Come Robin, TO THE BATH CAVE!
By SyltherinFlames(? She changes her name so often…) and TriforceFlames

READ THIS: After several years of neglect TriforceFlames has elected to fix most of the grammatical errors and will now make comments! YAY! Like this:

/This is a comment! IN BOLD!

Authors' Note: No, the apostrophe isn't in the wrong place. This fic has TWO authors! YES TWO! FEEL THE FORCE! Live long and prosper. Right. Go read the fic. We really don't know anything about Batman or Robin, which is prodigious fun because we can just do whatever we want! YAY!

Disclaimer: we do not own anything. /And we still don't

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED BETWEEN BATMAN AND ROBIN:

Once upon a time last week Batman... or Bruce Waine... WE DON'T REALLY KNOW... went to the circus with Lois Lane. (Yes, Lois is in SUPERMAN but SlytherinFlames didn't know that. Now TriforceFlames will just leave it there because it's FUN.) Lois had ditched Superman for Batman because of the dorky little glasses but then realized that they BOTH had mental problems. Oh well.

There were many prodigious things that happened at the circus...but one thing caught Batman's (Bruce?) eye. Batman, being the acrobat the he was, was fascinated by the trampoline artists. He himself was quite fond of jumping off high buildings and swinging around on a rope. A few times he had accidentally hit some guys wearing ski masks, but the police didn't seem to mind.

"Oooo ooo Lois lookie over there! They are going to perform the PRODIGIOUS STUNT. Can I get a snow cone," Batman called as he stared in awe at the left ring.

Lois, being overly annoyed by the little kids that were screaming everywhere, said, "Batman, you freak, I am leaving NOW, and NO you CAN'T get a snow cone!".

People all around wondered why she was calling this psychopathic rich guy "Batman".

Batman didn't really care so he just ignored her huffy puffy attitude and let her leave. Just as one of the trampoline artists bounced, the Force(TM!) pulled the artist up. The fact that he was yelling, "I'm a little birdie" the entire time made him disregard the fact that he was flying. Higher and higher he bounced until the force threw him right through the ceiling of the striped big-top tent. The young trampoline artist kept flying until he conveniently landed on a mattress that Batman (Bruce) was throwing out right in front of his house.

After Batman had shaken off of his insane awe he decided to leave since all that was left in the show was the dancing poodles. He bought a stuffed lion and some cotton candy and decided to walk home (since Lois took his car). After skipping like a lunatic he reached his home and rang the doorbell (which sounds like some kind of cereal commercial)./What on earth was I talking about?

"Hello master Bruce," an old butler said after opening the large front door, "Welcome home. How was the circus? Why didn't you just open the door? You OWN the house. You forgot your key didn't you."

"No, Lois took my car." Bruce replied as if happened every day.

"Again?"Apparently it did.

Having already forgotten about his car, Batman began to psycho. Yes, psycho. "Guess what? Guess what? There was this guy gasp and he bounced gasp and he flew gasp and he flew all the way to this placegasp gasp!" Batman yelled anxiously.

"Yes master Bruce, the young man is right here."

"ooooooooooooo," Batman said in awe. "You may stay HERE until I let you leave. There is just one thing you must know. Do not go into THAT room!" Batman pointed to a small blue door in the corner that didn't match a single thing in the house.

" If you don't mind Mr. Waine, I would like to go home," the young man said nervously.

"Tough. Before I let you go to your quarters, may I ask your name?"

"Of course. On my planet they call me burp snort," the young man said happily.

Batman was depressed by this because ever since he was a young child he has had a disease that prevented him from burping.

"What planet do you come from exactly?" asked the butler looking amused.

"Some place called Ohio. It's out WEST!" replied the young spandex wearing acrobat (not Batman).

Since Bruce could not burp, he had the butler do it for him. Eventually he got sick of it, and so did the butler.

Days passed and Batman's butler had gone through 157 cans of soda just to call Batman's new friend to dinner. "Batman...I mean master Bruce...I can't take it anymore...we must change his name!"

