Dried Tears
A Card Captor Sakura short
by Jin Bennett (aiko@cephiro.com)
Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and Kodansha.
All hail the potatoes.
AN: This was spurred by a very old challenge posted on an old writing technique archive. The challenge was to write basically anything with the line "You offered me a bowl of dried tears" or something of the like. I liked how it sounded, so… ^^ Take it as a "what-if?" quasi-ending to Card Captor Sakura. I suppose you could consider the content spoilers, even though it is a whole new take on the last few chapters. ^^; Rough and, as always, will be the object of much revision before I post it on my site. =P It's also pure MUSH, so thick at times that I wonder if most will be able to wade through it.
You offered me a bowl of dried tears that day, both of us sitting under the same tree under the thick canopy of the forest. The smile on your face was thin and easily breakable, and you went to a lot of trouble in order to avoid my gaze. I was a little angry with you that day, and seeing the brittle smile you clung to as a failing mask made me want to grab it and crush it, because it wasn't you.
I was the one that helped make the mask, and it angered me to see how ill fit it was. I didn't want to see you with such a horrible face, but who was I to have such a desire? It was entirely my fault. I could only sit next to you, say nothing, and watch you achingly from the corner of my eye.
You didn't even know what you offered when you sat next to me that day, and while I knew what it was all too well, I ignored it--the very thought of you bearing such a thing made my stomach clench in self-hatred.
What good was I, anyway? I helped you even though I came to defeat you; I gave you what I was supposed to take... I gave you things I didn't know I had.
Sitting beside you on that sunny day, I realized with a sickening fall of my stomach that you were only offering back what I gave to you. With the realization came a wave of nausea; I wondered: how I could do such a thing, without even knowing it, and still be a person? I had given you my pain, and because you're the wonderful, selfless person you are, you took it completely with no questions asked. And now that you knew... Nothing came to me, and on that day I walked away without words, walked even faster when you called after me.
More tears fell, collected, and dried. I promised myself to never give them to anyone--especially you--again.
You cried as well, didn't you?
Your brother talked to me the next day, asked me what the hell I thought I was doing. I, being the polite child I was raised to be, told him to go screw himself and leave me alone. He persisted--I really did, and do, admire him, though you'll rarely if ever hear me say that aloud.
"I know this is all your fault, you little crap!" he said, letting the bag of groceries drop to the sidewalk so he could cross his arms. "What in hell do you think you're doing?!"
I told him to go to hell, and he replied with a few choice phrases I was certain he wouldn't sling at just any kid.
"She's been hasn't stopped crying. Daidouji's been over all the time, but she's barely been able to help." He said, glaring.
Did he think I didn't know that? I made sure you got home safely every day--by your side or out of your sight. I don't know when I had started that--maybe a few days after Hiiragizawa showed up--but it had become a habit that, even in a situation such as this, was impossible to break.
"Can't you do anything right?!" he yelled, and though I know he was referring to one thing and one thing only, I took it as a general, well-aimed insult. I was ready to kick him--hard--in the shin, but he suddenly grabbed my head and squeezed.
He knelt down and glared at me face to face, and something in his eyes made me cease my struggling. There was a silence, I wincing in pain as his fingers dug new holes into my skull and his glare attempting to bore holes in my face.
"You need to fix this." When the silence was finally broken, there was no threat in the words he spoke; only tired acceptance remained. As surprised as I was to hear such a defeated tone from him of all people, his words did nothing to do away with my fears and guilt.
After all, how can one fix something that he can't even touch?
"Talk to her, do something, I don't care," he growled as I began to struggle again, "I hate seeing her like this, and as much as it pains me to even think it, you're the only one that can make her happy right now."
I gaped at him them. Your brother honestly shocked me into temporary obedience at that moment, saying something like that while squeezing my skull into what felt like a whole new shape. For a minute I almost forgot the pain. Almost, but all fuzzy thoughts flew from my mind when his grip tightened maliciously.
I finally kicked your brother, calling him every degrading name I could think of. He waited until I was done, and as I caught my breath, he smirked. Your brother smirked at me, and right then I wanted to punch him right between the eyes.
Always being the one to ruin a perfectly good opportunity, I ran away. I listened for his yelling, but none ever came. I ran back to my apartment and thought, for a very long time. I think it was a little before four in the morning that I realized I could do only one thing.
That morning, you showed up on my doorstep--I still don't know how your brother got past the security guard--with Touya towering behind you. The second I had opened the door a crack, he kicked it open and grabbed my shoulder and held me in place. He then gave you a gentle shove into my apartment, sent a pointed glare my way, and slammed the door shut. I remained silent, listening for footsteps. A few seconds later I heard them, heavy footsteps stomping down the hall towards the elevator.
Even when I had resolved myself to my decision, my mind still went blank the moment I turned and saw you staring at me. I embarrassed myself by blushing and stammering, and you did a little of the same.
It took a while for us to get past our initial distance, but eventually we stood facing each other without withdrawing. Your eyes were a little wet, maybe mine were too.
I did the only thing I could think to do.
"I'll be back," I promised solemnly, with as much sincerity a boy my age could muster. I held out my extended pinky, and you beamed.
Your tears fell to the floor as you laughed.
I guess mine did, too.