A/N: This is something I've been toying around with for a while, but now it's formed itself into some semblance of a story. It's based on the songs of Avril Lavigne – but before you jump to any conclusions, let me stop you right there: I am NOT a teeny-bopper, and this is NOT a song-fic. But some of Avril's lyrics just "fit" with this story. Plus I needed a title. LOL!!! ;p I have 7 chapters at most planned – but they're nice fat long (that's what she said) chapters. Sorry, I just had to add that in, being the Michael Scott/The Office fan that I am! ;)

Now, I can't make a commitment to update every day or whatever, but I will try to update weekly or twice a week. So just be patient and enjoy the story! Also, I do have the tendency to include angst in my stories...so just go with it and believe that it'll brighten up!

And while I'm at it…I may as well instruct you to...

REVIEW!! Chants in low hypnotic voice "review, review, review" It's simple – just scroll to the bottom of the page…hit that glorious blue button…type a few words of praise of criticism (but no flames please!)…and send it my way! It'll be my Christmas present from every one of you. LOL! (cause if you don't review then I'll expect a season of SVU from each of you instead ;)

Disclaimer: The song is "Slipped Away", written and performed by Avril Lavigne (only the first chorus is included, I didn't see a point including all the times it's repeated). And no matter how much I cry, pound my fists and feet on the floor, and curse, SVU is not mine. Maybe Dick Wolf would accept a best offer of...$35.63. Wait, I found another single. Make that $36.63. But I still have to go print out photos for my mom at the drugstore kiosk so I can only offer $20. ;)

So here are the lyrics:

"I miss you,
Miss you so bad.
I don't forget you,
Oh it's so sad

I hope you can hear me,
I remember it clearly.

The day that you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same.

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand.
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't.

I hope you can hear me,
Cause I remember it clearly...

I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened, you passed by.

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back.
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back."

Chapter One – Slipped Away

Special Victims Unit
1-6 Precinct, Manhattan
May 5th, 2008

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

She knew she was doing something she'd sworn never to do. She was feeling sorry for herself. And she didn't care.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

She was trying to think about everything else but that day. She was even trying to imagine what her new partner would be like.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The steady dripping of yesterday's rain sliding down the molding over the window by her desk was a much-welcomed distraction for her. It kept her thoughts off the images that threatened to overwhelm her.

Olivia Benson looked at her open Compaq laptop, scanning her eyes over the screen until they found what they were looking for. 6:47 A.M.

She could still count on 15 minutes at the most to continue her solitary vigil. Cragen would probably be the first to arrive, then Munch and Fin. Followed by Olivia's new partner.

Benjamin Cermele. Transfer from Kingston. He'd allegedly passed his detective exam with flying colors, then sailed through the ranks in Homicide and been transferred to the most elite SVU in New York – the Manhattan SVU. Case closure rate of 91. Not bad for only a year in Homicide.

Only because he was lucky enough to have come along at a time when there was a vacancy.

Olivia stole another look at her computer's clock.

6:48.

She turned away from the screen to stare out the window at the gray morning that lay like a heavy woolen blanket over New York. As she gazed at the clouds, her soft hazel eyes became misty and she began to allow her mind to wander back to that day. It was as if the event was being played out right before her eyes, and, just like that day, there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Corner of East 14th street and 6th Avenue
May 5th, 2007

Olivia tapped the fingers of her right hand lazily on the passenger side door of Elliot's sedan, blinking as the late afternoon sunlight poured through the windshield of the car.

God, I hate stakeouts. 'Cept with El...they're not so bad when you have a friend as your partner.

"Hey, Liv?"

His voice penetrated her thoughts, breaking the surface tension that hung between them.

She looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"You know what day it is?"

"Cinco De Mayo. But I'm guessing that's now what you're thinking of."

She'd seen it on the 11:00 news last night, and surprised even herself that she had remembered the scrap of information.

"Very funny, Liv."

She had a feeling she should know this. Turned out she was right.

"We've known each other for exactly 12 years today."

The unbidden pang of guilt that stabbed through her made her gasp inwardly.

"Damn, El, I totally…" she let the sentence hang in the air.

