I own Invader Zim as much as Jhonen Vasquez owns my dandruff.
Chapter 1: 711 or 911?
"-and I grantee it will last longer than your pet dog Spot!" Spoke a man with a goat beard because goat beards symbolize evil. A flashy red ands blue background to conjure seizures came on and off when the certain tag lines appeared. His hand waved to what was a cat that had balded and mutated into something with horns, five eyes, and almost nuclear. "Call now! Before this thing eats me!" The man looked nervously over to the feline.
"Why did Bunnies have to die?" Gir sniffed holding his dear, steeped on, run-over earthworm close.
"Ugh! Please call! Get it away from meeeeee!" The man screamed as the mad cat decided it was time to feed upon the living. Blood began spewing, covering the camera screen, "call, AUUGH!! 1-800-NOOoooo!!"
"BLARGH!" Gir screamed to the TV, standing on the couch. "Phat woman is in trouble! Must, find-"
"Gir!" barked Zim from the kitchen.
"-me-e-e-e-e!?" Gir ran over and hugged his master. Zim's upright figure slacked against the small embrace. With a long sigh, he then stiffened up and pushed him back with a hand.
"What are you doing Gir?"
"I'm calling 9-11!" Gir squeaked and ran towards the telephone to make a call to the nearest 7-11. Hey, even I had confused myself with those two once.
"It doesn't work anymore Gir." Zim Nazi walked over to the couch, grabbed the remote and turned off the TV as three teens from a medical center dragged the goat man into an ambulance, yes this is still the commercial. "I destroyed it after the 36th prank call from the big-headed Dib. That constant deep breathing bothers Zim greatly..." But Gir proceeded to try making the hopeless call as he was shoving it into his mouth.
"Can'th I eat tish desserth kuwaitly?" He attempted to make puppy eyes which were pretty good for a robot, but it would have been more effective if he were wearing his dog costume.
"No. Get that out of your mouth now, Gir." Gir then decided to scream into the atmosphere causing Zim's antennae to drop low to his head and cover them with his hands. "Gir! Stop this now! The hyumans are going to think we're not normal!"
"Ahhhhhhh!! I neededith ifs soos needly! If-" Gir began choking on the phone parts, because he didn't chew his food. Those who don't chew pay with their lives! Zim's arms dropped to his sides as he stared at Gir for a moment. 'Robots choke?'
"I'm beginning to think the reason for your malfunctioning might be because of the Earth's ozone, Gir." As he removed the metal head to get a better hold of the object logged inside. "I will destroy this 'layer' on Earth. The hyumans keep saying they need it to live; and yet, they continue to make it worse! So in such as it is a weird coincidence as it is, I will assist the hyumans to their so deserving doom that they so do deserve!" Zim then pulled out the saliva covered smashed phone and held it high in the air. "Bwahahahahahahahahah! I'm so clever! Zim shall- ugh!" as saliva began dripping on him. "Ewww! Gir, Zim is not pleased!" As he threw the phone out the window Gir always kept open. You know, for 'fresh' air.
"Bless my beans, a talking alien!" Laughed Gir who's head was then kicked out the same window.