Author's Note: If you have read any of my works, they mostly consist of one-shots. I can't really keep interest on something for that long (such as lengthy chaptered stories) but I can do lengthy one-shots. I'm trying to fix that, so…yeah. This time it's about Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler)! I've only read just to the Weston School Arc part of the manga and stopped reading about it several months ago. I've kind of forgotten some events and characters but hopefully I'll get off my lazy bum and reread it again.

Anyways – I will try to portray the characters as best as I can and sorry if they seem to a little off or too OOC – it will be my fault. Also sorry if things seem to Charles Dickens long, I'm required to read one of his books for my advanced course…I feel like I'm forgetting something…ah, okay – I will apologize if the setting/places/locations/clothes seem off in this time period. I did a little background search in the Kuroshitsuji world and got most my information from their wiki: wiki/East_End.

One last thing: ** WARNING. There will be some mentioning of soft scenes/thoughts of boy love. ** (CielxOC.)

Approximately every two months on the second Tuesday that approaches, Ciel Phantomhive has always requested my presence to be seen before him. I remember the days that we spent together and how many times he would beat me at chess. It was always a two minute match because I move to uncalculated places that would ultimately make me lose – albeit it was infuriating but – I couldn't help but admire his charming smile each time he won. It was quite wrong of me to harbor these feelings but…I could not push these thoughts away. I wasn't sure when they manifested but I had a feeling that it started about a month or two ago. Yes about a month ago, I believe…yet at the time – I chose to deny these feelings because I knew they were wrong. I would resent how I felt and ended up – mentally — exhausting myself for days on end. It was not the smartest choice, but how was I supposed to deal with this? Then I realized…I could distant myself from him, yes. I could always do that, because...we cannot be in love. Due to status and gender. I feel almost ashamed – but yes. I am the same gender as Ciel and I do harbor true feelings for him.

As I was on my way to his manor – I looked both ways before crossing the road adjacent from his place. Perhaps I was in deep thought that I didn't realize a rampaging carriage coming down my path – because once I looked up – there was nothing but a scarlet numbness, a hazy vision and a final gasp as I saw the fellow people coming out of their coach and screaming. I blinked once more before settling my last gaze onto a shocked and vexed one-eyed boy I never got to confess too.

Ciel Phantomhive.

And this is my story.

How I met him, admired him, envied him, cherished him, thought of him and to one point – loved him.

…

Dear god,

Why are you so cruel?

| Chapter One |

Mundane Tasks and Little Boy Blue

I sometimes despised how I had to move to London instead of staying in America. It was much more prosperous if you dug for oil, gold, hot springs and the like – but no. I am in a place such as measly as this. The weather is always damp, wet, feebly cold (unless winter approached), depressing and overall – gloomy. I wasn't usually the one to complain but this time – there was an exception. I wasn't feeling well but I wasn't sure what it was. So I continued with my daily jobs of being a valet to a slightly upper middle class mistress and her lovely daughter (I wonder why they chose me? I was living in the East End and poverty-stricken slums), sweeping the streets to earn a few more dollars (I'm not fully aware of the pounds they use in London. I'm quite confused by the currency; if I do say so quite bluntly), being a delivery boy whenever I have time to spare and making sure to bring all the money back home. Although my younger sister told me I should stop over working…I couldn't help it. It was just too difficult to earn a meager wage here – but anyways…

It was rather dark as I was walking through the outskirts of London, where the weather was slightly nicer and where the sun would glower softly into twilight. The flatten grass was a sure sign that horse drawn carriages traveled by or foot prints that imprinted in the muddy patches came too. I, for one, was glad that I was wearing brown leather boots that were a tad too big for me. As a mental note when I got back to the East End – make sure to wash the grime off near the river. At least there was a somewhat of a clean water source, other than that – waiting for the water to boil was tiring enough.

The reason why I was walking around the outskirts of London was because I was making my daily rounds to deliver far off newspapers to the folk who live around these parts. I saw a few cottages and homes here and there…until I stumbled across a path less traveled by. Dusk was approaching and stars already littered across the sky. Clouds streaked the sky, possibly a storm was threatening by tomorrow. It seems like England's typical climate…I shrugged away my trivial thoughts and took another glance down the broken path. It seemed like rubble, debris and a broken gate greeted me as I slowly walked down this deserted path way. I wasn't sure why curiosity was man's bad side – but it piqued my interest rather greatly. Stumbling along the broken rocks and slightly paved path – I took notice of a recent carriage passing by. Maybe there was something down this pathway…?

