It was cold. She didn't understand why but it was strange because it was never cold in her room, not in the middle of fall anyway. Especially since Captain always laid at the bottom of her feet, warming them from any cold that tried to come to her. But it was, something in the air was chilling to her. Something about her room felt bone chilling.
Her eyes snapped open and they moved from side to side. Silence. She could not hear the gentle snore and grunts of Captain, her German shepherd, at her feet, nor did she hear anything outside. Living in a large city most of her life had made her accustomed to the roar of the night life, so as she lay in bed, hearing nothing whatsoever, she was a bit curious. There were no dogs barking as they chased a cat up into the alley, the scream of the neighbors next door was muted, and the police sirens that usually ran up the street were nonexistent. Even within her home there was no sound. She could not hear the drunken slurs of her father as he made his way up the hall. Nor could she hear the restless squeaks that her mother's bed made as she rolled from one side to the other.
Where was the noise?
Slowly she sat up, looking down at the floor as her toes skimmed it and from the corner of her eye she could see her long black curtain moving with the wind. Her feet went full down on the floor and she made her way, slowly, towards the window. As she reached it she could see cars going passed, she could see the cats and dogs run past her window, and she could see the angry neighbors that inhabited next door point and open their mouths to scream at each other. But there was silence.
Reaching up she rubbed her eyes and when she opened her eyes again all had disappeared. There was nothing there except the darkness, moonlight, and trees. What was this? Where had she gone? Looking back towards her room she realized that her room was much the same, even though Captain was nowhere to be seen. What was happening?
Looking up back towards the window she looked up at the sky, how the moon was then blocked out and replaced with angry looking clouds. Rain.
And then she was running.
How had she gotten into the forest and where was she going? These questions could not be answered because she was alone. As she ran her hair whipped around her, her dark eyes moving from this way and that, her hands out in front of her to lessen the harsh whips that the branches made against her skin.
The sting of the rain against her skin made her skin red and sensitive to every rain drop that came down, her eyes blurred from the tears that had come from fear and from the rain that would not let up. Where am I? She asked herself as she tried to catch her breath, trying to stop, but she couldn't. Where ever she was going she had to get there. She had to get there now.
Her lungs felt as if they would explode, strains on her body. Why? She ran everyday with Captain. She was use to this by now. Why would she be in so much pain over a little run? How long had she been running? How long had she been trying to reach that goal that she seemed that she could not get to?
She dug her heels into the ground to make herself go to a skidding stop and she gasped as she grabbed onto the trunk of a tree to stop her feet from sliding in the slim and muck. Panting she lowered herself to the floor, her side throbbing from the pain of running for… how long? God, how long had she been running? What was she running to… or from?
Her legs trembled and she looked down at herself. Mud was splattered on her body and she tried to push away the dead leaves and twigs that were in her clothes and had matted up her hair into clumps that she knew she would have to cut out.
Her legs were tingling, telling her that it was time to move again. "I…" I can't! She could not even voice it; she had to catch her breath first. Trembling she hear something snap as the winds died down and everything became eerily silent once more. What was happening? Suddenly she heard footsteps, the ground vibrating as he came towards her. Who was it?
Who was it?
Who was—?
"Lucy!"
Lucy Skye Walker's grey eyes snapped open and she was suddenly back where she had thought she would be. She was inside the rusted old Honda that they had, the smell of Kara's cigarette smoke drifting out the window, Captain panting next to her but his cold nose was pressed against her elbow, showing his concern for her, and the gentle pitter-patter of the rain against the roof of the car. Things were normal now. There were no woods that she had been running in. No unknown danger that was chasing her. There was only she, her mother, and her dog. Sinking back down into her seat, relaxing her now erect back, she turned her head and let go of the breath that she had been holding.
Her mother, Kara, glanced over at her as she flicked her cigarette out of the window before pulling it back in, not wishing to get it wet. "You okay, baby?" Kara knew how much she hated being called baby but did she stop? No, of course not.
Even though she felt as if she had been running, her heart was throbbing, she did not think to confide her mother in knowing the thing she feared was only in her head, in her dreams.
