Author's notes: I don't own anything :( I'm rewatching season 5, because I needed to hide myself there and this kinda write itself. Episode tag 5x18 "Point of No Return". Sorry for my English :)
Castiel is angry. Maybe he should be disappointed, but he's just angry. The blood of his brothers has not yet dried on his hands. He no longer counts how many of them he has killed.
He's just mad at the damn stupid human. Betrayal hurts more than he wants to admit. Anger grows at him, he is trying to suppress it, but every time he look at the face of the hunter, every time he hears the words coming out of his mouth ... he knows is only a matter of time to lose it.
And the moment Dean's palm touched the Angel banishing sigil of the door it is already too much. And he loses it.
The sigil sends him to the beach on some Greek island. He should have expected it, should have known it, but he didn't.
Then he hears the prayer, human prayer, "The Righteous man is here, Michael's Sword." He follows it for an instant.
"You pray too loud." He says, touching his fingers to the man's shoulder and the human is on the ground in a split second.
Dean doesn't even have time to react. Or he simply doesn't believe that the angel would hurt him. Castiel grabs him by the collar and drags him into the dark alley.
"What, are you crazy?" The man asks when his back hit the wall of a nearby building.
With a flick Castiel throws him against the other wall.
"I rebelled for this?!" He yells his question, the same one who wants to yell in his face from the moment he realized human's intention to say "Yes" to Michael.
His clenched fist crashed into the face of the Righteous man, ones, twice, he felt his fingers sticky of blood.
For the first time he doesn't think about the man and his motives, he doesn't care if he is tired or scared or does it to save his brother, or just because is stupid. For the first time he thinks about himself, about what he has lost, for what he has become.
The question is the same that he asks himself from some time now. For what? For this weak, pathetic man? He rebelled for him? For him he left the only home he knew? For him he becomes a traitor and raises his hand against his brothers?
His fingers are clutching the clothes of the man; face inches from his, when he growls through clenched teeth, "So that you could surrender to them?"
And he hits him again. Like that can make it right. If as it can change Dean's mind. If as the angel could feel better.
Dean's mouth is full of blood.
"Cas, please ..."
What is he begs him for? Not to hurt him? It's too late for that. The man is like a puppet in his hands, Castiel knows that even though cut off from Heaven, he is still much stronger than the human, and he can still break every bone in his body.
But it will not be for long. Almost insensibly he loses his powers, he lost the ability to smite demons, lost part of his ability to heal and he feels his Grace leaking thru his fingers by every minute.
He is pressing the human against the wall with body weight (or body in which he is forced to live now) and he is angry, O, Father, he is so angry, and this is a feeling that an angel must not feel, but here it is, hidden in his blue eyes (that were not even his.)
"I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me," he growls.
The angel knows that anger is a sin, knows that should not hurt his charge that should watch over him, keep him safe. But what is another fall in his life? Especially now when he has a desperate need for it. The feeling is so overwhelming, so liberating. Why not just add this to the list of his other sins?
The man is lying on the ground, where he throws him and coughing blood. Castiel is standing over and looking at him, anger is on his face, burning in his eyes, throbbing in his clenched fists.
"Do it." The man utters angel's own thoughts and Castiel is on the edge.
Because he cannot bear it. Not after all that he did. Dean Winchester gave him a purpose, something worth fighting, something worth dying. And, hell, he already died because of it, torn to atoms by the archangel. Now the same man was trying to take it away from him. What would he be without it? What would be left of him if there was nothing to fight for?
He was a soldier all his life. He does not know anything else. He is not good at anything else. And the thought that he gave up everything he ever knew, that he denies the very purpose of his creation... He has stood against the divine laws and it's all in vain... It is all so easily to be erased only by one word... That thought is unbearable.
"Just do it!" the man on the ground yells.
Castiel unclench his fists. No. If there is even the slightest chance, he is going to fight. And he would not allow his charge to give up.
He touches Dean's shoulder, knocking him out.