Disclaimer: How many times must I do this? Alright, I don't own The Vampire Diaries.
10 Reasons not to Love Him
She remembered. The sacrifice had made her remember all what Damon had told her that night and compelled her to forget. Now, however, she was faced with a hard choice. Stefan was gone, and Damon loved her so much it was wonder he could be around her when she was with her boyfriend.
Elena didn't love him. Or at least that was what she kept telling herself. She didn't want to love him, she didn't want to betray Stefan for his brother. Most of all, she didn't want to be Katherine. She hated being caught in such dilemma, loving both brothers and having to choose one, but she was convinced that it was better than doing what her doppleganger had done.
As she stared out the window in that rainy night, she pondered what she should do. She knew she couldn't deny her feelings for Damon any longer, not after remembering him opening up to her, not wanting her to have to forget what he had told but knowing that it was best for her. She would finally have to choose. Saint Stefan or Devious Damon?
Rationally, she wanted to wait for Stefan. He was the safer option, the one she had first fallen in love with. But her heart was screaming for Damon, pleading her to choose him.
As she thought about it, she had an idea. She was going to make a list of ten reasons why she shouldn't love Damon. She picked up her pen and opened her diary on the last page of all, ready to have a gigantic list of not only ten, but a hundred reasons.
Ten reasons not to love him
✓ He kills innocent people;
"He did kill innocent people, but he stopped. He's becoming more and more human. Still, I can't take that for guaranteed, I have to have my doubts. He's unstable in that aspect. I shouldn't just ignore the fact that he could snap and kill everyone in Mystic Falls because he feels like it." She thought.
✓ He's my boyfriend's brother
"I wonder what Stefan in doing now. He would be so angry if he knew I was having this kind of thoughts. He was really uneasy with my relationship with Damon. But my relationships are none of his business. I'll talk to whomever I want. Is this a valid reason, then? I better leave it, in case I decide it is." Elena mused.
✓ He kidnapped me
"He kidnapped me and I had a blast, just like he thought I would, so he kidnapped me because he cared about me. But still, kidnapping is kidnapping, you shouldn't do it by any reason. Even if it was one of the best days of my life in a long time and in the time still to come." She smiled.
✓ He wouldn't think twice before killing me if it served his needs
"Is this even true? I don't think so. He might have killed me a long time ago, but now he would risk his life to save mine. I'm running out of ideas…" Despaired Elena.
Elena stopped for a minute to analyze the list she had made so far. She gasped as she realized she didn't have one good reason. Maybe her heart was right and her rational side wasn't being as rational as it should be. Scared, she decided to go to bed and sleep on it. Perhaps in the morning she would have an idea of what to do.
She snuggled into her bed, imagining that sleep would come easily since she was so emotionally tired. She had spent weeks thinking about her dilemma with the two brothers. Of course, Elena hadn't told Damon or anyone else about her new memory. The doubt had been eating her in the inside for over a month and she hadn't shared it with anybody. She fooled herself thinking that it was best for them, that they had enough on their plates without her adding her problems, but deep down she knew she was only hiding from their judgments. She could picture their faces of horror if she told them that she was thinking of leaving Stefan for his brother. Bonnie would most probably have a heart attack. But most of all, she was hiding from herself. Saying it out loud would make it real and the last thing she wanted was for that to be real. All she wished was that things went back to their simplicity of the time before her parents' death, when she knew no loss, when there were no werewolves, no vampires and no dopplegangers.
With that thought, she fell asleep.
Elena was in a meadow. The sunlight lit up the whole forest and the grass shone as she stepped on it. She was sure she knew that meadow, but somethings had changed. Then she remembered going there to have pick nicks with her parents when she was child. But something was still strange. After staring at the place for some time, she realized that when she had last been there, the grass didn't light up. Dismissing it for a trick of light, she laid down in the sun and just enjoyed the peace. She was as happy as she could remember ever being until she realized she wasn't alone.
On one side of the meadow, stood Stefan, and on the other, Damon. She knew the choice had to be made right there. With only a glance at Stefan, she walked over to Damon and allowed him to take her in an embrace, all while Stefan watched from his spot. Her eyes widened in horror as his fangs elongated and his eyes became bloodshot. She could feel Damon's arms tightening around her as Stefan approached them, a predator-like look in his eyes. She felt him getting closer and closer, each step eating away a part of her life. Elena closed her eyes in fear and buried her head on Damon's shoulder. Stefan jumped on her and tore her throat open.
She felt Damon try to fight him of, but somehow he could't seem to keep Stefan away from her. But on the last minute, he scooped her up and gave her his blood. That was when she knew she had made the right choice. The light beneath her feet became brighter until little golden flowers had completely sprouted, throwing Stefan out of the meadow. She picked one up and realized that they were little pieces of happiness.
Elena's alarm clock rang, taking her away from the happiness she had found in the meadow. She knew what the dream meant, she knew what she had to do, but she was afraid. If she chose Damon, there was no coming back. Both brothers had been toyed with too much for her to change her mind so many times. She only had one chance to pick the right choice, to be with the Salvatore that would bring her most happiness, most satisfaction.
But she was tired of waiting, of thinking and worrying. She just wanted to put her mind at ease and the only way for her to do that was to choose. And her dream self had chosen for her.
With a jump, she got out of her bed and put on some clothes, not even bothering to see what she was putting on. After a quick look on the mirror to be sure that he hair wasn't a complete and total mess, she was ready to leave and change her life forever. Taking one last look at the clock, which read 8:30, she ran out of the house. She wasn't even thinking. She knew the way to the Boarding House and she didn't want to think. She just wanted to be free of the weight that was dragging her down into the abyss. She wanted to break the chains that were keeping her unhappy.
As she arrived at the door, Elena began to have second thoughts. She was afraid that Stefan would never be able to forgive her, she was scared that Damon had only changed so he could have her and would become his previous self after she gave her heart to him. Even though she sounded silly to her ears, she couldn't help but acknowledge her doubts, the black clouds that had been following her for months. She had tried to ignore them, but somehow she always gave in. However, this time she wouldn't stay in them. She would break free and do what her heart wanted, she would go into the Boarding House and accomplish her mission.
Gathering every ounce of will she had, Elena managed to open the door. Her hands were shaking, but she knew she could do it. She walked up the stair to Damon's room and knocked on the door, her mind set on the goal. Eye on the prize, her mother had alway said. The problem was that she wasn't sure of what the prize would be. She could have her heart shattered into pieces, she could have the biggest disappointment of her life or she could make the best choice of her life. Elena wanted to believe in the latter, but she didn't want to get her hopes up.
• Come on in - Damon called.
In a way, Elena was happy to be brought back to reality. Her mind was even more uncomfortable than reality, and that was saying a lot. She lifted her hand to turn the doorknob, but her limbs seemed to weight the world. She took a few deep breaths, wondering if she would ever have the courage to open that door. Finally, after several long seconds, she managed to open the door.
• Elena! What a pleasant surprise. - Said Damon, his voice filled with sarcasm.
Elena sighed. They had had several fights in the days before, but she hadn't expected him to still be mad at her. After all, he answered when she knocked and he knew it was her. She threw her slight confusion aside, wanting to do what she was about to do with a clear mind.
She walked over to Damon's side and kissed him. For a second, she was afraid that she was too late, that he had moved on and didn't love her anymore. But then he started to kiss her back and her doubts, about his love and about him, were swept away.