The following was written by two teenage girls,
( LILY & KALI . yuh . we're awesome )
who were unsuccesfully attempting to escape the
god damned heat. Expect unexplainable stupidity,
random storylines, and excitable adolescent boys.
Thankyou. Now on with the story ..
BOYS WILL BE BOYS
CHAPTER ONE
The Broom Closet
So anyway, James & Sirius were being preddy damn hot. Cuz they're just like that. And I think that basically, that's the best opening any story could ever have. Don't even think about trying to deny it. Ofcourse, as we all know, James was just like completely outshining Sirius. And okay, to satisfy Kali, Remus was being preddy damned hott aswell. But not as hott as James. Hmm. Don't you just love having control of the keyboard ..
( KALI ; get on with the damned story ! )
( LILY ; i was just telling the people what they wanted to hear ! )
( KALI ; you . are . a . liarr ! LIARR ! yuh bitchh )
( LILY ; you smell like foot . baha . end of discussion )
So yeah. & Peter was uh, just standing there .. drooling ? Yuh. Sounds about right.
But anyway; back to the hottness. James, Sirius, Remus & butterball were for some reason standing in front of a somewhat conveniently placed broom closet in the middle of the hallway.
( KALI ; wtf ! a broom closet )
( LILY ; just go with it )
"Ahh! Good ol' Broomie. Brings backs gooood memories .. " Sirius sighed, content.
"You frighten me, Padfoot .. " Remus commented dryly, raising an eyebrow. Peter liked this.
"Just because I can get some, nerd child!" Sirius smirked to himself, stroking the door.
"I can too get some!" Remus protested, "Hey Peter. Wanna come in the broom closet?"
Peter's piggy eyes widened with excitement, "Hell yes! I thought you'd never ask!"
"See!" Remus puffed out his chest, "I told you I can get some!"
Sirius coughed, "Uh, Remus .. That's Peter, for christs sake"
"YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY!" Remus shouted, crying like a little girl.
( LILY ; wait a minute .. WHERE'S JAMES! )
( KALI ; you're the one writing it, tard! )
( LILY ; slaps self what's wrooong with meee ! )
( KALI ; would you like me to be honest ? )
( LILY ; blinks quiet, you ! )
So anyway, James was leaning against the wall, arms crossed infront of his chest, hair scruffed in a stylish manner, hott face being just damned hott as damned usual. And for my own amusement, some random chick walked by and fainted. Not because of Sirius, because of JAMES! I don't care what everyone says about Sirius being the ladies man, it's James now. So shutup! The girl would have been a tad shorted that Peter, although her figure was immensely slimmer, a little too slim. They suspected that were she to be standing, she would infact look terribly gangly, which ofcourse would not be helped by her hip-length, straight hair, curtaining her boney and defined featured face. Her outfit was tragic. A woolen sweater? Seriously ..
"What the hell just happened?" Remus blinked, staring at the girl in the middle of the hallway.
"I have no idea," James said, confused, "But we better move the body, looks a bit suspicious!"
"Good idea, James." Peter agreed, smiling in such a manner that his pudgy cheeks engulfed his nose.
"Riiiight" James frowned, "You scare me, Peter .. Lets put her in the closet."
"Alright, pick her up James." Sirius instructed, placing his hand on the closet handle.
"I don't wanna pick her up!" James protested, pouting in a very sexatronic way.
"Pick her up, James" Sirius said seriously. HAHAHAA! Pun definately intended.
"But she's uglyyy, I don't wanna touch her." James cried loudly.
"Hey Peter, I think you should pick her up. You're so strong and masculine!"
James, Sirius & Remus all turned their heads to stare at Peter, from whence the previous statement had come, and saw the boy with his hand cupped to his mouth. They stared. Peter's face fell; "I'm so alone!"
Sirius simply blinked, "Pick her up, James" he said in a very serious voice. ( hahaha ) Obviosuly disregaring Peter's previous two statements. And, might I add, with terribly good reason. I mean, seriously.
James sighed, defeated, and hesitantly bent down to pick up the unconscious girl. Nodding his head proudly, Sirius turned and opened the closet door, peering into the darkness. Almost instantly, he slammed the closet closed again & turned back around to face his best friend, a huge grin spread across his face. "James .. "
"Uh, yes?" James asked bluntly.
"I have absolutely no idea why. But Lily's in the closet .. "
James raised an eyebrow; "Uh, what?"
