This is my 1st novel ever so I hope you like it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post reviews OK. Don't worry about hurting my feelings (I'm a big boy I can take it), just be honest (you'll hurt my feelings more by not posting reviews).

Chapter 1 The Seed of Disaster

A gentle breeze swept over the village of Konoha. Most people would take the time to bask in the soothing touch of such a rare gift and, even if for just moment, forget their earthly woes and troubles. Naruto was not one of those people. Relaxing wasn't a priority. Ok, that was an understatement. Truth is that even the idea, of an idea, of relaxing was currently chained to the wall in the coldest, darkest room in the smallest, deepest part of his mind, threatened to be tortured to death if it so much as dared to think of suggesting a 5 minute break. At least the roommate with the orange fur wasn't so bad…when he was asleep. The reason why this poor innocent little idea was treated so badly is because its older brother EXCITEMENT dominated Naruto's brain, who was preparing for a journey. A journey of epic proportions which will change the course of his life forever.

* * *

On the street, just below Naruto's window, an elderly man was leaning on one of the light posts. In his mind, RELAXATION's second cousin (from its fathers left side of the family) BOREDOM was having a tea party with ANNOYANCE. This old man, with the frown on his face, was known as Jiraya the Hermit. His powerful frame, long white hair and sturdy body that towered over most men, betrayed his advanced age.

When BOREDOM told ANNOYANCE a particular funny joke it had heard just the other day, Jiraya could no longer contain himself so he yelled: "Hey Naruto! Could you hurry up a bit?! It's already high noon and we haven't even left the village yet!"

The joke was so funny that ANNOYANCE could not help but call, yet again, his new friend EXCITEMENT and retell it: "Don't rush me pervy Sage! I don't plan on turning back if I forget something so I gatta make sure I do this right!" yelled out Naruto, for what seemed like the 8th time. EXCITEMENT praised ANNOYANCE for coming up with such a clever joke. "STOP CALLING ME PERVY SAGE!!!" yelled back Jiraya. The Sennin sighed "That kid is a master at getting on my nerves" which wasn't all that surprising seeing as how most of his emotions went to the same high school as Naruto's. Plus the kid had a lifetime of practice and could get on anyone's nerves within seconds.

At times like this Jiraya did the next best thing to taking anti-depression pills with sake. Suddenly PERVERSION's alarm clock went off. "Time to check up on the competition" said the sage as he pulled out an h-manga from deep within his backpack. Somehow "The Great Hermit" didn't look all that great when he was giggling to himself with drool coming out of his mouth.

Just then, as luck would have it, a pair of "drop dead" gorgeous women in their early 20s came walking down the street. Jiraya's eyes, seemingly on their own accord, shifted their gaze towards the approaching beauties. PERVERSION was not a morning kind of person/idea, nor a very social one at that. Add a loaded gun and 2 other ideas, who were at the right place at the wrong time, to the mix and you get: "God damn! Those babes are HOT! They don't make them like that anymore." He thought as his eyes were coming dangerously close to popping out of his head.Yup you guessed it. 2 homicides, a shovel and a phone call to a distant friend.

Quickly regaining his composure, Jiraya started to think of how to charm the approaching ladies. In his mind he saw himself standing all cool-like with closed eyes, 40 years younger, a small smile and sparkles with roses glittering in the slightly blurry pink background. The girls would then be naturally drawn to him by his overpowering charisma and when he speaks they would be immediately overwhelmed, just begging him to sweep them off their feet…literally and preferably to the closest hotel. The Sennin nodded to himself in reassurance, mumbling something like: "Hm, hm, yes…a fail-proof-plan. Oh here they come" and he entered his "cool" mode. What else do you expect when SELF-DELUSION and ARROGANCE are chronicle workaholics who have been working overtime…every single day…for the past 30 years…with no vacations, hobbies or social life.

As Jiraya watched the women approach one small detail caught his eye. He was still holding the dirty magazine! Panic washed over Juraya like a cold shower. Horrible images, sent by DESPAIR itself, of the women jumping into his arms but noticing the magazine at the last moment and leaving him sad and alone flooded his mind. "What do I do? What do I do?!" his head dashing left and right. He had nowhere to put it and if he threw it nearby they might notice. Not to mention he paid good money for it and hasn't even read the first page!

