Beth6787
February 2018
Smokescreen
Ever wondered why the whole C/7 relationship appeared so abruptly in 'Endgame'? Here's one possibility...
Another late night spent in the Mess Hall, staring at the stars for answers they could not - or would not - supply. He laughed inwardly at how events came full circle. In the early years Neelix and he had had their work cut out trying to 'nudge' their Captain into getting at least some rest in her quarters in the early hours of the morning. And now, seven interminable years later, here he was. Doing the exact same thing. Only it was far worse. He had soothed her worries by promising to shoulder each and every burden with her but this time...she stood alone because of him. He was the problem and there was nothing he could do to help, bar becoming another casualty to the Delta Quadrant! The scariest part was that he was actually contemplating just that.
He had known there was something seriously wrong when he and Seven had returned from their misadventure with the Ventu colony. The Captain had had yet another communique from Admiral Hayes. Probing, oh so subtly, but none the less pointedly enough to be understood. He had thought the whole matter closed after Kathryn had asked him to help her compose a joint response three years ago regarding the 'status of the former Maquis'. As far as Hayes was concerned - and by extrapolation probably most of the Admiralty - the situation was still far from settled.
This time the Captain had been far cagier. She was reluctant to say much at all and had refused to show him what Hayes had written. That spoke volumes in itself. When pushed - and he had done so hard, he needed to know - she had admitted that there were questions about Tom and B'Elanna's marriage. His being the chief helmsman and her head of engineering : on the same ship. Potential conflicts of interest etc. exacerbated by B'Elanna's pregnancy.
Kathryn had assured him that the admirals were merely covering all the bases. Dotting the i's and crossing the t's so to speak. No doubt, Tom being the son of Admiral Paris - who had been heavily involved in the Pathfinder Project : they had to tread carefully. Ensure that the impression was not given that the rules had been disregarded for family. But as he had gotten up to leave her office he had seen the PADD half hidden behind her empty coffee mug and it had mentioned New Earth and Tuvok's acting captaincy.
He had said nothing, merely smiling at the Captain and heading out purposefully. Intent on giving her the impression that she had convinced him it was a mere formality. Nothing of concern. But he knew otherwise. The real issue was him. His field commission as First Officer.
Before resigning his commission to re-enforce the Maquis ranks he had held the position of Lieutenant Commander, Tactical Operations Division, and had taught briefly at the academy. He had been in line for a promotion to full Commander within months at most. That was until he had thrown it all away to become a terrorist. At least that is how Starfleet Command regarded him. Still : it would seem. So on having to integrate the Maquis crew of the Val Jean into Voyager's complement , it would have made far more sense to have positioned Chakotay at Tactical and promoted Tuvok to the First Officer role. That is what 'Fleet had expected her to do and they were obviously not convinced by the arguments the two of them had made to Admiral Hayes when communication had first been re-established. He wondered just how often Kathryn had been interrogated over the past three years.
Tuvok had been Acting Captain for over four months whilst he and Kathryn had been stranded on that planet. Presumably the Admiralty were impressed by his handling of the role and this validated their view that he should have been her second in command all along. Yet as soon as the two of them had returned to Voyager, Tuvok had been demoted back to Tactical and the Starfleet traitor was sitting back in the command seat next to the Captain. ...
So here he was in the wee small hours of the morning, sitting in the Mess Hall trying to think of any other way - bar the unthinkable - that he could help her...and coming up with nothing...
"Commander...a penny for your mind?"
Seven. He had not expected company and was not really in the mood for making awkward small talk. But as he looked up at her he noticed she was carrying the Ventu blanket he had persuaded her to keep over her right arm. He had tried to connect with her on that away mission and he had promised that she could talk to him whenever she was troubled. He could hardly send her packing on her first attempt. "It's a penny for your thoughts, Seven. An old Earth saying that I suspect you gleaned from Mr. Paris?"
She smiled at him as he beckoned for her to take a seat opposite. "You are correct. The Doctor has advised me that Mr. Paris is a good source of human colloquialisms that could help me with ...banter?...in a social setting?"
Chakotay repressed a laugh. "That's true if you wish to primarily associate with juveniles. Maybe for socialising with Icheb and his friends : but perhaps the Captain or myself would be better sources for more adult lines of conversation openers."
Seven smiled at him. "Noted. And I would tend to concur if his Captain Proton and Buck Rogers holo-programs are anything to go by."
"So Seven...Annika...what's on your mind?" He smiled warmly at her whilst glancing pointedly at the blanket now spread over her lap.
She hesitated. Seeming unsure as to how to begin. "Our encounter with the Ventu...it has made me think...about just how ...different...I am. Still. My perceptions are for the most part primarily Borg. It is natural for me to see the value in technology...I...I...am adapting...slowly...to trying to engage my emotions to interpret my surroundings. It is still hard for me."
He was about to try and re-assure her when she stared pointedly at him and came to the crux of the matter. "I am afraid that Starfleet, the Federation, will not accept me as truly human if we ever make it back to Earth. It is home for most of this crew but it does not feel that way to me. Voyager is my home : my Collective. The Captain tries to re-assure me but I read part of Admiral Hayes last communication to the Captain. No, Commander. It was an accident. I de-encrypted it as she ordered after the Teero incident...but my ocular and cortical arrays assimilate information far faster than the human eye and brain. The Admiral...he was asking how much of an ongoing threat the Captain considered me to be..."
Poor Seven. So he had been right all along. Starfleet was giving Kathryn a tough time over all the non-Fleet assigned personnel.
"Try not to worry Seven. The Admiralty have expressed similar concerns over myself and all the former Maquis crew. The Captain and I wrote a joint statement addressing all those issues when we first made contact over three years ago. I'm sure they are just being thorough. No doubt to speed up the debriefings once we actually make it back to Earth."
"If that is what you believe, then why are you sitting here with five empty coffee mugs in front of you at 0100 hours?" Seven raised an eyebrow at him. "After our ...interactions...with the Ventu and each other these past few days I believe I have begun to understand you a little better."
Too well, he thought. But then Seven was a quick study. Perhaps he should be honest with her. "Alright, I'll admit it. I am worried because I can see the Captain is. I am not privy to her private discussions with Starfleet Command but I suspect they are still uneasy about the crew that they did not assign - and thereby vet and approve of - to Voyager themselves."
