THE BREATH OF FIRE CHANNEL!
Watch this channel, or we'll kill you first!
Chief Director: Father Maximillian J. Hulk
Camera Work: Father James. F. Manson
Lighting: Bishop Henry T. Fitzwilliam
Audience: You guys!
TEST PATTERN…
*BREATH OF FIRE MUSIC PLAYS AND A DRAGON APPEARS ON THE SCREEN*
Welcome to another fabulous programming day, here on Breath of Fire Network, WBOF! To start the day, here's everyone's favorite gameshow, Tolens For Treasure!
It's Tolens For Treasure! Watch as our contestants compete to earn Tolens, and then toss them out hoping to win big money and fantastic prizes! I'm your announcer, Rad K., and here's your host, Carpenter Jack!
JACK: Thank you, thank you!
(Audience Clapping and cheering)
JACK: (waves)
(More clapping)
JACK: Okay, let's quiet down! (turns to camera) Hey, everybody! Top of the mornin' to you all! I'm Carpenter Jack, and this is Tolen's for Treasure!
(Audience cheers)
JACK: Let's meet our contestants! First, all the way on the left, we have a brash young man named Win. Win, tell us about yourself.
WIN: Well, I live in the city south of Mt. Fubi, and I have lots of friends and I enjoy messing with people's window colors.
JACK: Fascinating! Next to him, is beautiful and fair Kay! Welcome to the show, Kay. What do you do for a living?
KAY: Well, I'm a doctor. I help people prevent poison. But my dirty little secret is that once they go through one battle, it's completely for nothing! Muaaahahah!
JACK: … … I'm not gonna touch that one. Finally, on our right, we have Daisy Marks! Talk to us!
DAISY: I live in Farmtown and I hate St. Eva! I hate em I tell you! You St. Eva bastards can all… (stands up and bends over, butt facing camera. Slaps butt) …kiss my big, farm-lady booty!
JACK: …………I shall have nightmares!!!! Ahem… Anyway, let's take a look at the first item you will be competing for!
RAD K.: Iiiit's two coupons for a free PanPizza at Carpenter Brad's exclusive TownShip restaurant! Brad's the world renowned chef that is famous for cooking almost anything! And his PanPizzas are superb! Try one today!
JACK: Thank you! Okay, let's decide who will play the first game! (Brings out a large sack) Each of you, stick your hand in this bag. The person who comes out with the 10Z coin gets to play.
DAISY and WIN: (Stick their hands in and they get bitten by an E.Sludge)
KAY: (comes out with 10Z coin) Yaaay! I won, I won!
JACK: (Room turns red and fire surrounds him, and he flicks a snake tongue) You haven't won anything… yet! Hahahah! (Everything turns normal again) Alright, Kay, come on down!
KAY: (Joins Jack down on the stage)
JACK: Hello, Kay.
KAY: Hiiii!
JACK: This first game is called "Char Me Silly." What will happen is this: Our assistant, the lovely enchantress Bleu, will take you to a secret hunting area, and will cast fire over the whole area. Only ONE of the parcels left in her wake will contain the Tolens. The others are all charcoal. You have 30 seconds to find the parcel containing the two Tolens. Are you ready?
KAY: (gulp) I guess.
BLEU: (slithers out and puts her arms around Kay.) Come with me, dear. (Teleports Kay to Asuza's Hunting Grounds: Plot 36) Now stand back. (Waves wand, and there is an orange blast as all the animals are fried.) Now good luck! (Vanishes)
KAY: (Runs to the parcel closest to her.. It's charcoal! Dashes around a bush, it's charcoal! 21 seconds… crowd is cheering her back in the audience.) Oooh, there's so many! Umm… (tries the one all the way by the fence. Charcoal! 14 seconds… Tears two open… both Charcoal! Runs all the way to the other end of the compound…)
CROWD: 5! 4! 3! …
KAY: (Throws herself on the nearest parcel and rips it open)
BELL: DING DING DING DING DING!
(Two shiny, silver Tolens are in the bag! Kay obtained Tolen!)
BLEU: (Reappears) Well done, well done! Right in the nick of time!
NICK: Hey don't use my name like that!
KAY: 0_o
BLEU: Whatever. Let's return! (Teleports Kay back to the set)
JACK: Welcome back, Kay! Job well done! You now have two Tolens that you can use to obtain these coupons! Do you want to try to win them now, or do you want to save the Tolens for later?
CROWD: (mixture of shouting NOW! And LATER!)
KAY: (nervously) I'll try now!
CROWD: (cheers)
JACK: All righty then! My lovely wife, Donna, will place the coupons on the big Othello board! Thank you, dear. Now, all you have to do is sandwich the coupons between your Tolens, and they're yours. Go for it!
KAY: (steps up to the board, hesitates, then tosses a Tolen. It lands to the direct left of the coupons)
CROWD: (cheering)
KAY: (bites her lip, closes her eyes and tosses the other one)
SOUND EFFECTS: (foghorn!)
KAY: (Clenches fists) Ohhh noooo!