An idea struck him so suddenly that if he didn't know any better he'd say it was sent to him by an outside force (Probably someone like Loki (Norse god of mischief)). By pretending to have an itch on the back of his head Jiraya quickly swung his hand over his head. Midway he let go of the magazine which soundlessly fluttered up and through Naruto's open window and into a corner filled with dusty old scrolls. Naruto was in the bathroom at the time so he didn't notice a thing.

The ladies suddenly stopped walking and looked to where Jiraya was as if they had only just noticed something. "Heh, so they finally noticed." he said under his breath. For some reason the ladies got very exited and quickened their pace. They were heading directly towards him now. Tears started welling up in his eyes "*sniff* they are so young and innocent. *sniff* Ahhh, they shouldn't fall for a mans charm this easily even if it is an irresistible experienced man of the world such as myself" he thought as rivers of tears ran down his cheeks while he stared at the sky with a fist clenched to his heart (and sparkles with roses glittering in the slightly blurry pink background). "Yes, I am a good man, but unless they learn how the world works they might one day find themselves in the clutches of some fiend and I will not be there to save them. I must make that sacrifice, for who else if not a noble man like me can lead them to the right path." The women were now running towards him with their arms spread wide and smiles of pure joy across their faces. Jiraya spun around and awaited them with open arms waiting to embrace them. "Yes, come, and we shall-"words failed him as both girls ran pass him like he wasn't even there. He turned around only to see them hugging and kissing and cuddling up to some young men who, by the looks of it, seem to be their boyfriends or husbands.

Time stopped and the world became a very, very dark place. You could hear the wind howling as it passed through the chilling nothingness. Somewhere in the background a mirror cracked rather loudly. Seems that DESPAIR won the national lottery so it bulldozed the whole neighborhood to make room for his villa.

Back in reality, Naruto walked down the stairs with a large backpack and a pair of bags in his arms. Just as he exited the building he noticed his sensei Jiraya crouched in a corner drawing pictures with a stick while a huge non-existent black cloud loomed over his head. "What's up with you?" Naruto asked, a large sweatdrop forming on the back of his head. "Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh" was all that Jiraya hissed out as he turned his head and gave his disciple a look of pure death, as if he was to blame for everything. Naruto felt electricity run down his spine. He tried to move but found it very difficult. "Is this some kind of super genjutsu?" his mind raced while his body tried to regain control over itself. Jiraya only glared, but it seemed to Naruto as if the whole world was coming down on him. Just how big is this villa?. "Must…do…something…quickly" gasped Naruto. "Uuuuuuuuu…Sexy no jutsu!" The mood instantly lifted. "Aaahh Naruto. You really know how to cheer someone up" said Juraya with a stupid look on his face and a little blood running down his nose. I guess PERVERSION has good lawyers. "Well now that you're feeling better. Can we go already!" Naruto yelled as he dispelled the jutsu. "Yeah sur-" Jiraya caught himself just before he finished the sentence because he remembered the dirty magazine he left in Naruto's room. He'd have to get it without Naruto knowing about it or he'll never let him hear the end of it. First he'd have to get there.

-"Well…are you sure you brought everything you need?" The Sennin asked in the spitting image of a genuinely concerned parent.

-"?" was the reply he got.

-"It's important to go well prepared. I could wait for you some more or better yet I could help search for anything you might need".

-"Says the guy who's been bugging me every 5 minutes since this morning. Look, I'm ready so lets go" Naruto's confusion now slowly turning into anger.

-"But Naruto you must understand that we can't come back if-" Jiraya kept on insisting.

-"That's why I triple checked before I locked up" Naruto cut him off, his anger growing with each second they spent wasting like this.

-"Are you sure?" the Sennin asked, his eyes narrowing.

-"…" the genin replied, his whiskers widening.

An awkward silence settled between them. It was a battle of wills.

5 minutes later…

-"Right, we should go and see if you forgot anything" Jiraya announced merrily, not knowing that Naruto's STUBBORNNESS had a PhD.

-"LOOK, I DON'T CARE IF I LEFT ANYTHING BEHIND!!! LET'S JUST GO ALREADY!!!" The only one who didn't hear Naruto was a deaf old man…who lived on the other side of Suna's desert.

Jiraya gave a big sigh. Knowing that at this point it would be impossible to shake Naruto's determination he had no choice but to give up on the h-manga. "Fine let's go" he said at last and they were off, not knowing that Jiraya had just planted a seed which would bear fruit of unspeakable disaster.