Sorry for not updating my other stories. I'm not 100% sure where I want to go with them and have been totally bogged down with homework for the past month. Whenever I get a chance to go on Fanfiction I always end up reading other peoples (much better) stories instead.
Anyway this is an idea that I've had for a while and thought I would get it out of my system.
Plz review even if it's to tell me it's a crap story.
Enjoy!
Knives and Razorblades
(BPOV)
I was tired of all of this.
All this pain.
This hopelessness.
This never-ending void of depression that I'm slowly sinking ever-deeper into.
I just want him back. I want the person I was with him back; instead of this life-less zombie that is in her place.
I know I had promised him that I would not do anything reckless or stupid; but really it was reckless and stupid of him to leave me here alone and think that I could survive without him.
I just can't handle living without him anymore.
I've thought about ending this pain that I live with constantly but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it.
However the idea of doing something about how totally devastated I felt sounded good.
I would only make one small cut. Just one to ease the pain.
This thought was so tempting I was powerless to resist it.
It was not like I was going to kill myself or anything. It would not matter if I did anyway I died when he left. When his words had plunged a serrated knife through my still beating heart.
As if some invisible force was compelling me and controlling my actions, I got up from my bed where I had previously been seated and moved towards the bathroom.
I slowly entered the small room, silently thanking what ever power had made Charlie so determined to spend the whole day down at the Black's Place in La Push.
I took my small bag of toiletries from the shelf and made my way back to my bedroom, closing both doors behind me.
I sat back down on the bed and opened the small purple seemingly inoffensive bag of toiletries.
Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Band-aids, Lip-gloss, Shampoo, Conditioner, Razor....
Razor...
I slowly withdrew the razor from the bag. No other time when I had held it did it feel so heavy, so dangerous...?
I knew it had not changed its weight but it was heavy nonetheless with the enormity of what I was about to do.
I raised the blade above my left forearm and the cold hard steel reflected the rays of sunshine that lingered in the room.
In that moment I was so distracted by thoughts of how another surface was affected by the sunlight that I forgot the task in hand. I quickly returned to it.
I pressed the blade to my arm and moved it sharply to the right in a quick jerk-like motion.
Nothing happened.
Great I can't even self harm right.
I tried again. This time I pressed the blade in harder and moved it without thinking much about what I was doing.
Success.
Dark blood oozed out of the gash in stark contrast to my deathly pale skin.
It didn't hurt so much. Had I done something wrong?
It felt good though, scarily good. Like I was on some strange high that only I could experience.
I made another cut next to the first. It hurt more this time but it was also sort of a relief to do something about how agonized I was feeling.
I thought maybe I'll stop now.
I didn't.
I made another three deep cuts in a curving line. It bled a lot and hurt like hell.
By this time my entire left arm was engulfed in the scarlet liquid. I made no move to clear it up. The cutting in mere moments had become my physical pain release. I was now hooked.
I slashed left and right at my right arm now; working to the same random criss-cross pattern.
It was only then that I noticed the pool of blood that was beginning to form at my feet.
In that moment I knew I was going to die. I had lost too much blood too quickly.
Strangely this thought did not worry me. I had nothing left to live for anyway. I was eager for the end to come, for this agony to be over at last.
I was saddened though by the thought that I would not even get to see Edward (there was no point in not thinking his name now, I was dying) one last time before I died. To tell him that no matter what I would always love him.
The end is near now I can feel it, I long for it.
Goodbye Edward. I thought.
I love you....
A/N: I'm extremely nervous to know what you think. Please review and tell me. I accepted all reviews Good, Bad and Weird. Remember reviews are better presents than yellow Porsche's.
Thanks for reading.
MM