"They do not trust the Captain's judgment? And..." he was watching her intently. Perhaps hoping she would divulge something of use to him "they are perhaps concerned that you wrote a joint response to their initial enquiry...that the Captain perhaps trusts you too much...that you are too...close?"
How on Earth had Seven jumped to that conclusion? Just how much lower decks gossip was still circulating around the ship. Quite a substantial amount, obviously, if even Seven had picked up on it.
"Seven, I assure you. We are as close, or not, as any other command team. Everything is entirely above board. Any thing that you may have heard implied to the contrary is just idle gossip."
She laid her hand on top of his, just as Kathryn so often did. "It's alright. I assure you that I realise that. But...the Admiralty...if some of the innuendo has made it back to the Alpha Quadrant through personnel crew communiques...although we all know there is nothing to it..."
Oh God. The problem was far worse than he had imagined. They weren't just questioning Kathryn's command judgements but her reasoning too. If they were suspicious that she had a personal agenda to the field commissions then she could very well end up facing a court martial. And after they had spent seven long years NOT going there for that very reason!
"There's nothing to the rumours Seven. We have never acted inappropriately, even when stranded alone for four months on that planet over five years ago. We are friends. Close friends but nothing more."
She regarded him sadly. It was obvious from where she was sitting. It was written in the slump of his shoulders; the bags under his eyes; the smell of stale coffee on his breath...
"Commander..."
"Just Chakotay please. At least for tonight. We are off duty and chatting informally...as friends." He gave her a weak smile that did not quite reach his eyes.
She decided to be bold. "But you are in love with one another, regardless. Aren't you? It's okay. I am not asking you to answer that. But you are afraid that the Admiralty will discover that fact and try to question and discredit everything that the Captain has done. All the decisions she has made over the last seven years and for however much longer we are out here?"
He had been wrong. Seven saw as much as anyone else amongst their close knit senior staff team. "Yes, that is true. And the worst of it is that in all other matters over the last seven years I have stood by her side. Eased the burden she carries. Helped her sort out whatever problems have arisen. But this time I cannot. Because the greatest problem she faces is caused by me. My presence by her side. Everything I do and say as First Officer will be questioned and dissected. I have always expected as much. But if she is questioned about her ...emotional attachment to me...if they question her integrity..."
"Then the more you support her the more harm you do." Seven finished for him.
He nodded "Got it in one. I need another coffee : actually I need something far stronger but coffee will have to suffice. Can I get you one?"
"Yes please. Milk and one sugar."
Whilst he was getting the coffee Seven considered his predicament. He needed a ...smokescreen?...Yes, that was the word Tom Paris had used. He had explained the term to her when she had reluctantly played the part of his 'secretary' Constance Goodheart, in that silly holo-program scenario. It was a term meaning a ploy to deflect attention from a situation that you wanted to keep secret. So, either Captain Janeway or Commander Chakotay required a romantic partner. She suspected a holographic character would not suffice. Hadn't the Captain already tried that with the Michael Sullivan hologram and Starfleet were still questioning her. When she had asked the Doctor why the Captain had acquired a holographic mate he had explained about her being not allowed to fraternise with any of the crew as they were all under her direct command. So...it was the Commander who would have to find a partner. But he could not date a fellow officer for the same reasons. So he needed a civilian partner. And she was a civilian. She had no rank and no Starfleet connections back home. Her parents had been civilian scientists and none of her family had ever served in Starfleet.
She could offer to 'date' him. Purely for appearance sake. Besides, after her holographic venture into dating - what an irony that she had based her simulated partner on Chakotay's physical parameters - she had discovered that her cortical node, still fragile after adapting from regulating Icheb's higher brain functions to her own, would overload whenever she became too aroused. It was impossible for her to experience a genuine romantic love for now. Maybe forever. But she could help her new friend Chakotay and her dearest friend and mentor Kathryn Janeway. Besides, it may be fun. But whether he would see it that way or even contemplate her idea...there was only one way to find out.
Chakotay brought the coffees back over to the table : ready to apologise. Whilst he had been ordering the drinks from the replicator he had mulled over their conversation so far. He was supposed to be trying to build a fledgling rapport with Seven. She had approached him to tentatively voice her concerns over whether she was still regarded as no more than a Borg drone, a potential assimilation threat, by Starfleet : and what had he done? Fed her all his concerns about the former Maquis and his relationship with the Captain. He was supposed to be reassuring her and quelling her fears. That was the job of any competent First Officer. Not adding to them. Perhaps Admiral Hayes had some valid reasons to criticise him after all.
"I'm sorry Seven. Ignore me. I'm just over anxious after all this coffee at one in the morning. The Captain had already assured me that she is on top of the situation and it's merely a matter of formality to confirm to the Admiralty that ALL Starfleet protocols have been rigidly adhered to at all times. As I can attest to that they have been."
She regarded him with some anxiety. He was not being honest because he was trying to ease her worries. Spare her feelings. But he had steered the conversation in a difficult direction for her to make her proposal . But she would try. "However, it occurs to me that this is an instance when a...smokescreen...may be a useful tactic to deploy."
He had not expected that. And he was not sure where this was leading. "I'm sorry Seven, but I'm not following. It must be the time of night and all this coffee. Could you clarify?"
She gripped the comfort blanket tightly. Perhaps this was totally inappropriate...
"It's alright Seven. We have already established that Mr. Paris is at least partially responsible for your social interactions. If whatever it is ...is...inappropriate" he had chosen that term deliberately. Hoping to put her at her ease "then rest assured I will lay the blame entirely at Tom Paris's door." He winked at her and smiled as encouragingly as he could.
She was relieved. Perhaps he would merely laugh at her : worst case scenario. THAT she had dealt with before from this crew umpteen times. And at least the commander would not gossip about it later or hold it against her. "It occurs to me that having a romantic partner would be of use to you. I realise that the Captain cannot acquire one for herself due to her command position, and you cannot date a fellow officer for the same reason but...you could have a civilian love interest could you not?"
