Kisame knew he was in for trouble when Itachi woke one night with a deep wet cough that he could not seem to shake. Kisame was concerned: Itachi was just barely fourteen, practically a baby, and yet Kisame knew him well enough by now that he knew Itachi'd work until he collapsed. So Kisame told Itachi that he wouldn't do missions with him until he got better.
Itachi hardly acknowledged Kisame's statement, not even to give it a simple 'hm', but for the rest of the way back to the Akatsuki base he seemed to be sulking (he even turned his nose up at a dango stick, which was concerning). Kisame became more worried as the cough seemed to deepen as the days passed and they trudged closer and closer to the base.
"I think it's pneumonia," Kisame said as they were passing through the Wind Country.
Itachi blinked up at him with his pretty red eyes and stifled a cough behind a hand.
"You need rest. And probably a visit to the doctor."
Itachi frowned. "Kisame..." His voice was rusty from the cough.
"No, really. I don't want to get sick either."
Itachi crossed his arms. "Who else is there for you to take missions with? Pein-sama isn't going to let you get away without working." As far as Itachi went, he was being verbose.
Kisame smiled, all teeth. "Don't you worry about it."
Itachi huffed, which meant he was deeply irritated, and Kisame ignored it. I don't like making Itachi unhappy, but this is for his own good.
Kisame stood awkwardly next to Kakuzu. The older man's gaze was flat and heavy and deeply angry.
"So," Kisame began, mostly to break the tension, "what exactly did you kill your last partner for?"
Kakuzu turned his glare onto Kisame. "He wouldn't shut up."
Kisame frowned. "Ah. I...see."
Kakuzu turned back to the map he was inspecting before making a sharp turn to the right. He seemed to expect Kisame to follow him. Kisame huffed in annoyance, but followed him anyway.
No use antagonizing him. He's fickle enough as it is. And I haven't ever seen him fight.
….Itachi had better be putting his rest to good use.
Kisame and Kakuzu's mission was relatively straightforward- a simple assassination. They finished it within a week. There were no complications. Kakuzu ensured it. Kisame was almost impressed with the man's ruthless efficiency.
Despite his reluctance to admit it, Kisame and Kakuzu worked well together, as long as Kisame ignored the undertone of threatening violence every time Kakuzu even bothered to look at him. Kisame was a nice guy though, he let it slide. Kakuzu seemed to appreciate Kisame's silence, although still seemed wary. It was like he expected Kisame to slit his throat in the night, or something.
Which, well, they were ninja, but Kisame wasn't a complete jerk. Kisame, if anything, made it a point to be polite. And slitting his temporary partner's throat as he slept would be absolutely rude as hell.
Still, it bothered Kisame that Kakuzu was so jumpy around him. Unfortunately, the only way to fix that was through exposure and possible bonding.
"Hey," he said one day, "let's get drinks."
Kakuzu didn't even pause. "No."
"I'll pay," Kisame offered, because he'd picked up on Kakuzu's reluctance to spend money a while back.
Kakuzu's red and green eyes shifted over to gaze at Kisame, as if appraising him. Still, he remained silent.
"I'll pay for both our drinks," Kisame clarified, and then Kakuzu nodded.
"Fine. I do not drink cheap sake, though."
"I expected as much," Kisame groused, but pulled out his map to locate the nearest village anyway.
Kakuzu seemed antsy when they slid into the stall at a crowded bar.
"Dislike crowds?" Kisame asked, not really expecting an answer.
"Yes," replied Kakuzu tersely, "very much."
"We can go somewhere else," Kisame offered, mostly to be polite.
"No."
They sat in an oppressive awkward silence for a few moments. Kisame missed Itachi. Silences with the Uchiha were never awkward. Oppressive, yes. But not awkward.
Kisame flagged down the barmaid. "We'd like a bottle of sake, please."
She seemed to tremble a little when she saw Kisame's sharp teeth flashing, but said, "Yes, sirs. It'll be right out."
"Thank you," Kisame said, making sure to grin extra wide.
The woman's smile faltered and she made a beeline for the kitchen. When Kisame looked over at Kakuzu across the table, the man was glaring at him angrily.
"What." It was a statement, not a question.
"You gave her quite the impression."
"And…?" Kisame raised a brow.
Kakuzu looked at him as if he were the stupidest person in the world. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked deeply frustrated, like he was trying to find the right words. Then-
"If someone is-if there are ninja- tracking us, she will remember you."
"Kakuzu," Kisame sighed, "I am a giant blue man. Do you really think she wouldn't have remembered me?"
Kakuzu's glare became less like boiling volcano and more like 'if you dare to speak again I will skin you alive'. But he didn't reply, so Kisame felt like he'd won their argument.
Kisame remained silent until the drinks came, although he made sure to smile extra big at the bartender as she left. He could see Kakuzu's knuckles going grey around his mug and suppressed a chuckle. He needs to loosen up.
"So," Kisame began, pouring a drink for Kakuzu and then himself, "how'd you join the Akatsuki?"
Kakuzu didn't answer, merely took a reserved sip of sake. He gave Kisame a considering look, and then said, "Is it not polite to answer your own questions before you ask them?"
Kisame had never heard Kakuzu say something so eloquent before. He almost sounded like Itachi. "Huh," Kisame grunted.
"That's not a reply." Kakuzu was almost growling.
They did not speak again for a long while. Kakuzu almost seemed to be getting more tense and wound up the more he drank, which struck Kisame as deeply unusual. Kakuzu's eyes kept flickering to some point just over Kisame's shoulders.
After a few more minutes of this, Kisame heaved a sigh, and Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, as if expecting Kisame to lean over the table and smack him.
"Hey, we should go."
"We literally just arrived."
