Dean has appreciated the looks of both girls and guys for as long as he could remember, but he's never acted on any feelings he's ever had towards a guy. Not after all the times John has made little comments after seeing a gay guy or couple saying, "That'll never be my sons," or "If people are going to choose to be gay, they could at least have the decency to keep it to themselves and behind closed doors."
So that's what Dean did. He was seventeen when he first had sex with a guy. Sammy had been at school at the time and Dean had skipped with one of his teammates. This time it was football. What happened between them had been an accident.
They were both in the locker room alone, with their lockers close together and Dean had been undressing when he noticed they guy, Jeremy, giving him eyes. Dean couldn't help but return the look. Before Dean knew what was happening, or who moved first, they were tangled in each other's arms making out and it had been pretty hot.
This has been going on for two months. Dean didn't know what had taken John so long to get home, but he glad, because for the first time he could finally explore the side of him that was into guys. He'd have done this way sooner if he had known how much he loved kissing a guy. Having someone as strong as him hold him, kissing him was amazing and he never wanted it to end.
"This where you live?" Jeremy questioned looking around. Dean wasn't in love with the guy and Jeremy didn't love Dean. Jeremy was a nice guy who took no shit from anyone and he had been nice enough to Dean when Dean first showed up for football practice. They were just friends with benefits. They made out, they touched, but they never talked about feelings. And of course, there was an unspoken agreement to never, ever let it out that they were messing around with each other.
"No, I just took you here because I'm too ashamed to bring you to my house. It'd be a disgrace," Dean smirked as he shrugged off his leather jacket, having just locked the door. The motel they were staying in wasn't as bad as it could have been. At least there were no roaches or questionable stains on the sheets and chairs.
"Way to make me feel like your whore, Winchester," Jeremy said while he also took off his jacket, his arm muscles flexed as he also tossed off his shirt. Dean watched him take off his belt as well before moving to him to start kissing his neck. Jeremy made a delicious moan as he tilted his head back.
"Well you are only good for one thing," Dean said and then they were kissing, this hunger and want took over Dean and Dean was shaking as he opened Jeremy's pants and yanked them down, along with his boxers. Jeremy was doing the same to Dean and when they were both unclothed, they moved to the bed.
"Fuck," Jeremy breathed, pulling back from Dean, just enough to catch his breath, Dean went back to giving Jeremy's neck attention. Dean felt an urge to mark Jeremy, to show that Dean owned him. But instead Dean just slid down Jeremy's body. Another rule, never leave a hickie.
Jeremy actually had a girlfriend, Dean hadn't of liked that, knowing Jeremy was banging a chick when he could be banging Dean instead, but Dean let it go. Some part of him knew he'd never get a chance like this again.
Dean sucked Jeremy off with Jeremy telling him what was good, what to do more of and always remember: no teeth.
After Jeremy was close to coming, Dean slid back up to kiss Jeremy. He gripped Jeremy's short black hair and kissed him roughly as he slid his hand down between Jeremy's legs. He hesitated, knowing what should be down now, but not knowing if he'll be able to do it right.
"Here," Jeremy breathed out, reached over the bed to where his pants were crumpled on the floor. He pulled something out of the jean pockets and handed it to Dean. It was lube.
Everything from there had been only slightly awkward at first, but then when Dean slipped inside Jeremy, it was sweet, sweet, Heaven. Dean's eyes nearly crossed from how good it felt.
Dean once did anal with a girl who was willing to try anything – sweet baby Jesus, it had been so fun to have sex with that girl – and knew how good it felt, but somehow it was even better.
Even though Dean was the one on top, Jeremy had his legs wrapped around the back of his legs and was gripping Dean's hips, pulling him at the speed he wanted. Jeremy was the one with control and if Dean wasn't already impossibly hard, he'd be getting hard right now from the fact that Jeremy was basically fucking himself on Dean's dick.
"Fuck yeah," the words seemed to be dragged right out of his mouth because he wasn't the type to get loud during sex, but now he was. Dean grabbed Jeremy's hips, lifting him slightly and sat back on his knees, dragging Jeremy with him as he tilted his hips and slammed hard into Jeremy.
Jeremy let his hands fall back and he arched off the bead, his mouth open in a silent scream. When he recovered he was breathing heavy.
"Fuck, Dean, don't stop!"
And with those words Dean pounded away, reaching forward to jerk off Jeremy.
They both came, Dean after Jeremy, and then Dean was leaning forward, and about to move out of Jeremy, when John came through the door.
Honestly, Dean rather it had been werewolf. Heck, he'd rather it be the demon that killed mom, come back to finish off the rest of the family. At least in that moment, because true terror struck in his heart as he watched John take in the scene before him.
His own son, balls deep in another guy who was covered in cum, at least his stomach.
Everything seemed to freeze and then suddenly everything snapped. Dean rolled off of Jeremy and lunged for his clothes, trying to put them on as quickly as possible.
Jeremy was also frantically putting on his clothes.
Dean handed Jeremy his own shirt to wipe himself up instead of putting it on. Jeremy gave a small thanks for Dean, looking at him in concern.
"Just go," Dean barely had time to whisper before his dad began shouting.
"What the fuck Dean?"
Dean jumped up and moved further into the room as his dad, eyes blazing, was stalking towards him.
"Not only are you not watching your brother, but you're fucking around with a fucking guy?" Anger and disgust like Dean has never seen before enters John's eyes as he continues to draw closer.
Dean raised his hands in front of him. "Dad, I'm sorry ok? Sammy's safe, he's at school."
"Shut the hell up! I didn't raise my boys to be fucking faggots."
One minute Dean's looking over John's shoulder to see Jeremy heading towards the door, the next his head is spinning. This is the first time John has hit him, heck, it's probably not the last, but it still hurt like a son of a gun.
Times when he got it really bad flashed into Dean's mind, it all involved Sam getting hurt or being defiant towards their dad. Every time Sam cursed at John and stormed away, it was Dean who had to answer for it.
It was always his fault of course, he had one job, look after Sammy, take care of Sammy. He was supposed to raise Sammy right. And when he failed, he deserved everything he got.
Still, though all those times mixed together didn't measure up to the beating he got for being caught having sex with a guy.
Jeremy at one point looked like he wanted to interfere, but Dean had shouted for him to leave.
Their time in that town and that motel had ended pretty soon afterwards because the cops had been called. Either it was Jeremy or anyone within a hundred miles that heard John beating the shit out of Dean.
Dean ended up in the hospital, John was sent to the police station, and as for Sam; well Dean wouldn't find out until later that John made a call to Bobby to get Sam since they were an hour away from where Bobby lived.
If only John had dropped them off at Bobby's instead of the motel room when he went off to the job, none of this would have happened. Dean would have never brought a guy home to Bobby's and he'd never be in the situation he was in.
Dean had spent two days in the hospital, with nurses and doctors telling him he'll have to take it easy and trying to find out if he had any relatives. Dean had kept his mouth shut most of the time, too depressed to talk. He felt empty inside and couldn't stop thinking his dad would leave him, would kick him out of the family and not allow him to see Sammy again.
It had been the biggest relief when John had snuck into his room, telling him to get dressed, it's time to hit the road.
John basically told Dean that if Dean wanted to be gay, he'd have to fuck off and go somewhere else to be gay, but once Dean promised he wasn't gay, that he was just experimenting, John nodded his head and after that it was never talked about again. And when they got to Bobby's later, they'll both lie and say Dean got in a fight with a werewolf, like they always say when Dean suddenly has bruises but hasn't been on a job.