It was ingenious and, yes, in principle, it would be hard for Starfleet to object to that. Especially as he merely held a field commission from Kathryn rather than a formal rank granted by the Admiralty. "That is quite an ingenious idea Seven and, in principle, you are correct. Unfortunately, I do not have a handy pool of single, civilian ladies to charm. And even if I did..."
"You would not be interested because you are in love with Kathryn Janeway. But what if there was a civilian lady who knew all this and agreed to play the part of your girlfriend?"
"And where would I find much a person? On the holodeck? I'm afraid the Captain has already tried that Seven, to no avail with 'Fleet Brass so it would seem. I doubt my doing the same would make any difference. But thanks for the thought."
"I wasn't suggesting a hologram. I am offering myself." Chakotay could feel his mouth dropping in astonishment and quickly shut it. "Before you say anything, I know that you do not think of me in that way. Which is good. I cannot have a real relationship..."
Now he looked confused. So she told me about her holo-adventures - minus the Chakotay replica of course - and the discovery that the Doctor had made about her physiology. Ending with "so you see. I can never have a full, genuine, relationship. But knowing that we were only play acting I would not have the same emotional response. I could enjoy all the scenarios and the social interaction. The...flirting...without coming to harm and you could silence all the gossip once and for all. Help ensure that the Captain's integrity is never questioned again. Help her the only way possible."
She was right, it may well work. As long as they could be secretive about it. Make it look genuine and try to cover their tracks if spotted by Icheb or Naomi when playing in the cargo bay. Perhaps a 'secret' picnic or two there. Just enough to give credence to the inevitable gossip. However, it would make Seven a pariah amongst those in the crew that she had just started to make genuine friendships with and as for Kathryn...she would be hurt. How badly after all this time he was unsure but she would inevitably resent them both. Not just him.
"It's a very generous offer Seven but there will be a high price for you to pay. And it will hurt the Captain when the gossip eventually reaches her ears. She will have to believe our relationship is real to react appropriately. Otherwise it will not work. We both need to think this over very carefully. Meet me back here, same time, in three days and we will discuss how we both feel about it after we have had time to think things through properly. Then we will decide whether or not to forget about the whole idea."
He rose to head back to his quarters and Seven helped him gather the coffee cups to recycle. As they headed out in opposite directions he paused "and Seven...thank you. For being such a good friend to the Captain ...and to me."
—
Three days later...
So here he was again 0040hours, still agonising over the whole situation and still in a quandary about Seven's offer. On the surface of it, the answer was obvious. Absolutely not. Forget it. It was morally wrong on so many levels and yet...his forming a romantic attachment to anyone, other than his Captain, would diffuse a lot of the difficulties Kathryn was having with HQ back home. And they could find a shortcut there at any time. Something - God forbid - catastrophic could also happen and if the Captain was killed in the line of duty : as things stood he would take command of Voyager for the rest of their time out here. Which meant he would be Acting Captain and end up in the same position as Kathryn. So he could not have a relationship with any of the original Starfleet crew or any of his former Maquis who had all been given field commissions in one capacity or another. So that left Neelix or Seven. No offence but there was a limit to what he would do, even to help Kathryn! So definitely no Neelix. He laughed out loud at the thought and nearly choked on his coffee. Trying desperately in his mind to make a joke of the whole situation. Yet, it was far from that. Over the last seventy two hours the Captain had received four official communiques from the Admiralty. All encrypted and marked for her eyes only. He knew this because Seven had told him discreetly, now she was privy to the problem. Kathryn had mentioned nothing. If anything she was going out of her way to be more amenable to him. Making sure she stopped for lunch and offering to join in the holodeck velocity and snooker tournaments. Without being asked and without the usual coercion to take some much needed time off duty. Which told him that the situation with Starfleet Command had deteriorated.
In reality there was very little he could do to assist her. Any attempts to resolve the situation directly with Starfleet would just confirm that he had accessed classified communiques to which he was not authorised and that he felt there was something that warranted resolving. In other words that they were justified in their concerns about the amalgamated crew. None of that was true so the best course of action was to say nothing. Do nothing : officially at least. Perhaps Seven's plan would achieve nothing as far as HQ was concerned but if he could provide her with a little friendly male company and fun - without the ever present hovering EMH -he was more than happy to do so. He had not realised the full ramifications of being assimilated. The permanent damage that couldn't be seen on the surface : until Seven had bravely divulged the results of her holo-romance. As far as the Doctor knew she could never be fully human for as long as she lived. And she was only thirty Earth years old. A long time to be alone. A little harmless flirting and a few dates may brighten her world a little, not to mention his. When was the last time he had been on an actual date? As soon as he remembered the answer to that he felt sick. Seska. Nearly nine years ago then!
"Perhaps a penny for them will be insufficient? You looked very engrossed but I have been here for five minutes now and you had not noticed me."
He jumped a little in his seat, having been oblivious to her entrance. "Sorry Seven. I was miles away. Still mulling over our discussion from the other night. Have you come to a decision?"
She sat opposite him and placed the tea tray between them. Whilst serving she spoke "Yes, Chakotay. I have. I have thought long and hard about it all and the additional communiques since our last meeting. I also played a game of velocity with the Captain last night. I mentioned - just casually in general conversation - that I was worried about whether my being Borg and Icheb's tutor would damage his chances of being accepted at the Academy when we eventually get home. Although she tried to reassure me that it was not a problem there was a significant pause before she spoke and...she would not make eye contact with me. She then rapidly changed the subject to try and focus on the here and now. Out here. It was...clumsy...almost as I was when `I first tried to socially interact. I deduced that whatever had passed between her and Command these last three days is not to the greater good."
That decided it. For him at least.
"I think we should go ahead. And as soon as possible. Don't you agree?" Seven looked pointedly at him. She had taken the words right out of his mouth.
"So when and where shall we have our first date?" The least he could do would be to take her lead on this. See just how far and how fast she wished to proceed.
"I suggest a lunch time picnic in my Cargo Bay. 1300 hours day after tomorrow. I have checked our duty shifts and we both have a scheduled break for one hour at that time. I will replicated the food and beverages and we can recycle everything in my alcove. So neither of us need carry anything...unusual...along the ship's corridors. Is that agreeable to you?" She was unsure as to whether a picnic was too intimate for a first date "Unless that would be ...too elaborate...for a first date?"