JACK: I'm so sorry, Kay. Just missed it too. We're going to take a commercial break, and then we'll be back with more fabulous prizes!
It's scintillating scandal this afternoon on
As Township Flies. Nina thinks Ryu is hopelessly in love with Katt, until Ryu gives Nina a birthday present she'll never forget! And, is Bow really the innocent guy he claims to be, or does his past hide something darker? Find out today at 2 on As Township Flies, here on WBOF!HIGHLANDER: Have you been injured or hurt? Could you be eligible for large amounts of Zenny? If so, we urge you to call the HighFort Soldier Service today! Hi, I'm Trubo, and my colleagues and I have been administering severe pain and punishment on people who have hurt YOU. For the lowest prices anywhere, we will attack, bring down, and destroy those who so badly messed up your life. Send us your case by Basilisk or Harpy, and we'll get you results!
AND NOW, BACK TO THE SHOW!
(CROWD Cheering)
JACK: Hey, everybody! Welcome back to Tolens For Treasure! Rad K, can we have the next item please!
RAD K. : It's a beautiful Diamond Earing! Made of the finest diamond crafted by the elements, it's guaranteed to keep you awake, and it's also a trendy fashion statement! Perfect for that special lady in your life!
JACK: Okie day, let's see who gets to play for Tolens this time around! Bleu, the sack please!
BLEU: (Brings sack)
(All three shove their hands in. Zombie hands come up and pull Kay and Win into the depths of the sack, Daisy comes up with the 10Z coin.)
JACK: Okay Daisy! Come on down, you're our next contestant!
DAISY: (looks back) but what about the other two?
JACK: (smiles) They'll be back. Now then, it's time to play a game! This is a game called Wacky Roulette! (Takes Daisy over to a roulette table) As you can see here, we have a roulette wheel, but you will notice there are no numbers. Instead, there are two Tolens positioned on the wheel. There is also a crank here, which spins the location of the Tolens. When I spin the Roulette wheel and drop the ball, you have five seconds to turn that crank as much as you'd like before it locks, and then if the ball stops on a Tolen, you win both of them. Got it?
DAISY: Got it.
BELL: Ding!
(Wheel begins to spin. Daisy turns the crank at a medium pace for the full 5 seconds, and then it locks. Ball goes around and around and around… Stops on a Tolen!)
DAISY: Yeeeha! I won! Eat that, St. Eva sons of *WHOOPS* ! I won!
JACK: (Hands the two Tolens to her.) Now, it's time to compete for the diamond earring! Step up to the Othello board! Now, Kay's Tolens are still on the board, which makes it a drop easier for you to win. Now, toss them!
CROWD: (cheering)
DAISY: (Tosses the first Tolen boldy. It lands in the corner, away from everything. Frowns, but tosses the other one. It lands opposite one of Kay's Tolens, sandwiching the earring!) Booyah! I'm the winner! (Grabs earring and puts it on) Don't I look mah-velous? Simply divine?
CROWD: (Booing)
DAISY: Oh shut up! You don't know nothin' bout me! That's right! You don't know nothin'!
JACK: Riiiight.
(Kay and Win drop through the ceiling back into their seats)
JACK: Okay, it's time for the big kahuna prize! The winner of the next game will get four Tolens to try to win the big one! This prize is… Rad?
RAD K.: It's a shiny Tiger sword, Jack! Crafted by the Woren clan back in the days of the Dragons, it is guaranteed to make foes "get the point"!
JACK: All righty then! Since Kay and Daisy played the last two games, it's all up to you, Win! Are you prepared to take the challenge?
WIN: Yes sir, I am!
JACK: Then let's win those Tolens! Your game is simply this: We have here a woman who will not stop talking. If you can shut her up, we will give you the four Tolens. Good luck.
WOMAN: And then, me and my friends were like, oh my God! And then we were like, and then…
WIN: (Puts his hand over her mouth… no effect. Smacks her over the head. …no effect. Tries everything he could think of. Then he gets an idea. With a wave of his hand, he changes the window color to match the color of the text, so you can't see the text. A silence falls.
CROWD: … (cheering madly!)
JACK: Wow, what brilliant use of your special talent, Win! Congratulations, you win the four Tolens! Now, here we have a 50 by 50 Othello board. If you can sandwich that Tiger sword, you win the game.
CROWD: (holding breath)
WIN: (Throws first Tolen, it lands right to the left. Second lands all the way to the top of it. Third lands to the right, and the fourth…………… lands on the bottom!)
CROWD: (goes mad)
JACK: (hand on head) I don't believe it! A double sandwich! (holds Win's hand up) We have a winner! Donna, give this lucky young man his prize!
DONNA: (Hands Win the sword)
WIN: (grins evily) Yeeessss… I have the POWER!!!! (Holds sword up to the sky. Stormclouds roll in, and in a brilliant bolt of blue lightning, Win is…
…electrocuted.)
JACK: Well, that's all the time we have for now, but join us tomorrow morning for Tolens For Treasure!
(End credits roll)