Some explanation. On a Facebook group there was a challenge to submit your best Tolkein-based puns. These are mine.
For anyone wondering… there used to be a brand of pipe tobacco. The TV adverts – they were allowed then – showed a rugged macho type surmounting a challenge, and then filling and smoking a pipe of said tobacco. This would send him into closed-eye smiling blissed-out rapture, and he would recite the name of the product in a low contented voice.
"So this is our new land." said a Numenorean lord, as he beheld the rich plains and the white gleaming mountain. "And we are to build a city here to remind all of Numenor in the days of her glory. But, lord Isuldur, what shall we call this place?"
And the Lord Isuldur reflected, and he took a deep draw on the strange smoking herb he had acquired from the little folk of the North. The smoke curled and rose from the bowl of the smoking pipe as he reflected, taking time over his lordly thoughts.
"Gondor..." he said, at length.
Sauron beheld his Lord in all his glory. The jet-black hair, the emaciated pallor accented by white pancake makeup, the eyeliner, the black clothing... the dolorous music in which tormented souls screamed, in strained and tortured voices, of their wretched lot in life, and begged for mercy or death...
"Very nice, Dark Lord." he said. "you couldn't be any Morgoth if you tried".
There you go, then. Enjoy that Condor moment. Condor. The pipe tobacco for men.