The Great Book of Naruto Tales and Legends

Summary: In the land of fairy tales and wonders, where each story is unique. Some may sound pretty funny, morbid at times but the rest they're just plain weird. This book speaks of tales and legends, all congested in to one thick book. But it's not any ordinary story book which you could see everyday. It's a one of a kind and it can only be found in the internet.

Takai: Wow, I can't believe we made a story like this…
Kurai: I know. But it's all thanks because of boredom! Hurray for boredom!
Naruto: Hey, why do I have to be the Kyuubi?
Takai: But you are one.
Naruto: Fine!
Sasuke: Why do I have to look stupid…?
Kurai: You are. No offence to those Sasuke Fans. Hehe…
Takai: Yeah, you got a point. Anyway, wanna start the story?
Kurai: Yup!
Kurai and Takai: We present this fanfic… The Great Book of Naruto Tales and Legends!

Little Black Riding Hood

Once upon a time, in a place called Konoha. There lived a child called Sasuke. Sasuke was a seven year old boy who had raven black hair. He wears a black cloak and a hood attached to it. He was an intelligent boy so his grades were high, very high.

He was teased everyday because of the cloak he wears so often.

And you start to wonder. From all the things in you could see in the world. From pudding to pie and cookies to cake. Why would it be his favorite cloak?

Here's a little secret but give your word that you wouldn't tell to him. It's for the reason that the cloak is what a girl would typically wear. I know sad isn't it? I mean there's a big, black ribbon on to the cloak. Where the neck is located and when you see him it makes you want to go… "Awww".

Kurai and Takai: Awww… staring at the picture of Sasuke

Anyway, back to the story. Sasuke's mother asked him to go for an errand which is to deliver ramen to his grandmother, Orochimaru. Who is now about… 102 years old? The ramen was deliciously made with the best seasoning and taste, perfect for the old aged people.

So one day, Sasuke had the courage to tell his mother…

Sasuke asked "Why do I have to deliver ramen to that gay, old grandmother, who doesn't even look old but gay!" as he was stomping the floor.

His mother said angrily "Sasuke, how many times do I have to tell you! Your grandmother is not gay!" while cutting some vegetables at the table.

"But grandmother is gay, I saw her dating one of the girls in Konoha!" Sasuke said holding his cloak shivering.

The boy's mother said turning her back at him "That's ridiculous. Impossible!"

"But it's true! I even took a picture of it!" Sasuke said taking out the picture and handing it to his mother so that his she would believe him.

"You even took a picture of it! Give me that!" His mother grabbed the picture and was looking at it closely.

'Hmm… wait a minute; I did saw Orochimaru dating this girl somewhere.' His mother thought not wanting to remember it. She gave back the picture to Sasuke.

His mother was handing a basket of ramen "Just deliver ramen to your grandmother and make sure you come back before curfew time!"

"But…"

"No buts! Now hurry and make sure you don't spill the soup!" She was pushing him out of the house then closing the door to make sure he doesn't come back in.

"Humph… mothers…" He said stubbornly.

As he was walking through shops and stores of different owners he saw some of his classmates. One of them called out his name.

"Sasuke-kun!" A girl with short, yellow hair came to Sasuke, jumping up to hug him.

"Wha-!" Sasuke said looking at the girl who was going to hug him.

'Sasuke-kun?' Another one heard Sasuke's name which made her glance at the direction of the voice. This one had pink hair.

"Don't you dare touch my Sasuke!" The girl said angrily pushing the girl away before she can get to him.

'Why me… wait a minute did she say 'my Sasuke!'' He thought as he was starting to sadden up.

"Well you two seem troublesome." A guy said walking to their direction. His name was Shikamaru.

"Munch… Munch… Sakura, Ino, what are you two doing?" A fat, chubby guy was following Shikamaru. He was eating a big bag of chips which seemed salty and… you know… salty.

Then another three came one looked like a Chinese girl, the other had fuzzy eyebrows in a weird greenish outfit and the guy in front which appears to be the leader had long dark brownish hair tied up at the bottom.

Sasuke said to all of them "You know I don't have time for this."

Neji said "You're right I forgot you had to go to the drycleaners in order to wash your girly black cloak." while laughing with satisfaction.

"That is not it!" Sasuke making sure he said it out loud. "I do not go to dry cleaners!"

