ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:00
EB: dave
EB: hey dave
EB: wake up
EB: it's the first day of schoooooooool
EB: :)
TG: oh my fucking god egbert
TG: leave me alone
TG: its not time to wake up yet
TG: its like trying to induce labor
TG: it just shouldnt be done man
TG: should
TG: not
TG: be
TG: done
TG: i will come out kicking and fucking screaming i swear
TG: i will be the noisiest baby that ever existed
TG: my stoic demeanor will ollie the fuck outty
TG: it will do an aquatic flip off the fucking handle
TG: it will not only flip
TG: it will majestically pirouette
TG: and land with a grace you cant even fathom
TG: so help me egbutt
EB: dave
EB: dave
EB: dave
EB: david
EB: daaaaaaaaaaavid
TG: you are not quoting snl at me right now
TG: tell me you arent
TG: please tell me you arent trying to be will ferrell
TG: its too painful
TG: too early
TG: i think id rather have nic cage thrown at me
TG: literally thrown at me
TG: bring it on nic cage
TG: hes what
TG: 150 pounds tops
TG: ok maybe a little more than that
TG: hes pretty muscular
TG: actually hot damn hes a buff dude
TG: i just googled him
TG: terrible mullet by the way
TG: anyway
TG: hes like
TG: 180 to 200
TG: at the most
TG: i can handle it bro come at me
EB: don't wake
EB: the snake
EB: *hissing*
TG: dayman
TG: aaaaaaaa
TG: fighter of the nightman
TG: aaaaaaaaa
TG: champion of the sun
TG: aaaaaaaa
TG: master of karate and friendship for everyone
TG: i dont even know if i got that right
TG: its been six thousand years since i watched its always sunny
TG: but while im quoting the fucking brilliance of charlie day
TG: "how long have i been standing here"
TG: "im actually tripping pretty hard right now"
TG: "i ate some of your pill thingies"
TG: "call me newt only my mom calls me doctor"
TG: "i cant go back to jail"
TG: and exeunt
EB: wait
EB: back up
EB: who the fuck is charlie day?
TG: are you fucking kidding me
TG: how have we been friends this long
TG: without you knowing
TG: who charlie day is
TG: hes in one of your favorite movies for gods sake
TG: and no before you ask
TG: it isnt con air
TG: we saw it in theatres a couple weeks back
EB: the...lego movie?
EB: who the hell did he play in the lego movie?
TG: 1980-something space dude
TG: aka benny
TG: you know
TG: "spaceship"
EB: noted.
EB: but how did we go from will ferrell and *hissing* to charlie day?
TG: can i just explain at school
TG: its too early to explain the intricasies of my humor
EB: dave come on, i just need someone to talk me through the morning
EB: i can't handle another birthday cake for no reason
EB: and all these fucking clowns
EB: whose dad even does that
EB: am i the only one on earth who has a terrible dad
TG: come on dude your dad isnt terrible
EB: i know i felt bad as soon as i sent it
EB: but anyway
EB: it's time for school and i need your expert style advice
EB: because i
EB: am
EB: hopeless
TG: hell fuckin yeah you are
TG: youre lucky you have an expert like me as a friend
TG: but can i do this later i still have like an hour to sleep
TG: ill send you an outfit pic or something
EB: ok ok fine
EB: but you have to explain to me on the bus so i'm not lost, bro
EB: have fun with your little nap
EB: :B
turntechGodhead [TG] sent " "
turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 6:30
Dave sighed and pressed the lock button on the top of their iPhone, hand falling to meet the mattress limply. They were out in seconds, but all too soon their phone alarm was blaring The Decemberists into their ear, making them breathe in deeply but otherwise showing no outward signs of even having heard it. Slowly, they sat up, reaching onto the nightstand for their shades; only after they were securely slipped onto their nose did they stand and open the blinds, letting the harsh morning light in.