Pausing hesitantly near the broken metal gates, I gazed up at the sky for a moment – debating whether I should continue down the path of uncertainty or go back to the slums…with a half-hearted resentment, I turned back and headed toward the main road. It was getting late…but that path…it had a weird presence…something I can't quite describe. Shaking my head, I bounded back toward the main road back into London. I needed to get back to Antoinette – she is probably wondering why I was taking so long.

After about an hour – I purchased some candy made by the famous Funtom company and got some bread near a close bakery. I think Antoinette and I will eat hearty tonight…after all – I'm rarely home on most nights she's awake.

§§§

"Isaac…Isaac! You're home!" Antoinette, my younger sister, piped up happily. "What are you holding? What's in those bags? Why are your boots dirty? I just cleaned them last week! Oh – I should tell Thomas you're back! Thomas! Isaac is back from work!"

I smiled as she called for the little brown cat. The cat was given to me by Mr. Peters who lived in the countryside. He knew I was the same paperboy who delivered his newspaper and one day – he happened to be giving away free cats. I took one home for free and gave her to Antoinette. She knew I wasn't always home and got quite lonely – so this was my gift to her to ease the lonely hours without me. Ever since then, she took care of Thomas (she was eager to give him a name to be part of the family) and promised to love him as much as she loved me. I was happy that I got him – he kept away the stray rats away and acted like a guard dog. Sometimes he would bring home treasure – like a purse full of money or some jewelry for Antoinette!

I took off my hat, coat and vest – having them on makeshift hanger. Sitting by a small lit fireplace, I unlaced my boots and placed them by the door – near my sister's dainty shoes. "I brought home some bread and sweets Antoinette! Do you think you could reach for the cheese and jam?" we both were living in our deceased parents' house. It was adjacent near the Thames River – but you had to walk through a few alley ways just to get here. Anyways, the house was small but comfortable by our standards.

Mum used to live here in London but married my father once she moved to America. I soon came along and then Antoinette. But Mum died while giving birth to my younger sister so my father remarried to another woman. We moved to London just about a year ago and then my father died. His wife abandoned us but left us this house with some furniture in it. Perhaps she had just loved us once before our Father died. Good riddance. I never really liked that woman – always spending Dad's money on useless things. Humph. But now everything began to lean on me – how we would survive and what to eat. So I began taking jobs at the age of thirteen. It was difficult juggling all of these jobs, but I somehow managed to do so.

Antoinette was younger than me by two years, making me about fourteen. I was born on a cold February 19th sometime in the afternoon and she was born on March 12th on a foggy morning. We both inherited our russet locks from Dad and favored Mum's determined, but soft green eyes from her. Sometimes when I look into Antoinette's eyes when they're said, I see flecks of brown. Perhaps she resembled a bit of him when that happened. Being blunt, we both were rather…"attractive" as I quote from my aunt. She said my sister had alluring eyes, a lovely physique and a quiet voice. I think she may be right. I was told that I had a charming smile, (somewhat of a) nice stature and quite the ladies' man if I tried. I was about to beg to differ since I never courted a young lady but we left shortly after the visit from auntie. You know what? I'm starting to wonder if the mistress's daughter, Florence, actually wanted me for my looks…I'm starting to feel a little insecure and doubting myself a little…

"Isaac! Come to the dining room! I have our plates and cups set out!" she called out, breaking me away from my thoughts. "…and now we can eat together like a family! ..." I couldn't help but smile, she never sang that much.

The dining room was actually our little makeshift kitchen room too. It was small but had a little table and a few chairs occupying the center. One corner of the room had a tin tub that was used for washing clothes and dishware. We rarely bathed but we tried to do so enough to keep ourselves clean and fresh. Sometimes it was just too cold to, or we would just get sick.

I took ahold of the beef jerky I brought from the butcher a few days ago. It seemed fresh enough to keep, but I was considering buying a jar to preserve them. My sister insisted I should sit down, but I shook my head. "It's okay Antoinette, I want to help. After all, we're a family, aren't we?" I smiled warmly at her as she shook her head vigorously.