"That sounds perfect to me. And technically it will be our third date. This is our second, don't you think. And we have only sat in the Mess Hall drinking coffee and tea so far so a picnic luncheon would be a natural next step. You have the hang of this Seven."he smiled warmly at her.
"Perhaps in this capacity you should call me Annika. It would help to differentiate our working and social relationship."
"Of course, Annika it is. And I am simply Chakotay. Official ranks are strictly forbidden in this context."
They clinked their tea cups together. And an understanding was reached.
—-
Four weeks later...
Their picnics in Cargo Bay 2 had become a regular occurrence over the last few weeks. Every Tuesday and Friday lunch times and dinner together in his quarters on Sundays at 2000 hours. He had felt a little guilty on Tuesday when he had given Kathryn a rain check when she had suggested they try Chell's Red Alert Curry so he had offered to shout her lunch yesterday by way of an apology. But she had shut him down - flat. She had other plans and she was almost hostile about it. Perhaps she had heard a rumour somewhere...
Seven poured the wine "What is troubling you? You are on edge and you keep looking behind you towards the doorway."
He apologised and then told her about the two conversations with Kathryn. Seven looked uncomfortable. "I suspect that Admiral Janeway has said something to her."
"The Admiral? ! She's only been aboard for a couple of days so she would have had no chance to hear any ship's gossip. The likelihood of anyone gossiping in earshot of her has to be almost zero. Besides, she's hardly left the Captain's side since she arrived."
"Except yesterday evening. She came to Astrometrics to speak to me. I was alone in there and she must have been with me for half an hour or so."
"What did she want, Annika?" She had Chakotay's full attention now. "She tried to dissuade me from spending time, romantically, with you. She already seemed to know exactly how many dates we have been on and even what we have been doing. The picnics, dinners in your quarters and holodeck visits to Sandrine's with the privacy locks in place. She implied that I was soon to die and that you would be devastated. That you would suffer far less if I called things off. She obviously believes our relationship is real. I think..." she hesitated, a little unsure of just how well she could interpret human emotions. Especially in one as advanced in years as the Admiral.
"Go on" Chakotay coaxed, gently.
"I think she is still very much in love with you. Even after all these years and she was jealous of me. Of us. Which would mean that the Captain..."
"Must really be hurting if she knows : which I am now sure she does Annika."
"So what do we do now?" She looked confused and uncertain. It was one thing to be doing this as a hypothetical, supposedly to help. Quite another to have the pain and jealously of her Captain directed at her. Chakotay gave her a hug.
"I'm sorry Annika. Now comes the difficult part. We have to carry on as we have done up to now. Of course, we will continue to be as discreet as possible. I do not want the Captain to see us together in any other capacity then when we are on duty, working. There is no need to cause any more pain than is absolutely unavoidable. I would not expect anyone on the crew to challenge you personally though some may choose to distance themselves. If anyone is...unpleasant...to you then you come straight to me. Understood?"
She inclined her head. "Are you sure we are doing the right thing?"
"Honestly? No. But having come this far I think we would do more harm to come clean now. Should anyone suspect that our relationship is a pre-meditated sham then that would only add fuel to the fire that Kathryn and I have something to hide. That we need a smokescreen." He looked pointedly at her. Praying she would understand. She did.
"Then I would like to suggest we explore ancient Peru on our next holodeck outing. I have been studying the Inca civilisation and am keen to see the setting where the ancient artefacts were initially discovered." She looked at him hopefully.
"It's a date. Here are the schematics for appropriate clothing that you may wish to replicate before joining me there tomorrow afternoon. 1430 hours. We have a two hour slot. The last of my holodeck rations for a while. And thank you for lunch Annika. It was delicious."
After Chakotay had left, Annika makes herself busy tidying away the evidence of their picnic. Just as she bends to shake out the rug she catches sight of the little girl's ponytail behind the Borg alcove spare components storage container. Naomi. So she had been watching them. She decides to pretend that she doesn't know Naomi is there but she has obviously paused for just a moment too long. The little girl bursts out of her hiding place with tears streaming down her face. "I hate you, Seven. How could you steal the Commander away from her? We are no longer friends. Never speak to me again."
Before Seven had a chance to reply Naomi had shot out of the cargo bay and down the corridor. Seven could only watch her go and hope she was heading to her quarters and the comforting arms of her mother's embrace.
—
Twelve weeks later...
Debriefings were finally over and and commissions were formalised; honourable discharges given to those wishing to bring their enforced conscription to an end; promotions handed out and back pay awarded.
The former Maquis had barely been de-briefed at all but the original Starfleet crew, especially the officer ranks, had been interrogated thoroughly. The Captain had had the worst of it. Twelve weeks of relentless probing of even the most insignificant of her command decisions. Even Tuvok's return to Vulcan had been delayed by ten weeks. The Admiralty had insisted that he personally comment on and justify all the command decisions made by Chakotay. In other words, as far as they were concerned, Tuvok was at least as much of a First Officer as he had been out there. Even after all these years and all that he had done to prove his loyalty to the Captain and all that Starfleet held dear. Finally they had let Tuvok and the rest of the senior crew go. All except Kathryn Janeway. Who had been kept back for a fortnight, all alone. No contact with former crew or any of her friends and family allowed.
Chakotay had had a heart to heart with Tuvok before he left and the Vulcan had finally understood. Once he was sure of Chakotay's true motivation he had admitted that the line of questioning they had been subjecting him to had very strongly implied that there was a concern over the nature of the Captain's 'friendship' with the former Maquis Captain. Tuvok had done his best to reassure the Admiralty that all was in order. Then, latterly, they must have heard about himself and Seven. There was much speculation amongst the Voyagers about just how long the two of them had been involved. Seven had thoughtfully given the Doctor the impression that it was quite some time. No doubt he had implied that to whoever debriefed him.
After that, Kathryn's debrief was wrapped up fairly fast and she was suddenly promoted to Vice Admiral. Their ploy had worked : or at the very least, helped smooth things over for the Captain.
Now all that was left was the formal farewell party. He and Seven had decided that they would have to go together. They would keep up the charade for another couple of months then they could part ways. Making it look like a natural progression as all the possibilities of the Alpha Quadrant opened up for them both.