Where had the summer gone? Just yesterday it seemed they and their friends were dashing out of the school, celebrating the fact that the groups' freshman year was over. They remembered distinctly, because Rose had worn a dark outfit like always and got pissed when chocolate sauce spilled onto the front. Dave remembered sitting next to Jade on the beach, wanting to hold her hand but being afraid to. She had worn a long skirt like usual, but opted for a tanktop that showed off her dark muscles beautifully. Her eyes had been drawn and tired, but containing a spark in the green orbs that made Dave's heart thump and skip a beat.
They shook their head, clearing it of the memories so they could get dressed. Mentally preparing themself, they chose something simple; a red t-shirt (plain) and black skinny jeans. Within five minutes they were ready and headed to the bus stop, not understanding why John always felt the need to wake up an entire hour before he needed to. They both went to the same bus stop, and Dave could get ready within five minutes.
But John was difficult like that, they guessed.
"Hey! Dave!"
Speaking of. They walked toward John at the same pace they'd had before, not wanting to rush. The morning was a tender being, and needed to be treated with respect and trepidation, lest the very fabric of the universe be torn open. They stood next to John and nodded as a greeting.
John was absolutely buzzing, chattering in Dave's ear incessantly, but thankfully not too loudly. He towered over Dave at a jealousy-inducing 5'8", as compared to Dave's 5'2". Rather than the burnt sienna of Dave's skin, John's was a deep, deep coffee color. There was never a time during the year that John wasn't dark, not even in winter, when the skin tones dimmed severely.
"...anyway, what's your schedule, bro?"
"Huh?"
"Come ON, Dave, I know it's early but keep up!" John gave Dave a playful shove, smiling and showing off his two buck teeth in the front. Dave ran a hand through their hair and sighed in pretend irritance, which John saw through immediately. "What. Is. Your. Schedule." He pronounced it like "sheejule".
"Uuuuuh..." Dave reached into their back pocket, unfolding the piece of paper that had the eight classes they'd be taking this semester printed on it. They tried to glance over the text that said "Sex: Male" and looked immediately at the teachers, rooms, anything but that black line of sharpened calligraphy lies. "Study hall; Intro 3D art; English 10; Spanish II; World History; Chemistry; and Geometry."
"Well fuck bro," John said, sounding crestfallen. Dave gestured for John to cough up his schedule.
AP European History
Intro 3D art
Bio II
Honors English 10
Spanish II
Health
Geometry
"We have two classes together, bruh," Dave said, handing the sheet back, "cheer up."
"Last year we had almost all of them together!"
"Cry harder-" They were interrupted as their phone pinged. They clicked the screen and their heart jumped as they saw Jade's name pop up.
gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 7:40
GG: hey dave! :B
GG: how are you this wonderful morning
TG: im doing absolutely fantastic my dear friend
TG: the sun is shining my sockets are burning
TG: and im ready to fucking party
GG: aw! im sorry dave :(
GG: ill buy you the greatest pair of shades ever and your eyes wont have to suffer anymore
GG: because you are my friend
GG: and you deserve it
GG: 3
TG: 3
TG: thanks babe
TG: you just totes brightened my day to levels that would thaw even the hardest hearts
TG: you know
TG: like
TG: even dirks heart
TG: the fucking hardass
TG: always hiding behind his shades
TG: you know if hes a junior
TG: and he drives himself to school
TG: why cant he just give his bro a lift
TG: would that be too difficult
GG: um...dave?
GG: you know he meets his boyfriend every morning before school right?
GG: think about it
TG: oh my fucking god
TG: hes
TG: hes actually
TG: hes doing that
TG: every morning
TG: i thought he was bullshitting me when he told me he wasnt a virgin
TG: i just threw up a little
GG: im sorry dave
GG: i didnt mean to make you sick
GG: on the bright side ill be able to drive in about two weeks :)
GG: we can all carpool
GG: by the way
GG: see you in about thirty seconds ;)
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 7:45