She looked over at him, and saw the shit-eating grin spread across his handsome features. "Wait. I joined the squad in November, not May."

He gave a short bark of laughter. "I just wanted to see what your reaction was. It was totally worth it. You got all upset there for a-"

He stopped speaking. Without warning, he reached over to the passenger side and threw Olivia down. "Get down, Liv!" he yelled as machine gun fire peppered the bulletproof windshield, nicking it in many places. The material held fast, but Elliot didn't trust it totally.

Whipping out his gun, he threw his door open, using it like a shield and pointing his small pistol in the direction of the opposing bullets. "Elliot, no!" Olivia cried, a split second before a single bullet ripped through his chest, directly under his heart.

Olivia watched him fall in slow motion. She saw his knees buckle and heard his agonizing groan, and saw the blood spray out from his chest. The force of the impact sent him crashing to the sidewalk on his back, and just as he fell out of sight beneath the car, she heard him gasp, "Liv! Stay down."

She couldn't go to him – she would get shot as well – but she couldn't just sit helplessly and pray that help would come.

But, frozen in shock and fear, the only thing she could think of was that if Elliot was dead, then she might as well be...

Suddenly remembering that she had hands, her left one darted to the receiver at her side. She barked into it, "This is SVU to base, I need a bus and backup NOW! Officer down." She gave the address, and after hearing a staticky "Copy that," slid the little black box back into its holster on her belt.

And then there was silence.

It had taken Olivia this to realize long the gunman had ceased fire. As she listened to the deafening silence, she realized that she was trembling and that icy tears were pouring down her face. She scrubbed at her eyes, then, still staying concealed behind the dashboard of Elliot's sedan, leaned over to get a clear view of him.

And the second her eyes found his motionless body, lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, she forgot her safety. She forgot that the gunman might still be out there, waiting to snipe her off. All she could think was that she had to make sure he was okay, she had to keep him with her until an ambulance arrived. Scrambling (in a most unorthodox fashion) out of the car on the driver's side, she half-fell, half-knelt at Elliot's side. She felt the warm blood soaking through the knees of her jeans, but she didn't care. All she needed was to know that he was alive. She pulled back his torn blue shirt and gasped – the bullet had ripped right through his body, taking a piece of him with it. He looked like he'd lost so much blood that there was none left in his body, but as Olivia bent ferevishly down to see if he was still breathing, she groped at his wrist for a pulse – and found one.

God damned fucking miracle.

"Oh, God, Elliot, please stay with me," she begged as she ripped off her jean jacket. It was stiff, but it was better than nothing to close up his wound for now. She stuffed it under his shirt and pressed down, trying desperately to stop the bleeding, but it wasn't long before the jacket was saturated in deep red blood.

Olivia reached down and looked for a pulse again, and after searching and searching, felt not a single beat. She checked his breathing and practically fainted when she realized that he was gone. "Elliot!" she cried plaintively, beginning CPR. Without even thinking about it, she did mouth-to-mouth, forgetting that she'd wanted to do this ever since she'd met him.

But not in this capacity. Never.

She heard sirens drawing near, and tried even harder to bring back her partner. By now her whole front was drenched in his blood, her lilac t-shirt saturated. She even had a smear across her face.

Then a realization hit her.

He's not coming back.

The tears began to come again, forgotten in the last couple of minutes but resurrected as she gave up trying to resuscitate Elliot. She heard the ambulance squeal to a halt on the other side of the car, but couldn't even bring herself to move. She just fell back against the car, sobbing into her hands. She knew how unprofessional she must look, but she didn't care.

Elliot was dying.

And before she knew what was happening, the EMT's were surrounding Elliot so that she couldn't even see him. She heard a discombobulated cacophony of voices, all shouting instructions to one another, and heard one of them say, "We've got no pulse! Get him in the bus so we can shock him!"

Then she heard a voice in her ear. "Come on, Liv."

She looked up and saw Cragen and Lake standing above her. "Come on, Liv," Lake repeated. "You have to come. Please tell us what happened." He reached own, offering her a hand, but she ignored it, simply turning away and casting her eyes to the ground again. Elliot and his pack of EMT's were gone, and all that was left was the small ocean of blood that threatened to lap at Olivia's shoes.