So here they were. Dressed in all their finery about to enter the grand banquet hall and mingle. They had waited until they were sure everyone else was already inside and dancing and chatting in groups. The more inconspicuous they could be the better. Seven had suffered enough with the cold shoulders of her fellow crew mates these last few months, if only they knew.
So far so good. They made their way to the end of the bar and Chakotay grabbed them a couple of drinks. "Let's head out to the balcony and get a little air and peace and quiet" he whispered to Annika.
They were almost there when he saw her. Kathryn was already out there with B'Elanna. He gestured to Seven to sit in the corner, grab a stool behind the pillar and they could blend into the shadows. They should not be eavesdropping but he had not had a chance to exchange a word with Kathryn in weeks and he just wanted to know that she was coping. That she was alright.
"It's really my fault 'Lanna. Of course he would not wait for me forever. And look at me. I'm getting old. A far cry from the still attractive and fertile woman he met nearly eight years ago. Of course neither of us could have that sort of relationship with each other or the formal crew so I suppose Seven was the obvious 'get out of jail free' card. I just never saw it coming..."
"Rubbish Kathryn. You are not old. Hell you are only ten years older than me and over six years younger than him! So you could claim that he is getting too decrepit for you. Seven? It's just ridiculous. She may have the body of a middle aged male fantasy but she has the emotional sophistication of a ten year old. It's almost child abuse! He's been keeping well out of mine and Tom's way but when I see him I intend to give him a piece of my mind that he will not forget in a hurry."
" 'Lanna, you will do no such thing. Apparently he has been seeing her for months, if not years. The Doctor seems to think it has been going on for some considerable time. So both Chakotay and Seven must be serious about one another. Of course it hurts that he could not find the courage to come to me and tell me in person...that he thinks so little of me that I would be incapable of wishing them well...But. As much as it hurts, I do. Chakotay has served as my loyal right hand man for the best part of a decade now, at great cost to himself. If he had at last found happiness and peace...elsewhere...then.."
"Then he is a gutless coward who had broken his promise to you." B'Elanna was still seething. All these years Chakotay had been her closest confidant. She had thought that ran both ways. All those promises he had told B'Elanna he had made to Kathryn. How much he loved her and only her. And all this time he had been 'getting his fun' behind her back with...with Seven? ! It didn't bear thinking about.
"I'm sorry Kathryn. You are obviously a bigger person than I. I can't just forgive him like that. He has not just led you on he has lied to me, Tom, Harry...all his closest friends for maybe years. And Seven...playing with the Doctor like that. Playing the innocent who needed coaching in life skills. I know he's a hologram but I still believe he loves her in his own way. He's devastated...and don't pretend you are not. Otherwise, why are we standing out here trying to avoid him and Seven? I noticed you making a beeline for the balcony door the moment they entered the room so you don't fool me!"
Kathryn looked at her friend. She was right. What WAS she doing? She was their captain, as of today a Vice Admiral. So why was she hiding out here trying to avoid Chakotay and Seven. He had resigned his commission, so she had heard, now they were both civilians. She would never have to work beside him again. The least she could do was put on a command performance this evening for the benefit of all the crew. Show them that she was fine and that she was more than happy for the couple. "I'm fine 'Lanna. Really ! Just getting some air and psyching myself up to say goodbye to our Voyager family. This is the end of our journey home and the beginning of all our futures. As for Chakotay and Seven. I wish them well. Truly. And I intend to speak to them face to face before I make my closing speech. Come on. Let's circulate."
Chakotay had heard enough and indicated for Seven to make her way towards the edge of the dance floor. As soon as they got there he took her hand and waist and they started to waltz to the music. "She's coping. Just about. And B'Elanna and Tom are being good friends to her it would seem. She'll be fine. Let's just play along for tonight. Then...I intend to head out to the Dorvan sector next month. I'm sure once she becomes aware that I have left and you are still on Earth she will eventually want to mend bridges with you."
"And what about you? How will you salvage your relationship with her from Dorvan V?"
"I won't Annika. It's too late for us. I knew that as soon as I agreed to our 'smokescreen'. But it did work. Not only was she not court martialled but she was eventually promoted. To Vice Admiral no less. And that is what ultimately matters. She is born and bred Starfleet. It is the essence of her very soul. She lives and breathes its ideals every day. Losing Starfleet or losing me? There was never any competition. Starfleet is everything to her. I promised to be by her side. To look out for her. To save her from herself. And to bring her home. I have done that. She is happy and fulfilled and will go on continuing to make a big difference to the galaxy in her new role. What does a mere romance with me offer in comparison?"
Annika - the woman - felt immensely sad for him. That he felt his worth to Kathryn was so little. And she thought that he was wrong. "You should speak to her...before you leave. Try and at least part on good terms...perhaps tell her...she would understand."
He stopped abruptly and she almost fell over his feet. "No Annika. She must never know. Promise me you will say nothing."
Before she had a chance to reply B'Elanna and the Captain were at her elbow. She hoped they hadn't heard. "Are we interrupting something?" Asked the Captain.
"Not at all Captain. Annika and I were just debating whether to sit this number out. Weren't we, my dear?"
Annika looked at the two women "I'm afraid I am a little too exacting. The Doctor was quite the perfectionist when it came to teaching me the dance steps. Perhaps you could take over for me Captain?"
"Sorry Seven...or is it formally Annika now?"
"I think Annika is more ...appropriate...now that we are on Earth. Perhaps it is not wise to remind people of my Borg origins...?"
Kathryn touched her lightly on the arm. "That's very sensible of you. Annika it is. I'll inform the rest of the crew when I make my closing speech. It should help smooth the transition for you. Anything you need, you know where I am. That goes for you too Chakotay. I should have come and congratulated you both earlier. I've just been so busy with the debriefings...but that is no excuse. I'm glad you have both found happiness and will have each other for support as we all try and adapt to our new lives planet side. B'Elanna you should really go and check on that errant husband of yours. Before he starts a new betting pool and gets himself demoted back down to Lieutenant. He's been a Commander for less than a day so I'm sure that's one record he will not want to be breaking. If you two will excuse me I need to circulate."
With that both Kathryn and B'Elanna disappeared.