I soon placed the contents on the table along with a few burning candles. Thomas slithered between my legs and rubbed his face affectionately against my leg as I was sitting in a chair. My sister gave him some fish and leftovers as we were done eating. Supper was rather quick but I enjoyed every minute of it. We talked about the weather, how I was going to beg for a day off to take her around London, buy a few new shirts, dresses, shoes and finally – a secret dolly for her. I knew how much she adored the ones at the pricy Funtom toy store. I was hoping to save up some money to buy one for her – I knew Thomas wasn't enough to keep her occupied. But perhaps this doll will satisfy the empty hours when I'm away.

As she took the plates and placed them in the washing bin, she told me to prepare for sleep. I was getting tired and drowsy. Easing myself down on the makeshift bed, I thought about the sweets I had. "Antoinette, I almost forgot! There are sweets—"

"I know brother! We can always eat them next time, so just go to sleep already! I'll take care of everything!" she yelled back. Movement was heard and the scraping of chairs against the floor was a bit maddening. But nevertheless, she wanted to keep the house neat and orderly. I couldn't blame that her that she was trying to take on the role of being a housemaid. It was always her self-proclaimed duty to do so.

Sleep drew me in lustily as I closed my eyes – feeling Antoinette's warmth as she cuddled beside me. With a small smile inching on my face, I murmured a soft goodnight into her ear before dozing off sweet and sound fully.

§§§

Months had actually passed by since that day. It was September and the weather was cooling back down into the crisp digits. Midnight winds were often nice, but sometimes they were cold. Zephyrs from the countryside became endearing as I delivered a few packages to the small cottages and to Mr. Peters. I was able to have a hot cup of water before returning back into the cobblestone paved world. It took me a few hours before traveling into the city again. Being sidetracked wasn't good, but I had to make a few trips toward the Funtom store, making sure the dolly Antoinette wanted was still there. It was still there, thank goodness! It was this toy called the "Bitter Rabbit." It was a white rabbit with a small little striped vest, ribbon around its neck and eye patch attached to it. Honestly, it looks a bit…different. Cute. Scary. Strange. Well, a bit on the weird side to be exact. Yet, I respect the man who came up with it. Its aseptically pleasing demeanor attracts the children to purchase more…to extract money from their parents' wallets…what a clever man behind this and the confectionary company…

Oh well. I back to the East Ends where poverty lay and went home. I was soon needed as a valet to the mistress and resting for a brief time at home was a short relief. Home was comfortable. Home was where the heat was. Hanging my coat up again – I was greeted by Thomas the cat. He meowed in response before taking off into the kitchen room area.

"Antoinette, I'm home!" I called out, sitting down by the fireplace. I received no response. She was probably out with Stephen and Lillian again. Those two were twins with chestnut hair and blue steel eyes. Stephen was older than his sister by a few hours – making him about my age. He was scrawny but a nice boy who seemed to care for everyone. His sister was as fine as porcelain but lived in the slums with us. They had about the same story as us but escaped the orphanage to have more freedom. On some days, they would come over and stay with us for a few days – other than that, they were just somewhere in London causing mischief or begging for food and shelter. They reminded me of vagabonds, but not quite…

Staring at the fire for a few more minutes – I decided to lie down and rest my aching muscles. Fifteen minutes passed by and I heard someone from the outside yelling the next hour had already passed by. Reluctantly getting up again, I stretched a bit and called out to Thomas. The brown tom came forward with a dead fish between its teeth.

"Tell Antoinette that I'm off to the mistress's house when she gets back, alright?" The cat flicked its tail and I took it as "yes."

Taking my coat and boots in toll – I headed out the door without a second glance.

It was around eight in the morning when the damp misty air greeted me. The door closed behind with a quiet thud as I tied my hair up into a small ponytail. I should really cut my hair…but the barber or stylist would always give me a new hairstyle as an experiment for free…

With a halfhearted sigh, I placed on my hat and took off in the direction of the richer side of London. Florence said she needed help for the up-coming ball that was being thrown in the Phantomhive manor...

…That man…is really famous.

(I envied him because of his wealth.)

…but beggars can't be choosers.

Sigh.

