Arima's Thoughts
Disclaimer: The anime used is Kare Kano, also known as His and Her Circumstances. You know if you really don't like the serious note here, don't read it. I don't really want to see flames about how I suck at this. Just tell me what you think and please show me grammar errors, without the witty banter. And also if you don't like anything in it, say so, it won't really change a thing. Watch, next time I flame, everyone will get mad at me.
Chapter 1 – The Start of it All, Do you love her?
The music was still blazing while I was in my room. The lyrics rung in my head, the people who have crippled you, you want to see them burn. The gates of life, they close on you, and there is no return. The truth was I was in a horrible mood and I wasn't feeling very well. In my head the music got softer and softer and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. The turbulence in my head caused me to dream. The dream wasn't pleasant. I had dreamed of that girl pushing me off a cliff and I was falling into the fire. I woke up in a cold sweat… and I felt like I was about to pass out… Tomorrow was school and I really didn't want to go. My heart was throbbing and it was as if my mind was chasing me around in circles. What is this dark side that keeps attacking me? What can I do… to make it all stop?
His name… is Souichiro Arima. Her name… is Yukino Miyazawa. How did they meet? How did this all begin? Was it fate controlling them… or were they controlling fate? Whatever did happen, we would like to welcome you to their happy times, and sad times, to their smiles and their hardships and how the broke through it all for love.
The next morning I walked into school in a cold sweat. I was wearing Jeans and my favorite KISS shirt. She was standing by my locker as usual. She wasn't a bad looker, and I thought she was really pretty. She was wearing baggy jeans and an Iron Maiden shirt. Her facial features were perfect in my opinion. Her eyes were sparkling amber; she had nice smile, and short red hair. She was wearing a head band and I was thinking an angel's halo to top it all off… if only I could kiss those lips… and see how wonderful she feels. She looked beautiful… and because of that my heart throbbed even harder. The truth was I hadn't told her yet. She didn't know I loved her and I was too afraid that she would overreact.
She looks wonderful… why do I feel so cold? I started to fall into a daydream…
"Arima… Arima… Wake up…"
"What… who's there… Yukino…"
"Stand up, come on, get on your feet…" She helped me up and we stood on a lonely shore.
"Where are we? Yukino…You look amazing…" I was staring at her. She was blushing and looked back at me. She leaned over and before she was about to kiss me…
"HEY WAKE UP!" Yukino yelled when I wasn't answering her.
"Yukino you look… nice…" I got the courage to say that from nowhere and blushed after I did. She blushed too and I wondered why… she could have a crush--- no, that can't be true and after that I said something really… stupid.
"Yukino are you ok… You are all red… are you sick or something?" I said and when I said it Yukino's face got redder… not from embarrassment, but from anger...
"WHY YOU INSENSITIVE JERK!" She slapped the back of my head hard and walked away steamed…
"Damn it, I won't have a chance with her if I keep saying crap like that… ouch that really hurt too…"
I was walking down the hall, thinking about things and criticizing people… Fuck you, screw you, asshole right there… oh she's nice, he's cool, hey there's Asaba… showing off to Sakura Tsunami and Maho… RIIIIIIGHT… Fuck him, and him, and him, my god, the jocks are fucking homos, hmm… ah here's my class.
"You, SENA!" I was calling out Rika Sena, poetry writer, quiet shy girl, the only person I knew outside of class.
"Arima, hey, where is Yukinon?" She said.
"I am not sure… she's around…" I sat down next to her, and she laid on me. She was a very affectionate person… I soon started to fall into a dream… my thoughts swirled around in my head…
Where is she right now? What is she doing…? Why aren't I with her…? I feel alone… nothing is around me… someone wake me… Miyazawa… Where are you? Wake me up…
"Arima… Arima---- ARIMA!" Miyazawa was in a kimono… I could hardly believe it… it was a fantasy that caused my heart to throb…
"Miyazawa… where are we?" I was looking around… It was a carnival… The way I dreamed my first date… Her in a beautiful kimono and me with her… all alone… Just us…
It feels like I am one with her. I am one with my feelings for her…
Something is telling me to wake up… wake up… wake up…
"Arima, wake up, class is over." Sena was trying to wake me up. I had fallen asleep during class. Sena gave me all her notes so I didn't really miss anything.
Next class was a bore, and I didn't think geometry could get anymore boring. After that was lunch. That day was the day I also met Maho. Sakura was the one who introduced me. The weird thing about Maho is that when she meets new people she is pretty affectionate… when I sad hi, she gave me a really long hug… human contact, crushing human indifference… making me very embarrassed… after the hug was over we just sat down to talk.
"Uh, you're Maho, right...?" I asked,
"Yes I am! HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU GOOD?" She was yelling pretty loudly, so I was pretty embarrassed. Although Sakura kept laughing at me, I ignored her.
"So umm, yeah, let's sit down I guess..." We went to sit down and talk. She was a very good friend of Yukino so I decided to make this my chance to ask a few questions about her.
"Hey uh, you know Yukino pretty well... right?" I asked in a very timid manner. The fact that I was asking questions about Yukino caused me to avoid eye contact almost to the extent where I was looking at her forehead.
"Yeah I do! She is my best friend, of course I would know a lot about her." She said. She was really happy and I enjoyed it. I soon felt really comfortable talking to her.
"Well how is she? I was actually wondering if she has a boyfriend or liked anyone." I said. After that she gave me a very long blank stare, and then she had formed a creepy grin on her face. She eyed me and asked a question that I really didn't want to answer.