"You still haven't promised me Annika. I mean it. We must never jeopardise her new position with the Admiralty. She has more than earned it."
Perhaps he was right but it still seemed such a high price for them both to pay. "Alright. I promise."
"Good, then that's settled. Let's try and enjoy the rest of our evening." With that they headed over to Harry, Megan, Mortimer, Celes and Sam's little group just in time to watch their former Captain make her closing speech.
—
Five weeks later...
Chakotay had left for Dorvan eleven days ago. She had gone to the spaceport to see him off. He had wished her well and said all the 'right' things about looking forward to spending some time with his sister, Sekaya. But she could see something was very wrong. For a start he had lost at least thirty pounds and he had aged about twenty years in as many days. He had morphed into an old man. A lonely old man. And she was very worried. If she had known that it would end up like this...she never would have suggested her 'smokescreen' all those months ago. She had thought she was helping...at the time it had seemed so...even after they first arrived back and the Captain had ended up being promoted. But now? Seeing her friend like this? Annika had done her best to cheer him up. Ensuring that he at least ate a decent meal at the space port and relayed all the good news that she had heard through the grapevine about the various crew. And her new position as a civilian research scientist at Caltech. He had been genuinely pleased for everyone and it had at least taken his mind off Kathryn Janeway for a few minutes. She had avoided mentioning her and sadly so did he.
Ever since she had been mulling the situation over in her mind. Chakotay had made her promise and if he was right then Kathryn could lose her position as Vice Admiral. Perhaps even face a court martial and be dishonourably discharged from Starfleet. Could she risk that? Undo all the good their little ploy had resulted in? But if she said nothing...she feared for Chakotay's health and future. He was heart broken and pining away for the woman he had always loved. He thought she was lost to him forever. Maybe she was unless she - Annika - broke her promise and spoke to Kathryn. She had to be brave and do it. So here she was. She had no appointment and no idea of what the Vice Admiral's schedule was for the day. But it was only 0700 so she was hoping that it was too early for formal 'Fleet meetings to have gotten under way.
Annika approached the reception desk in the outer office. The Lieutenant looked up from his screen "I am here to see Vice Admiral Janeway. Has she arrived yet?"
He gave her civilian clothing a dismissive glance. "Do you have an appointment Miss..?"
"Annika Hansen. No, I do not but it is a personal matter and it is urgent. I am sure she will see me if you..."
"Sorry. It is impossible to disturb the Admiralty without a formal appointment. If you leave your details I will schedule one as soon as her diary allows."
"And when will that be, exactly?"
The young man glanced at the screen once again. "The first slot is in twenty nine days time. The Vice Admiral is extremely busy."
"That is far too late. This is urgent. I need to speak to her today. Please, just let her know that Annika is here. It won't take long."
"If you don't leave now Miss I will be forced to call security."
She had had enough. Without any further thought Annika sprinted for the inner office door and burst through, diving for cover before security could phaser her.
The Vice Admiral instantly recognised the intruder. "Stand down." Security made no move to re-holster their weapons. "That's an order. Do it ! I know this young lady and I will see her now. We are not to be disturbed until I say otherwise. Is that clear?"
They looked at each other and back at their new boss. "Yes, ma'am. Sorry ma'am. We will be stationed just outside if you need us."
Kathryn nodded. "Dismissed." As soon as they were gone "Computer seal inner office doors and engage all security protocols. No visual or audio record of this meeting is to exist. Authorisation Janeway psi epsilon 110573."
The computer acknowledged her order and Kathryn came around the desk to where Annika was straightening her clothes. "I'm sorry for the abrupt entrance Admiral but your attaché refused to let you know I was here. He said that I could not speak to you for twenty nine days and by then it could be too late.."
Annika was looking very distressed. Something was very wrong and she intended to find out what. Starfleet's schedule for the day be damned!
"It's alright Annika. I always have time for you. I will make that crystal clear to my staff once our meeting is over. Please take a seat. I'll get us both a coffee." She smiled reassuringly at her young protege and headed for the replicator.
Annika was in a hurry to speak. Before she lost her nerve.
"It's Chakotay. He made me promise not to tell you. Ever. That if I did your whole career may come tumbling down. That...that you may even face a court martial. But...He's so unwell and unhappy. I do not know if he had made the right decision. Perhaps I shouldn't be here but ...you always used to know what to do..."
Something was very - VERY - wrong! Whatever it was Chakotay should never have forbade Seven to talk to her. Whatever had possessed him! She needed to reassure Seven and coax the whole story out of her and it would seem that the sooner the better. She just hoped she wasn't already too late. "Annika...Seven. Look at me."
The young woman forced herself to meet her former Captain's eyes. Kathryn came and sat next to her, handing her a latte with extra sugar. "Seven. There is nothing you cannot tell me. Not ever. Regardless of what Chakotay has told you. I've no idea why he had asked you to keep ..this...whatever this is...from me but that is the wrong decision. You have done absolutely the right thing coming here today. I cannot help you both if I am kept in the dark. You can trust me. Whatever it is will go no further. I promise you."
Seven felt a wave of relief flood through her along with the warmth of the coffee on her tongue. "It's just that Chakotay ...and I...we are very worried that this will hurt you."
Kathryn was beginning to suspect the inevitable. Seven/Annika was still young and she and Chakotay had been back on Earth for a few months now. She must be expecting and was perhaps about to start showing. Fancy Chakotay telling her to keep that secret! He should be supporting her and proud to become a father at long last. Poor Annika. No wonder she was so upset.
"Annika, I am very happy for you both. Truly. You can tell Chakotay that he should have come here with you to support you, you should have told me together." She put her hand gently on the younger woman's forearm. " So when is the baby due?"
Annika could not believe it! She was not communicating at all well and now Kathryn thought that she and Chakotay... "There is no baby. There never was. That's not it at all. The whole smokescreen was a terrible idea of mine. If only I had not taken part in Tom Paris's Captain Proton program then none of this would have happened!"
Smokescreen? No baby? Tom Paris and his childish holo-deck adventures? What on Earth was Seven talking about!
"Annika. Perhaps you had better start right at the beginning. I'll cancel all my meetings for this morning so we have plenty of time. Drink your coffee and try to calm down then start right at the very beginning. Can you do that?"