She felt an arm around her shoulders and flinched, looking up into Cragen's face.

And she broke down in his arms.

He was like the father she'd never had, the father she'd always longed for. And now he was comforting her like the father he wanted to be to her.

Mercy General Hospital
May 5th, 2007

(5 hours later)

Olivia was numb.

She had nothing left.

No energy.

No tears.

And now, no Elliot.

He was really gone.

She'd always assumed that he would be by her side forever, her rock to lean on when things got tough. She'd always taken it for fact that he was invincible, that no bullet could take him down.

She'd received the news ten minutes ago, along with Cragen, Lake, Kathy, Munch, Fin, Casey, and all of Elliot's children. Of course his family had been informed first, but neither she nor her colleagues were left with much to their imaginations when the Stablers came out of the private waiting room, the lot of them ashen-faced, with tears streaming down their fair faces.

And she hadn't said a word since.

She knew Cragen and the others were worried about her. She knew they would probably be better off if she was wearing her grief on her sleeve, sobbing and uncontrollable with her emotion. But in her hollowness, she couldn't bring herself to even move an eyelid. She had collapsed backward into a chair and let her face fall into her hands, elbows resting on her knees, her just-below-shoulder length chestnut hair falling over her face, hiding it from everyone else.

She was vaguely aware of the Stablers crying softly, and her colleagues comforting them. She heard, as if from a great distance, Lake murmuring words of sorrow to Kathleen, and Casey comforting the twins. Cragen and the rest of the detectives plus Munch were with Kathy and Maureen.

She flinched slightly as she felt a hand on her shoulder – she hadn't felt anyone approaching. She turned her white face upwards, and found herself looking into Fin's eyes. His cheeks were streaked with tears, and the second Olivia took a look at him she lost it again.

He dropped to his knees and, without a word, wrapped his arms tightly around her. She'd never seen Fin so vulnerable – he was usually the tough guy who seemed like he could do anything.

Just like Elliot. But never the same.

After a long while, they pushed each other apart, holding each other by the shoulders at arms' length. They stared into each other's eyes for a long while until Olivia spoke.

"Oh, Fin," she whispered, her voice raspy from crying so much that day. "What am I going to do?"

It was then that the realization dawned on Fin – a part of Olivia had died along with Elliot today. He had no idea how to comfort her, so he just murmured back, "Dear, dear Liv, we are all going to be here for you. I promise. You can say anything to any of us."

"He was my partner, Fin," Olivia gasped, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "But he was so much more than that. We were closer than friends, closer even than lovers. We had a bond that went deeper than anything I've ever felt. We were soulmates, by heart and by mind."

Then she reached for Fin again and he held her, letting her cry long into the night.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Special Victims Unit
Manhattan, New York
May 5th, 2008

Olivia cast her eyes down, twisting her hands in her lap. She remembered the last time she'd had to do this.

Thirteen and a half years ago. She'd been intimidated by Elliot at first, but soon learned to work with his difficult personality. It wasn't long before the pair had developed a symbiosis unlike anything anyone in the SVU had seen before – they seemed to have unspoken mind communications with each other, each seeming to know what the other was speaking at any given moment.

She knew she could never have that connection again, no matter how hard she tried. And she didn't want a connection like that again – it would just set her up for getting hurt again.

Cragen's office was empty, other than herself. In a few moments, she would be meeting her new partner.

She wasn't particularly nervous – the thing that was unsettling to her was that once she took on a new partner...

It was like accepting that Elliot really, truly was gone.

Olivia heard the door squeak almost inaudibly, and turned around to face it. Cragen stepped into his office, followed by a tall blonde man with bright blue eyes.

So this is Ben, Olivia thought before extending her hand to him.

A/N Take 2: So what do you think? As I said...R&R...pretty please…those SVU DVD's are 'spensive… ;)

Also, I'm so disappointed you guys can't see the cool fonts I use with this fic on my Microsoft Office for Macs...it looks so much better!! LOL

And finally...here's a sneak peek for the next chap!

Chapter Two – Nobody's Home
Olivia and Ben are on their first case as partners – and its effect on Olivia is unexpected.