"Fine, just fine." She had stopped talking to her for the seventeen hours they had been driving. And if they did have to exchange words? It was simple, short things that would show that she was indeed annoyed with her mother.
"Hungry?"
"Yep."
"You wanna drive?"
"Sure."
"You feed Captain?"
"Uh-huh."
"Need to pee?"
"Nope."
That was how the seventeen hours had gone by.
Turning half way she reached out her hand into the back seat, which was cluttered with small things that they could fit there that was not in the small moving bus that was connected to their car, and flopped at Captain's ear, his tail thumping down on the seat of the car.
"Hey boy, whatcha doing, my honey-bunch?" Lucy said and leaned down and kissed his nose, receiving a slopping lick on her chin. Her large German shepherd took up most of the back seat but there was no way that they could have put him into the moving bus. He would have been too far away from Lucy and would have chewed, peed on, and destroyed everything back there. At least in the back seat of the Honda he was behaving.
Glancing over at her mother from the corner of her eye she felt a pang. Once her mother had been beautiful. Once she had had the brightest shade of red hair that was possible, it shone like a copper penny in the sun, but now it had been dyed brown and had large strips of blond in it to cover up the red that had tried to show through. Her eyes, which had, at one point, been green, were now this sad, gloomy shade of a color that was not one that she knew of. And her skin…
God, her skin.
At one time it had been like the moon, it shone and every time she smiled it seemed like rays of sunlight was touching it. Now… it was a dull grey color and with her busted lip, blackened eye, and broken-three-times nose… She was a different woman.
Turning away from her she licked her lips. "Captain has to pee."
"How do you know?" Kara retorted, taking in a long drag of the cigarette and blowing out through her nose.
"I just do. Pull over, there is a gas station up ahead."
"Are you Dr. Dolittle now?"
"I just know, Kara. Now, do you want Captain to pee all over your seats or do you want to pull over?"
Immediately Kara pulled the car up to the old 24-Hour gas station, Lucy unbuckling her seat belt and getting out, going around and opening the door and Captain jumping out, sniffing around.
"Captain," The dogs head lifted. "Stay. I'm going inside."
"Why do you talk to him like he's a person, Luce? You know he doesn't understand."
"I bet he is sitting by the car when I get back though." Lucy turned and walked towards the grimy looking gas station. It wasn't much but she just hoped that it at least have decent seeming bathrooms. Going inside she could smell the stench of body odor, cigarettes, and the musk of air freshener. Sitting at the desk was a young, twenty-something year old who was reading a magazine. Walking towards him Lucy cleared her throat.
Without looking up the man said, "Welcome to Quick Gas how can I service you today?"
"I just need the key to the bathroom… please?"
One hand disappeared below and seconds later he pulled up a key that was connected to a neon yellow chain. Grabbing it Lucy went towards the sign that said, Rest Rooms, unlocked it, and ventured in side.
The bathrooms were clean enough and at least it had toilet paper. It was not five-star but at least there were not rat droppings and bugs crawling along the walls. Going to the mirror she studied herself.
In a way she supposed she had once looked like her mother before her monstrous transformation. She had the same copper toned hair, but instead of it going down her back in gentle waves like hers did it sprung from each corner of her head, being untamable and difficult to manage unless she used sixteen pounds of gel and hairspray. They were both tall and lean and had a runner's body, considering that Lucy still ran and her mother had been the schools cheer captain and track team captain in her younger years. But, where her mother's eyes were beautiful and wild seeming Lucy had her father's grey eyes, steel grey, like the clouds after a thunder storm.
Brushing a lock of hair away from her cheek she inhaled sharply at the pain that stung her cheek. Running across her hair line, down the side of her neck, and went along her shoulder, was a bruise. A horrid bruise that could only come from two things: A car crash or a father that beat her for not allowing him to beat her mother. Her fingers ran across it slowly, her lips parting a bit. It was good that she kept her hair the length that it was or people would surely ask about it. And the last thing she needed was someone calling Child Services on her mother. Again.