Annika took a deep breath and nodded. She tried to focus her mind right back to that first conversation they had in the early hours in the Mess Hall about six months ago. When the Vice Admiral had finished talking to all her staff she came and sat back down next to her. "If I tell you everything this may take most of the day. It's a very long story." Annika said apologetically.
"That's fine. I need to hear it all. Otherwise you may leave out something that you don't realise is important : but it may be to me. I won't interrupt you. Just tell me slowly in the correct chronological order, just as though you were giving me an Astrometrics briefing. Just like we used to do on Voyager. Okay?"
Yes, she could do that. Annika mentally became Seven and looked up at her Captain. Then she began. Everything from Chakotay persuading her to keep the Ventu girl's blanket to Chakotay's departure from the space port eleven days ago.
Kathryn was stunned. Shocked and deeply ashamed of herself. Why had she not seen it? Of course it was in Chakotay's nature to always put her first. And she remembered all those communiques from Admiral Hayes in the last weeks of their journey home. She had hinted at what was wrong but then tried to play it down. At the time she thought that Chakotay had accepted that at face value. What a fool she had been. Of course he had seen right through her. And been worried sick on her behalf. So when he had kindly befriended Seven she had naturally wanted to help...and come up with this elaborate 'ploy'.
That Chakotay had been willing to contemplate going along with it, yet alone actually doing so, brought it home to her just how much he...both of them...cared for her. And what had possessed him to believe that her career was more important to her than their promise of a future together?! She had of course. Her damned parameters and protocols that she had rammed down his throat every time she felt he was getting a little too close to that all important invisible line. After years of being rebuffed no wonder he thought that Starfleet was her be all and end all.
Maybe he was right. That if the Admiralty suspected that the two of them loved each other, whether they had acted on it or not, then she would have lost her commission and been dishonourably discharged. If that was so then they had not genuinely awarded her this position. To be honest it had already lost it's allure. Now she was not sure whether she even wanted to be associated with such a cold hearted organisation.
And Seven. She had been ostracised by most of the senior staff who naturally felt sorry for their former Captain. She had been aware of it but she had been hurting so much she had let it pass. Thinking that Seven had Chakotay's love to soothe and protect her. Instead poor Seven had been all alone. Trying to protect her friend and mentor in a way she could not truly begin to understand the ramifications of. This was not Chakotay's fault and it certain wasn't Seven's. It was hers. For worrying Chakotay and withholding the truth about many things both professional and personal ; for giving him all the wrong signals; for inadvertently landing poor Annika/Seven in the position she now found herself. She needed to reassure Seven and find Chakotay as soon as humanly possible. She had a lot of bridges to re-build and wrongs to right.
"Seven..Annika. Thank you so much for finding the courage to tell me all this. It was the right thing to do. I'm proud of you. And so thankful for your kind intentions. But you never need to protect me. That has always been and will always be my job. I'm the wise old captain of the ship remember? The one who got you all home, granted with a little help from her older, and apparently much wiser, self. There is no need to worry. The situation was never as bad as Chakotay thought. It was my fault for not sharing enough with him. He only had part of the picture and extrapolated the worse case scenario. This is exactly what happens when we all keep secrets, mistakenly thinking we are sparing the other one pain. I want you to promise me that you will always come straight to me in future if anything...anything at all, no matter how trivial it seems at the time...is bothering you. Do you understand?"
"I promise. And I am glad to hear that I have not caused you harm by breaking my promise to Chakotay. But he does not know I am here. He left for Dorvan eleven days ago...to see his sister Sekaya I think...he looked really unwell. I think he needs you.."
"Don't you worry about Chakotay. I will go and find him now. There is a lot that needs sorting out between us. A lot of...misunderstandings...that I need to rectify. I promise you he will be alright Annika. Trust me."
"I do. That is why I came here today even though I promised I would not. It seemed that you were the only person who could put things right."
"In this case I think I am. You go home now and get some rest. I'll be in touch from Dorvan as soon as I locate Chakotay."
"Tell him I am sorry that I could not keep his confidence but I just wanted him to be happy."
"I will Annika."
She watched her surrogate daughter be escorted out to the foyer and make her way back towards the accommodation area. Then she re-entered her office and locked the door. Staring out of the fourth floor window and the clouds passing rather than the infinite star scape she felt the tears welling up again. As they had so many times in her Ready Room and her quarters over all those long years. What she wouldn't give to be back there now. Just the other side of the bulkhead. Only ever a few feet away from Chakotay. Now it would take her at least ten days by shuttle to reach him, maybe five if she could hitch a lift on a 'Fleet vessel heading for the former DMZ. They were still supplying a lot of aid for the re-building of Cardassia and the surrounding sector which encompassed Dorvan V. Now all she needed was an official reason to head out there...
She patched through a secure channel to Admiral Paris. As soon as his familiar face appeared on the vid screen she began "Is this a secure channel?" He raised his hand then made the necessary adjustments "It is now. Why so formal Katie?"
"I need to call in a favour. A big one. It's of a personal nature.."
"Go ahead. If it's in my power to do so you know I will help you."
Dear Owen, she owed him. Big time.
—-
Six days later...
The U.S.S. Corona had beamed her down about a mile from Sekaya's house. At least from the out of date information that Owen's office could glean. She had changed into civilian clothing and insisted on no security detail. They had begrudgingly acquiesced though goodness knows how Admiral Paris had pulled this off. They were scheduled to pick her up in twenty one days unless they heard otherwise from either Owen or herself. She hoped that would be sufficient time to find Chakotay and salvage some sort of friendship with him. At the very least. She had a lot of apologising to do and a lot to make up for. She just hoped it was not far too late.
Kathryn made her way along the tree lined path. Dorvan V was a beautiful planet and this continent was in full summer. The equivalent of mid July back home. She was grateful that she was wearing a simple blue sundress and flat sandals although her back pack weighed almost as much as she did. She could see a clearing ahead and two small cottages on each side of it. A woman who appeared to have come from the left hand one was making her way along the path towards her. She was the spitting image of Chakotay only slightly younger. She must be Sekaya , Kathryn thought.
The woman came to a stop a few meters ahead on the path and looked challengingly at her "What do you want? You are not welcome here."