As I arrived at the gates of the (a slightly higher-up) middle classed family – I straightened my clothes and placed on a smile. It wouldn't matter, because they always had a change of clothes they wanted me in. One of their butlers let me in and greeted me. "Hello Isaac. You are a bit late today and Miss Florence is wondering where you are. She's in her room so you better hurry young man! It's not nice to keep a lady waiting!" he gave me a humored smile and I rushed toward the servant's quarters. There was a small room for all of their servants (not sure how many they have, but it seems like quite a lot!) and paid them by the end of each week…I began to wonder why they weren't first class yet. They were close to becoming wealthy but something was holding them back. I wonder what…

Lawrence greeted me as I was in the middle of buttoning up a white collared shirt. He was one of the servants I spoke to and we were on good terms. He was about seventeen years old and seemed like a charming lad. Blonde hair and piercing blue eyes – it was no wonder why they hired a handsome man as Florence's older sister's valet.

"You seem tired today, what's up with that?" he noted, sitting on my bed while I put the vest and tie on.

"…I've been feeling rather sick for these past few months, to be honest. It's just a slight cough every once in a while, though…" I looked at myself in the mirror and admired myself. "Aren't you supposed to be serving Kathryn?" I turned back to him.

"Florence's older sister? Oh, she told me to fetch you. Florence has been waiting for you, if you haven't realized that yet." He stood up and stretched him arms. "Come on now Isaac, your lovely fiancé is waiting for you," he teased.

I rolled my eyes as I folded my clothes into a small pile on the bed. I would love to stay here, but Antoinette and Thomas needed me. "They already arranged a marriage to the merchant's son, what's-his-face-Jr., Lawrence."

"Yes, I know. But it is fun making fun of you two. It's adorable – like puppy love. Haven't you seen the looks she's been giving you?"

"Shut up Lawrence."

He laughed and I sighed. I wondered which one of us is more mature…

We walked from the servant's quarters and into the main manor. A few other servants and maids greeted us and we politely exchanged greetings in return. Lawrence and I said our quick farewells as we headed off in different directions. Nevertheless this place never failed to amaze me. The chandeliers seem awfully expensive and the floors had lovely patterns. The doors and railings were made of fine sturdy oak I thought as I walked up the spiraled staircase.

I gave a light knock on Florence's door and I heard a muffled "come in." As my cue, I walked in with a smile plastered on my face. Florence hopped off her silk made bed and greeted me in joy. She hugged me and I was about to hug her back until the Mistress cleared her throat.

With a quick blush and sorry, Florence pulled back and looked up at me. She had lovely light brown ringlets and eyes as soft of light rain clouds – I meant that in the nicest way possible – ahem. The girl standing before me adorned a light lavender dress that was a bit puffy at the sleeves and fitting at the chest area. I heard the Mistress clear her throat and I snapped my attention up at her face, seeing her eye me a look of disdain. Her mother never liked me – possibly because I lived in the East End. Yet she only accepted me because of her daughter's happiness and that I cleaned up nicely. What a strange woman.

"It's about time you arrived, boy," she observed sharply, glancing up at the clock in her room. "Miss Florence, if you may, we need you to brush up on your politics, literature, violin practices and getting ready for the Phantomhive event," she gave me a terse look before gazing calmly at her daughter, "—and your valet can attend, if he'd like."

She answered with a monotonous "Yes, Mum" and I held the door open for them to leave. As I closed her door quietly – the Mistress startled me as I turned around.

"Are you aware that Miss Florence has received a wedding proposal from a wealthy merchant's son?" she said in my ear. I nodded slowly in response. "Good. Now carry on with your duties, humph," she turned away quickly, dismissing with a flick of her hand. "Go on little servant boy, fulfill your requirements and you'll get your weekly pay soon." She soon murmured something under her breath but I couldn't quite catch what she was saying. What was that all about? Sighing, I headed toward the room Florence was dragging me too. She was a really nice girl, but could get a little clingy at times.

Hours passed by and she finished all her lessons. I had already fetched some tea and served them to the Mistress and her on a platter while they were resting. It was around the afternoon when I was invited back into her room to help her choose her clothing for the Phantomhive event. Her tailor came by and told me to leave her room so they could take measurements. I waited patiently outside her door and leaned on the railings from upstairs. A few maids and valets dashed across the floor and hurried on to their assignments. I waved at Lawrence who was accompanying Kathryn to some place. He smiled in return and being a gentleman – opening the front door to let her out first. I wonder where they were going.

I was soon called back into the room to take my measurements. The tailor said she would have our suit and dresses in about a week and left quick goodbye. Florence asked which color scheme we should have and told her any was fine. Happily smiling with a thought in mind, she told me we should have matching royal blue clothes. I agreed and thought it would be nice.

