will try and focus more on this…
Umm what can I say I had this random idea while I was baking brownies the other day and well it was what if Eli kept a journal writing to Julia everyday and tells her about clare and stuff… well I did that once when I lost a close friend to me and it was a good way to cope so I thought hey maybe it will be cool to see Eli POV on his thoughts everyday… umm please I am begging that you review or tweet me telling me what you think of this story idea cuz I wanna make sure I am not writing for nothing and people will actually read this
Okay well enough rambling umm I hope you enjoy the first chapter to this story… enjoy!
OH btw I seriously suck at writing so sorry if there are grammar mistakes everywhere or I ate some commas =D OH and I have written like 5 chapters to this story already so I hope u guys like….
OKAY enjoy!
25-5-09
Its been over a month since I've lost the one and only person I have ever loved so much. I don't even know why I am writing in this journal it seems pointless, it isn't gonna bring her back… *sigh* my mother suggested I write in a journal to Julia telling her about my day like if she were still alive, still here in my arms, still breathing, still smiling, still shining and making my world so much brighter… I protested at first JULIA IS GONE but I think this journal is an okay idea to help me overcome this great gap that is now missing in my heart… so here goes nothing I guess… I don't ever want to forget Julia so I will do whatever it takes to keep her close to my heart… forever and always…
Dear Julia,
I have started a journal where I will write to you everyday I still don't know what to write, I wish you weren't gone I wish you were still here. I've decided to lock myself in my room for over 3 weeks now. I cant face anyone at school, they all blame me for your death Jules and to tell you the truth I blame myself too. If we hadn't been fighting, if I had just let you stay the night instead of going off on your bike that night in the rain you would still be alive. I know it wasn't me the one that ran you over but it may as well have been me because well it was all my fault… I lost the one and only person closest to me in a matter of minutes and what were the last words I told that I hated you and I wish you were dead. I could never hate you Julia and I really wish you weren't dead, I love you Julia, I always will and I am sorry I killed you. Remember back in elementary school when the older kids would bully me and take my lunch money away? Well its gotten worse these past few weeks, they aren't just making fun of me or trying to take my lunch money. No they wish I were the one that were dead, they want me to get run over by a drunk driver, they just want me gone from that school. Julia you always gave me the strength to keep moving on and to not fight these bullies but you are no longer here. I killed you and now I am getting bullied at school, I deserve it I guess. I think I will stay in my room forever and talk to you. I don't ever want to forget you and well I would very much rather be here spending time with you spiritually then at school dealing with people who want me gone. Julia you were the light in my world, its so dark now and I have grown to fear darkness. I need you back please why did you have to go, why did you have to die?
I ended up writing about how much I miss you and wish you were here instead of how my day has been and instead of talking to you like if you were still here. Ummm I really don't know what to even say I've been in my room for a while now. I think my parents are going to make me move towns and school next month. They want me to have a fresh new start, but I'm afraid I'll end up forgetting you and that is something I do not ever want to do. I don't ever want to forgot you. What if I start to forget you what will I do with myself. I don't think anyone can ever replace you in my heart but what if all my thoughts and memories I shared with you start to fade away. What if I forget about our first date or the first time we made love. What if I can no longer remember what you even looked like. I cant imagine that, I cant imagine a world without you, I cant imagine going a day without thinking of you and your pretty face; I miss so much. Julia I don't know what to do with myself, we had all our future planned out already, we were going to go to college together, travel the entire world, get married and have a huge house with a lot of pretty little Eli and Julia juniors running around. What am I suppose to do with myself now?
Seriously I cant even write about how my day went I just keep going back to how much I miss you, how much I need you right now. How can I ever forgive myself for killing you, oh man here I go again Julia I am pretty sure I am starting to annoy you with all this mushy talk, our relationship was never about the mushy things. But to tell you the truth I miss you, you were the only person on this earth who understood me and loved me for being well me. I don't think I will ever find anyone else who will love me the way you did and understands me without trying to change who I am . Please don't tell me my parents love me for who I am because its just not the same thing, they're suppose to love you. Its funny because not only did I lose the one and only person I loved but I lost my best and only friend I have ever had. I've never been that great at making friends, heck I don't even know why you stuck around Julia. You really truly loved me because I don't think I would be friends with myself. I just keep rambling don't I?
I wish I could hear your voice right now telling me everything would be okay, that you were still here. All I wanted was more time so I would be able to apologize to you and kiss you one last time, hold you in my arms for a moment longer maybe make love to you one more time. Couldn't we get more time?
I think there is something wrong with my eyes… I have no more tears left. I have cried my eyes dried. Wow I didn't think that was even possible. If you were here I bet you would be rolling on the floor laughing at how much I have been crying. Remember that time we watched the notebook and at the end you were laughing at me because I was crying? Aha and what was my excuse "well Julia your hair poked my eye." Now that I think about it your hair really did poke my eye but not enough for me to be crying like a baby on the couch. Well you remember that night right? I am crying 100 times more than that right now, well not anymore I have dried my eyes out and now I am just sighing a lot and trying to find a way to close my eyes and see your pretty brown eyes starring back at me.
I am not sure what else to write anymore I keep closing my eyes and seeing your face and I keep forgetting that you are no longer here. I keep thinking that you went out of town or your at your parents house trying to solve the problems you have been having with your step mom. I keep hoping that I will get a text message from you in a bit saying "I am sorry something came up and I cant go over tonight. Good night, I love you" I've been writing to you for over 3 hours now and you know what I think its time for me to try and get some sleep. In my dreams your still alive in my arms breathing and healthier than ever. Maybe I will sleep forever so we can be together forever just like we were suppose to be. Goodnight Julia I love you, I hope to talk to you another time. Thanks for always being there for me and loving me no matter what.
Forever your,
Eli Goldsworthy
P.S.- I may not write every single day because their really isn't anything new in my life and I don't want to annoy you with all these sad depressing thoughts I am always having. I love you Julia and I hope you know that. I will always love you, no one will ever be able to replace you. I will never forget you, you will continue to forever live in my heart.
Goodnight my love.
Okay so whatdidyathink?
Reviews would be greatly appreciated =D
Thnxs for reading! Much love!