Licking her lips her eyes closed as she brushed her hair over her shoulder and she turned a little, pulling up her shirt with her other hand and seeing the numerous scars on her body. Scars from broken bottles, cigarettes stabbed onto her skin, being pushed into the table three times, and fingernails scraping down her skin when she tried to run from it all.
Turning back to face the mirror her hands trembled as they pulled up the front of her shirt. Sine she ran a mile a day her stomach was toned but that was to her advantage and to her disadvantage. It was to her advantage because she was not hurt as easily and she could endure more. But her disadvantage was that her bruises went muscle deep, taking much longer, it seemed, for them to heal. Her fingers traced the various scars that lined her skin, flinching at the one that ran from one corner of her rib cage to the other and frustrated tears entered her eyes.
No more.
No longer would sh do this again. She would not do what Kara wanted and keep running from one home to another, never truly making friends, running only to return back to where they started with false promises of protection and love. Within the last year she had moved three times and each time, whenever David had come back looking for them, he would cry to her mother, cling to her legs with words of, once more, protection and love. He would often swear that he would never hurt them again, that he loved her. That he would get help and everything would be okay. And for a while it would be okay. Her father would go out looking for jobs and he would smile at her mother and kiss her cheek. But sooner or later he would go back to the drinking and the abuse would start again.
Pulling her shirt down with a yank she washed her hands after declawing them from the sink. After she dried them she disappeared out, hearing Kara's voice almost immediately.
"—I am! Honestly, I am."
"There is no way in hell you are thirty seven. You are way to pretty for that."
"Awe, and you are just too sweet."
Walking up to the register she saw her mother smile and giggle at the man that could easily be her brother. Glancing between the two she noticed the guy starring down at her mothers breast and she felt her stomach jump with the sudden wave of nausea.
"Lucy, there you are." Her mother smiled. "This is my sweet daughter, Lucy."
"Your sister? I would have sworn that it was your baby sister."
In ten seconds she was going to throw up.
"I'm going outside." Lucy said and turned, starting to walk to the door before her mother could object. Captain was waiting patiently out by the car for her, sitting up straight and looking off into the distance, his eye on a squirrel that was chasing another in the darkness. He never really ventured too far from where she was. He was always watching. Protecting.
"Hey, Cap." At the sound of Lucy's voice Captain turned and his tail started thumping on the ground.
Kneeling next to him she flopped his ears and his tongue flopped out of his mouth. "I promise boy, this is the last time that we are going to move. I will be eighteen and we will go and never come back." She smiled and traced over the scar that was on his face. She was not the only one that had gotten hurt. There had been many times where David had thrown things at Captain when he had tried to protect her: Beer bottles, chairs, it didn't matter to David. He never stopped.
Kara came out moments later, carrying a bag of pretzel sticks and two cream sodas. And from the window she could see the young cashier starring.
Ew.
"I got you a cream soda, baby."
Straightening she grabbed it as she went around to the other side with Captain, opening his door and letting him up, and settle in the back seat. Shutting the door and going to her down she opened it and slid it, totally aware that her mother was starring at her as she lit her cigarette and struck a light, inhaling deeply.
"All set?" Kara asked.
"Yep."
She still had not started the car and after a few lingering seconds Lucy looked up to find her mother starring at her.
"What?"
"We need to talk about your grandfather."
"Mom, I am going to be on my best behavior."
"I know… just… Don't call me Kara in front of him, okay?"
"That is your name, isn't it?" She hadn't meant to sound as rude as it came out.
"Lucy. He is old fashion so just behave yourself, yeah?"
"'Kay."
"Don't say that."
"'Kay."
"Lucy." She warned. "Why do you get like this every time we move?"
"Why do you…" She stopped herself before she said something that she was sure would make her mother cry. Shaking her head she turned to look out the window. Throwing her hand up in the air she shook her head. "Okay." She never voiced her opinion. Never let another know what was going on in her head. It was just better that way.
They arrived at the house just as the sun was coming up. The house was nice enough; clean, kept yard, green shutters, a large two story white house, large oak doors, a statue of an angel by the door with a mat that said, "Home Sweet Home." It was something that she had wanted as a child, something that she would cut out of a magazine and would glue onto her walls in dreams of wanting something like that.