"Oh… don't tell me… you still have to go to the dress maker to make you have a black dress too!" Tenten said smiling with Neji.

"That's enough you guys! You're starting to tease him again!" Sakura said.

"Humph!" Sasuke said running away and leaving them all behind.

All of them were staring at Sasuke who was running away from them.

"It all you're fault!" Ino said not looking at Neji. "You started it!"

"This is so troublesome."

As Sasuke was running away from the village, going to his grandmother's cottage, he started to get lost. He kept on walking and the path seemed to darken up.

"Now which way should I go?" He asked himself as he tried to do the guessing game.

"Iniminimi nimo. Catch the dim wolf that is my foe. Hope he dies by tomorrow. That is if he hits my toe." And he lands on path which leads to his grandmother's cottage. He walked happily on his way, unnoticing the figure which was spying on him.

A Kyuubi was sniffing the scent of the little boy. At the same time he was mumbling some words.

I'm hungry for something delicious…

Something that can satisfy me…

I smell it.

I feel it.

And I love it.

…Ramen…

"I sound stupid saying this…"

There was a cottage at the middle of the woods and that was where Sasuke's grandmother lived. While Sasuke's grandmother was waiting in his bed, he went to the kitchen in his pink dress to make some soup for himself. Orochimaru was dearly sick and can only be cured by the famous home made ramen that Sasuke was bringing to him.

But Sasuke was being too jolly for no reason. So he was walking quite slow that the wolf came up first before Sasuke.

By the time he got to the place of destination. He went in the cottage and there he saw blood spilled everywhere on the floor. The dishes were broken and pills were scattered or maybe those were… drugs. In the middle of the room there he saw gayish old granny in bed with a big stomach and a toothpick. He started to sadden up when he saw his ugly granny.

He tried to act happily putting a big grin over the dismay face of his. He walked passed everything like he didn't see anything at all. Then he sat happily on a nearby chair right beside granny. He took a few breaths and started to speak.

"Granny, why do you have such a big stomach?" His eyes widened as he looked at its stomach.

"Cuz your gran-… I mean I had to eat all those food in the fridge before they get spilled." Its voice was really low that it made Sasuke wonder.

Sasuke was startled and asked again "Granny why is your voice so low?"

"I took opera lessons."

He rubbed his eyes and tried not to blink but he saw that his granny's teeth were really sharp and so were his nails. He then looked from bottom to top and he was covered with oh, so orange fur. Lastly, his beady little eyes reflected the reflection of the basket and Sasuke. But wait was that granny inside the foul kyuubi's mouth.

"Not only my grandmother is gay but she's also a horrible looking monster!" He was getting too much of fright that he fainted in the act.

"I am so not a horrible monster…"

Later when curfew time was near, he woke up and found himself tied up in a big bowl where his grandmother used to cook disgusting fish. By the corner of his eye he saw the big, bad kyuubi eating the delicious ramen.

Then he remembered that his mother told him that if he was late for curfew time he would be in big trouble. He tried to think fast and near the edge of the table was a knife he found. So he untied himself from the sturdy rope and went to the big, bad kyuubi who was eating ramen. Being too busy with what it was eating, Sasuke took out his handgun and…

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

… It went. From its limb to his head five shots did the job.

He went out of the cottage and directly without delay to his house where his mother was waiting for him to come back. By the time he got in his mother was there waiting, angrily.

Sasuke said "Hello mother… you look beautiful tonight." nervously looking form bottom to top.

"Sasuke, you're five seconds late from curfew time! Now receive a punishment from your mother!" Her blood rose from her head.

With no time to spare he took out his handgun and killed his mother by three shot in the head.

Ever since that day, Sasuke was never laughed by anyone. He was never called Sasuke but a different name. Sasukina was his surname by the wig of his mom he wore in vain.

THE END

Kurai: Now wasn't that fun?
Takai: Beep. Beep.
Kurai: Stop that.
Takai: Fine.
Sasuke: Why am I gay!
Takai: Haha! Sasuke and Orochimaru are gay!
Orochimaru: I know I'm pretty but you don't have to tell them that I'm gay.
Kurai: Uh… I'm gonna puke.
Naruto: Hey, you said I wasn't going to look stupid!
Kurai: We did? Anyway, we can't let this go any longer so any last words Takai-chan?
Takai: Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be-ep.
Kurai: She says never fall in love with a gay. Never.