/This story is a very weird mixture of hentai and shitpost. Immature humor overload./
Young Naruto and Sakura were sitting on a bench in a park. Naruto wanted to impress his friend, so he got up and said:
"Hey, Sakura, check out this mad flip!" and then he performed a sick frontflip.
"Wow!" Sakura exclaimed, "You're so cool, Naruto! I'm all yours!"
"Really? Well, suck my dick, then."
"Alright, no problem."
"Wait! I was joking! :0"
But then Sakura started unzipping his pants.
"Pls, Sakura ;-; Don't bite my dick off!"
Naruto was worried, that it was all a part of Sakura's plan to punish Naruto for being so crude, but he was wrong. Sakura sucked his dick AND balls.
"Wow, that was good!" Sakura said, "Now, let's give you a prostate massage, shall we?"
"Woah, wait!" Naruto got up, "Why are you like that today?"
"Come on, don't you want it?" Sakura started undressing, and she opened a bottle of lube (Idk where she got it from) and smeared it all over her anus. Naruto got ultra-hard, but...
Then Naruto realized, that it was all just a dream.
He woke up and took a look around his room, that was full of garbage (like himself).
He noticed that he was still hard after that dream, so he took out a photo of Sakura from under his bed and fapped to it. He fapped so hard, that the white liquid shoot out through his window and killed a random person.
Someone then knocked the door. Naruto looked through the peephole and saw Sakura.
"Omg, she can't see me in this state!" Naruto quickly wiped the semen off himself and changed his pants. When he was ready, he opened the door.
"Hi Naruto!" Sakura smiled, "I know it's only 9 AM, but I've finally put my hands on the Shrek Saga on Blu-ray! All four Shrek movies in Ultra HD quality! Do you fancy maybe coming to my house and watching them together?"
"Umm, I'd love to, but I have to train to develop my Rasengan to a higher level. Ask Sasuke."
"Oh..." Sakura was confused, "But I want to watch them with you, not Sasuke."
"Ask Shino, then."
"..."
Naruto closed the door, but then realized how fucking stupid he is, and that he missed an opportunity to spend some time with Sakura, and that you can't possibly get more retarded than that, and why can't he think before he says something, and why he hasn't learned anything from Jiraya when it comes to dealing with females, and that his parents would facepalm through their heads if they saw him now, and that his friends will laugh at him if they find out, and that he won't get any girl anymore if anyone finds out, and that he will spend all his life fapping to Sakura's photo, even in 30 years, when they're all gonna be mature, he will still fap to that one picture of young Sakura, and that somebody will eventually find out, and that he will be accused of being a creepy pedophile, and that he will be excluded from Konoha, and that he won't become Hokage, and that his life will be ruined, and he will die alone, and he will fap to his death, and die while fapping, and someone will find his dead body with his dick in his hand, and they will laugh, and they'll discover that it was Naruto, and he will be always remembered as the biggest idiot in the universe.
He quickly opened the door. Sakura turned around.
"Sakura, wait." Naruto said.
"Did you change your mind?" she asked.
"Yes. I want to watch Shrek with you all day and night, and when we finish, we will do it like they do it on Discovery Channel."
Sakura stared at him.
"Wait! I didn't mean to say that last part! I'm so stupid, forgive me."
"Don't worry, Naruto." Sakura said, After all, we're nothing but mammals!"
And then she went away.
Naruto was standing there, thinking that it was actually pretty smart, what the Author did right there with Bloodhound Gang's lyrics, it actually felt like the only clever thing about this whole story so far.
Naruto entered his house and launched his TV. He switched to Ninja XXX TV and was about to fap, but he restrained himself. He couldn't fap anymore, if he wants to have sexual intercourse with Sakura without ejaculating on her face in like 3 seconds.
He quickly went to a Special Ninja Shop.
"Hi mate, give me one Reskill Pill." Naruto said.
"That will be one million american fucking dollars." The shopkeeper replied, "No discounts, motherfucker."
Naruto opened his wallet, and it turned out that he actually had a 1 million dollar banknote.
"Here you go." He gave the banknote to the shopkeeper and took the pill.
"No refunds."
Naruto went to his house and put the pill up his anus. It melted and spread all over Naruto's body, filling him with energy.
"Great, now I can put my skillpoints into something else!"
So far, he's been investing in Strength, Agility and Chakra, but now he put most of his skillpoints into the Social skilltree, specifically into Sexual Performance, Charisma and Luck.
"This is the skill build that Jiraya taught me." He thought, "If I remember it correctly, Charisma helps with talking to females, Sexual Performance helps with actually having a sexual intercourse with females, and Luck... I think the more Luck you have, the bigger chance for a special, extra-great thing that might happen to you."
Thanks to his new Social skills, he actually knew how to get dressed like a gentleman. He opened his wardrobe looking for any fashionable clothes, but all he found was an orange sweatshirt and trousers of the same colour. He had no choice but to wear it.
At 10 AM, he knocked to Sakura's door.
"Alright, let's think this through again." He thought, "I come in, I impress her with my Charisma, I watch Shrek with her, and when she feels sleepy, I drug her and rape her... WAIT, NO! What am I thinking! I guess it's the perk that I've been born with, 'Being a Complete Idiot'. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself."
Sakura opened the door. She was wearing clothes.
"Hi Naruto!" she smiled, "Come in!"
Naruto entered Sakura's house, and then an exclamation mark popped out above her head.
"Oh, this must mean that I can activate a secret, special thing from the Luck skill." Naruto thought.
"So, Naruto, this is my living room, my parents are on a mission, so we can watch Shrek..." but then Naruto activated the special thing, "Or you know what, we can just fuck like animals the whole day, how about that?"
"Wow, it works!" Naruto thought, but he couldn't think for much longer, because Sakura was already sucking him dry. She was sucking for like 3 (!) minutes, but Naruto didn't ejaculate! Wow!
Naruto then used his dick on her, in every way possible. Just every way. And it was already 8 PM when he came.
"Wow..." Sakura breathed, "That was more than incredible!"
Naruto then got up and inserted the Shrek disc into the blu-ray player.
"Let's now watch the best animated movies ever." He said.
"Yeah!"
And so they watched Shrek until morning (they watched outtakes and interviews with actors, too), and then Naruto went to his house. He realized, that it all wouldn't happen if not for Shrek.
Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life...
Also, Harambe died for our sins.
THE END