"Nice, huh?" Kara said. "Just as I left it."
Lucy glanced at her mother. She had left the town just before Lucy was born. Her father had apparently hated the town and wanted to get out in the real world. But her mother had loved the town. When she was younger she had always told her stories about sneaking out into the woods, watching the stars, riding around the town and going to the drive in with her high school sweet heart (that apparently wasn't her father.) It was sad that this was the end of the road; that they had been moving around so much that they were resorted to come back.
Opening the door to the car she stood just as the front door opened and a man in his early sixties came out.
His hair was the same shade of red that Lucy's was, the color of fire, and his eyes were large like her mothers, the same bright blue that they turned when they were happy. A color she had not seen in a while. He wore a grey and green-stripped button down shirt, brown pants, and bed shoes. He had smile lines on his face but at the time his face was serious, the way her mothers look whenever she noticed a bruise on Lucy's body that had not been there yesterday.
"Hey dad." Kara scrambled from the car and the man nodded and walked towards her, scooping her up in his arms and holding her tightly to him.
Lucy stood there awkwardly for a time before she turned, popped the trunk, and went around, getting her bag of clothes. Captain, still sitting restlessly in the vehicle, was starring outside at the two older people. Opening the door she let Captain out and whispered for him to behave.
"Lucy?"
Lucy looked up and walked around, her suitcase in hand. "Yeah?"
"This is your grandfather, Jimmy."
What a quaint name. Lucy nodded and neither of them made a move to embrace the other. They did not love, nor know, the other.
"You can call me granddad. Or Jimmy."
"Okay, Jimmy." She could feel her mothers scowl. Oh well.
"Lucy. That is a cute name."
"David named me. He wanted a boy so that he could name him Lucas Skye Walker but instead he got me. I was the rut in his plan. Cute, huh?"
Another fit of awkward silence.
"Well, I'm sure you are tired. Lets get you guys inside and to your rooms. Oh, you have a dog. He has to sleep outside—"
"No, I don't think so."
"Lucy." Her mother snapped.
"He is my dog and he sleeps with me. He can go out in the morning and evening but he sleeps with me at night."
"Lucy. We discu—"
"Okay." Jimmy said interrupting Kara.
"Dad, Captain doesn't need to sleep with her. She is just being difficult from the ride over here…"
"No, it's okay. I think that if the dog, Captain, does not sleep inside with her Lucy won't come inside either."
Lucy had a hand on Captain's head. "Thanks, Jimmy."
As they made their way into the house she kept her eyes down. She did not want to get too comfortable here. She never did. But she could smell coffee and she was sure that it was a permanent fixture of the house.
Lucy followed Jimmy up the stairs and he stopped at the room at the end of the hall, her mother's face softening. "My old room?"
"I thought that it would be best for Lucy to sleep in. I have kept it the same and I think she would find it more comfortable." His hand, which was on the knob, twisted and opened it, both of them waiting for Lucy to enter but she held back, starring off into the room. "You can change whatever you want to later to make it more comfortable. You can paint or… whatever it is that teenage girls do with their room… it is your space." When no one made a move to go, Captain entered easily, Lucy following after him, lugging the suit case.
The room was just like a normal girl's room would be, even though the thought of her mother being normal at one point was very strange and more so unlikely. Walking inside her eyes moved from one side to the other, taking it in. The walls were painted a soft pink color, posters of boys with their shirts open, a large peace sign, and smiley faces all over the walls with the school logos scattered here and there. Trophies from what would have been her cheerleading days were in the corner, dust gathering around them but still, most of them were as tall as she was, showing how, at one point, her mother was good. The carpet was brown, a neutral color to fit everything and it was good too, Captain often came inside and slumped himself down onto the floor, just anywhere he felt fit. Lucy walked over to the bed and sat down, her fingers touching the designs that were knitted into the bedspread, of sparrows, eyes, lips, stars, and other things. Glancing over at the desk she reached out and gingerly touched the picture that was on the desk; Of her mother with long hair, pulled into a pony tail, and some man that was not her father.