Kathryn felt her heart sink. So Chakotay was still in a bad way and his sister knew she was to blame. "Please. I need to speak to Chakotay. My name is.."
"I know who YOU are. The cause of my brother turning into the diminished shell of himself that I have been nursing for the last two weeks. Go away. Before you do any more harm."
"I understand what you think of me and I don't blame you. But there have been so many misunderstandings. I have only just realised the enormity of that. Please, let me try to heal him. From what you are telling me now and what I know from Annika then it would be virtually impossible for me to make the situation worse. I...I love your brother. More than I have ever loved anyone in my life. Only he doesn't know that. Because I have done my best to make him believe otherwise for the last eight years. I had to because of my position but...I went too far. He...did something to try and protect me...my career...which cost him a great deal. Because he thought that my greatest love was for Starfleet.."
"Wasn't it Kathryn?" Chakotay stepped out from behind the trees to the right. "Sekaya, leave us. Please."
His sister looked between them. Unsure : wanting to protect her brother from further hurt. He had already had one heart attack since his arrival and the doctors had said that she should ensure that he did not become unduly stressed. If anything could induce another heart attack it would be Kathryn Janeway rejecting him again.
Chakotay could read her like a book. They were of the same blood after all. "Sekaya. I will be fine. I need to talk to Kathryn. But perhaps it is best if we sit on the front porch. Perhaps you could bring us some refreshments. Kathryn I would take your bag but.."
"But his heart is so weak that.."
"Sekaya! That's enough!"
She turned to leave but glared at Kathryn who had gone as white as a sheet. "Don't you dare hurt him again." And with that she stormed off.
Chakotay had not wanted her to know. None of the Voyagers did. He could see just how shocked and upset she was. And he did not want her pity. Only her love which he doubted he still had. Time would tell. "It's fine Kathryn. I'm not at death's door. My sister has a tendency to exaggerate and likes to mother , or rather smother, me. Please won't you join me. She will leave us to talk in private. I promise you."
Ten minutes later they were sat on the porch. There was so much to say and she had no idea where to start. And now to find out that he was so unwell...
"Chakotay...I'm so sorry. For everything. Most of all for lying to you all these years. Starfleet used to be my raison d'etre. That is true. Until I met you. After our time of New Earth my priorities shifted. Permanently. I would never have chosen my career over you. Never! Yes. Admiral Hayes was giving me a hard time over my command decisions out there. But that was inevitable. I have been flying solo, completely autonomous, for the best part of seven years and that's a first for them. They didn't like it and some of the Brass wanted to put me back in my place so to speak. So they decided to challenge my decision to merge the two crews, looking for an ulterior motive. Being female Hayes decided to use that against me. Implying that I had taken a fancy to you and that had clouded my judgement. Regardless of the fact that I was engaged to `Mark and due to marry within weeks of Voyager's scheduled return from her three week shake down mission. I was not looking forward to his insinuations being made public during my formal debriefing but I was prepared to handle it. These things go with the job. Especially if you are female. Yes, even in the supposedly enlightened twenty fourth century. Sadly some things never change." She reached for his hand and squeezed it.
"Please believe me when I say that I had no idea that I had worried you so much. So when I heard from the Admiral about your relationship with Seven it was like a bolt from the blue. I could not understand what had precipitated it so I assumed it was genuine. That hurt so very much. I should have known or at least suspected. After all these years I should have trusted you not to desert me or betray me. I have no excuse. Only that I was hurting and `I was deeply jealous of her. Her youth...and all the possibilities that went with that...possibilities that it was too late for me to give you. So I have been avoiding you...both of you ...ever since. I could not bring myself to face my loss. So I abandoned you both. Had it not been for Annika finding the courage to come and see me a week ago..."
For the first time Chakotay spoke. "So Annika told you everything?"
Kathryn looked at him, trying not to cry. "Yes Chakotay she did. And I will be forever grateful to her that she was wiser than the both of us."
He pulled his hand away and stood up. Walking over to the bannister he leaned on it for support and looked away towards the horizon. "So you are here out of pity and because you are scared that soon it may be too late to salve your conscience? Consider your mission accomplished. I don't want or need your pity Kathryn." With that he started to walk away. Heading for the other cottage which she assumed was his home.
"Chakotay wait!" She grabbed her bag and hurried to catch up with him. "I don't understand. Why would I pity you?"
"I thought you said that Annika told you everything?"
"About your little ploy to create a dummy romance. The so called 'smokescreen'. And the aftermath. That is all. What do you think I was referring to?"
So, at least Annika had kept a part of her promise to him. Kathryn didn't know about his heart failure. That he only had months left to live. At most. "It doesn't matter. It's not important. There is nothing to forgive Kathryn. I am just glad that your life and career have turned out well. I am proud of you. All that you have achieved and all that you will go on to achieve. You richly deserve your promotion. Be happy. Enjoy the fruits of your labour."
That was it. It was time to come clean.
"Chakotay stop. Just stop and listen to me. Actually listen. Please ! I'm begging you. Yes, me, Kathryn. Forget about Captain and Admiral Janeway. All their damn protocols and parameters! Kathryn doesn't care about any of that. She loves you. I love you. More than I can find the words to express. I am here because I have finally gotten it through my thick head just how much you have always loved me. And I'm hoping beyond reason that you still do. Despite the monumental mess I have made of everything! I just want the chance to make it up to you. To have that future that we both dreamed of...that kept us going...kept us sane ...out there. That gave me a reason to want to come home. Not just for my crew but for me."
"Kathryn...it's too late. There's so little time left..." Oh God no! Please, I can't lose him. Not now. Starfleet Medical would be able to do something for him...they had to.
She struggled to find her voice but she stood in front of him and looked him in the eye. Determined not to cry. As she did so she heard herself speaking from somewhere inside her soul " Chakotay. I know it's a risk. Probably ...no definitely...our biggest one yet. But I'm more than willing to take it. Are you with me?"
They stood there for what seemed an age as she looked into his eyes. There were so many emotions filling their deep brown depths. She willed him with every fibre of her being to give her the answer she so craved.
At last he reached out for her and gently stroked her tear stained face.
He uttered just one word. "Always".
Then he pulled her towards him and she felt his lips make contact with hers.
THE END
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