Butters was reading on a park bench, taking advantage of the warm spring day. When the days were this peaceful, he could sit on that bench for hours, engulfed in his reading and tuning the rest of the world out. However, when he was nearing the penultimate chapter of his book, a shadow was cast on him, and he turned around to see Heidi behind him.

"Hey, Heidi," Butters said. He tilted his head as far back as he could to see her and smiled.

"Hey, Butters, am I interrupting you?"

"No! Of course not! What's up?" He closed his book but in the back of his mind he was annoyed. He was clearly reading, couldn't Heidi tell she was indeed interrupting him? But no point in being rude, the sooner he got this over with the sooner he could get back to his book.

Heidi pressed her lips together and sat down next to him. She didn't know what she was doing or why she felt compelled to speak with Butters, but the need for closure was intense, and even though it had been seven years since she's dated Cartman, she still had a lot of questions.

"Is everything alright?" Butters asked, still smiling cheerfully at her. Internally he was rolling his eyes, though. If Heidi had the balls to talk to him about his current relationship with Cartman, than she should spit it out already and stop wasting his time.

"Yeah, everything is great! I was just taking a stroll around the park to enjoy this sun!"

"That's what I was doing too! Just reading my book, minding my own business." Butters chuckled, hoping she would get the hint and knowing she wouldn't.

"It's great that I bumped into you, today, actually, because I've been wanting to ask you something!"

"Oh?"

Heidi bit her lower lipped and looked down at her hands, which she kept folding and unfolding on her lap. She felt silly, and her face starting burning up. Cartman and Butters had been dating for two years now with no signs of slowing down. She barely got a month out of him before Cartman's personality completely shifted and she was left in emotional ruins. She took a deep breath and asked her question, "So how are things with you and Eric?"

The smile on Butters face was gone and his sudden frigidity was so palpable it gave Heidi goosebumps. "Fine," he said, his mouth a tight line as he looked Heidi up and down, "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering, I guess," she said, shrugging.

"Why?" Butters asked.

Heidi licked her lips again and took another deep breath. She had wanted to do this, and there's nothing wrong with searching for answers. "It's just that, well, when Eric and I dated-"

"Seven years ago."

Heidi pressed her lips together and looked at Butters, who was giving her a stare she had never seen from him before. "Yes," she said, with some hesitation, "seven years ago. Well, when we dated, it seemed that everything was going great, but almost overnight things changed, and I just wanted to make sure you were doing good."

"Yeah, Heidi, I'm absolutely sure that was your intentions today."

Heidi was a bit stunned at Butters' reaction, but she pressed on. "You know, when it started getting really bad, for some reason I found myself getting even more invested in him. I even thought that I had to be with him or else I would be alone forever. It was a dark time in my life and I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, I'm here for if you ever need to talk." She put her hand over Butters'.

Butters looked down at her hand, and his cold yet neutral expression turned into a smile, which turned into a fit of giggles, which turned into outright laughter. "That's really good, Heidi! I'm sure even you believe your own shit!"

"What?" Heidi pulled her hand away as quickly as if Butters suddenly turned into a hot stove.

"You came to talk to me today in order to save me from what you think is an abusive relationship? Really? Do you really think I'm that naive?"

"I'm just reaching out-"

"No you're not." Butters was shaking his head and scoffing. "You're here because you're trying to figure out how I've managed to date Eric for two years, and counting, and you just got one good month, which I let you have, by the way."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh Heidi, Heidi, Heidi." Butters shook his head in time with each "Heidi" and looked at her as though she was a child who still believed in Santa Clause. "You were such a small fish to fry. In comparison to Kyle and Wendy, I barely broke a sweat getting rid of you."

"What are you talking about?" Heidi asked as sternly as she could, a swell of anger in her chest.

"It was disgusting seeing you two together, truly. Everyone hated it. But," Butters turned his head and sighed, "Eric seemed really happy, and he deserved a little bit of happiness after the fellas broke all his things."

"I don't understand. You were so nice to us? So nice to me! When we were waiting to go to Mars, you kept saying how smart and funny I was along with Eric!"

Butters smirked. "Is that how you remember our time there? Because I remember that as the moment I started the countdown to the end of your relationship."

"What!?"

"Think about it! Cartman was the perfect boyfriend to you before you went there! And after? After he became cruel and resentful. That was because of a casual chat I had with him, letting him know girls are yucky and manipulative." Butters scrunched up his nose in disgust, but he kept smiling.

"Wait." Heidi shut her eyes and shook her head. "Why would you do that? Sabotage your best friend like that?"