"Mom, who—" She stopped when she looked up and realized that no one was there anymore, standing in the doorway. Looking down to Captain who was starring at the dolls that were all lined up by the wall his eyes seemed confused.
"So, Cap, whatcha think?" Captain looked up at her and his tail didn't wag. "I know, I know. It is kinda… stupid. But, it isn't that bad. We will move some of our things inside and it will be better. We will get your box of toys and put them in that corner and… it can work for a while. Come on, get up." Captain got up onto the bed, Lucy moving from it and going over, closing the door, setting the suitcase by the door.
Switching off the light so that the only light inside was the moonlight spilling in, she pulled off her boots, putting them in a line by her bed and stripped off her jeans, trying to keep in the whimper as she peeled off the layer of clothing, her bruises being able to breathe now. Next went her socks, pants, bra, and she pulled her hair up into a pony tail. Glancing at Captain who had made his spot at the end of the bed she crawled in.
"Don't worry, Captain. It will be better." She promised. Her eyes closed and after a while she heard the lulling sound of her dog sleeping. She would get out of here, it was the easiest thing, and it was the best thing. She would be alone and that was how she wanted it to be. How it needed to be.
When she woke the next morning she opened her eyes to the smell of bacon. Hot bacon, the kind the still popped at you why you put it in your mouth, the kind that was still kicking. Bacon… Pancakes… and… what was that? Was it oranges? Flipping the covers off she sat up in bed, Captain lifting his head, tiredly, and huffing as if to say Why did you have to wake up?
"Hey boy, you wanna go for a run?" At those words Captain jumped off the bed and went to the door, already ready to explore their temporary home.
Setting her suitcase on the bed she unzipped it quickly, pulling out her running gear that was on the top: black leggings, grey shorts, a green long sleeved t-shirt, and her iPod. Where were her sneakers? Pushing her clothes this way and that she searched for them but when they were not there she groaned, pulled on a pair of stripped socks, and headed down the stairs, knowing that her sneakers had to be in the car.
Once she reached the bottom of the stairs, Captain matching every step that she took, she peaked inside of the kitchen to see Jimmy standing there, his back to her, and his hand moving, obviously pushing his bacon from left to right on the skillet. For a moment she studied his form, watching as he shifted from one foot to another, his back straight, as hers was when she stood, and his head clocked to the side so that his shaggy hair fell onto his forehead.
"Hungry?" His voice reached her ears and she jumped. "We got bacon, eggs, toast, and—"
"I'm a vegetarian." Lucy went into the kitchen, grabbing a piece of toast and a glass of orange juice, going towards the other door so that she could leave, Captain following after her.
"Well, you should—"
"Me and Captain are going for a run. We will be back in about an hour. Tell Kara that—"
"Luce, please sit down. I just want to talk to you…" She could feel him standing by the entrance of the kitchen, waiting for her response.
"I don't really have time at the moment. Thanks for the toast." She put the glass down on the table by the door and disappeared quickly, hurrying down the grass and ignoring the fact that her socks were absorbing all the dew that was still on the grass from the morning.
What could he possibly want to talk about? She asked as she went to the car and opened it, leaning over to search for her shoes. Did Kara put him up to it? Grabbing her shoes she sat down in the seat and brushed the grass from her soles, slipping them on. No, of course she didn't. She wouldn't do that. She doesn't want to know what is going on in my head? Then why did he try? What did he expect of her? Did he think that she would wake up and be like the Von Trapp family? No, what had Kara told him about her? That her head daughter was depressed? Well, whose fault was that? I'm sorry that I can't be your ideal daughter and smile through the bruises that had often lined my face.
Standing she closed the door to the car, her damp socks feeling went against the material of her sneakers. Looking at Captain, who was looking out at the empty road she smiled and stroked his head, "ready?" Captain looked up at her and stood, his tail beating the air.
She went to the end of the drive way and her legs started to move, her hair bouncing from side to side, and her heart started racing. She was running. She was always running.