"Why, Arima…? Why would you want to KNOW such a thing as PERSONAL as THAT!" She eyed me and I started to stutter. This isn't going to end well at all and I really don't want to reveal my love for Yukino to anyone just yet, at least not until I tell her.
"U-Umm I-I-I am j-just c-curious, y-you know…" She really made me stutter and I was pretty embarrassed.
"Well, ARIMA, why don't you ask HER," she smiled and I laughed. She was smart and she had common sense, much less than what I can say for Sakura, who just kept laughing as we were talking.
"SHUT UP, SAKURA!" Maho and I yelled at the same time. Sakura fell off her seat and was in a daze. We laughed at her.
After lunch was over, the day rolled by and all my classes really sucked, and soon the day was over. At the end of the day I saw her… Yukino was there, she was standing before me and she looked… so incredible…
"Hey, Y-Yukino…" I said in a very embarrassed way, but she smiled sweetly and looked as if she was happy to see me. I kind of thought I was being really annoying by looking at her so much. She probably thought that too… which made me feel really bad.
"Arima, hey, I got to go, I am sorry, see you tomorrow." With that she was gone. I feel lonely… Alright, I got nothing to do and no homework, so off to Sakura's house. I think Maho and Asaba will be with her as well.
Walking to her house I felt bad and thoughts circled around my head. I didn't feel all too well.
I wonder how she really feels about me, and if I held her hand one day which she slap it away, if I hugged her would she push me down, if I kissed her would she slap me, if I told her I love her… would she say… that she hates me…
I started falling into a daydream…
"Hey, Arima, I want to tell you something, something I've been hiding for so long… I love you Arima, I love you more than anything, all I want is to be with you, Arima, and I want to hug you and kiss you and hold you in my arms. I want to hold your hand and walk with you, Arima, Arima. I don't care what anyone thinks of us Arima, I want to hold your hand wherever we are and kiss you wherever we are, no matter who is watching us, or who is there, I love you too much to care what people think Arima, I love you… too much for that."
I arrived at the house. I walked in slow, and thought no one was home… Until I heard Asaba saying something I never want to hear again.
"ARIMA, MY LOVER!" He came and hugged me, and he wouldn't let go so I had to pull him off me, he was harder to pull off than scraping gum.
"Let us go! I must show you off to my other girls, yes you Arima, we will take all of them down, all the girls will be mine, oh and yours too of course, but mostly mine! I will sleep with all of them and be the father of a thousand men!" After his weird speech he let out a ridiculously long and creepy as hell laugh. I was almost afraid of him, even though I wasn't. Typical Asaba, a thousand girls for him, and one for me… only one and I want her to be my one and only…
I went upstairs and the next weird, odd, scary, creepy, and every other synonym you can possible think of, thing happened. SAKURA TACKLED ME!
"SAKURA! GET THE HELL OF MY GODDAMN STOMACH!" I yelled. Maho showed up and I was a little embarrassed. She was a new friend, after all.
Girls make me quiver… and they make me quiver badly. I mean when they smile at me I feel good about myself. I never really thought I could get a girl, because I am just like average looking. I guess Yukino is different… She has something about her that makes me feel wonderful, but knowing she doesn't love me hurts sometimes. Heck, I don't even know if she likes me, or I am just dense. Yeah, the first one sounds better. If she and I ever got together, I hope she isn't embarrassed to be seen with me, or do anything affectionate in public… I find that shallow, but… she's not shallow at all… she's deep and complex … and beautiful… so why am I doubting… why am I… afraid…?
I was thinking pretty deeply before I got up, and that is because Asaba kept yelling wake up right next to my ear.
"WAKE UP, MY BROTHER; WE MUST WOO OUR PRETTY LADIES!" He screamed pretty loudly, too.
"Arima, come on in." Sakura let me in her room. I started working on my homework. Maho all of a sudden started staring at me.
"Arima, do you love Yukino?" She asked. I panicked. I pretended that I didn't hear the question and I had her ask it again. The second time was even worse because the tone in her question changed from friendly to suspicious. I said I didn't. She wasn't convinced at all though. She grabbed one of my notebooks and started to look through it. I panicked again.
"GIVE THAT BACK, MAHO!" I yelled.
"Oh, look, what is this… oh my God, that is so sweet…" She was looking at a portrait I drew of Yukino. Under it were lyrics of a song I had written about how I feel about her. They went like this:
You and me, meant to be
Immutable, impossible
It's destiny, pure lunacy
Incalculable, insufferable
But for the last time, you're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed.
Who wouldn't be the one you love?
Who wouldn't stand inside your love?
Protected and the lover of a pure soul and beautiful are you
Don't understand, don't feel me now
I will breathe, for the both of us.
Travel the world, traverse the skies
Your home is here, within my heart.
And for the first time, I feel as though I am reborn in my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage
Who wouldn't be the one you love?
Who wouldn't stand inside your love?
And for the first time, I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for
You're every move and waking sound in my time,
I wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever, now.
Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for?
Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for?
Who wouldn't be the one you love?
Asaba and Sakura were staring at me, baffled. "You really love her… don't you?" She asked again. I started to get up and now I wanted to leave. Before I left though I said one last thing, "I may love her more than anything… but remember, that doesn't mean she will ever love me back. Everything I do that has to do with love… it just bothers her, and it probably always will." With that, I was gone.