Butters rolled his eyes. "I wasn't sabotaging anything, I was just helping him find his way, is all. He kept getting lost and I kept pushing him back every time."

"His way to what?"

"His way to me, of course!"

"He hated you!"

Butters laughed again and covered his mouth with his hand. "No he didn't! He loved me, he always loved me. He's just an idiot who wouldn't admit it to himself so I had to gently nudge him here and there and when he finally asked me out, well I had to act surprised and as though it was all his idea and not mine all along!"

"But why would you do that? I thought you hated him?"

"He's an idiot. And an asshole. And a bastard, but I was just following my heart." Butters lifted his shoulders and let them drop in a dramatic shrug. "Or at least, isn't that what you told Kyle when he confronted you about dating Eric?"

"How do you know about that conversation?"

"How wouldn't I know?" Butters took another deep breath and laughed as he let it out. "Oh Heidi! You really didn't stand a chance! It was so easy! With how he was gushing about you and trying his best to hide his shitty personality from you, for a second I really did think I had lost him." Butters paused and looked in front of him. He was frowning, lost in thought, and Heidi wondered if this was part of the act too. "I knew the Mars plan was going to be a bust," he continued, "but, I'll admit, you did make me sweat. But all I had to tell him was that women were born to manipulate men and it was clear he was puddy in my hands." Butters smiled a kind smiled and hummed a bit at the memory. "He was mine again. As simple as that."

"I'm still so confused."

"I guess you're not all that smart, huh?"

"No! It's just that-Why? Why go through all this crap! Since we were kids! And apparently you did the same for some of the others? What's so special about Eric?"

"I don't know, you tell me, you've spent seven years with a chip on your shoulder because you couldn't keep him, why can't you move on?"

"I don't know," Heidi looked down, really not knowing why. She had her crushes before and after Eric. She had dates before and after Eric. She had relationships before and after Eric, yet her mind and heart kept going back to him, after all this time, after all these years, and she didn't know why.

"I know why," Butter said. His cruel smile and his icy disposition were gone. He was ready to give Heidi what she had come to him for, closure. "He's incredibly charismatic. He's incredibly passionate. He's a conundrum that you want to figure out and you'll do anything to get and keep his attention. Sure, he may not be the greatest looking guy, but he has his good angles. And when he speaks to you, you feel like the most important person in the world. He would make one hell of a cult leader. He has, actually. But here's the thing, Heidi." Now it was Butters who put his hand over hers, "He's not for you. He's for me."

"Yeah, but-"

"No 'but's, it's just how it is. You can't handle Eric at his worse. That's abundantly clear. That Eric you met that first month, he isn't real. That cruel, selfish, emotionally stunted Eric? He's the real one."

"If you know all these things about him, then why do you want him?"

"Because I can handle him. Because he stands down to me and listens to me. He thinks twice before pulling any of the crap he pulled on you on me. Because he loves me. And he could never love you."

"So, maybe all that is true, that's still no reason for why you played this long game just to get him!"

Butters scratched his nose and leaned against the bench. He looked down at his book and played with his bookmark, which had a string attached to it.

"I love him too, obviously," Butters said, looking at Heidi with complete sincerity. "He makes me feel good about myself. He gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. He gives me a chance to be someone outside of who my parents want me to be. He's been my best friend all my life, and I love him, and I waited until he realized he loved me back."

Heidi moved her jaw back and forth and asked her final question. "What would have happened to me and Eric if you hadn't had intervened."

Butters sighed and looked ahead again. "Oh, I imagine you would have gotten a good year out of Eric at the rate he was going. Sorry I cut it so short, but like I said, I got nervous. You would have gotten a good year and then it would have disintegrated the way it did because he would have gotten bored or annoyed or both and it would have played out the same way. All I did was speed up the inevitable. But he was never yours, and he never will be. To answer your first question, Eric and I are doing amazing." The initial friendly smile was back on Butters' lips as he beamed. "There's truly nothing as special as being with your soulmate. And I'm sure you'll find your own, but you won't find him if you don't let Eric go, which I suggest you do because it's getting embarrassing."

Heidi nodded and looked down. She had a lot to think about but mostly she felt good, to her surprise. There was no point in mourning the loss of a relationship she never stood a chance in, and all this time Eric had this other person waiting in the wings, truly ready to do the unthinkable to be with him. Butters was conniving and manipulative, and he was right, they do belong together.

"Thank you, Butters, for this talk, really."

"Any time!" Butters said, cheery and opening his book again.

Heidi watched him get back to his reading for another moment before getting up and taking a deep breath of the spring time air. She turned away from Butters and walked home, a weight finally lifted from her shoulders.