"DUDE!" Sirius exclaimed, "She's in her underwear!"
Thud!
In an instant, James had dropped the girl he had previously held witihin his arms, stumbled forward, tried to push the door open, spotted the " Pull " sign, pulled the door open, stared inside. And frowned.
"Uh, Sirius?" he inquired.
"Yess .. " Sirius replied smugly.
James reached into the closet and pulled out a mop.
"This is a mop."
" .. So it would seem."
"You thought Lily was a mop?"
Sirius opened his mouth to respond, although he quickly shut it and raised an eyebrow, a nervous expression sweeping across his face. Eventually, he managed to get out; " ... Nobody tell Lily about this."
"DEAL!" James agreed with no hesitation what-soever.
Smirking impotantly to themselves, James & Sirius shook hands briefly, before turning around with grins on their faces.
And then they screamed like little girls. Although, James' scream was much more masculine than Sirius'.
"OH HELLO LILY!" James shouted in her face for some odd reason.
Alas, there Lily stood, hand on hip, scowl on face, parrot on shouler.
( KALI ; .. there's something wrong with you )
( LILY ; garrr ! i am a piratee ! )
( KALI : smacks you i don't know you )
"So, you think I look like a mop, do you Sirius?" She asked stiffly.
Sirius gulped, "NO . I . DO . NOT ! I . THINK . YOU . ARE . BEAUTIFUL !" he shouted nervously.
There was a pause.
SMACK!
"DUDE!" James shouted, "Stay away from my woman!"
"Since when have I been your woman?" Lily asked.
"Since I saw you naked." James smirked.
"That was the mop, James .. " Sirius said tonelessly.
"LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT!" James yelled, before the dreamy smile returned to his face. Lily rose an eyebrow, and then slapped him. "What was that for! ..Oh yeah, the whole picturing you naked thing."
Sirius coughed, "Why are you here anyway?"
Lily nodded and bit her lip, "I wanted to inquire into WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" she shouted, pointing, horrified at the floor where the girl lay. James & Sirius looked over & jumped, disgusted.
"PETER! Why the fuck are you sniffing her foot?" James asked, weirded out.
"She reminded me of myself when I was a little girl .. "
Sirius blinked, "Go eat some chocolate, Peter."
"Okay, I will. But I won't enjoy it." Peter sighed.
"Yes you will."
"Okay so maybe I will."
Peter frowned and went to leave, but not before grabbing the unconscious girls foot & trying to drag her along with him. Unfortunately, she decided to wake up and scream, "WHY THE FAT ONE!"
"Because we didn't want you .. " James and Sirius shrugged simultaneously.
She began to cry; "I'm so alone!"
"SO AM I!" Peter shouted, overcome with joy.
"Really?" The girl mused, "Lets hook up."
Peter almost fainted, "OH MY GOD! FUCK YES! Peters back in the gaaaame!" With this Peter began thrusting his pelvis and doing a mating dance, even though he never was and still isn't in the game.
"Wait .. " He stopped suddenly, "Do you like chocolate?"
"Uh no, I'm allergic to chocolate." The girl stated blandly.
Peter looked horrified, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
"But Peter!" She cried, "I love you!"
"No .. No! Get away!" Peter waddled off as fast as he could, the girl on his heels.
Sirius, James & Lily stared after them with horrified expressions on their faces, truly disgusted by the scene they had witnessed, and secretly cursing the authors of this lovely story for making them witness it in the first place. But sucks to be them, because there's much, much more to come.
"Wait a minute .. " Remus said suddenly.
They all turned to face him, realising that he actually was there still.
"What?" They asked simultaneously.
"What .. Uh, why would Lily be in the clost in her underwear?"
Sirius blinked, "DUDE! We're not even on that bit anymore!"
( KALI ; & than brings us to the end of the lovely chapter one ! )
( LILY ; hey ! wait a minute ! that really hurt when you smacked me back then ! )
( KALI ; DUDE ! we're not even on that bit anymore ! )
( LILY ; oh . well . it did . just so you know ! )
( KALI ; uh anywaaay . that was the end of the first chapter . review it ! )
( LILY ; uh wait ! why WOULD lily be in the closet in her underwear ! )
( KALI ; stares at lily .. stares some more .. leaves the room )
( LILY ; NO ! WAIT ! seriously .. my brain hurts .. )