After another hour or so, I was able to go home. As I escorted her to the manor's front door – I was about to bid her a farewell until I began to let out a series of coughs. She began to get worried and I pulled at the collar of my shirt, telling her not to worry.

"I was just so choked up I couldn't stand to see you alone," I reassured quickly, covering up my chronic cough. Miss Florence still seemed worried but she took my word.

"…All right Isaac – but please," she grabbed my vest to stop me from leaving, causing me to glance back.

Ours eyes met and she gazed solemnly into mines. "Don't…don't push yourself to hard, okay?" she released my vest and I turned back all the way – giving her my best and earnest smile.

"Thank you…Miss Florence. But you mustn't worry about my health – yours is more important. It looks like it's about to rain so please, go inside…for my sake," I said softly, going back to open the manor door for her.

With a cute blush on her cheeks, she nodded and went back inside – telling me she could always hire a coach to bring me home. I told her I could walk home and closed the door. Making my way toward the servant's quarters, I bumped into Lawrence again.

"Hey, are you alright Isaac? You look a little pale," he reached out to touch my forehead but I backed away. A little hurt and surprised he looked at me a little funny. "You should go home and rest…I can always tell them to give you the day off tomo–"

"No!" I think that came out to hastily, "I—I don't need it…I promised Antoinette sometime next week!"

I eased out of my working clothes and put back on my old ones. Lawrence and I argued with each other as I sat on my bed and laced my boots. "Dang it Lawrence! I. Am. Fine!"

"No you're not! You should just worry about yourself for once! Antoinette can wait for one day! Please – you look sick!" he stood up from the chair he was sitting in and attempted to feel my temperature. I ducked out of the way but he tackled me down onto the bed – wrestling to feel my forehead.

"Stop it Lawrence, stop it! I am fine!" I struggled – but he pinned me down in a matter of seconds.

He felt my forehead and confirmed it. "Isaac, you—"

"I'm fine! Just…leave me alone…" I pushed him off of me and left the servant's quarters, running down the pathway and through the gates. I rubbed my eyes in frustration as I bolted blindly through the streets.

I didn't understand why I acted so childish and denied their observations…

…

…why…why was I acting so stupid?

Why?

Brushing my thoughts away, I kept on running for several minutes – feeling my legs burn as punishment. Eventually – I slowed to a stop.

I panted and sat down on a rock I found nearby to rest. I was in the outskirts near the countryside… and it was already evening and it was difficult to see anything else. Clouds were streaked across the darken sky and there were no signs of stars tonight. It was threatening to rain. I stood up and rubbed my eyes again – I…I needed to get back home.

A wave of dizziness flashed through me as I tried to take in my surroundings. Where – where was I? I began to regret not bringing an oil lamp or candle with me when I went outside at night.

…but my thoughts became all muggy and foggier as I tried to comprehend what was happening to me. Was it getting warm in here? I tugged on the collar of my shirt and wandered down the trodden pathway – trying to see if there was a small cottage in sight. With no such luck, I paused at a fork in the road. I don't think I was quite familiar with this place.

Sitting down, I tried to gather my bearings. Things were becoming hazy and the trees around me seemed like monsters trying to lure me into the dark…I felt my forehead and wondered if I had gotten a fever…

Then it began to rain.

Great. Now it's dark and raining.

Just my luck.

I was probably going to die of hypothermia.

…

I think I dozed off at one point. And heard mewling. Is that you Thomas?

…

I think I saw somebody with pale skin in the midst of darkness…they were in a crisp but well defined attire meant for a butler. I saw him loom over me with a plain look of pity – or was it suspicion of foul play? – And he merely sighed before holding an umbrella over my head.

"Perhaps the Young Master could use a friend…" he mused, before leaning down and picking me up. "...and a kitty." He took Thomas by the scruff and seemed almost…in love with my feline.

…dear god, where is he taking me?

And most importantly – why does Thomas get better treatment than me?

…I'm slung over his shoulder…(tired)…like…a sack of… (tired)…potatoes…

...

Before I blacked out, I began to realize something. Perhaps...it had been so long...since anybody had bothered to ask if I was all right.

Maybe that was why I reacted the way I did.

Maybe.

Author's note: …I'm actually kind of proud of this story progressing so far. I hope I'll get kind heart reviews? Anyways – I've kind of got the story planned out and this will take place around a few of the manga's arc! Stay tuned for more? /shot. Thanks for reading!