"Very well, come here you," Batman called to burpsnort. "Where did you grow up and how did you acquire this name?"

"I have a very sad childhood. I grew up on earth, yet I was born in British Columbia. My mother accidentally burped and then snorted when the priest asked my name, so I was christened as burpsnort. I was never called on in school because teachers never wanted to say my name, and I never got a job. That is why I joined the circus," he said.

"I thought you came from Ohio.?" the butler asked confusedly.

"That's out WEST!" burp snort said enthusiastically.

"O...right on. Ok well we will now change your name. You have reminded me of a bird that I once knew ever since the first time I saw you. We shall call you Parrot...no Crow...no...I've got it...Canary!" Batman exclaimed.

"How about Hawk or Wings, Mr. Bruce?" the young man said with disgust and fear of ending up a name like Canary.

"But canaries remind me of oatmeal," said Bruce/Batman/BRUCEMAN as if referring to a fond childhood memory.

"NO!" cried Canary.

"Fine. How about Oreo? OK! Oreo it is!" said BRUCE without letting Oreo/Canary/burp snort get a word in edgewise.

So Master Bruce, who for some reason is only known to us as BATMAN, went on a shopping excursion with Oreo. This didn't turn out to be the best idea he'd ever had because it kept making him hungry when he said Oreo's name. Also, people thought he was talking to his food every time he called Oreo's name.

"I GIVE UP!" Batman exploded. Not literally. "WE NEED A NEW NAME!"

"Master Bruce, what about Robin?"

"That's it! We will call you...Robin Red-breast," Batman said as if he were naming his own child.

"How about just Robin?" burpsnort said, still disappointed that he was named after a bird. He had wanted to be named something NORMAL, like HORATIO. Ok fine not Horatio, but Steve…ok fine not Steve either, but Mario…ok fine not Mario either…Robin's brain experienced a meltdown and he was unable to suggest a better name so Batman just when with Robin.

"FINE! Be like that!' Batman exclaimed angrily./That was a bit random…but that's because we kept switching who was writing.

Another week had passed and Robin had been eyeing the little blue door everyday. He wondered what great secrets someone as weird as Mr. Waine could be hiding. Robin cautiously walked up to the door and knocked lightly...then a little harder. When no one answered he pushed the door open. To his surprise all that he saw was a toilet and a bookcase. Robin, having the sudden urge to go to the bathroom, pulled a book off of the bookcase and sat down on the toilet. The title of the very thin book was How to Become Batman in Three Easy Steps. Robin flipped to the first page and saw:

How to become Batman:

1. Buy some spandex and then jump in a pool so that it sticks REALLY well.

2. Get a big red button.

3. Push the big red button.

Just as he finished the book he realized that his business was through so he pushed the FLUSH button. WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH! The toilet sucked him in! He flew through the piping system and landed with a thud in a dark cave.

"O dearie dear dear. It seems that Robin has found the Bath Cave," Batman said sadly.

Robin did some clever deducting, "Mr. Bruce Waine, you are Batman?"

"Yes I am...now don't tell anyone or I will spank you," Batman said shaking his pencil and making it look like it was bending "magically".

"Batman...I always thought that it was called the Bat Cave...not the Bath Cave," Robin said, puzzled.

"No no no...that is just for the publicity. It is really called the Bath Cave. "

"Batman, would you mind answering one other question...Why a toilet? I mean wouldn't a hidden door or really anything else be better?"

" Oh no! The sound of flushing calms me," Batman answered. "It is like the wind over sand, stinging into your face. It is like the strong ocean current that drags you under after you've knocked yourself unconscious on a rock. It is like oatmeal.." Batman smiled dreamily. /Similies…odd ones.

"Oh, that's nice," Robin said oddly, "Can I kick you in the side?"

"No...you are too short," Batman said sticking out his chest is a masculine manner.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"FINE! You stubborn brat!" Batman yelled angrily.

"YAY," Robin cried joyfully as he promptly kicked our favorite dark crusader in the side, or the side of his leg as the case would have it due to Robin's "vertically challengeness."

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