I Never Hit Him

by sablin27

If the Dursleys did abuse Harry to such an extent they had to justify it to themselves, how would they do it? A self-justifying monologue from Petunia's POV. Possibly triggering, but non-explicit.

I never hit him.

Oh, a slap or two for insolence maybe, but I never really hit him. Not like Vernon did.

He thought he could save the boy from his freakishness. He might have suceeded if the boy had been less like his parents.

Vernon was always better than me at doing the right thing instead of the easy one. And this right thing was so hard. Hoping we could make him normal and decent, knowing all the time the evil in him.

Oh, yes, I know the evil freaks do.

His mother was my sister after all.

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I never hit him.

Vernon handled the punishments. He always knew how to teach the boy not to do whatever freakishness or maliciousness he'd done that day.

I helped sort out the boy in other ways, though. If he is still a freak, then at least he's one who knows his place. And with his parents, how could he not be a freak? That, at least, is not my fault.

I did make some inroads: He is polite. He calls his betters by title or by "sir" and "Ma'am" and never looks up into our eyes.

I taught him that.

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I never hit him.

I thought that if I had started I might not have stopped.

I wanted to, though, when those green eyes turned to me. I wanted to hit him and keep hitting him. I wanted to gouge them out.

Sometimes, I still want that.

The boy looks nothing like his mother save those enchanting eyes. Demon eyes.

Lily was always the pretty one in the family.

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That's why I didn't stop Vernon. Someone had to discipline the little monster. I couldn't.

And if he sometimes hit a little too hard, he never did it where the bruises could be seen.

It wasn't like he could really hurt a freak like my sister's child.

After Lily started going to that freak school, she just laughed when my boyfriends tried to show her the back of their hands.

Drove them all away before Vernon.

He didn't let her scare him away.

He's a good man, my Vernon.

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I never hit him.

I should have, I know.

I just wish he didn't look like an innocent child.

I wish that I could look into his eyes and see the evil I know lurks in his soul.

I wish, so very much, that I could hurt him until he knew better than to raise those lying demon eyes.

Then, maybe, I wouldn't feel so guilty when the boy watches me so closely.

Like I could ever give a freak reason to fear.

Then, maybe, I wouldn't fear that I might have passed my weakness on to my darling Dudley.

Marge always said bad blood would out.

His mother was my sister after all.