This is my second Fruits Basket fic. I posted my other one yesterday and this is a complete turn around from that one. Go easy on my angst writing...I've been writing just light hearted fics for a while. Anyways, I hope that you enjoy it and please, if you take the trouble to read it, review it :) (I like reviews) I don't have a beta, so I read this myself and edit as much asI can,so if you want to be my beta, email me...I'm looking for one...As always, constructive criticism is always appreciated but no flames please!

Knowing That

by mugglecastlover31

Lookin' at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were, everything, everything to me

The cursor on the computer screen in front of him blinked continuously on a blank page. He was supposed to be typing up a report for his records, but the words kept slipping from his mind as soon as he started to type them. He backed away from the computer and ran his hands through his long black hair.

All day he had felt something…something like a pin pushing at his heart. He had been pushing the feeling away, willing himself to concentrate on the work at hand rather than the growing loneliness that he felt.

But he couldn't help it anymore and he stole a quick glance at the one thing he tried never to look at. The one thing he had been especially avoiding that day…His only picture of Kana.

Her smile was so beautiful in the picture. Hell, her smile was always that beautiful, just like her.

He got up and took the picture down from the shelf. It was always a little hidden behind books, but there nevertheless. He looked at it every now and then, only when his longing grew to an unbearable pain.

His finger ran over the glass covering Kana's face and he thought of their time together. There was never a dull moment with her charming smile and bubbly laughter. Everyday with her was well spent. Never before had he blown off his work for anything, yet with her he'd done so many times. Each night spent with her was heaven. She was his everything…everything…

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

He had let her go, wanting nothing but happiness for her in her new life. He had willingly let her go, go away from him- his love. He knew he had to do it for her sanity. Up until almost the last moment before he suppressed her memories he had thought about stopping. Every emotion was coursing- pounding- through his veins in those last few seconds that she remembered the many love-filled moments they had shared. He had wanted to stop, not do what he was about to do to her. But her tear-stained face had forced him. The pain that her eyes showed as she looked up at him, moved his hands to her head.

After she had forgotten everything, the torture that he felt was almost unbearable. It had felt like ripping out his heart would have been better than feeling that terrible pain. But as he remembered her sweet face and joyful voice, he realized he wouldn't trade anything in the world for those days and nights spent with her. They were priceless treasures to him. Even the pain they cost him was worth it, because it was better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

He dreamt that she would come back to him someday. He willed his hear to believe it to be true. But in the end he knew that it wasn't. She was married now- someone else's. He envied that man, but didn't hate him. It Kana was happy with him, then so bet it.

All the doors are closing, I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day,
The day you slipped away

A tear slipped down his face and fell onto the picture with a soft noise. He hadn't realized when he had started crying. His vision became blurred as the tears he held back everyday rushed over in an outpour of emotion. His stoic manner was the only way he could keep any composure. Even a smile from his own lips made him think of hisplace of ultimate bliss with Kana. His thoughts were blank except for the mundane thoughts of work and keeping the bastard that had taken Kana away from him, healthy. Anything that might be considered happiness had been wiped away, never to be seen again.

Ayame and Shigure always tried to set him up with some other girl. They didn't understand that nothing mattered without Kana. He could go out with a million girls but the fact remained that he wasn't whole anymore. Part of his being had been ripped away the day she had left. He could only give his heart away once, and now it belonged to Kana and there was no getting it back.

That since I lost you
I lost myself
No I can't fake it
There's no one else
So I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

She had melted away the ice, the stoicism, that always surrounded him to unveil a person with a warm heart. But since she had left, he was lost. There was no one he could turn to. No one understood that he was still hurting- even thought it was five years to the day since she had left. There was just a dark nothingness in his heart. He wished it would go away sometimes- wished that the ice of his winter had never been melted by her spring, but it had been. And the pain that was there, showed him that he could still feel, even though his soul felt numb. But still he was glad that she had entered his life, because the joyfulness in his life for that short period of time was worth it all. Even though she had left him in a torturous state, she was happy…wherever she was, she was happy…

And knowing that, he could live.