Kisame bit the inside of his cheek in frustration. It was clear from the hunch of Kakuzu's shoulders that he would rather be anywhere but here, and yet he wanted to stay.
"We'll take the sake with us. I hate to say it, but you seem..er...uncomfortable."
Kakuzu made a deeply aggravated noise and stood. "I would kill you if you were any less polite."
Kisame grinned. "I'll go ahead and pay."
Kakuzu turned and stomped out the door.
They'd settled in a small cave hidden by an overgrowth of trees. Kisame was pouring their bottle of sake into their set of traveling cups: bright plastic things that seemed to survive just about anything. He passed Kakuzu the pink one that neither Kisame nor Itachi used (Itachi liked the green cup, and Kisame liked the blue one because it reminded him of the ocean).
Kakuzu grunted and took a large swallow. He seemed mellower, now that they were away from the loud bar and pestering civilians. Still angry, though.
Kisame sighed. Kakuzu eyed him, and then said, "Money."
Kisame blinked. "Er- excuse me?"
Kakuzu scowled, skin wrinkling up between his eyebrows. "The reason I joined the Akatsuki."
I can't say I'm surprised. Kisame said as much.
Kakuzu shrugged and leaned against the cave wall. "Money and power go hand in hand." He added, in a dark tone, "And I refuse to be weak."
"Well, you're anything but weak." Kisame forced a smile, feeling like he was missing subtext.
A few moments passed in silence, and then Kakuzu asked, "And you…?"
Kisame fidgeted with his cup before answering, "The Akatsuki brings truth."
Kakuzu snorted. "The Akatsuki are nothing but a means of control. That is the furthest thing away from truth."
Kisame growled. "Control is not a lie. Besides, Akatsuki's goals are to end the corruption of the villages."
"And you think that Akatsuki really has the means to root out corruption? It's a small group, Kisame. Not vast enough to control such large areas, and even if it was, the moment it became large it'd be nothing but corruption."
Kisame's eyes narrowed. "You're quite the cynic."
"And you're naive. I was young and stupid once, too." Kakuzu took another angry swallow of sake.
Kisame sighed, deflating a bit. There's no point in getting into an argument with him. He's set in his ways, and it's not my job to make him believe in Akatsuki's true goals.
"I'm just curious as to what made you such a cynic."
Kakuzu's shoulders stiffened. "Life. Now shut up."
Kisame did, but not without a certain measure of frustration.
An hour later, Kisame was definitely buzzed, and probably more than a little tipsy. Kakuzu was sprawled lazily against their travel packs, finishing off the last of their sake.
Kisame decided to try again. Kakuzu is definitely going to be a little more amenable to talking, now. If he isn't, then I'll eat my kunai.
"So...what happened when you were young and stupid like me?"
Kakuzu gazed at him through half-lidded eyes. Somehow they weren't angry any more. "I used to believe in the innate goodness of organizations. Then my village betrayed me for their pride."
"Hm," grunted Kisame, finishing the sake in his cup.
"I slaughtered them all," Kakuzu added with an almost dreamy look in his eye.
"Oh." Kisame wasn't sure what else to say.
"Indeed." Kakuzu lurched to his feet.
Kisame frowned. "Where are you going?"
"To take a piss."
Kisame wrinkled his nose and waved Kakuzu off. "I'll be here, then." Kakuzu grunted.
He returned a few minutes later, when Kisame was eating his meal rations.
"Want some?" Kisame offered, to be polite.
Kakuzu pulled a face, and sprawled next to Kisame. "No."
Kisame blinked. This was probably the closest Kakuzu had ever gotten to him of his own volition.
"Do you like working with the kid?" Kakuzu's voice was gravely and Kisame could smell the sake on his breath.
"He's quiet. We make a good team, though." Kisame smiled a little. "I worry about him, too."
Kakuzu gave him an odd look. "He's a ninja."
Kisame pursed his lips and decided not to disclose Itachi's poor health. "He's just a kid."
Kakuzu was quiet for a moment, and then said, quietly, "You seem very loyal."
"I am."
Kakuzu leaned close and breathed in his ear, "Be sure that your loyalty isn't misplaced." Then he withdrew. Kisame blinked at Kakuzu, confused.
Wordlessly, Kakuzu rolled out his bedroll, grunted, "You have first watch," and went to sleep.
Kisame decided to finish his rations bar.
When they arrived back at the base, they were greeted by Itachi, who looked much healthier than the last time Kisame had seen him. The bags under his eyes were less prominent, and his cheeks were a healthy pink. He didn't say much, but just the fact that he'd taken the time to wait for them told Kisame a lot.
"Feeling better?" Kisame asked, and Itachi nodded.
"Pein-sama had me organizing intel and other documents."
"I'm glad you got your rest." Kisame glanced at Kakuzu, who was watching the proceedings with a vague look of annoyance.
"Itachi, Kakuzu and I need to make our report to Pein-sama. In the meantime- here." Kisame reached into his pockets and drew out a package, which he unwrapped to reveal a dango stick. Itachi's lips hardly twitched upwards, but for him that was a display of utmost delight.
"Thank you, Kisame."
Kisame chuckled. "You're very welcome. Don't worry, I got it fresh today."
"Hn." Itachi was already reaching for it.
Kisame let the kid take it, and then waved. "See you in a few, 'tachi."
Kakuzu snorted and turned away. Kisame followed him.
"I cannot believe you spent money on that brat."
Kisame grinned. "Unlike you, I like spending money."
"That's because you're an idiot." Somehow, Kakuzu conveyed an almost light, teasing tone.
"Mhmm, and I really liked working with you, too."
Kakuzu grunted.
Kisame decided that he wouldn't mind taking the occasional mission with Kakuzu again.
The only trouble was that Hidan came along before they had the chance.